Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’ve had anxiety surrounding driving for 4 years now. I don’t feel like I’ll ever move past it. I am so scared that I’ll get into an accident and hurt someone or myself, even though I know I am a safe driver. I’m not sure what to do.

Ive been having such a bad episode i keep ruminating abt my relationship and how when we were abt to break up i thought my whole world was ending like i actually wanted to just stop everythjng which i know is bad so once i felt thst ive been working on spending more time w friends and becoming more independent and me and my bf r working together to fulfill our personal goals so we can have a healthier relationshipnand make things work and stopnbeing toxic. but my ocd keeps telling me if im this attached and dependent then its not real love and its all toxic snd it wont work out which i dont want at all and then i had this thought that i have to break up with him bcs its valid to if im this attached but i don't want to at all and i don't want to think that either cuz we r actually doing well. but it got in my head and now i'm so stressed out and i have this other fear that once i become independent its just an obsession with him that will turn to disgust but i don'g want that rither. can someone pls pls give me advice that will help this is stressing me out so bad

So I wrote a list of my daily stressors down and came up with over 20 individual things that stress me out on a daily basis which is insane that I didn't notice this before hand 😅🤦‍♂️ Organising is something I haven't had a whole lot of structure with my whole life as I wasn't taught it in school or by my parents. That's a reason and now I know, it can't be an excuse any more. I felt like I should've known before but it is what it is 🤷‍♂️ Does anyone have any advice on how to be better organised? I want my daily stress and anxiety levels to go down. Just to mention, I'm not an overly stressy person but it simmers under the surface and eventually gets to a boiling point weekly. I believe better organising and routines will sort out the majority of my stressors. Any input is welcome 😊

Lately I’ve been having demonic thoughts, possession thoughts and just nasty thoughts about my soul and thoughts about my heart and the devil. Is that normal in OCD? I would never want that or say that! But recently been having false memory OCD and I’m scared what if I’ve said those thoughts out loud!! I’m always trying to say God & Jesus owns my heart & soul but I’m scared what I’ve I accidentally said the enemy instead! These thoughts cause so much discomfort! Please any advice? Does anyone else go through this?

Do you guys also have unwanted thoughts as affirmations/statements/invitations about horrible things? I had a voice saying "cmon we know you like that stuff" "cmon you can like it" "it's okay to like it" "why is that so wrong?" a combination of those things (but I don't remember the specific intrusive statement that bothered me and made me need to write this so I'm currently trying to recollect my memories to find it, but I think I should stop); and I don't know if it was ocd using implicitly my voice to automatically self sabotage and mess me up. Anyway it bothers me. But did it before? They appeared almost automatically that I couldn't even react or anticipate them coming to block them. I didn't see my will to block them so to know that they were unwanted, they just happened so quickly and they went away quickly. I was high on weed yesterday with my friends and they started saying very triggering stuff and I had horrible intrusive images to which my mind responded with uncomfortable intrusive thoughts that felt like invitations, but I was high so they felt a lot harder to distinguish from my own thoughts, it was all hazy and I didn't give it much attention. I was more concerned about my groin area. I don't remember that much. I'm bothered now but was I that bothered before? I don't remember being "no, stop, don't go there", only with intrusive images and triggering associations as my friend were describing triggering stuff not ill-intentioned. Since I woke up with others intrusive images that I tried to solve, I also have one triggering intrusive image stuck in my mind that I'm costantly trying to suppress.

So I’m in a relationship with an amazing guy, like he’s literally so great, and yet there have been a lot of moments of doubt and worry over many different things, some of them I know are small and insignificant, and yet they feel so big. But right now, I’ve been experiencing thoughts and feelings that don’t necessarily worry me, but I still try to understand them and analyze them to no end. For example, I’ve realized that I become a little irritated and weirded out by my bf’s overly hyper and cringy behaviour around his friends. I sometimes think he’s just a little socially awkward and he doesn’t realize it. I can’t quite explain it or put my finger on it, but it’s irritating, and a lot of it has to do with his voice. I don’t want to be irritated by this stuff tho, I don’t want to feel irritated by his voice or his hyper and cringy behaviour, but it can be a bit much sometimes, and I worry that it’s bad for me to feel that way. I just wish I could make that feeling go away. But even with this, I’m not feeling worried as much because I know I really like him and I want to make this relationship work, and yet I still feel the need to analyze his behaviours, trying to make sense of why he acts and sounds the way he does when he’s with friends, trying to understand how I feel about it, and how I would feel if it was done/said differently or by a different person. It’s all just a mess, it’s so confusing, and it’s even more confusing when I’m not feeling anxious or worried, but I’m still finding these quirks bothersome. I really just want this to work out, you have no idea how badly. It’s all just so confusing and I don’t want to let those flaws become dealbreakers. I’ve always been worried, even since the very beginning, that his minor flaws would become dealbreakers, it was like I was fighting a part of myself that felt it should be a dealbreaker, but I don’t want it to be. I just want to stop feeling this way about every little inconvenience, annoyance, or flaw. I feel like I’m constantly fighting myself.

I've had ocd for a year now, seen 3 therapists (currently seeing my 4th one now). the truth is i feel like i can't find the right therapist. ive isolated myself for almost a year now, only my family has access to me but they don't understand how hard it is for me. the worst part is ocd is incurable and u can never heal from ur triggers. i try to stay positive as much as i can but i dont feel I can make it far enough. even my therapist says "its gonna be all okay" but ik its never gonna be.

Am I the only one who is losing hope for healing from ocd? I was always really hopeful about it and thought that I will recover soon but now I had ocd for so long (4 years) already and even though I noticed changes they were not the biggest. About half a year ago I had suicidal thoughts and I feel them coming back. I don’t know if that’s normal or I might just have depression? Anyways, I’m just so sick of my ocd if someone has advice for staying hopeful or if someone just have any quotes or something that makes them stay motivated that would be great! ❤️✨🌧️

Sorry this is a long one but I’m going around in circle with this thought Everyday I have a spike thought that tells me the way I acted with my ex was wrong. After a year of me trying to help him through hard times, after a year of him saying he wanted to be with me, he suddenly ended things when I came back off my travels. He didn’t end it before even though he’s basically admitted he was thinking about it at the time. So when I came back it took him 2 weeks to admit to me that he didn’t want to see me anymore, and then after those 2 weeks took him another 3 too meet up with me to give me the closure I needed. We were messaging each other during that time, me not knowing that the entire time there was actually another girl. He lied to me and still is lying to me, saying “I didn’t like her like that when we were ending but after we did it just happened” which is a lie because I found out that they were sleeping with one another before her and her boyfriend broke up. So after he sat in my car and spilled lies to me, about focusing on himself and there not being any other girls (I found out when I was away there is a big possibility there was other girls) a week later he was with her, getting into a relationship after telling me he didn’t want one just yet. And now they are deadly serious with one another. The thing is, a week or 2 after I found out I really needed to heal, but I went out and they sat on the table right in front of mine and started to make out, which killed me. Of course he can do what he wants but he looked at me and knew I was there so the fact is that he did that with the intent to knowing I could see. Then he called my sister a cunt because she nudged him, it was a very packed bar so the fact is if she did or didn’t do it one purpose doesn’t give you the right to call her that. So I took him outside we had a chat and he proceeded to lie to me. 2 weeks after that he then said “oh we’ve switched” because me and her ex became friends during the whole thing because we were both devastate. Which hurt like hell for me to hear from him. So I then told him off and I went my own way saying “I’m glad you’re happy but it’s not been easy for me. So be careful and enjoy, I only wanted you to be happy” for me to then leave the pub find out his new gf is pregnant and for him to proceed to call my sister a cunt once again! They have their own beef which has nothing to do with me, but to hear it really hurt. I then find out later he called me a cunt when I was crying because if just found out about her being pregnant and it killed like fuck to imagine them together like that. My friend told him to walk away and get a grip. Apparently my ex wanted to talk to me but I really wasn’t in the frame of mind to do that. Even though we both were single, I loved him very deeply and to see all this does bloody hurt. I’ve moved to another part of the country now and I’m still hearing about stuff they’re doing, by the sounds of things it’s not good. She screamed at a family member of his and was incredibly rude, and he disrespected his mum by shouting and calling her names in the pub when she said for him to leave (he’s 19 and gets very drunk) she proceeds to help him say he’s an adult now so doesn’t need to listen to her. She’s like this, will change a person, I know her exs and by the sounds of things this is always what happens. She cheats, she gets with the guy, she manipulates and she cheats again. It’s none of my business but having strong feelings for someone and knowing they’re going down a wrong path and all you can do is watch, it hurts. I’m disgusted by his behaviour and never ever would go there with him again. But overall like are my actions bad? To be upset and fuming at the way he’s acting? I feel pathetic and ridiculous but my heart was broken the moment he ended things with me and then got with her a few weeks after. That’s normal right?

24/7 I battle with my pocd and hocd, I have Intrusive thoughts and compulsions. I haven't smiled or laughed in a long time. I've made mistakes in the past that haunt me today. Any advice out there on how I can forgive myself and move forward?

im not on this app such a long time because i was doing really well. i felt like my ocd has gone and i thought maybe if i go to therapy once a month is okay like im doing really well. but then the day after i felt incredible anxiety just beacuse i put on a parfum like on the bad days too. and i got so scared like what if its gonna be like old times again. what am i gonna do. i cant resist for a second time something like that am i gonna live like this forever? i cant live like this. please if you triggered like similarity with your ocd flared up times please write to me.

recently, while on a hiking and climbing trip, i came into contact with some poison oak. living in cali, this is normal. when i got home i made sure to use Tecnu, clean all the right stuff, x y z you know the drill. A few days later i start getting a pretty bad rash on my ankle. After a day or two it had spread to large portions of both of my ankles, and even up my legs. This was the beginning of hell. For the past week or so i have been in a constant state of needing to itch, NEEDING. so bad it hurts and i actually physically cannot stop myself from scratching. Which of course makes it worse. I have been dealing with very very bad OCD for my entire life, and for the most part, have been good about my routines, what i need to do, dealing with thoughts and intrusions, but this brought it to a whole new level tonight, when i broke down crying after my father brought my phone into my room. i had left it in the bathroom after my shower, and had gone and done my other stuff, cleaning off surfaces, getting dressed, on this occasion changing my sheets because the old set had been giving me new spots of poison oak on my arms. It was late (for me), i had just had a VERY eventful evening, most of it bad, and i was tired. Thats one thing i didn't realize for a long time is how tired my OCD makes me. It is so draining to worry and to clean and to criticise myself and every last one of these things. I had just put on my new sheets, i was tired but finally okay with everything. Suddenly my dad bangs on the door, pissed. Turns out my alarm to go to bed had been going off and he heard it and it pissed him off. In an attempt to not raise anymore questions i just grabbed it from him and closed the door, apologizing. I stood there for a minute, feeling the germs from my phone seeping into my hands before i tossed it on the ground and furiously covered my hands in hand sanitizer. i sat down on my bed and out of no where started crying. I don't cry often. I am a 17 year old guy. i don't want to play into stereotypes but i really don't cry. even when im sad i just sit with it. i've never been good at it, i cry completely silently, even if its sobs. But i eventually laid back and just cried. i couldn't stop crying. i kept repeating i was so tired and i couldn't do it anymore. After a while i finally got myself up. I went along with my night, and it took so long. I can't describe to you how goddamn tiring it is. I just want to go to bed, but my bedside table is touching my bed, which is where my old sheets were, my charging cable by my bed has touched my old sheets, so it must be cleaning. My feet are disgusting from walking only from my bathroom to my room, i touched one little thing and now i have to coat my hand in hand sanitizer that is rapidly depleting because i use it so much. i can't touch any of my old water cups because i touched them when my hands had been in my old sheets, my phone is absolutely nasty from today, the bottle of calamine lotion i use on my poison oak was touched when my hands were gross, god the list goes on. I am so tired. i just want to sleep. sorry for such a long post, i am just so tired of not talking about it all. Have a good night Dan

I have a lot I need to do for work and feel like I’m slacking but I’m just so overcome with my obsessions. I can hardly focus either due to the obsessions or lack of mental energy leftover after the episodes subside. I’m frustrated because I know what I need to do a lot and I have to get focused asap. Please encourage me to get a lot done at work this week. I need to tell myself I can do it and stick to it.

Hi! I know everything works differently for everyone but what medications do you all find help your ocd the most?

TW saw a traumatizing video of this poor child in gaza and now my head wont stop replaying it. What do i do? its make me sick.

Have you ever been blackout drunk or on any substance that causes you to blackout and your ocd tells you that you did something horrible or something happened to someone and you were there and you were under the influence so your ocd gets triggered and makes you think you did it even though you weren’t having intrusive thoughts at that time in your life?

Ever since mother’s day i’ve had doubts about my feelings towards my partner of almost 2 years. We don’t have anything problems, i am attracted to him. There are a few things going ti be changing in my life we will be going to different universities and we hadn’t been hanging out as much due to conflicting school and work schedules and he went to washington for mother’s day weekend and it caused me to spiral and doubt my feelings for him. I’m not sure why i’ve had doubts in the past but they were just the usual doubts that would go away but these keep coming in waves and i tell him and i know it hurts him and i feel so guilty about it and I know i love him and i know i want to spend my life with him but at some points i get a twinge that says but what if you don’t and i just don’t understand.

I’m very early in my ERP. I tried being brave and jumping right to eating a food that I was afraid of (fear of allergic reaction or bodily sensation) and I panicked really bad and dissociated. I feel like I made a mistake and it backfired on me😞I feel really ashamed and scared and just exhausted by this stuff.

I cannot be a passenger in a car or walk around at an event or stand in a spot for more that 2 minutes without feeling lightheaded and scared that I’m going to pass out. I just can’t shake it. It won’t go away. I’ve been dealing with this for a couple months but it feels like it’s getting more severe. I also have this reoccurring thought/image in my head of passing out randomly and being in the hospital. Like i can legit picture it happening and myself laying in the hospital bed. And every-time i step foot in a car that I’m not driving i literally feel like I’m going to pass out. Yesterday i went to a friends house with my sister and mom in the car as well. I was sitting in the back and i ended up having a heart rate of 140. And it’s somewhere that I’ve been a hundred times. It’s not like i was going into the unknown. It was a 10 minute car ride that I’ve been part of multiple times. But yesterday i had a dry mouth, heart rate of 140, felt like i was burning up and felt extremely lightheaded and was convinced i was going to pass out. And i don’t know why. Like me and my sister work together and when she’s driving I’m the passenger and i feel the same way. And it’s only a 5 minute car ride. 😭and when I’m standing in line or something i instantly panic and feel like i need to sit but I’m scared to sit down because i don’t want to draw attention to myself. And by the way i pretty much suffer in silence. So unless someone notices that i get fidgety or frantic nobody knows how i feel. And I’m scared to say anything because i don’t want to go to the doctors or hospital.

Yesterday was one of my worst days in a while. Everything went downhill fast. I woke up to realize my wife had emailed the school I work at to inform them that they are under paying me. I knew she was frustrated on my behalf (I would teach for free). Teaching is a passion of mine and I only get to do it a few times a year. It’s at a massage school. I teach chair massage. She wants my hourly rate to be the same as what I charge for my massages. Do, essentially a $30 raise. She was pretty upset at the time and I thought it would blow over. I didn’t know she actually emailed the director using my email. I So, when I woke up I had to do a lot of damage control. I still have the job, but they are willing to replace me now. My 14 year old son is being just awful to me and we argue almost daily. My mom was supposed to take my kids to the pool but she canceled due to the weather. I tried calling her several times yesterday only to be sent to voicemail. I texted her later and she claimed she didn’t know I was trying to get a hold of her. Plus, she didn’t want me to know that she was watching my little brother’s kids instead. My pure O was in overdrive yesterday. I couldn’t sleep. I just woke up at noon. I’m pissed off that I watched the news yesterday. I’m glad Trump was found guilty, I just don’t think it will matter as much as it should. End of rant. There is more to it but that’s the main issues.