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Yesterday I only slept for 2.5 hours and was up the whole day I finally fell asleep but I only stayed asleep for about 35 minutes and now I woke up again and can’t fall back asleep. I feel like I’m going manic as well
Hi all, new here. I have been struggling with OCD for about 11 years now. I was diagnosed at 15 and am now almost 27. My main theme is POCD, although I have suffered with many other subtypes. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of false memories. I started having them around 20 years old, but now it has taken over my life completely. At first the false memories were about past events I thought could have happened, but now it is false memories in real time. For example, like thinking you turned the oven on before you left even though you checked it 10 times over. It’s things like that, but with POCD. I cannot distinguish fiction from reality anymore. As of late, I have a serious fear and obsession with cameras. I am constantly terrified of blurting things out on camera, or acting out intrusive thoughts. It has gotten so bad, I cannot be around anyone’s phone but my own. I am constantly having family members check their photos to tell me if I somehow took a video or picture of doing something completely awful. When I am around someone’s phone that I am not able to check, I have serious meltdowns because I am not able to ask them if I’ve done anything. I also check everywhere for cameras, like literally will dig through bags and open drawers/cabinets to make sure there is no camera. It is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Going out in public in front of cameras is a nightmare for me but I seriously try to do my best. I literally can’t work anymore around other people because I am so scared of their phones. I had to quit my last job because it was becoming so debilitating. I would make up stories like “hey let me air drop a photo to you” just to get them to open up there photo app so I could see I did not record myself saying anything incriminating. I cannot call important people without panic, and if I do I cannot leave voicemails because I believe I will say something wrong. I cannot send emails because I have a fear of saying something wrong. The only social media app I have is Facebook because I’ve had it long enough I feel comfortable using it but I’ve deleted every single app that didn’t have an activity log showing me what comments or likes I’ve left on things. I’ve deleted everything that I can take pictures with (except my iPhone camera of course) I can’t even download a game without thinking I am messaging people on said game! I literally downloaded a game recently and had my mom go over every single thing on it to make sure it wasn’t possible to message other players. I cannot do simple things such as writing something down like signing my name on important documents because I think I write terrible things. This has literally taken over every single aspect of my life. I am miserable, I can’t find help. I have been to many therapists, and taken many medications. Nothing helps. I am at my wits end please help me, or share if you’ve been through anything similar or how you navigated that. I am desperate.
I’m Christian and I struggle with being close to god a lot but lately I just feel like I will never near a full relationship with god because of this not only that my heart physically hurts because I think about how I want god to allow me to get married and have kids but I don’t think that’s his will for me I feel like it will never happen and my heart hurts thinking about it and even if god does allow that blessing to come my way I’m afraid I’m going to end up hurting my husband or committing adultery and I’m afraid how he would react to my past and old relationship and ocd I don’t think it will ever go away not because I don’t think god is powerful enough I know he is I just think he wants that to be my story for the glory of his name and because it keeps me close to him idk I just my heart hurts thinking about not being married and not having kids but I’m trying to accept that in case that isn’t his will for me it just really hurts my heart physically
Okay so has anyone had OCD where they are fearing that they have cancer and are going to die? Here’s my story. This is a new theme for me and it came on as I was sitting outside in the sun over the weekend. I have a lot of moles/beauty marks on my body (I always have) and just the other day I started being hyperaware of them. I started feeling like some of them got bigger, then I started analyzing the shapes of them, the colors of them, I started looking at others around me to see if anyone had moles that looked like mine. Immediately it led to me possibly having cancer and spiraled from there. I can’t focus on anything but my body for the last few days and it’s driving me wild. I made a doc appt and that’s adding onto my anxiety. Can anyone relate to this? If so I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Thank you in advance
I just would like to know if anyone else has struggled with when eating getting gross images that make you stop eating. Or is that just me 😭
I don’t even know if I love my own boyfriend anymore because of my OCD, I want it all to stop…
I am currently in mainland Europe instead of the UK, as my girlfriend’s (who lives here) father just passed away. So I cannot do the usual NOCD sessions while I am here. She has been my main source of support during this awful disease. But now she is obviously facing her own very difficult time. I feel terrible seeking support - sometimes reassurance from her. I have been doing ERP 3x a day to make an effort to keep my OCD at bay. This is making me extremely depressed and I don’t know how to keep going. I am so worried I am being too much for her. The theme of my ocd is ROCD but can vary and has varied in the past. I love her more than anything and it’s killing me that I’m so dependent on her especially in this difficult time.
No matter what I do my emetaphobia is not getting better I think it’s gotten worse I’ve been struggling with it since I was 11 I’m 19 now:( I’m scared of being away from home and getting sick and it also ties into fomo fear of missing out I don’t know why I feel like if I get sick I will also miss out and be absolutely miserable. I’m just so scared of feeling nauseous I need help .
I went to a church and i started to have panic attacks and since than i cant just move away from this depressive feeling, i just feel down, my mind is really negative and i try to use the tools what i learned but it doesnt works, i feel like im just using them to avoid how i feel, and feeling this doesnt help but it gives me more stress and i feel more hopeless and poweless about recovery. Everything i do feels wrong and im tired of it. Im juat tired of accepting it, accept everything and i still feel worse and worse, it doesnt want to ease, im stressing out more. Idk since ive been told that im just avoiding feeling bad and everything i do is a compulsion or avoidance i just cant do anything when i feel a certain way cause i spin about me doing anything is a compulsion and its tiring. And the panic attacks were just a sign that my body had enough of this stress, but a really negative discomfort or malaise is came after it and i cant just move away from it. Now every emotion is so strong, its stressing me out. And again i cant do anything cause i feel like im just doing a compulsion
I want to be happy and not be miserable and I feel like I try to help others be happy but I can’t get myself to be happy 😢
I want to end It all, I feel so alone in my head, like no one understands at all.I just want to end it…
i've seen there are actual posts on here that straight-up talk about actual actions associated with "p", while i absolutely need help with this, i cannot and will not tolerate seeing such posts and nor should anyone else. this is disgusting.
how do you guys get over the anxiety of what people with no ocd would think of the stuff/thoughts we did/think. that’s my biggest thing right now is being afraid people wouldn’t talk to me ever again if they knew my thoughts and compulsions i had done.
Ive been in treatment for OCD off and on for 2 or 3 years now. Ive been finding myself in a “flare up” after moving and changing jobs. My biggest thorn/theme has been harm, specifically suicide. Just from having gone through this before, I know the line between what’s ocd and what’s truly being suicidal can be blurry. I’ve had people tell me that the intrusive thoughts of death can be OCD or it can be depression. Forever I’ve operated with the belief it’s OCD with sprinkles of depression (who wouldn’t be dealing with this) I guess my worry is that if this is what being suicidal is, I need help, bad. I can tell myself it’s OCD all day, but being it’s the doubting disorder, I ask “what if I’m lying and want to die?” I want this certainty that I’m not truly suicidal and it’s just these unwanted thought. Is it even possible to have that certainty? How can do tell the difference between the two?
What should you do when you're *about* to have a terrible intrusive image? Should you just let it happen? Something that I often do probably as a compulsion is to try to suppress the horrible intrusive image from fully forming itself, and when I do that I notice that I always scrunch my eyes and contort my face. Do we have to allow the intrusive image to just happen? Even though it causes us distress?
I keep having the most extreme, disgusting thoughts. I’m scared that if I keep thinking it I’ll end up liking it. My mind is telling me that I like it even though it has always disgusted me.
it’s so embarrassing doing compulsions in front of people. like i literally NEED to do them or i can’t function. one of my compulsions is praying so sometimes it seems like i be talking to myself. anyone else relate to this?
How do I sit with uncertainty?? Like I understand that I should just let the thoughts be there and not do a compulsion, but HOW? I would appreciate any tips
Has anyone found good books they’ve read that address OCD/provide coping strategies?
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