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Please pray that I can be happy without punishing myself and stay happy. I know that I’m not always going to be happy but I would love to stay happy when I do get happy

Can OCD make you feel like it’s not really OCD? Like you’re just acting or using it as a coverup to not admit you’re a psychopath?

This is not a political post at all but just an honest question (without giving too much reassurance). Is anyone else triggered by the incident that happened with Donald Trump?. I want to explain what I’m dealing with and if anyone could relate I would gladly appreciate your reply. Donald Trump was shot over the weekend and thankfully survived. I haven’t been bothered by things like this in a while but here’s how it panned out for me …. At first when I saw it I was in complete shock (no anxiety though), then I felt bad and then I started getting visual images of the shooter in my head (like fully aiming at Trump). From that, it went to having thoughts of “you like it”, “you would do this”, “you could do this to your own family” , “he deserved it”, “you don’t even feel bad you’re not having anxiety over it “. I had a therapy session and we spoke about this and I was assigned an exposure to do based on this content. Now my brain is trying to convince me that I’m a psychopath and that I actually enjoy things like this. Can anyone else relate to this? Anyone else experience this?

For the last three years I’ve been dealing with OCD, I’ve definitely had it all my life but up until now I was completely fine. This deals with some sensitive topics so read at your own discretion. I knew I had POCD way before, as I would just glance at a kid and my mind would conjure up the worst, most evil things imaginable. I would brush these off because I had a vague idea of what an intrusive thought was, even now I’m not sure if it’s POCD or if it’s real. I’ve dug deep into things I did as a child and in my early teens, even stuff from about a year or two ago. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore, I think I’ve become completely delusional and am lost, unsure of who I am. I could deal with the HOCD, I’ve sought professional help and have been in and out of the psych ward. I haven’t gone back because they told me they couldn’t be of much help and to do outpatient treatment, which is therapy, but even that won’t begin until two weeks later. I’m F18, a girl should not be dealing with shit like this, that’s what I’ve told myself. I couldn’t believe that I myself am a monster, I can’t cope with this…I don’t know what to do, when you’ve dug deep in your past and found things that can serve as “proof” I feel sick, disgusted, and I feel like the only way to get rid of these thoughts and to take back the things I did as a child is to just die. The second thing I wanted to post about was that I would frequent Omegle and other anonymous sites. This lasted up until a month or two months ago, I remember that I would often seek out older people than me, but during the time I was 16 I found that it was difficult to do so and decided to just talk to people my own age, my preference was to talk to people two years older than me but I remember one time I spoke to someone two years younger than me. This has raised many questions in my mind, “what if you sought someone younger and don’t remember” I do remember I’d encounter kids on there but I’d skip them, sometimes I’d warn them to get off the site because it was dangerous. I’ve been dealing with this constant “what if what if” for weeks now. I would go as far as having my phone be checked just to gain some fucking certainty about my situation, I wanted a career in art, but there’s this sense of doom following me everywhere I go and I cannot have any peace whatsoever. I don’t care about whatever happened to me, I could care even less. But what if I’ve done something I don’t remember, I’m scared to face that monster I’ve thought myself to be for so long.

My life has changed so much in the past 2 months due to an interaction I had. 2 months ago I was outside of a comedy show venue waiting for my brother to arrive. He was running late so I was trying to kill the time by scrolling on my phone. Then this security guard walks up to me and starts a conversation with me. He was asking me questions about the comedian I was gonna watch. He then asked me if I was planning on going out after the show was over. He was asking for suggestions about cool stuff to do around town (I guess he had recently moved to the area). It was then that he asked me for my phone number. I then told him that I had a boyfriend so that he could piece together that I wasn’t interested in him that way. He then assured me that he was “not trying to get at you that way.” He said he was just trying to grow a social circle since he had just moved. He then just started asking me for relationship advice. He was impressed that I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. Then I started to tell him that my boyfriend and I are involved with the rave community and this seemed to peak his interest. He mentioned that he had always been interested in the rave community, but didn’t know much about it. I then told him that there is an upcoming rave in the area and that maybe he could come with my boyfriend and I if he was interested. For added context, my boyfriend and I have been talking about making new friends recently since some of our friends have moved recently. We then exchanged instagrams and at the moment I was comfortable with this since he assured me that he wasn’t interested in me romantically. Additionally, my boyfriend and I have no problems with having friends of the opposite gender. My brother finally made it to the venue and we went inside to go watch the show together. The guy sent me a message stating “it was nice meeting you today” and then I replied “Yeah meeting new friends can be cool” (I wanted to reiterate that I just wanted to be friends). He then replied with “Yeah definitely want to make new friends this time around.” These were the only messages we sent to each other. I felt okay and pretty neutral about the interaction until the day after. The day after, I noticed that he had liked an old picture I posted on Instagram. The picture he had liked was one where I had some cleavage showing. This was when the negative thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks. Looking back I think I may have overreacted, but I took him liking one of my pictures as a flirtatious advance. Then the thoughts started attacking me: “Did I say something that made him believe he had a chance with me? Did I accidentally cross a boundary with my boyfriend?” These thoughts have been on reply 24/7 and I don’t know how to make them stop. The day after these thoughts started, my boyfriend came back into town from a trip. Since I was filled with doubt, (and I was planning on telling him about the interaction regardless) I decided to tell my boyfriend about the interaction to see what he felt about it. I kept the details pretty brief at first. I let him know that he had asked for my number, and that I told the guy I have a boyfriend. I said that the guy told me he wasn’t interested in me that way. I also told my boyfriend that the guy was interested in the rave community and that we exchanged instagrams. I then let him know that the guy had liked an old picture of mine and that I blocked him after that. My boyfriend was not freaking out whatsoever. He didn’t show concern, and said he didn’t think anything was wrong with the interaction. I felt some relief, but that didn’t last long. About 2 weeks after the thoughts wouldn’t stop, so I felt the need to talk to my boyfriend about it again just to make sure everything was okay. I was more direct this time. I asked him, “do you feel like I crossed a boundary by initiating a friendship with a man?” He immediately reassured me that he did not have a problem with that whatsoever. He told me that I could be friends with whoever I wanted. Additionally, he said that he would be a hypocrite if he did have a problem with that, because he has friends who are women. He has never made me feel insecure about this and I also do not have a problem with him being friends with women because we trust each other. This provided me with relief… but again not for long. Another week or so passed and the thoughts weren’t going away. The thoughts started having more of a negative impact on my life. I started eating less, sleeping less, and socializing less. Crying everyday. The panic attacks were frequent. I began to see the negative impact the thoughts were having in my professional and personal life. Not only did I notice this, but my boyfriend did as well. He started growing concerned about me, and on a particularly hard day for me, he asked me what was wrong. This is when I finally broke down to him. I started crying inconsolably. I told him that I couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of me leading that guy on. I asked my boyfriend to be 100% honest with me and tell me if he had a problem with the interaction. He assured me that he did not have a problem at all, unless the guy was pressuring me to share my Instagram. He asked me if the guy harmed me/harassed me in any way. He was concerned for my safety. I then told him that in the moment I didn’t feel like he was harassing me, and that I genuinely thought he wanted to be friends with me. My boyfriend gave me the biggest hug and just let me cry. He was really there for me and told me I didn’t do anything wrong. He assured me that he would let me know if he had a problem. I let him know I was starting therapy, because at the bottom of my heart, I really do believe my mind is giving me irrational thoughts. My boyfriend said he was proud of me for starting therapy and that he had noticed recently that my “spark” was gone. I felt relief, but again, not for long. I asked for reassurance two other times with others. I asked for reassurance with two close friends, and with my sister on a different occasion. They had similar responses that my boyfriend had. They stated that they didn’t think I cheated or that I messed up in any way. This was when I realized that asking for reassurance wasn’t helping me in the long run. I talked about this with my therapist. She asked me about other symptoms related to OCD and that’s when she told me that she suspects that I have OCD. I have only seen her for two sessions so she has not given me a formal diagnosis. She challenged me to no longer seek reassurance. It has been super difficult to resist, but thankfully I have been able to not ask for reassurance. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I feel so alone. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me, and the thoughts feel so real to me most of the time. I genuinely feel like I am going crazy. I just want to feel normal again. I’m so scared that this will ruin my relationship with my boyfriend. He is the kindest and sweetest soul and I don’t want to lose him. Thank you in advance to anyone who read all the way through… I’ve just been feeling so trapped in my mind and felt the need to write this whole thing out. Any advice would be much appreciated! I just feel so lost.

I had a fight with my mother today it was about my ocd. We began to fight because I was mad at her because she didn‘t want to drive me to a psychologist then (I don’t know exactly how we came to what) she came up with „I always make things up“. I told her to read something about OCD to understand it. And after she read the first Wikipedia article she dared to say it‘s nothing „horrible“ and that she „also has it“. It hurt me so much because I stuggle so much with it right now. Can someone help me how can I explain it to her because I want her to understand it.

Hi, please be kind, this is quite a lot for me to open up about. I’m a 31 year old womanwith OCD and have had it for most of my life. Partly due to OCD and other things, cultural upbringing etc I’ve never been in a proper relationship, and as a result not had sex (not wanted a one night stand etc) but have always seen myself as eventually marrying a guy and having kids. My main obsession is worries about my family and harm but also for most of my life I’ve also been questioning my sexuality. I have never kissed a woman but seem to be obsessed with boobs and feel I am sexually attracted to women more than men, who I don’t tend to feel sexually attracted to but instead romantically I want to be around them, however I’ve only ever felt that with a few guys. I’ve only kissed a handful of guys and enjoyed only one of those experiences. Due to my confusion about whether it is OCD or whether I am queer I’ve identified as bi for a while, which seemed to fit. However the last few days I’ve been convinced I was a lesbian. I do compulsions, the am I gay quizzes, on the internet, looking at pictures to see my response etc which is characteristic of OCD but I also enjoy being around women and it doesn’t fill me with anxiety like my OCD symptoms around other themes. Is there anyone here who has had SO OCD but also discovered that they are queer and has trouble pulling apart which bits are ocd and which aren’t? I keep trying to sit with the uncertainty and tell myself maybe I’m gay, maybe I’m bi, but that doesn’t seem to bother me like statements with my other obsessions. I’ve been doing a lot of research on sexuality and think that also if sexuality is fluid which I think it is how does anyone commit to a stable relationship? I had a really bad mental health day last week, suicidal thoughts, extreme PMS where I looked through my life experiences and thought ahh it makes sense im actually a lesbian, eg. All the times ive wanted to hug my female friends or stared at them and the times ive been on dates with guys but then my interest just seems to fizzle out or I feel bored or felt uncomfortable with. Im not looking for reassurance just would like to hear from people who have questioned their sexuality and thing it’s is more than OCD or queer people with OVD who have similar experiences. Thank you

Help, it was nice while it lasted. I'm not going to take the amazing job opportunity after all. OCD has won another battle.

Hi everyone! I have never posted on here before but i’m not really sure what else i can do. I have a concert coming up (tomorrow) that i have been waiting a year for. I am extremely excited, but over the past few months ive been having a lot of obsessive thoughts that something bad will happen at the event and i will get really hurt. After these thoughts it makes me worried and contemplate whether it is intuition, or if it’s just an obsessive thought. Just wondering if anyone else has ever had these worries/thoughts before going to a big event!

I am on a cruise ship and my contamination ocd is so bad. I keep seeing people coughing into their hands and touching everything. What are some tips for cruising with contamination ocd?

so im a little scared rn, okay thats a lie im very scared. I keep having these images in my head, im sure there just intrusive images. But its like intrusive images of demons, or really weird creepy things. And it just comes so quickly i can barely see it. And the thing is, i can really see it properly like it comes, i feel the intense anxiety but its insanely idk how to describe it. Ive felt this way before, and ive been in crazy dissociation, i need help, are these just intrusive thoughts? (not reassurance, so please dont flag post, im just really confused)

Has anyone else ever struggled with if they liked their husbands friend in the past? Actually a mutual friend. He’s got qualities I would go for in a different life in different situations, I’m sure I’ve had thoughts about it. But never wanted to pursue anything or leave my husband. So now with confessing things to my husband I tell him this but also say I “don’t know” if I actually liked them or just liked qualities like you woulf with anyone. But, I have this guilty feeling in my stomach, is it ocd doing that or is it bc I know I liked him more then a friend. My husband says I should know, I know what it’s like to like someone. But I really feel like I can’t tell the difference so I just want to assume I did and clear the air. But my husband says I can’t just assume the worst all the time.

Does anyone have experience with Hydroxyzine for short term anxiety? My doctor just prescribed it but I’m curious to see if others have tried it.

I’ve been recovering from my recent TOCD flare up. For a week, I did not let my intrusive thoughts win or let me panic. Recently, my girlfriend has been super busy, distant, and stressed. For some reason, ever since she’s been like that, I have been falling into the darkness of TOCD. Not like I am blaming her at all. I was just wondering if the two were connected.

I had an intense discomfort in my upper abdomen/lower chest (couldn’t really tell) for most of the day, and I have spent hours thinking I’m going to have a heart attack (despite being a decently healthy 18 yo) because of my moderate maybe chest pain combined with back/neck soreness and a headache (which I think was caused by the stress). I took some antiacids + neutralizers and the pain mostly went away, but everytime my head hurts or I breathe in too deep and feel a crook in my chest I immediately jump to heart attack. I’m scared to fall asleep because I think I’ll die in my sleep. I might go waste money at urgent care just because I need to hear from a professional that it’ll be okay. This similar feeling happened 3 weeks when I thought I had a brain aneurysm, I feel so scared

I don’t need reassurance I need someone to hear me and talk to me . I’m 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for 5 years with my boyfriend we have been through a lot and still manage to be together . Recently I saw him look at some random lady’s butt at the fair . I don’t know how to let it go and I feel like my ROCD has a little bit to do with this . Anyone’s opinion ? I’d appreciate it .

Hey guys! Does anyone ever feel like there intrusive thoughts are so bad that you fear being punished from God? Fear of being punished for all those bad or evil intrusive thoughts ? I try to wake up every morning and forget about the thoughts but I can help but feel so much guilt , shame and embarrassment. I feel like my happiness has been stripped away from me. I am fed up of feeling this way. I hate feeling this way, I am constantly afraid that god will punish me for having these bad thoughts and that I will pay for my sins (intrusive thoughts ). Can anyone help or relate to this ?

How do y’all keep going? Especially when there’s work to do

OCD and ERP so difficult. ERP is so difficult, I want to try so hard. As I do not want to waste these sessions but as some days I feel like I cannot do it. Like how do I change my mindset.

Does anyone else feel not as triggered during your exposures vs when the intrusive thoughts come up out of nowhere???? I am starting back in on the ERP sessions for my subtypes that hold the most power over me. It is very uncomfortable. Feels so awkward and silly TBH to even entertain these thoughts and yet... HERE I AM! Thanks OCD. I am going go commit to the homework that my therapist has sent and hoping for the noise to quiet down soon