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the NOCD Community

I need help... even just someone to talk to. I feel so far gone right now that I want to just give up. I know this would all be easier to deal with if I wasn’t trying to do it alone, but I can’t get myself to let anyone in.

How has ocd negatively impacted your life? Has it interfered with having a job?

Hadnt had intrusive thoughts in a while but these past few days have been filled with them and it’s so scary I don’t know how to handle them anymore

Need support ... has anyone ever had thoughts that maybe you sexually abused someone in the past? I keep worrying what if when i was a babysitter in high school what if i did something inappropriate to the kids? This is causing me so much anxiety and doubt. Is this ocd? Is it really me? Please help. What if i really did something? I can recall doing anything like that but what if i did? Has this happened to anyone? Any support would be helpful

Oh gosh, just went on empty closest and reddit about Hocd and I don’t know what to believe anymore. What if I am just really in denial? And this is all just true about myself!

I was watching a video of myself and my best friend (in the vid we were 9 and btw we’re still best friends) and I’m so sad because I used to be so happy and I would go back to that time. Back then I used to live in Russia and ever since I moved out of Russia my mental health had been going downhill. I don’t know why, it’s been almost 3 years since I moved and a month after I moved I began have harm ocd. Idk why. I really really miss my life in Russia and maybe it’s because I’m separated from my whole family (my family lives in Russia, my grandparents my cousins my aunts and uncles). I’ve never thought about it like that before but now I think about it I really got sad after I moved. Moving country can be hard I guess

Sometimes I worry that I seem / act gay... if that makes sense? I mean, you can’t exactly ACT like a sexual orientation, but I worry I come across as though I am less feminine or something. And then I worry that the only thing stopping me from coming out is the fear that my friends would think I liked them. And then TOCD also ties into it by saying I’m not girly enough. Argjkdjhdhdhfhfhch. I do think that the way I come across massively links into my self confidence though. I’ve always thought that if I had an amazing body and all that, I’d act like more like myself because I’d be confident and happy. And if I became a girly girl, I wouldn’t mind being bi or something because my friends wouldn’t think I liked them. So if I were more confident, I’d be less reserved and shy and therefore I’d seem a different way. Ahhhh this sounds so dumb! I don’t really know what I’m even saying anymore...

My whole life has a hocd filter over it. Its not iust living in the moment anymore, its like i dont live in my world anymore i live in hocd’s world so everything is evolved around hocd. And that i hate because this beautiful life now feels anxious and uncomfortable while i used to love it. And thats purely because the hocd filter is over it and everything becomes hocd themed and its not just life itself anymore. I just want to feel vibes again and feel things with a clear mind so that they can make me love this world again and not make me feel anxious about everything or having to fake the love so i can still feel like myself but deep down i know im Forcing it to myself.

Hello everyone! I’m new and I’m struggling. This thought has been following me for about a year now and it’s always the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. I love going to sleep because I can stop thinking about it and I hate waking up because instantly I’m like here we go again. I had a horrible experience about a year ago when I went for a facial. While I was laying there the man cleaning my face grabbed my penis and rubbed it. I froze and didn’t know how to react. I just wanted to leave the room. After that I kept on thinking why didn’t I react? Am I a homosexual and ever since that moment I have not been able to stop this thought! It’s mentally frustrating and I’m losing my ability to communicate and focus because it’s always in the back of my mind. I can’t sleep sometimes and I don’t know what to do. Please help!

I feel like fucking shit, like I'm about to cry because my little sister wants to stay in my room and be around me more often and because I'm not diagnosed with OCD, I am terrified of letting her in and I keep avoiding her and she seems genuinely sad and I want to cry so bad, because I know nothing is gonna happen if I let her sit in a room alone with me and I'm just making excuses and I'm such a piece of garbage person... I don't know why I like to be alone in my room. When I was typing this post I wanted to type "Because I'm not diagnosed with OCD, I'm terrified of leaving her alone in a room with me out of fear that something horrible might happen" but that is such a blatant lie because I know that NOTHING is going to happen. Why am I like this???? Why do I do this to her, I don't want her to feel like that, but I'm just so scared. I'm so scared and I see myself as so disgusting that I just don't wanna be around kids and around my little sister not because I'm scared that I'm gonna do something - I know I'm not, but because it just makes me sad and it makes me anxious and it makes me feel horrible sitting around kids. I feel so devastated and I hate myself to such a high degree, there is not one redeeming thing I can see in myself at the moment.

I was out having a fun night with some coworkers. I am extremely anti social in regards of having any social life outside of work. I been working very hard to overcome my social anxiety and panic attacks. During the evening (like towards the later part). I got extremely anxious. For some reason I felt compelled to share my anxiety with my coworkers. Told them I am feeling not so good. I tried not to make it seem like a big deal. I just feel better to not hide being anxious, which makes me more anxious. I didn’t like their reaction. I made them sad and worried. And I am anxious now that well I think they will never see me the same way again. And it always happens this way. I start to break out of my shell and I get anxious. I live with panic attacks. But it inevitably turns others off or just makes me feel more insecure. I got anxious last night because of magical thinking that when I am having fun and a good time a part of me gets self destructive and I start to worry how I am going to get anxious and ruin it. And then I do. How do I stop this. It only that thought didn’t come into my head i wouldn’t have gotten anxious and embarrassed myself. Does anyone else struggle with getting anxious when things are good in this self destructive and self fulfilling prophecy?

Do yall sometimes replay a sexual intrusive thought, or make one up willingly to check and see if you get aroused or get any groinal responses? Is that a checking/testing compulsion or is it real?

is it possible to be a stellar parent as a person with ocd? i want to raise a family someday but am afraid that ocd disables me too much.

THIS IS FOR EVERYONE! I can’t believe I just downloaded this app and already I’m so very angry! Almost every post I read I find that many of you suffering don’t realize of all the help that is out there for us! Please go to the International OCD foundation website, and find a therapist in your area. These therapists not only understand this horrible disease, but have also defeated themselves. Please get their help as soon as possible. Please I beg you, I’ve been in your place and the truth is you are stronger than your OCD. Please get help!

I'm a big jumbled mess. The hocd has backed down quite a bit to the point where I was starting to have moments of forgetting and my attraction to guys came back. Here's the issue. I'm a Christian and my boyfriend and I are in an unequally yoked relationship. I feel like to any normal person this wouldn't matter but my OCD moved on to this, picking at it viciously. Of course it makes me sad that we don't have the same view about the existence of God, but it's never bothered me THIS much. Also the fact that we have premarital sex is starting to bother me as well when it never did before. It's killing me. I feel like I can't talk to God anymore. I've been obsessing over it all day. What do I do? I don't want to break up with him. He is my other half. I love him so much. I know this is a really sticky subject. Please no anti religious comments.

READ PLEASE GUYS ITS HELPFUL I HOPE I KNOW ITS LONG BUT TIPS AND HELP!!! Hi guys...woah new update!!! Looks cool I haven’t been on here in two weeks cause my ocd has not been bad! So I wanted to give everyone insight cause I finally saw an ocd therapist and I got finally diagnosed with ocd after a year and half of struggling alone! One thing I want to share about my therapy sessions is that it felt so great to be validated. All of my doctors and therapist before labeled me as anxious. Now after my first appointment the therapist didn’t know what to diagnose me with. She hasn’t dealt with my type of ocd but with the religious one! The “what if I’m sinning” or “go to hell” but This lady sits down and talks to me and we have back and fourths! When I told her my story she was surprised. She told me she was BI and I wasn’t triggered at all because I knew she was helping me I asked her if she was comfortable talking to me about this since it sounds borderline homophobic and she said she doesn’t mind cause I’m not homophobic I’m dealing with ocd and hugged me. She’s amazing! One thing she was telling me that’s a common misconception with ocd and why I’ve been improperly diagnosed is that people think that with ocd you need to have physical compulsions and if you don’t fit the list of requirements than it’s not ocd. OBSESSIVE compulsive disorder! It’s in the name. Doctors think that sometimes if you don’t have physical compulsive behaviors it’s not ocd. She debunked tht. She said that my compulsion based on our conversation is needing reassurance and not even knowing it. And I started to catch myself!!!! I would always when I’m talking say to her “omg am I denial?” Do I know I’m in denial” “what if I’m lying” and she simply responds with “that’s ocd” nothing else and I’m calm again. We are on a game plan to defeat this! STEP ONE GET A THERAPIST THAT MAKES YOU FEEL VALID! I’ve been to 4 and I finally found the one!!!!! I was so nervous to go in because I thought she was gonna tell me I’m gay or I’m in denial but she was so compassionate! This is what we discussed her Step one since I’ve seen her twice so far is identifying the irrational thoughts. So I have sexual Orentation ocd my thoughts that race are “what if I’m gay” “am I a lesbian” “am I in denial” she told me the moment I get these thoughts I label them as OCD and keep a tally! DELAY THE THOUGHTS! Say “that’s ocd again messing with me” any thought that starts with “what if” or “am I” most of the time it’s OCD! She also told me to have my doctor increase the dosage of my prozac! People with ocd need more of higher dosage because most medication for treatment of ocd is made for depression and anxiety as well they are shared so when combating depression you do a low dosage but something like ocd needs a higher dosage. I currently am on 40mg of Prozac but next time I go into my doctor I will ask to be upped! The medication really helps at the right dosage! I love all of you and you’re valid! This is ocd and we will beat it!!! Let me know if you guys have questions or reach out to me via insta :-)

This is an arabic song that i love Your little one has gotten old, mom He is no longer innocent, Mom How many times he truced and sluckened How many times he dissembled and conceded How many times he cajoled The rust of years envelops me The dust of the journey blinded me Cigarette fumes with heartbreak It leaks out of my chest Really, I have encountered the world I really fought the world It defeated me, I did not understand this And I went to sing my melodies The world crushed me But I have not revealed this But I have not revealed this To conclude this song No time would be enough Storms of nights are surrounding me And enclosing Your little one has grown old, mom He is no longer little, Mom He has left your cradle in order to know But I really did not know I bought the fur of the lambs I tried on the monks' cowl I wore the armor of the knights But I swear, Mom I have fooled only my mirror Even in the devil's dress I did not realize the meaning of my life And for my life this is my tragedy And I went to sing my own melodies The world crushed me I have not revealed this To conclude this song No time would be enough Storms of nights are surrounding me And enclosing Your little one is gonna die, Mom The youth dreams wore him out Sores of the past agonised him He passed the city of frasturations Wreath of shame on my head I am alive Really, alive To conclude this song No time would be enough Storms of the nights are surrounding me And narrowing my arteries https://lyricstranslate.com

i am so lost idk what to do

I went on a subreddit (egg_irl) for trans people in denial. I’m scared I keep going back to that subreddit because I relate to the posts. I’m doing better now but I still get anxious. I’m telling you DO NOT go onto that subreddit if you have the trans ocd theme. One of the posts legit said “people in denial always get anxious when they see posts like this because they won’t accept the fact they’re trans.” And memes along those lines. Please don’t go on it. I don’t even know if I went there for exposure or compulsions. I’m not feeling anxious now but it really scared me.

I’ve been struggling quite a bit lately, I’ve got POCD and I don’t so much have intrusive thoughts all the time but when it comes to get dressed, using the toilet etc is when it happens where I have to make sure I’m decontaminated of any germs from young people so it’s not inappropriate or anything. This has become difficult with my boyfriend as he has a new baby nephew that has lived with him for about two weeks and has no moves out. I’ve never met the baby and I’ve not been to their house for a while but I’ve now got it in my head that my boyfriend’s clothes have been in the washing machine where the babies clothes have been. I was stressing today because I desperately needed a shower but my boyfriend was here and I didn’t want to get contaminated or caught up doing rituals whilst he was here as they’re time consuming and get me upset and stressed and I don’t want him to know. I decided in the end it may be best to get ready with him here because then I have him as a distraction from thoughts where as when he’s not here I’m on my own to think and do ritual after ritual. I showered and was getting dressed and I use a sock to put my bottom half on as a ritual to avoid any germs from my landladies grandchildren who have been in my place before I lived here from my feet from the floor getting onto/into my underwear. It took several different knickers and attempts to get dressed as I felt I hadn’t got the germs that may have passed from my boyfriend off me well enough and felt they were on my clothes. I then managed to get one on and knocked my socked foot on the bin but was stressing I was taking too long so put it on anyway and managed with that but realised my sock had a hole in it, exposing my foot. I’m pretty sure it didn’t touch the crotch part of my knicker which is what I worry about but ocd is doing its thing where it’s making me think it has and that I’m saying that to get out of blame etc. I tried to ignore it and was in my room for ages because I could feel myself getting worked up and my boyfriend came in and I had an open bottle of anti bac spray and hand sanitiser on the side which I’d been using to try and decontaminate which I could see him looking at and I got teary and said I was struggling. He doesn’t know the full extent of my ocd just that I have a thing about germs (he thinks in a broad sense) and I said that I don’t know why they’re open I just don’t feel clean enough and got teary. He was his usual amazing self where he distracted me with his humour and I love him so much for that. He then had to go home and I got so anxious because I find I cope better with him here, he’s a distraction and company. I’m now here with part of my mind saying to get reshowered and redressed to protect myself and the other half like don’t because it’s ocd and another part just too lazy to do it. Can’t give in but also can’t get rid of the niggle in my brain