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the NOCD Community

Just would like to talk to someone. I know I'm really creepy, so I understand if people don't wanna answer, but I honestly have no one to rely on, and I don't know how much longer I can go on like that.

Hi, can someone please told me how to dealt with compulsions i been avoiding a lot of music because if i listen to some songs someting bad will happend

the way my ocd works is anything in my room is automatically mine and NEEDS to be clean, if another person steps foot in my room everything in there is automatically not clean and I feel the need to throw everything away. On the rare occasion I feel okay enough to let someone in, they can't touch anything. Today I had my dad come in to show me how to install some shelfs for my legislation, and for some reason he decided to put the not yet clean shelf on a pile of unfolded laundry despite the fact I told him less than 5 min ago to not, I have a HUGE room, so much floor space, so many within arms reach places. I instantly started panicking and crying since now I feel the need to throw all my clothes away and he started screaming at me, saying he didn't want to play into this childish fantasy anymore. As well as threatening to touch everything in my room and mocking doing so I know it's not a reaction I cant control, but I really do wonder if I have ocd or if I'm just a really weird freak. Have I been lying to myself this while time? Did the doctors lie to me? I feel so... immature for acting so badly to it, but it genuinely makes me want to rip my own eyes out. Why doesn't he understand it? Is that my fault too? I feel so lost and misunderstood and alone. I don't know what to do.

How do I get Diagnosed? And is any therapist adequate to dealing with OCD?

I tell myself so much that I don't believe in myself and that I feel like a bad person and that events of the past leave me greatly uncertain about who I am no thanks to OCD. When it comes to who I was as a teenager, to be honest, I was straight up fucking weird. I did weird things, I acted out, I wasn't good at socializing with people, and the more I try to look back into the events of the past, the more disturbed and disappointed I become. That just was not the person I wanted to be. I just wanna be able to put all of that aside and just be nice to myself. Be kind to myself and accept myself for who I am and just be confident. The thing is OCD doesn't let me. It feels like I'm not OWED to feel that way about myself or that I don't deserve to. Or that I need the permission of OCD to feel that way. I don't want it to be that way. I just want to be able to think positive about myself despite the past but that's next to impossible.

Huge trigger warning related to porn and pedophilia. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you if you get to read this long post. Something awful happened recently. I was watching porn, I won't say what page because idk if it is allowed, but it is the most famous porn page there is, so you'd think you wouldn't find something so horrifying there. The problem is that one of the automatic pop ups that appeared really terrified me because the girl looked way too young. I'm not sure if she truly was underage, but she looked it, and I can't express how horrifying it is considering if she could have been. I feel like my mind is playing games with me. I can't tell if it was paranoia or reality. My memories are really fuzzy, as I was on a state of shock when I saw it. I remember feeling scared right away and trying to look up how to report it, but the page refreshed on it's own and I never saw the pop up again. I felt so gross for seeing that, and guilty for not reporting it. It was an accident, but I can't help but think that I enjoyed it and that it is my fault for watching porn at all. I am a monster. If this had happened to someone else I wouldn't question it so much, as I know that I didn't look at it on purpose and tried to do the right thing when I saw it. But I already hate myself because years back, when I was 16, I discovered loli. Which is really wrong drawings of young characters. And since then I've been obsessed with the topic and developed pocd. I never looked for those drawings again after that, I dont enjoy them. But I've accidentally found them again on the internet and it's made me feel disgusting and evil; but at least I had the certainty that it wasn't real, until now. I think that this is recent event is further proof of the monster that I already thought I was. After what happened, I immediately contacted a therapist, but tbh, I don't think that I'll ever move on from that. Life isn't looking good right now.

How can i reassure myself (comfort) if i am angry and upset about having compulsed when i am not supposed to either compulse or reassure myself?

My severe ocd came out of nowhere in June of last year and completely changed my life. It was months and months of terrible days and a brain I felt like wasn’t mine. I was so fearful it affected my life in the worst way. Then after I was at the end of myself I almost had no choice but to just let it be. After awhile I started to recover. I took a lot of supplements used some non engaging tools and kept moving forward. I had been Feeling happy, not controlled by these thoughts, etc. But my friend told me she was moving a few weeks ago and it set me off again. I am back to where I was feeling so low and depressed thoughts right when I wake up I feel hopeless scared and like there will never be good in my life again. I feel like this isn’t ocd it’s my true self that I’m suppressing I feel confused I feel sad I feel scared and I’m so angry that this is my life. I loved my life before this and now I can barely get through the day. Is it still ocd is it inevitable for this to happen to me.

I'm not sure how to explain why I feel this way but someone I no longer have on social media messaged me out of the blue after four years. I'm worried they messaging me to find something out about me or cause me harm for some reason. I'm not a very trusting person due to events growing up. Why can't I just except this person could just be messaging me, it just scares me that they must have had to search for me to message me.

So I’m 15 and I’ve struggled with OCD and really bad anxiety my entire life it was normally like if I didn’t skip my feet I would get a heart attack or something of that sort and for a while it really died down and I wasn’t having obsessions or compulsions but then I randomly started getting intrusive thoughts about me hurting someone or my friends family dog etc and they terrified me I mean scared the ever living yk what out of me and I seem to have intrusive thoughts about everything that goes against how I think and recently here it’s gotten to schizophrenia where I’m terrified of developing schizophrenia and hallucinating and hurting my mom or dad or someone even an animal and I just cry at the thought of it and I am trying to get into therapy I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok for now until I start my journey of getting better and my doctor told me he sees good potential in me getting better and that I’m not the most severe he’s seen. I also never let this keep me sad I always make sure to do stuff that I enjoy because I really enjoy life and when I’m not worrying I have a lot of fun.

If my OCD is trying to convince me I’m gay due to past compulsions. Every time I have that through I now repeat in my head that I’m straight several times to battle it. If I continue to do that am I just creating a compulsion??

Last year my dad got Covid and I went to the movies a day after. I did not even test to see if I had it. Not maliciously for some reason it just didn’t cross my mind to take one. I wore a mask at the movies and only went because I thought it was low risk. I got sick a few days after. I could be the reason people are dead. I’m the same as drunk drivers who harm others due to being mindless. I deserve to be in jail. I deserve to never be happy again. I deserve to lose everything. And anyone who disagrees is just being illogical. I’m the only one who sees this logically it seems because people tell me I deserve to forgive myself when I don’t.

Last year my dad got Covid and I went to the movies a day after. I did not even test to see if I had it. Not maliciously for some reason it just didn’t cross my mind to take one. I wore a mask at the movies and only went because I thought it was low risk. I got sick a few days after. I could be the reason people are dead. I’m the same as drunk drivers who harm others due to being mindless. I deserve to be in jail. I deserve to never be happy again. I deserve to lose everything. And anyone who disagrees is just being illogical. I’m the only one who sees this logically it seems because people tell me I deserve to forgive myself when I don’t.

Is a setback normal when I start a treatment, can someone tell me how to deal with it?

I have severe emetophobia, and last night my partner threw up. They had taken too many edibles (completely legal in my state and we’re of legal age) and asked me to go downstairs so I wouldn’t have to hear. I was panicking, going through all the times I had touched/kissed them that day, trying to work out how contagious it might be, etc. I definitely fell into the reassurance seeking/googling trap for a minute, asking them if they were SURE they weren’t sick, that it was just the edibles, but eventually I managed to put away my phone, tell myself “If it does end up being contagious, I can worry about it when it’s actually happening,” and go to sleep. I certainly didn’t handle it perfectly, but for where my mental state has been, I’m glad I was able to calm myself down and go to sleep.

Hi everyone, I’m new here! I have struggled with OCD on and off for many years and all different flavors (SOOCD, POCD, Pure OCD). I am in a happy relationship of 2.5 years and feel supported and loved by my partner. We have been wanting to move in together and now that we are officially going forward with it, I’m suffering from extreme ROCD, at least I think it is. Out of nowhere I just feel absolute fear around moving in together, thinking that it’s going to ruin my life and our relationship. While he is normally someone who comforts me and I now find him to be a big trigger of mine, as every text and “I love you” now triggers thoughts that he might not be the one or that I am deceiving him. I’m finding it so difficult not to talk to him about it. What I think is my OCD keeps telling me I should not move in with him, break up, and move back home, even though I don’t want that. The hardest part of this is wondering if it’s OCD or my gut. I’m even terrified to post here because I’m worried someone will tell me I should break up with him. I feel so tired and depressed. I’m having trouble doing my job, enjoying things, and eating the past couple days. It’s really just popped up.

I recently started seeing somebody that I really like, though I've come to realize that I have some sort of PTSD from relationships due to my Relationship OCD. It's an entirely new relationship for me - my first two were completely long distance, but this one is nearby. My OCD is trying to completely destroy this relationship before it's even official. What are some good exposures for something like this? I unfortunately cannot afford ERP therapy out of pocket right now, but I don't want my OCD to ruin this relationship. I really like him.

I have been with my partner for about a year and 4 months. My ocd symptoms started in February. Recently, my ocd is making me seem annoyed by everything my partner does… I have a bad problem with forming my opinion off of other random people instead of making my own, possibly fear of perception/upsetting people with an opinion so I have to follow like a sheep. This frustrates my partner. My ocd might latch onto a random dark humour joke he made or an opinion for example about social issues that is different to me where we have to agree to disagree and I end up going searching on mainly TikTok. If I see a comment where some people are against what my bf said I have to go and tell him and it’s almost every day my ocd manages to nitpick something. A lot of the time it’s me setting it off by asking his opinion or something where I can feel my ocd being like “let’s scan for things in this conversation to latch on to 😈” and starting a convo where something could trigger my ocd. He might be playing a video game and says things, for example if he’s shot in the game and gets a little bit annoyed. My ocd will instantly latch onto something. I try to hold it back but I ocd tells me I NEED to tell him off for it. If I bring something up while communicating and my boyfriend asks why I think something is bad, it usually always starts with “well I saw a tiktok/instagram comment-…” and my boyfriend stops me to tell me I’m going off a small group of people’s opinion and I need to be able To form my own opinion and it’s okay for me To have my own opinion. A lot of the time I can’t form an opinion because I’m scared what people think so I resort to looking at random peoples comments on posts. 😞 My ocd convinces me he’s a bad person because he has dark humour. Is all the need to confess my thoughts and tell him off ocd? Is the best thing to do sit with the uncomfortableness? Does anyone relate

I have health OCD, and my brain LOVES to interpret random things from my day as “signs” a certain thing will happen. Like, if I hear someone talk about vomiting more than usual, my brain says that’s a “sign” I’ll be sick. Or if I hear about a certain medical condition randomly or repeatedly in a day, that’s a “sign” it will happen to me. It’s taken a lot of effort for me to step back and tell myself basically: “I’m not an oracle. The universe is not sending me signs. My brain is just grasping into things I’m afraid of whenever I happen to hear about them.” My latest coping skill has been to exaggerate the intrusive thought sarcastically. Like, if I start to worry about having an aneurysm because I hear someone talking about it, for example, I might get the thought “That’s a sign your headache is actually an aneurysm,” and I’ll respond, “Oh, totally, my whole head is gonna explode, it’ll be crazy. I bet that twinge in my wrist means my whole hand is about to fall off too, right? Gotta look out for the foreshadowing.” Sometimes it’s so ridiculous that it helps me reframe the thought to be less threatening! Just thought I’d share.

This may be a little taboo so discretion advised. I stumbled upon this Twitter community that’s labeled to post 18+ Porn content and I’ve went in there a few times to view the posts. For some context I’m 19. For those of you who may not understand how Twitter communities work here’s some context for that as well. In these communities they are separated by a topic and everyone can join the community to then collectively converse or share media/pictures about the topic. Of course people made porn communities and anyone can post in these communities. Obviously knowing this I try to be as careful as possible by only viewing videos of individuals that are obviously above 18. I should also add this particular community has moderators that are supposed to be verifying videos and deleting anything that is suspect or not compliant with the rules but sometimes i worry the people in these videos aren’t actually 18 like they are supposed to be. I have every reason to believe they are of age except the fact that anyone is aloud to post in these communities so I fear I masturbated to a minor or viewed child porn without knowing they were underage because I misjudged by the video. I am currently in therapy and I have been for a while now so I know I should stick with the facts and really try to stick with my core values but this really is sticking with me and I don’t have a meeting for a few days can anyone help? (Also I should add I don’t have any of these videos saved and I didn’t share them either only viewed)