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What if I am what my OCD says? What if I am deep down a horrible monster and my ocd has been right all along and I’ve just been trying to fight it and deny that I am what it says?

I know this app is for ocd help but I genuinely need some help in my relationship or just some guidance. Does anyone know how to break down built up resentment ? And how to stop anger towards your partner, I’ll take any answer

Hello I’m Ana Sanchez I’m a mother of 2olders young ladies and 6month baby boy I live with my bf the father of my baby boy he’s the stepdad of my daughters… I’m a stay mom at home he works and my oldest goes to high school and the little one goes to middle school.. At the moment I’m at a rough patch of my life.. I have been living with trauma and with anxiety and depression since I can remember growing up my parents were toxic and alcoholism problems with my dad and well I suffer from abandon and well I been single for so many years like 8years and now I’m in a relationship everything start well like every other relationship but now after I give birth I noticed I have become for not myself I been to toxic and super jealous I will I’m ruined my relationship but my bf he always tired to help me and being there for me but idk I still feel weird that I’m not doing a good job as a mother and as a wife I need help I don’t wanna listen and believe to my thoughts and they getting louder and strong I had started going to Christian Church and I have noticed a different but is just here and there I berly started like I said so I do feel I need help.. I have no one to talk and I do have family but I don’t wanna be bothering them with my problems they have enough of problems already.. and I wanna be free I wanna be better and happy with my family and I wanna learn how to forgive so I can be able to move on.. I’m asking for help before is to late…

I have severe various forms of ocd. Now it’s harm related. I love my family and daughter but today all of the sudden when I’m driving I had a horrible thought of: omg i will kill my own child one day because I’m crazy. And this thought is so horrifying because I have no intentions of harming anyone but these thoughts come up and I’m freaking out…anyone else have extreme intrusive thoughts?

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

So i don't have access to an OCD psychologist and I really wanted to try ERP so I tried it on my own, but to be honest it made me feel sometimes worse. The only exercise I was doing was the look into a mirror and say "You might be gay, you might be bi, you might be straight it does not mather" I did it like 3 times per day. After some time I started having stronger compulsions and had a small amount of time where i was at my worse (even doing self harm) thinking I was just gay and should just acept it and that by saying it i was just acepting it. Do you think i did something wrong?

Having a recurring intrusive thought that im evil bc when i was 14 i was dog sitting and I was told by the owner to tug on the dogs leash when he would stop walking to keep him moving. Well I did that and he was very stubborn so I remember tugging harder than I should have out of impatience which makes me hate myself so much. The problem is I can’t remember the specifics of the memory like how hard it was or if he was hurt. I do remember him coughing which is terrifying. Like half a year later he passed away and I’m always scared that I hurt him. He was old and I hate myself for being so impatient. I just wish I could remember correctly. How do I live with myself?

Recently I’ve been struggling with obsessing about becoming depressed and not being able to control myself. It started when I was trying to be empathetic for my friends who are going through depression and suicidal thoughts. After hearing about all of that I started to obsess about those feelings. I bought books about how to not be depressed and listen to music that is anti depression. I’m so scared of becoming depressed and having any negative self harming thoughts. I was so scared of rope that was brought home, that I told my parental figure to remove the rope from the house out of the fear of harming myself. Hi my name is Anais, I am 15 years old and I go to a prep school. Currently I am on summer break.All of these feelings have all suddenly spiked during the summer. At school I had none of this. I am reaching out because I don’t know how to cope with these stressful feelings. I am scared of being depressed and self harming. Every day these what if thoughts about self harm are on my mind. Like example “what if I’m depressed” “ what if I’m like suicidal” and I become super afraid of myself. Do you have ways to cope. I think because of these obsessions I am slowly gonna actually be depressed and that scares me more. Like my mind is trying to put me in the shoes of someone else even though I know I’m not depressed. This literally spiked over summer. I have had obsessions before like constantly being scared that my throat was closing so I avoided foods that I didn’t regularly eat. I don’t know how I got over it. I constantly read books about depression, listen to podcast, and make sure I can do whatever I can to not be depressed. I also talk about my feelings to loved ones and friends all the time. I’m scared of being depressed. Does anyone have advice to overcome fear of harming themselves or advice for overcoming feelings that aren’t mine. My mind is trying to trick me into feeling sad so it can prevent me from feeling depressed ever.

so i’m getting ready for school and i’m dressed and i tied my shoes and usually i wash my hands right after because the floor is one of my biggest triggers like it’s so dirty to me so yea but i pulled my sweater down after before washing my hands and now i feel like my sweater is dirty. i can’t change because i have no other clothes ready to wear and it’s time for me to leave. idk what to do 💔

About some Psychologists that don't think hocd Is a real thing and it's internalized homophobia and that Psychologists Who says it's hocd they're just trying to use conversion therapy. I'm panicking right now.

When i see something, get reminded of something or talk to someone that triggers my train of thoughts, i feel a sudden racing spike in my heart, a knot in my stomach, kind of like that nervous butterfly feeling you get when you’re on a rollercoaster thats about to go downhill, or when you get jump-scared. My hands start to sweat and i just want to remove myself from the situation asap, wishing i felt the way i did about 2 minutes ago when i was doing just fine and wasn’t overthinking for once. The OCD goes wild in my head, instant overanalysis, sending me down into a spiral, making me want to dig a hole and hide in there until i somehow manage to persuade myself im not a bad person before I can go about with my day with ease again.

Even after ocd has calmed down. Scared that when my ocd goes away, I’ll still have “attraction” and groinals to girls. I don’t want to be lesbian. It’s like I don’t want my ocd to go away now? Anxiety and intrusive thoughts have gone down but my false attraction still feels real? And now it feels like I’ve always had this. And my real attraction is still missing? Has this happened to anyone ?

I think i always get some slight attachment for older women. I just always admired them, mostly authorities or i just simply admired them as a older women as a mothers or idk. When i was in high school i had this favorite teacher. She taught me for 7 years. I always felt that we might be somehow connected or that she will help me somehow in the future. When I was in my last year of high school she noticed me that i struggle with mental health, she was always there for me, she even hugged me and reassured me and ive always felt safe in her presence. I was always happy to see her and i think i might make some excuses to just see her and talk with her. So i think i got attached to her. The truth was, that we actually were somehow connected and she also brought be closer to God and she inspired me to become a teacher in the future. Everytime when we had to meet after school i was a bit nervous and sometimes i even wanted to look pretty because i knew that she will give me a compliment. I even said that I love her as my second mother. Sometimes i even thought of her as my mother. When she wasnt responding to my email or a message i strated to panic that i might did something wrong. When i started study my teaching major I even practiced with her at school and i didnt want to disappoint her so i tried to be perfect. Anyway, i have never had sexual or romantic scenerios with her. The only scenarios i had in my mind with her were those that I imagined her as my mother or how she huggs me and comforting me when something bad happens. I used to cry many times when i was thinking about her and I was thanking God that He send me a person like her. I’ve never had butterflies in my stomach around her. I’ve never been aroused in her presence. I’ve never had sexual fantasies with her. But i do get thoughts and doubts that “What if u flirted with her? What if u were secretly into her? What if u have crush on her? What if you love her romantically? What if she is your lesbian awakening?” It bothers me and makes me sad😔 She even kissed me once on my hairs, once on my cheek and I’ve never felt any butterflies or never felt in love and after that happened I wasnt even panicking because i knew it doesnt mean anything and that she only cares for me and nothing else. But im just scared that this is also one of my proofs that I’m a lesbian😔 People told me that this has nothing to do with my sexuality and this actually might mean that im just looking for a mother (i do have a good relationship with my mom so idk why this happens, but i sometimes feel like my mom she is more like a friend and not as a mother who understands my needs and feelings). Anyway, i somehow feel like this doesnt make sense and if i would be in love with this teacher then I would know it. I feel like its bullshit but i cant get over the fact that some lesbians actually had their lesbian awakening when they had a crush on a teacher even though i dont think what i experienced was a crush. 😔

Hi all! I have posted about this before and still not sure about what to do. I am struggling with the question of whether or not I should tell my partner (getting married this week) about the fact that I have OCD and my past experiences with it. And if so how? On the one hand, I think it would be good for them to know that I have this issue (to know me better, and basically strengthen our bond), but on the other hand, I am not sure about how they would react to hearing some of the past manifestations of OCD that I suffered with (mainly POCD and other sexual OCD - about 10 years ago now). My OCD today is mostly checking things around the house to make sure everything is safe - a more “plain” and “non-threatening” (to people without OCD) kind of OCD that wouldn’t be too challenging to discuss. I guess I want to share my experience but wondering if it makes sense to if I am going to leave out the more challenging (but also what has been for me the most impactful) stuff out. And of course keeping that stuff in the disclosure would carry risks as well. Looking online for expert opinions on this is a bit inconclusive. Expert opinions range from “don’t do it, it’s reassurance and these thoughts are meaningless and don’t define you”, through “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but it can be helpful”, to “you should probably do it, but maybe don’t share everything”. Any thoughts from anyone who has gone through this? Thanks!

Today I got ran into after not doing my compulsion to have safe driving that morning. Now my obsessions are telling me that it’s my fault and that it is just going to keep happening. I have harm ocd regarding driving and thinking I am going to kill someone. Ugh it’s so annoying that I’m triggered again just wanted to rant

there’s so much happening. i’m so scared God is sending me signs. First, my mom said she felt so bad when she hit my old friends face with a charger one time and her name is faith, and then, I got on my instagram and the first person on there with a post is that same friend, faith. I was like, okay that’s weird. I kinda had a panic attack about it, then I came out to my living room, and the tv mentioned someone named faith, and then a song played that sung about a sign. I correlate everything back to being scared that God wants me to break up with my boyfriend. Idk i have really bad rocd, and i’m terrified God is sending me a sign to do that, how do I know He’s not when signs like this happen? Please help.

Is there any point in trying anymore? There is no way to get the help I need, and even if I could, what if I learn it was never ocd in the first place? What do i do then? Everything feels so hopeless, all i want is to go bavk in time to before these thoughts started. This app is all I have to talk about how I feel. I always had OCD symptoms of varying themes as well as a terrible anxiety disorder that only worsened, but I could've never imagined I would feel like this. If a Hell exists, im certain I'm going there

QUITE a few years ago i had a dream of judgement day and i wont detail it. however it was scary. i keep having intrusive thoughts about it. how do i make it stop

i need to hear encouraging words. they likely will only make me feel good for an hour or so, since it’s not coming from loved ones like i need, but i just want someone to believe in me, for someone to know i struggle with severe ocd and have since i was 7/8. i want someone to know this about me and still encourage me to get better and have hope that i will become the best person i can be. i have no one. i’m depressed. i can’t keep living this alone. please

Does anybody elses intrusive thoughts feel so real that you are starting to think it's you. These thoughts are starting to feel like there coming from me and I'm not sure what to do. I can't seem to find peace and I'm always in despair I'm trying to focus on God but it's so hard I feel so disconnected from him and scared I'm gonna lose my soul. I can't even pray without intrusive thoughts trying to trick me into thinking I'm not even praying to God. I'm really worried and confused about were these thoughts are coming from I'm starting to feel numb and I'm scared I'm gonna make God mad or something.