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Ocd is just so exhausting.. i ahte myself and im just so disgusted by the way i am .

I was drunk once when me and my boyfriend had sex, he wasn't, but while being sober I told him that I am okay if we have sex while I have had alcohol. Afterwards, while still drunk, I told him that I think we shouldn't have sex whole I'm drunk anymore just because I feel sick afterwards from the alcohol and also just because I decided that it was overall not a good idea in general (nothing bad happened but I did get super sleepy.) My ocd has recently though hyperfixated on the idea that my boyfriend has sa'd me when I don't feel like he has (other posts give explanation as to that situation.) is this bad?? I was drunk again and we teased eachother but it didn't go father than that and when I told him we should stop, we did. jokes were still made and stuff but otherwise nothing happened. I feel like my ocd is just getting worse and worse about this whole thing. making me feel things about him I don't actually believe and think things happened that didn't. please give me advice

Hi, everyone! My family has just moved from California to Connecticut, and I'm not doing very well. Late last year, at the age of 19, I realized that I have OCD. Finally being able to put a name to all of the thoughts, compulsions, and images that I've dealt with all my life has been a game changer, and for some years, I've had a routine involving exercise and meditation that really helped to mollify what I now know to be symptoms. However, since the move, I'm having a lot of trouble finding relief. I've been feeling really depressed and sick, and being in an unfamiliar house and neighborhood has me feeling very lost and confused. I'm trying to be strong for my loved ones, since it's been difficult for all of us, and they're all very happy with the new place - and I do really love the house, too - but it just isn't home, and everything is so different. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you! <3

Currently obsessing over me being the only “real” or conscious person in the world, and that everyone I love isn’t actually real. I know deep down that this is ocd, but I feel like by not ruminating I’m just ignoring the fear (which feels so real and scary). Has anyone experienced anything similar and how did you get out of this worry? Trying not to seek reassurance as it’s one of my compulsions, but I’m very distressed.

a little bit about me, i have dealt with mental health issues for my whole life. i went undiagnosed for many years, being because my family (at the time) didn’t believe in mental illness, it was believed that everything could be fixed with a little “talk with Jesus” that being said, for as long as i can remember i have had the intrusive thoughts, the obsessive thoughts. i can remember being a little kid trying to pray to god and my mind would be telling me over and over again that i hated god, that i loved the devil, that i wanted to go to hell. i also believed that if i didn’t pray for every single family member that they would die. i still to this day have trouble sleeping because im convinced that the rapture will happen, and i will be left behind. well as the years have progressed, these intrusive thoughts and obsessions have become worse, resulting in me thinking about harming myself and others when i have no intentions to do so. i also have been struggling with and obsessing over people dying, and mourning people that are still alive and well.

I know depression is not ocd but I have both and they sometimes work together. I started having mood swings and I am unsure if that is good or bad. I have had depression for years and now I am having huge mood swings and feel more emotional about everything. Can anyone late?

Since I was 16, I have experienced deep depression and anxiety. I fought through it without understanding it for years. Despite these struggles, I managed to find a career, get married, and have kids. At age 23, the weight of my depression became too much to bear, so I finally decided to see a counselor. Going to counseling really changed my life; I found a counselor I truly connected with and saw regularly for the next five years. Mentally, I was doing well until... I didn’t realize I had OCD until my first Pure OCD experience four years ago. It was one of the scariest moments of my life because I analyzed the situation, and every solution I came up with pointed back to me as the problem. I felt like I was the bad guy, the one who was dangerous to this world. I didn’t understand what was happening until I described the experience to my counselor. She explained how my OCD brain perceived intrusive thoughts and what intrusive thoughts actually are. Understanding OCD and recognizing that the intrusive thoughts I was having were NOT real made a big difference. I ended up trying different types of medications for a couple of years and eventually found two that really helped. Once I felt like I had it under control, I stopped taking the medication. A year ago, I had a really bad OCD experience that led me to develop a daily ritual that has become a burden on my life. I fully understand that the obsession isn’t real, yet I still feed into it. I’m at a strange stage in my life right now. I feel like I understand how OCD works and how I should react to it, but I still have bad days when I let it defeat me. My counselor retired last year, and I’m currently in the process of finding a new one. I feel like I’m back at stage one again, and I’m okay with that. Reading these posts reminds me that I’m not alone and that we can find serenity in all of this. We can live the life we desperately desire. I’m here to help as well and answer any questions.

recently i’ve been really struggling with agoraphobia. i’ve never really struggled with it before and it’s awful. one of my favorite things ever is going to concerts. i haven’t been to one in a few months and i have a few coming up but instead of being happy about them i’m more anxious than anything. back in may i had the stomach bug and got sick in public (i have terrible emetophobia) and ever since then my anxiety has been AWFUL. every time i’m in public (stores, restaurants, etc) all i can think about it what to do if i start feeling sick or if i’m going have a panic attack. it’s been hell. some days are better than others but it’s greatly affecting my day to day life. and i don’t want to let it take away from one of my favorite things to do. does anyone have any tips? thank you :)

Conversations about cancellations and public figures being rightfully criticized for saying slurs when they were younger makes me unsure of how I should feel about my bf’s past. He said bad things like the f word when he was in middle school and it used to be normalized in his high school for non-black minorities to say the n word, including him, and a couple times since being with him he has accidentally said it. Idk it’s just conflicting… I think it’s wrong and he also knows that and is anti-homophobia, anti-racist, etc. but I don’t think it’s okay when people just write it off as “they were too young to know better” because I don’t agree with that. I guess it’s just something that I need to accept is a gray area.

I’ve been stressed a lot and not well rested… I’m feeling paranoid about everything and feeling like I’ll die if I don’t get reassurance. Idk if it’s ocd or valid fears, I know the patterns are the same as all my other OCD obsessions but these ones don’t fit into exact categories. Like, paranoid I’ll loose my job and be homeless, paranoid I’m doing a bad job and all my friends aren’t my friends and actually can’t stand me. I’m alone, I can’t talk to my sisters. Even if you can’t get reassurance, everyone needs someone in their life to talk to and to be there for them when they’re going through something hard. I feel like I do so long as what I’m struggling with isn’t to hard or too extreme, when I feel I need someone the most, that’s when I feel I can’t turn to anyone. And experience has taught me that, not just my own fears. So I isolate and the thoughts I’m having lately, I know the patterns of OCD, they hit all the sudden like a ton of bricks and it’s immense anxiety and thoughts that I should kms. Or that that is the only way out of the terror my life brings me. I am also AUDHD and have a very hard time functioning and holding down a job, much less getting a new job!!! I feel like I’m drowning and everything is overwhelming to the point of not actually being able to handle it. I’ve been sober for 10 days and don’t want to mess it up!!! I know reassurance won’t help in the long run, but if someone here could help me see I’m not alone, that would help in the long run. Thankyou.

Can my past childhood sexual assault have led me to having ocd?

I keep getting a random feeling of anxiety, I’ll be doing good/better and then it randomly pops into my head. It’s not a specific thought it’s more of like an uneasy feeling that I can’t wrap my head around. It feels like a deep sense of doom/fear or something like that. I’m not sure if me trying to figure it out is a compulsion/ my ocd just wanting to figure it out or if I should just sit with it and let it be.

Been having a hard few days. I’m visiting my long distance boyfriend and have had a lot of rocd thoughts since getting here. I just got this intrusive thought / feeling like I am not in love with him anymore / actually grossed out by him, like I don’t want him to touch me or kiss him. I hate this feeling and I absolutely love physical touch. Trying to picture our future no longer feels right like it used to since this relapse and I am just so worried and don’t know how to stop ruminating today 😣 posting here for some extra support

I’m one week into taking a new course of fluvoxamine. Has anyone else taken this? When did you see any results and at what dose? I’ve been told it’s the best medication for treating OCD. Curious to hear about other peoples experiences

So im going into grade 10 next week- and honestly I thought I wouldnt be nervous but now I am 😭😭 like i usually get really bad back to school anxiety. I worry about a lot of things- like what if I forget something? What if I say something wrong or stupid? What if I look ugly? What if I seem annoying? What if my teachers dont like me? What if I have a bad class? What if I dont do well? What if I make a bad impression? And like im used to it- but it doesnt make it any easier 😭😭😭 im also scared bc during school my mental health usually notttt good and I cry like every three days and stress a lot about making my assignments perfect or studying for like 7 hours bc what if i forget something??? 😔 and honestly its really exhausting and socially draining to be at school sometimes- so im really afraid. And in the first day teachers usually do ice breakers and I HATEEEE THEM 😭 because I feel anxious and awkward but I can fake confidence really well so its not that bad 😭 and also I want to ask one of my soon to be teachers if I can apply for an IEP- which is just like extra time or support for those with various learning difficulties or disabilities or in my case, OCD. But im scared it will come off as needy or pick me 😭😭😭 or like as if I am trying to get some sympathy points and I dont want my teachers to have a negative impression of me…

Does anyone else feel like some other OCD people might now even get what your going through? Like they genuinely give you more questions that actually don't help and like the only person who can genuinely fathom your situation is you?

I asked my child for reassurance and I feel horrible about it. I didn’t specifically ask what I was worried about but I asked in a roundabout generic way and it probably sounded strange. I’ve done this before and told myself I would not do it again each time but when I do my feeling is that it’s better to ask and get some peace of mind then to not ask. Even though I know that’s the wrong way to look at it. How do I move on from this guilt and disgust with myself? Can anyone relate to this??? I feel so alone being a parent with OCD.

Hi guys. I’m new here. So I’ve had OCD my whole life, born and raised. Once I turned 17 it seems to flip a switch and I experience a pretty traumatic event that has shaped and evolved into the OCD i have today. I followed the advice of my mom and took an expired medication to help the symptom I was having and it led to a full on nightmare. It felt like a 5 day long panic attack constantly running to the bathroom and violently shaking with a high HR. Now my OCD is medical emergency related. I’m constantly scared my heart is going to stop at any moment. I’m not sure why, i’ve been to 2 different cardiologists who ran both monitors and echos and said everything looks fine. When I get panic attacks my HR typically gets to 130-160 which only makes my fears worse that i’m damaging my heart. I wake up multiple times a night in a panic and it basically controls every aspect of my life. I’m scared to workout, go anywhere exciting or scary, try new foods or medications, etc. I’m not really sure what to do at this point. I’m constantly checking my apple watch and qualy app to make sure everything looks good and if something is off for even just a couple minutes it sends me spirally. Google is my worst enemy. Anyone have any advice? Thank you. All love :)

I need somebody to tell me if I’m a monster or not. Nobody’s replying to my posts and it scares me. Am I too far gone? Why am I so numb? I hate these horrible thoughts, I think. I think. I’m so full of doubt, I don’t know what I want or don’t want anymore. I think I don’t want this. This feels like the end of the road.

at first i started to obsess over if something i did was sa, i came to the conclusion that it isn't for different reasons ( I even talked to a sexual assault hotline who told me that it was a grey area ) but that it was still something inappropriate that could have potentially hurt someone if they saw. and now im starting to obsess on wether that person actually saw or not and if i have hurt her because of it. it's kind of unlikely if she saw, cus she had her back facing me but idk. I saw she liked my posts on Instagram till 2022 ( this thing happened a long time ago ), but even then it's no consolation since now she doesn't follow me anymore ( even if it could have been me that removed her from my followers since we haven't been friends for years and i like privacy ) and since ppl can also realise later on that something that happened to them is assault/harrasment. tho i guess that if she still feels comfortable around my brother and family then it's probably okay? i personally haven't talked to her in a while but she always seemed normal around me after that thing happened. idk, im so ashamed