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My OCD, cognitive distortions and overthinking make it harder to be around people. Any tips?

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?

I have an OCD diagnosis, but my psychiatrist seemed to rely on stereotypes. Like for example, the topic of germs and door handles and hand sanitizer came up and she just seemed to be like "haha yeah I know what that is" (my retelling of this is horrible because this was a few years back and my memory is terrible). But my psychiatrist and my therapist were two different people with two different opinions. I ended up telling my therapist about how I struggled to clean my room because at the time, that was one of the most stressful things on my mind. For context, keeping things Neat and Orderly does not matter to me at all. I can handle clutter and chaos. But if I feel like something in my room has germs on it, that's when the problem starts. And I don't know why people can't see that those are two different things, even though they can coincide sometimes. My therapist thought that I didn't have OCD after I talked to her about these things. But I didn't really get the chance to talk to her about things that would have been actual OCD symptoms, because I was too busy telling her about how my messy room made me feel like my mom hated me or whatever and I had really low self esteem at the time. (still do struggle with all of the above but ive stopped caring but uh anyway-) I've just gone on with the assumption that I have contamination OCD, but it would be a very unusual presentation if it is that. I do hate germs and I don't like getting sick. But honestly, it's the fact that germs are just Gross that upsets me the most. The biggest problem with germs I have has to do with anything that occurs in a bathroom. I just feel like the germs everywhere, and then I feel like a gross person who is just covered in... bathroom substances all the time. And then I can't relax, because that's the only thing on my mind. And there's another layer to it. Im afraid that if I think of bathroom nastiness while doing things I enjoy (playing a video game, watching a movie, reading a book, hearing a song), then that means that the activity is ruined for me forever. It's difficult to explain. So yeah I have no idea if that's actually OCD or not. I just need help especially since I don't have a therapist or psychiatrist anymore and I haven't really known where to turn to. and I just decided to get this app because I freed up enough phone space. I don't really know how this app works and if anyone can see this or respond or whatever. And even if people manage to find this post, it's probably just really convoluted and hard to understand because I'm not good at explaining an issue as complex as this. Sorry

Suicidal Trigger words heads up----I hate hocd. I wish I never had it. I just want to forget about all of this and go back to the way things were before developing Hocd. My triggers are getting so bad atp it's convincing me I'm actually gay when I know I'm not. This is causing me so much anxiety and makeing me dizzy and makeing me have nausea the worst part is , is that it's my bfs birthday. I really love him so so much I wish I wasn't like this. I feel like this hocd is making me mentally, emotionally and physically ill. I just want to die. I just want to be normal and live my life without this and not be with such anxiety. I hope my baby has a good birthday. He still has no idea that ive bene feeling this way for months.

Hello everyone , I’m new here to this community ,and I decided to join as I needed help with managing and understanding my OCD. I am starting uni really soon and my family is going through a hard time…; And I guess these changes have been stressing me out and it triggered my ocd around a week ago or so very badly. I used to get annoying dreams months before and I used to get weird thoughts and I just tried to not pay for them any attention but only recently it really flared up and I figured out my new theme was my relationship. It’s exhausting. I can say I’m trying to keep things in check ,but I’d really love tips and advice for transitional times and how to cope with stress. I’m an engineering major and things surely won’t be easy ,so I’d love if someone helped me set a few ground rules so that I can control things and not have it affected badly. Thank you for your time and efforts <3

I just realized last week that I'm pretty sure I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I turn 39 next week, but I still feel in my mind that I'm in my early 20's. What I see as my issues that point to a mid-life crisis is being depressed, irritable, always wanting change (especially in moving), having regrets about the past, being bored all the time, wanting to be impulsive, being nostalgic about what I view as my past life, feeling unfulfilled, and comparing myself to others and being envious of others, usually those younger than me. I'm confused because I feel all of this and at the same time my ROCD popped up again last week after 15 years being dormant (for the most part). I can't tell what thoughts I have are real or irrational. I honestly think it's a mix of both and that's what really scares me. I tend to be very anxious in relationships, and my marriage is no different. Because of this I think a lot about how I didn't have that anxiety when I was single and life seemed easier for me. It's hard to say that out loud. I struggle with comparing my relationship to others as well as comparing my attraction to my wife with how I feel attracted to other women. I've always been the most attracted to other parts of my wife than physical qualities which makes it all so much more confusing. The guilt is unbearable. Is it mid-life crisis, ROCD, both, neither...? Sometimes I just feel so confused and it doesn't seem real. Being almost 40 and feeling like you have no idea what you're feeling is really scary.

I’m looking for some help with this, of course OCD themes switch and lately it really is about harming others through contamination. Every time I touch something almost I have constant thoughts “if I don’t do this this means I want to hurt my family or loves one” but the thought feels so real like I want to do it, but obviously I don’t and gives me so much anxiety. Last couple months I was really spending a lot of time washing my hand from counting but now it’s got to the point that I can’t do anything without having thoughts that if I don’t clean or wash myself it means I want to get someone sick. It’s scary and I’m trying to not engage into the thoughts but they keep popping up. Any tips with harm contamination OCD and reducing these crazy thoughts? It almost feels like I want to have these thoughts but really they scare me if that’s makes sense? Any help would be awesome, thanks!!

Is anyone’s OCD just a 1,000 times worse in the night? To where you’ve convinced yourself (especially if you wake up between 3-5 am)that you’re completely a different person than who you want to be? Sometimes I’m scared it’s like psychosis or something because of how intense the thoughts and feelings are.. Has anyone else felt this way? Is this a symptom of medication wearing off in the night??

The worse ocd symptom trigger I had is back. I can't handle it anymore i feel so alone,if it keeps being like this then I rather be dead,I have absolutely no support

Last week I was somewhere and it was really crowded and I’m usually the type of person to ne extremely slow in big crowds because I’m really scared of accidentally touching other people. But I had to follow somebody else and I got really mad at how crowded it was so I was like „f it, I’m making my way through this Crowd even if I bump into somebody else“ and I bumped into the first person and at the second person I was also still really mad and this person was pretty overweight but I still wanted to make my way through the crowd so I just decided to squeeze myself through the gap in between the fat person and somebody else. And as I was doing so, my upper arm touched the persons (woman by the way) b0bs. But I still kept squeezing myself through which took quite some time (or at least felt like it). But during this time, I was suddenly extremely dissociated from reality bc of how warm it was at the time and maybe that’s why it felt longer than it was but I don’t know. Anyway, I low-key felt that my arm was touching the woman’s b0bs but somehow I didn’t stop pushing against that person to get through the crowd. And like I even remember telling myself „you need to let go“ but somehow this just never happened. And I can’t really remember what else I thought. And now I’m scared that I touched that woman on purpose and that I SA‘d her. And I know it was just my upper arm and not like my hand or sth and I wasn’t even looking at her because of how absent I was, I just noticed that it felt like I was touching her b0bs. And right after I had squeezed myself through, I got filled with an insane amount of Panik and got scared that I had just SA‘d somebody. And now I keep trying to remember what exactly I had thought in that moment. And like the thing is that I think I had some intrusive thought while approaching the woman and I was already quite absent at that point and didn’t really respond to the thought and I can’t remember what exactly I thought. Like I keep being scared that I thought of hurting her in that way out of anger but the thing is that I don’t have any interest in doing so and I didn’t look at her and wasn’t aware of touching her yk until I finally noticed that it felt weird. So it rather makes sense to have been that I was yet again planning on bumping against her. Maybe it was also an intrusive thought of doing that to her but I really can’t remember as I didn’t really pay attention to my brain at that moment. But I don’t think I was planning on touching her yk as I said I only noticed it at some point bc of how weird it felt. I think I was rather aiming for her shoulder. And then also while that was happening and I came to realize what I was touching I thought that I needed to let go but I think I also thought „no, I’ll get through here“ and just proceeded to push against her slightly. But yet again I’m scared that I was doing all this on purpose to SA her. Though I really only noticed that she somehow felt too yk kinda soft to have this be her shoulder or sth and that’s when it hit me but I was so caught up in my brain that I just couldn’t let go and just finished my mission of pushing through. But I’m still scared that I did all this on purpose and I keep questioning what exactly I had thought and why I didn’t just stop pushing against her and why I was pushing against her anyway. Like it was only a relatively slight push but it was as if I was somehow leaning against her to get through but the thing is that I also can’t remember the other person and the movement of my toes. And that’s why I’m scared that I just randomly stopped and did that though I remember to have continued moving while that was happening, so why did it take so long? Was the length of that just my perception? And can anybody tell me if this is considered SA? Bc I’m so scared but no matter how often I tell myself that this is sth I’d never do and even am scared of to death, it just won’t stop. Like I only remember that I was extremely mad and aiming to run against others. And like I’m literally not into women I don’t even have any interest in such stuff but I’m scared that I might’ve just SA‘d her out of anger but yet again I just don’t understand anything I’m so confused bc nothing makes sense and it also wouldn’t make sense for me to be surprised to be touching a woman’s yk with my upper arm while also planning to do that like it doesn’t make sense

Has anyone tried daily affirmations for self-compassion? I read that self-compassion is really important in OCD recovery, so I wonder if daily affirmations would be helpful. Of course, there could be a fine line before it crosses into compulsion territory. Any tips?

Do you find it helps or hurts your OCD? I’m coming to realize it worsen my symptoms particularly if I consume it during the day as it also can affect my sleep which is terrible for my OCD.

i feel like my mind turns everything into something sexual. Even if I find a person attractive, I still don't want to have those thoughts because I feel out of control. Does anyone else experience this? I feel like a weird, disgusting human being.

Is it important to know the cause of your OCD? Is there always a root cause of it? I'm just afraid that I'm not addressing enough of the root cause of it, meaning it will keep coming back.

Do you think my suicidal ocd could change my beliefs? I don’t want to die. Do you think it could change that? I just don’t want ocd to change my beliefs, I think that’s what we all fear.

I can't deal with these thoughts anymore I'm so scared its all the time every day. It's gotten to the point where the anxiety is gone and I keep on getting thoughts that say maybe I will do it. I can't do this it's so fucking scary I don't know if I can handle it until my therapy appointment on Monday

I’m so scared. I don’t even know who to talk to at this point. I started having sexual OCD thoughts recently about people that I don’t want to and I’m terrified. I recently had a psych ward stay (voluntary) for a very stressful life event and now I have this. I’m currently staying with my parents while I go through an outpatient program and they have no idea about the OCD. I live in Ohio. I’m afraid I’ll have to go inpatient again. I’m unemployed and currently am on Medicaid but have a lot of savings from lucky investments. I can’t get a NOCD therapist because I’m on Medicaid and also because I’m in an outpatient program. I’m afraid I’m too far gone and crazy now. I’m just laying in my bedroom at my parents’ house and crying. I don’t know what to do.

I love my son more than anything. Just writing that's making me tear up from guilt of these violent thoughts. Everyday for the last 2 weeks I cry. I don't want to move from my couch. He's 6 and he looks up to me and is always around me and I feel so guilty from these thoughts I want to avoid him but I can't. I feel guilty whenever a happy thought comes up or when I do anything I like. The ocd tells me why r u doing anything you enjoy remember what you were thinking earlier. My brain is constantly ruminating this specific scenario it's conjured up that makes me frozen. As soon as I wake up the thoughts start and never end. its a struggle to get ready for work and even go home or go to the gym all things I love. I haven't hidden knives around my house because I think I'm giving in if I do. I know coming on here is a compulsion but I can't help it today. I'm ready to just runaway but something in me keeps me from leaving the family I love so much. I'll get through this but had to write it out

My mind was screaming at me saying I had a thought that I wish God didn't exist and I went along with it and it felt so freaking God and I was like you know what yeah your right I do and now I'm freaking out and scared that means something about me it doesn't even feel like my freaking out is real and idk what to do

Is horrible when a thought feels so real and the need to do something feels like valid. Because I have to go against it and accept the uncertainty is really scary. I really hope that, with time, it will became more easy