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the NOCD Community

how are people dealing with confessional ocd in relationships? hope everyone’s okay and slaying as much as they can ♥️

Hello everyone. So, basically every time I feel any kind of peace/pleasure (simple ones, like hmm today I’m enjoying a song, I felt good with my sleep, etc) my ocd tries to convince me something is wrong and then I get anxious because I was feeling good. It’s so messed up. Anyone been through this?

Im a father who loves my family and child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. I had to change the diaper and I saw an area that needed to be wiped on the leg but got anxious. I slightly moved my hand to wipe my hand was out away from my body and my child. I had the thought to grab the towel and wipe to be clean. But i got anxious so my hand moved and then i pulled my hand away. I didnt go toward the towel my hand moved near my child but was far away. Ocd says i was going to do something bad but i know thats not who I am. And i know my therapist said my mind can involuntarily send signals due to anxiety to make me move my hand as a false alarm and then i pull my hand away obviously because i have no intention of doing anything bad. Ocd just still makes me feel guilty and like i was going to do something. But i know thats not who I am.

I’ve completed 11 sessions so far and I can honestly see progress. I’m not back to my “normal” self but I’m gaining parts of my life and my personality back. I never knew I had OCD. I always attributed things to anxiety. Being diagnosed let me know I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and that there’s help for me. I have a long list of OCD subtypes. As you can imagine, the thoughts and images in my head were extremely distressing and I was concerned for my quality of life and my sanity. 11 sessions in and I’m able to watch shows and movies without being scared I’ll see a trigger, I can practice exposures and navigate through my obsessions better, and I’m finding joy in the little moments in life. I used to avoid so many things and people because I was scared I’d have intrusive thoughts. I still struggle with intrusive thoughts every single day. Some days and even weeks are bad and I struggle more than usual. I have mood swings, extreme irritability, and even sometimes experiencing depersonalization. Sometimes I just plain out feel uncomfortable and weird. But like my therapist said, progress is not linear. I’m learning to count my wins instead of always counting my losses. I’m learning to enjoy the little bits of life that are ok, and I feel proud when I get through hard moments. I’m excited for the future. I’m excited to see how much I progress. Sometimes I’m still scared but I know that’s my OCD trying to get me to quit because we both know this ERP therapy is helping. If you’re struggling, please seek help. It does get better. I wanted to quit after doing my first exposure. I’m so happy I didn’t. And on hard days when I want to give up, I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing to help myself.

What to do when your brain keeps bringing a past real event and saying something else happened (that is horrible) but you know you didn’t actually do something wrong, how do you make it leave you alone?? I just don’t want my brain to keep bringing this up over and over, like it’s so distressing I know you say “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t” but what if it GENUINELY doesn’t leave you alone? Do you do something or?

Hey guys, I had a thought or something I was doing that had a negative impact on me. Now I have anxiety because I cannot remember what the heck it was! I was doing so good until now. Now I have anxiety and am scared!

I pray not to see sixes. Today at the grocery store as she was totalling up my groceries, I asked God to not have it be 6's specifically 3 of them in a row. But really don't want to see any. The bill was 10.66. So I decided to do erp with 6's but all kinds of bad thoughts and other things came up on the search along with 3 6's. I'm so scared. What if I'm cursed with badness from all of these 6's coming up?

I've been in a constant state of panic since last night. My brain...oh my brain I'm so sick of you. I have intrusive thoughts that tell me "I don't exist" "I'm already dead" The panic and hyper focusing has caused so much DPDR that I feel disconnected to where it truly feels like I ceased to exist. No matter what I tell myself, I can't calm down. Nothing is a distraction, not even video games. I don't feel real. It feels like my own voice in my head is numb. I can't concentrate, my memory is awful, and I'm just all around scared. I can't believe it's gotten to this point. I don't know what to do...I'm terrified.

Can anyone share advice on how you differentiate between actual relationship issues and ocd issues? And also how to stay connected with your partner during a hard time? I get really frustrated with my partner (disclaimer: he’s a great guy and his heart is in the right place) but he’s not aching the way I want him to (I recognize how that sounds haha) one of the things is that he doesn’t show much expression or excitement when talking to me so it’s really hard for me to feel loved through that. I’ve expressed that time and time again (which could be a compulsion) and when he tries to improve it just feels disingenuous, furthering my frustration. It could just be that nothing feels good enough for me, or that I’m just fed up but then idk if I should make myself hang out with him as an exposure, or just be alone. I fear that I’m not going to get my point across efficiently, or that it’s just the way he is and it’s something I’ll have to put up with. When do I decide to take action and when do I sit back and deal with it as ocd?because for me it feels like there’s no way of knowing! i don’t want to sacrifice my needs but I try to resist a lot of what I’m thinking due to the possibility of it being a compulsion. On the other hand however, I could just be silencing myself and in turn being quiet and he is ok with that but I like a lot of communication as it makes me feel connected. This could be a real issue that persists, or it could be an ocd spiral…idk and I hate that because I just don’t know how to move based off that info so Im open to any advice!

Hey everyone. I could really use some advice. I finally hit what seems to be rock bottom today. This constant, horrible urge to hurt my puppy. It’s everything. And it feels like I really don’t care. I have no emotions. I can’t think straight. I’m holding myself back from actually doing something because I know deep down in my heart that’s not me. It’s a physically paralyzing feeling that feels like I want it. I don’t know what the difference is between this and someone who’s actually dangerous and losing it. Everytime I look at her it feels like I have a flashback in my head or something and I see a movie/get an urge to just do it. It feels like I have to even though I don’t want to. But at the same time it’s like I don’t care. I hate this. I valued my dog’s life so much. And I loved her so much. Now I feel nothing. I don’t understand. I’m going to give her to a family member later and probably check myself into a psych hospital. It may be the last time I ever see her but I don’t think there’s another option.

I feel like everyone "healed" from their SOOCD and yet 6 years later I'm still here. All the people who used to post on here have moved on (and good for them) but im still here. Even when im having sex with my bf I'm like "am I enjoying it because Im enjoying the act of sex itself + the fact that Im used to him by now but with women its way more exciting and its about the women itself?". Ugh I just feel so alone, no one relates to me romantically nor physically.

I get feelings that I don’t like or don’t understand and then the thoughts come. Response prevention gets tricky here. Sometimes the feelings are intrusive other times I’m just having feelings. Often, letting them be there and acknowledging them helps and is good but when I don’t know why they are there or uncomfortable I ruminate on them comes in and I spiral. Not trying to figure them out makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.

So recently I made a post about having the theme of fear of psychosis and schizophrenia which has led to the fear of not getting sleep and being scared I’ll go crazy and start hallucinating from the lack of sleep. Last night I was able to sleep some hours after not being able to properly sleep for 4 nights (like I actually dreamt) but of course when I woke up I got the the thought “what if you didn’t sleep and you think you did” “what if you’re just hallucinating it” it made me instantly sick to my stomach! Of course I know I slept but these thoughts just get crazier everyday making me feel like I’m actually crazy. I just want to cry. It’s a constant battle everyday and I’m just so tired. I’ve never had these thoughts before. If anyone has gone through this please tell me what helped you. I miss getting home and looking forward to sleeping not being scared I won’t. And I miss just living my life and not having thoughts questioning if it’s my reality or not. Please I could really use some advice.

I just started high school and my OCD is horrible. It was bad the couple weeks leading up to it but now it’s even worse. All of the stress triggered my pure OCD and now my brain is believing that I am evil. And now whenever I try to pray I feel I can’t. Then when I try to use ERP, it just feels like I am going against God by saying maybe I’ll letting evil in.

i've never been comfortable enough to post anything on here but today i thought i would try. i want to start off by saying i am not diagnosed with ocd but i have strong reason to believe i may have ocd. i want therapy but don't know how to tell my parents because this topic is one that makes me highly uncomfortable to the point where i can not breath. but here goes... starting in july of this year i began noticing symptoms of ocd. i was scrolling on instagram when a photo of a baby popped up in my feed. i was reading the caption when all of a sudden i became aware of my groinal area and i felt movement. i felt immediately sick to my stomach... wtf was happening to me? i then closed the app and sat there for a second thinking to myself "did i just get aroused by looking at the photo of a child?". i tested myself(one of the worst things to do, giving my ocd power) and reopened the app to look at the photo once more. i was obviously going to feel movement down below if i was hyper fixating on that area for ANY movement at all. and i did. i then started having cold and hot flashes, sweating, the room spinning, feeling as if i was going to throw up and pass out at the same time. was i a p3do??? did i like children?? of course the answer is no. but my ocd is twisting those thoughts and feelings into something more than they are, just thoughts and feelings. for the past few months after my first episode with ocd i have become more accepting of the fact that these feelings aren't meaningful. these do not align with what i truly believe which is why i feel so sick when they happen. but i will admit there are days when it is really tough for me to discern my thoughts from my intrusive ocd thoughts. i am constantly hyper aware of whatever is happening down there and its really frustrating and exhausting. it has now moved beyond pocd, every interaction everything i see i subconsciously am testing myself to see if i am aroused which leaves me to constantly feel a state of physical arousal. i know i should go to therapy but i am worried to tell my parents. like "hey mom and dad i have been having weird thoughts and feelings regarding children i think i need therapy" they would be horrified. i feel guilty and awful, my parents don't deserve that. i just don't know what to do. for a few years i had actually been wanting children of my own when im older, i had been thrifting the cutest baby outfits and thinking of how cool it would be to have a mini-me. now i feel as though that won't be possible. and i just don't know what to do.

How vivid are your false memories? I didn’t have this FM until i kept thinking into if something happened on a night i was drinking Now ive come up with the worst possible scenario and my brain is convincing me its true with IMAGES Anyone else go through this?

The theme i struggle with most is suicidal OCD. And with September being “national suicide awareness month”, My anxiety is sky high. i’m back in my spiral. I’m back with the panic attacks. My mind keeps comparing itself to all of these people and now i’m convinced i want too or i have these symptoms and im next. i’m freaking myself out and idk what to do. I get scared i have suicidal ideation when i know i don’t because i would never ever actually kms nor hurt myself in anyway. Does anyone know how to comercome this??? I just got out of my spiral not even 1 months ago and im scared im going deeper this time. My mind is all over the place scared im actually going to do it when i know im not and i feel like i have to go to the hospital or something idk what to do.

I am always worried about medication/drugs and I am so anxious about whether I might be under the influence of something or not. has experienced anything similar? I have derealization and panic attacks and I am so so tired of worrying about whether or not I am “feeling” real or if something I ate had drugs in it. I am so sick of doing compulsions and living in constant fear!!! I tell myself that it’s fine and that derealization is just my body’s natural coping mechanism and even though I always fear for the worst nothing bad ever happens but I just can’t get it through my head!!! It’s so frustrating!!

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and then i rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either. and then someone on her told me if it was sexual intentions then it was sa, but i hardly remember the situation so i don't fully know. i can't live like this.

I dont know if I have ocd really but I think I do because I have the intrusive thoughts and I always try and do things to soothe the anxiety. I've been dealing with this for a few months and this is a debilitating cycle and I wish I wad normal. when I first spoke to my therapist about it, she said that people with ocd like to clean and count a certain amount of tiles and stuff like that. I really want to get tested because I want help but im scared that if they say I don't have ocd then that means my intrusive thoughts are true and that I'm the person that my mind makes me think I am and it scares me. I mostly deal with symptoms of pocd so I try my best to avoid kids and sometimes I won't even want to go in public because of it and I count in my head a lot and try and see if my body is reacting any kind of way. I also try and just push the thoughts a way and do research and sometimes it makes me feel better but in reality it's just a cycle and it's terrifying so can someone please comfort me or give me advice and tips to help me feel better because I really need it. I just want to get help and stop this cycle because it's slowly killing me. I don't want to be the person my head thinks I am but in my head it's just constant fear anxiety and uncertainty.