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the NOCD Community

I’ll give you an example of what I experience on a daily basis, so there was this one time I was on a date with my gf at the time and I was so caught up in the moment then all of a sudden a thought pops up into my mind. In the exact moment of having fun with her, the thought was “she doesn’t love you, she’s only here for the ride, she only “loves” you because you make her feel good not because she loves you as a person” in a split second it hits me. It changed my whole demeanor, it ruined the mood for me, and I couldn’t tell her about because I grew up keeping my thoughts to myself or expressing my feelings as a weakness. So after that initial thought, I became so agitated to the point where I’d go quiet, and when she would continue to be herself I would get annoyed by her continuing to do whatever it was she was doing. I’ve continued this behavior up until she left me because I exploded this one time. Messy breakup, but i genuinely didn’t know what was wrong with me until I started reflecting. Now that I’ve fully acknowledged it, im trying my best to avoid it, but I still find myself struggling with it severely. I lost many friendships over this. What’s your advice ? Is this considered ocd ? One initial thought that lingers for hours or even days at a time for me. I’ve recently started taking Wellbutrin and im able to move on from the thoughts within mins but the feeling still lingers on. But whenever I’m not doing anything, the thought comes back. Before Wellbutrin, the thought would linger as I’d be doing daily tasks like cleaning, cooking, walking, conversing, and working. Am I screwed ? I feel extremely lonely.

Anyone get thoughts that they are possessed?

is there anyone that is not on meds for ocd and is recovering? im really trying to stay away from meds

So i tried actual acceptance for a day and it was helpful, maybe it was easier for me cause i used it before but i got to the same point after the end of the day. It was the question "what i will achieve with this?" And i remember this was my problem back then too. Cause we want to change and with acceptance it seems like nothing actually changes, you just stop being afraid of things. And i realized this when i was thinking about what i want and that is to experience less negative thoughts and emotions but thats impossible, im a human and its normal that i have flaws. So then i was like everything will be the same, I will still have these thoughts and some will scare me, i just wont rumminate about it and make it worse. Same with emotions i wont learn to not have those emotional reactions, i just wont fight with it. So back to thoughts,it is normal to experience harm thoughts when youre angry, so after this anytime i will have anger and then thoughts like "i want to kms" or "i want to hurt that person he/she deserves punishment" i'll just go with "this is just a thought, its normal to have these". This bothers me. Its like i show my brain and myself i can have these thoughts so then i will have them all my life. And here is my question. If we accept everything as normal,.when its the time when you say "why do i jump to these thoughts everytime? What are my beliefs about this? Why do i jump to this everytime? I see this in myself, maybe i shouldnt judge after 1 day of acceptance. Something happened while i was practicing it, a feeling of depression hit me and then i had thoughts like "this is horrible, the water is bad, its so depressing, i feel bad too, things are sad" and i hear some sas "well you added that" no it was automatic, it came with the feeling. So i realized if i try to change i make it worse so i just accepted. I dont know if you seen videos about making self feeding fire. This was like that, the automatic thoughts made me depressed which generated more thoughts which made me more depressed. And im like there accepting all of this. The same happened this morning too when i realized im sad because im sad and im accepting it cause its normal to feel sad about being sad... cause i have self compassion or idk...So do i have a false imagination of what a recovered person would look like? Maybe i didnt thought about it well, i dont expect that i will never feel sadness or negative thoughts, but i think about these like different thoughts not like the same harm thoughts everytime i feel angry about someone or thoughts like the world is a horrible place, its so cruel and i feel depressed and after recovery my mind still will jump to these conclusions but now im just putting the "acceptance blanket" on it. I wont lie acceptance did help me but after time i realized it might mean that i need to accept that im vulnerable(which i hear many times) and that these things are here and will be here cause they are normal... but this view doesnt explain how change happens or what is change and development. I dont believe it means the only change you can do is to not fight with thoughts/emotions. How will you learn to be more rational when everytime you just accept that this is human, its normal, i dont have problem with that its normal that we have problems but do you stay there in the rest of your life or you become better? I appreciate those who read all this, thank you very much! :)

Can someone give tips about living in uncertainty?

this is really confusing me lately. i went into my physiatrist the other day and she gave me a survey for my depression then asked more questions about what i still had higher scores on. One was a lot of lack of focus. I just took it as medications because i am on prozac and wellbutrin. Important to note that it isn’t an overload of thoughts my head just goes blank. I can’t think or do my schoolwork, it feels like the comprehension part of my head just switches off and i can’t keep any thoughts. imagine just a quiet airhead void. Sh asks how bad it is i say impairing work and stuff. I give her my answers and i guess they led her into questioning ADHD. My understanding has always been that people with ADHD are bouncy and all over the place. I know some people who have it and my doctor said it’s a consistent disorder. But i don’t daydream a lot, i am pretty messy but also meticulously organized about certain things. my parents don’t see it so they told her the almost exact opposite. she was really lost. I don’t have a lunch period in school and i eat a ton of snacks through the day. I try to get 7 hours of sleep but i’m still always tired. my parents just said i need to fix that and ill be fine but something still feels off. Because my doctor was unsure she said the only way to positively find out was through a really expensive neurological test thing. I don’t know what to think i’m not really fidgety and i guess just don’t fit what i think would be ADHD but i also am more uneducated about it. I don’t think i have it i really don’t but something else still feels a tad off. maybe it is just sleep and diet and ill be fine but i need advice. does anyone else’s brain just completely go eerily quiet and you just like can’t focus on anything or like read and actually under anything? i feel like i sound like a hot mess so please leave questions if you need clarification i really need some external advice.

i feel so alone and this overwhelming sadness upon me. im in college and don’t talk to any people, there’s a guy that was becoming my friend in the beginning but we kinda stopped talking and i think it’s my fault because i also have social anxiety.to add on i feel extreme anxiety in class because my brain just keeps repeating thoughts and it’s so exhausting every day plus the other stresses in my life.one thing is my head , the pain is so bad and i have no idea of what to do, i keep researching stuff and its making my health anxiety so bad i can’t stop crying because my head hurts so much.i wish i had some friends in my college so i could be a little happier

A good life, success, healing, beautiful things? ⚠️ Important: please don’t read if this is triggering. No one should think this way about themselves, of course you deserve it all. I struggle with real events and harm OCD. My worst fear is being a bad person, causing harm or doing the wrong thing. These thoughts haunt me all the time and cause me to essentially throw my life away. I don’t go out, pursue opportunities, etc. because what if I don’t deserve them? I think of the worst things I’ve ever done all the time. The things that I’m most ashamed of. Like a broken record that’s all I replay in my head. Doesn’t matter if it was 5 or 10 years ago. And I beat myself up for not doing better. And I just don’t know how to move past it. I’ve read a lot of quotes and books about self help and love and acceptance (e.g. once you know better, do better). But for me I feel like I have to hate myself forever. I won’t ever get a clean slate, there’s a permanent stain on my record. I just can’t forgive myself, whether other people know it or not, I can’t allow myself to move forward. It’s about integrity for me. Does anyone relate? How do you do it? I’m so sorry if you’re also struggling. I don’t wish this for anyone. Please keep fighting, you’re not alone. ❤️

How should I cope. I keep getting bad thoughts about the holy Spirit and I feel so bad and guilty all the time. But I definitely do not want to act on them or even mention them. Ik God loves me, but my mind keeps painting a bad picture of him. I also when I try to be concerned about my bad thoughts, my mind will retaliate and say, how can u be scared of hurting someone u don't believe in. And it is really freaking me out... It's like I'm trying to degrade God or the holy Spirit for no reason. And I think I'm hurting there feelings and I feel hopeless and depressed all the time. And I'm just worried God is angry with me or he sees me as fit for punishment or something.

Can ocd cause you to completely question what you thought you knew about yourself? Like make you analyse everything and then convince yourself it wasnt real? And can it make desires go away if you think about them too much? Spiralling all day today

One of my favorite influencers Becca Moore came out as bi recently and just did a podcast about signs she liked girls that she ignored. I intended to do it as an exposure but ended up doing compulsions the whole video and comparing all of my situations to hers. Now I’m in a bubble of ruminating about one of my past friendships where we were so close and I would get jealous when she hung out with other friends. Ruminating about when my friends and I kissed each other at like 6 years old. Feeling like Im just not letting myself admit that im bi or lesbian and in denial. First tough day in about a week 😭

Really struggling lately with ROCD. But also unsure if it’s OCD or relationship dissatisfaction. There is good days then bad. Largely depending on how I’m doing on an individual level. It’s as if small things and some big things are so intolerant at this point. At this point I’m so torn between throwing everything away and sticking it out with someone I do love and cherish. Is it trauma response, anxiety, OCD, dissatisfaction. Ugh! Anyone struggle currently with this or have in the past?

I’m currently in a very dark place I need some help. Are there Christians on this app who have got over the fear over the unforgivable sin? It makes me want to die.

I’ve been spiraling for days I can barely sleep. I worked so hard to get into grad school and now i’m gonna fail because I can’t focus on anything else. The fact that my real events range from years ago and recently make me feel like I’ve always been a bad person. I keep trying to understand my intentions I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m looking into starting therapy and medication soon but I need some advice on some healthy coping skills in the meantime.

When I was half asleep today, trying to wake up, my brain kept asking me if I thought this picture of my friend was attractive, I kept replying with “ maybe, I don’t know, I really can’t tell” .. or… “ I feel like I do” “ maybe I do” “ I feel like I might” ,, and then I’m like wait she’s 13 in these pictures, I’m not sure if I was aware of it, but still, it doesn’t matter, I’m still saying it and I’m like “why am I saying this??” I generally don’t know how I feel anymore, I don’t wanna be a bad person, I just don’t understand why I think this is play to say, or feel?? Maybe because my brain is trying to justify it? It tries to justify everything wrong, so makes it feel like it so it makes it harder… I feel like a genuine bad person, because I don’t know how I feel about it, I really don’t know, I’m scared does it mean I’m a bad person? Because I don’t know how I feel about it. I asked myself if I’m genuinely attracted. And I don’t know anymore. Because I don’t know how I feel about it anymore, I feel like my brain is playing a part in it because it tries to tell me that it’s not wrong. Yes it is wrong though but it’s like no it’s not wrong, It makes me really scared. I generally feel like I’m attracted to her and that I have nothing against it and I don’t know what to do anymore., some people may argue that it’s not wrong, but I believe it’s wrong. So I have no idea why I fucking said that. I genuinely think it’s over. I don’t know if I actually am anymore. I asked myself do I actually feel attraction, because i used to go to a conclusion and say no I don’t. And actually feel that way. But now I don’t feel anything but like pain. Because I don’t want to be. At the same time I feel like I just lied and I do want to feel attraction. I just wanna explain how I feel but I can’t. All I know and what I can explain, is that when my brain was asking me these things I said “ I feel like I might maybe I do I can’t tell “ and why did I say that to a 13-year-old? Why? And why am I still saying it even after realizing that maybe I shouldn’t be saying it. I’m 16 for goodness sake. I don’t wanna think about these things. My brain is making me feel like I do and I do and I’m like I’m so confused.

Hi everyone. I am currently struggling very much with relationship OCD. I keep getting intrusive thoughts like "do I really love her?"; "did we get into a relationship too quickly?"; "why do I feel more in love at certain times than other?". What makes it even worse, is that much of it is ex-based. I get a lot of intrusive thoughts about my ex-girlfriend. Sometimes I just see a photo of her with friends and then I have thoughts like "Oh no, is she in love with one of them?" I also still get upset when I see her, because she really hurt me very, very much. Sometimes I also think of her in physical ways and that distresses me very much. Butt let me give some further beckground. My ex was not good for me, and I know this because I wrote down all my feelings after the breakup in a letter that I can re-read if I am feeling nostalgic. Among others, she: 1. Did not try to understand my OCD. 2. She was critical of everything I did. 3. She was not very affectionate and rarely made me feel loved or valued. 4. At times she said that she wondered if she would not be better single. She even once said that she is afraid she falls in love with someone else. 5. She constantly hurt me with how out of touch she is with emotions and how badly she handled mine. But my new girlfriend, on the other hand: 1. She constantly makes me feel like enough, valued, loved. 2. She helps me with my OCD and does everything in her power to help me. 3. She is temprementally more like me. 4. She supports my career and makes me feel like I am the best at it. 5. She makes me laugh like i've never laughed before. This is why it is sooooo distressing getting intrusive thoughts like "Do I still miss my ex?" Or "Why am I still sometimes thinking of her? Am i not over her as I though I was??" Or "why did it not feel like I had relationship OCD with my ex?" It makes me feel like a terrible person. But I know many of you struggle with this as well and can perhaps comfort me that what I am feeling is not so weird for someone with extreme OCD. I know deep down that I should not be with my ex, that I love my new girlfriend, that most thoughts are OCD and that I should just let them pass. But i still struggle. It is a constant battle in my mind and I am just sick of having to let my brain be rational, while my feelings and moods are irrational and ever-changing🥺🥺

I have really bad social anxiety. I’m very shy. To the point where I get so anxious at work it’s hard for me to think. I will be honest I do care what others think of me, and this is probably a huge part of the problem. I know everyone cares about others opinions up to a point. But if there was a way to reduce social anxiety so that I can focus. Like when I walk into work I’m thinking about what everyone else thinks of me. When I try to focus it’s hard to because I’m thinking I probably look so stupid, or that person probably thinks I’m weird. And I do feel like I’m somewhat odd. I have ocd and don’t have many friends. One thing that has reduced my care of what others think of me is this-focusing so much on my own goals that I don’t have time to worry about the opinions of others. But even then, even when I was grinding to the max at times in my life and extremely focused I still was self conscience and I still cared what others thought of me. I think up to a point everyone will care what others think. I think there are some pains and difficulties in life that will never go completely away. But maybe can be reduced with certain frames of thought. Any thoughts on this?

I know this is insane but please, PLEASE hear me out. I just need someone to tell me they relate in some way or something. Does anyone else feel like they have some sort of 'magic' that they accidentally manifested from 'wishing' too hard during a traumatic time and can't feel like you can control it now, which is pretty anxiety inducing since it feels like it would make people be able to feel or see your ocd thoughts? Or use your muscle tensing as part of your ocd? Like if you have an intrusive thought while tensing a muscle, you feel like it's going to come true so you have to 'correct' it by thinking a good thought then tense your muscles again? Because I have both of them. :(

I was in a server, and a person revealed her age to be 13, and my brain keeps being weird about it, by making me feel attraction and that I “want to be with them” when I wouldn’t ever??? But it’s so convincing and it’s a really strong feeling??? And it is genuinely scaring me, I don’t want to be a disgusting person, I do not, I instantly left knowing their age, but my brain is making me feel like I wanted to stay and that I find them attractive, I just want this to stop, I feel so convinced I’m a bad person, I’m so confused if I actually want this or not, it’s so convincing… My brain is making me feel like “oooh theyre so attractive” like please stop, it’s like torture in my head, I don’t want to feel this way, how to make this stop… I’m scared to be around 13 year olds. This is the exact same thing that happened with my ROCD when I was dating my gf (im now single) ,, it would make me feel attracted and that I wanted to date people even though I didn’t

Im looking at youtube videos, I see a little girl that is pretty. So ofcourse my ocd attacks me and I say she's hot to myself even though I don't think that. I start getting anxiety and feel depressed. Why?