Welcome to
the NOCD Community

so I am not diagnosed, but recently for the past week I’ve been having something similar to contamination ocd, but it’s not the typical germ type. It’s the fear of doing something gross, and I keep getting intrusive thoughts where I see images or like actions play out in my head. It took so much to say this so please don’t take this the wrong way. Basically my fear is toothbrushes and doing gross sexual things with them. Actually I get these intrusive thoughts about so many objects, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything alone in fear that I might act on these things. I have to throw things out everyday because I’m afraid I’ve done something like this. I always try to look back on past events to make sure I haven’t done anything like that, but I feel like that only makes things worse. Please seriously give any advice, and believe me when I say I DO NOT want to do anything like I just described. I’m losing my mind I just feel so gross. I think this was all triggered by something I read online, and ever since then I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.

im Catholic and ever since starting highschool and started being scared of what people are thinking. I’m scared that I’m evil and that I praise evil because my ocd is a fear of talking to it so my compulsion is to focuse on talking to something or someone else. But, I keep imagining evil like under the ground and now it feels like I know its personality. And I can’t imagine it as truly evil and I can’t even imagine God anymore. Please help

Me and my cat were laying down and she went to bite my belly ring and it gave me a weird sensation and a groinal response, I got curious and also anxious and flicked my belly ring to see if my cat would do the same thing and I got the same feeling, and yes it did give me the same feeling and I hate it because that happens anytime my cat licks me or their nose touches me or anything it’s like the groinal response is automatic and I’m scared I violated my cat by having them bite my belly ring again and I just hate this. Also my intrusive thoughts and groinal responses are way worse when I just wake up and or tired. This whole belly ring thing happened when I was tired and I remember having some intrusive thoughts that were not good I can’t remember exactly and it just seems like the groinal response is genuine arousal and idk what to do I just hate this super bad I just wanna cry and scream and crawl out of my skin

Am i the only one who finds that this just makes me feel the same way as if i would entertain it. Cause im acknowledging, following with my awareness what my brain tells me. And automatically it will make me feel emotions. Im just struggling with that now, many negative thoughts, judgements and if i just let it be here with me, come and go then come back it still affects my emotional being... and i dont find the gap between letting the story be played in your head and engaging with it... if it wouldnt make me feel those strong emotions i would say okay i understand it but it doesnt work like that and then you accept the emotion and try to live life but the thoughts are still there and they make the emotions worse and worse. Its like an automatic feeding machine...so i dont understand where is the gap between sitting with it and engage with it. If you have a really discusting thought that makes you feel horrible, because of the feeling its not that easy to not react to it, the reaction is pretty much automatic. And they youre there having those thoughts nonstop and it makes you feel worse and worse and you can even live your life.

TW. Also long post ahead . I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past 10 years. I’m 32 years old . I didn’t get diagnosed with OCD until this year. I was always diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, and depression. I don’t have your typical compulsions. Mine are mostly all mental. Reassurance seeking, avoidance , repeating a prayer , etc . I have three main themes . Schizophrenia OCD, sexual orientation OCD, and HIV. Sometimes i deal with harm OCD and POCD but my main big three are the ones I listed first . I feel like the schizophrenic OCD is the most debilitating for me. For the last ten years I’ve been thinking I’m losing my mind . I thought once I got to a certain age the fear would go away but it hasn’t and is in full force . I’m constantly checking my surroundings, what I’m hearing, how I’m acting , questioning if things are real and so on . Now I do have times where this theme doesn’t bother me . It’s put on the back burner . I go through cycles . But when I’m focusing on this theme I feel like I’m hearing stuff . Most of the time I can’t make it out but recently I feel like I’ve been hearing a whisper saying “hey” . It mainly happens at night . It sends me into a complete panic and I feel like “this is it “ I’m seeing an OCD therapist and she recommended me to go to this psychiatric place in town to get meds to help my anxiety from the OCD. My last psychiatrist always pushed the newest medicine and was constantly changing up my regimen. I thought I would give it a try. WORST IDEA EVER . Keep in mind my therapist gave me a letter to give to her explaining I have been diagnosed with OCD and explaining it . She doesn't think I have OCD at all. She wanted to put me on an antipsychotic so me with my OCD brain . I asked her if she thought I was psychotic . She said I was nearing psychosis . She called me interesting . She feels like I have major depressive disorder . I'm just at a loss for words. It was honestly the strangest meeting I have had with a psychiatrist. It was very unprofessional. She has no idea the damage she has done nor do I think she cares. I just don't know what to Believe in anymore ... We met for approximately 45 minutes . First time ever meeting. I just want to cry and I’m freaking out 😢

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubts and anxiety in my relationship, and I’m not sure if it’s normal or if it might be something more like relationship anxiety or ROCD. I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone who is incredibly sweet, caring, and kind. And not to mention this is my first relationship ever. Despite knowing all of this, I often find myself overwhelmed by doubts. I constantly question whether I really love him or if I only like the idea of him. Sometimes, I worry that I’m just staying in the relationship because I don’t want to be single or because he’s the kind of person I’m supposed to be with. These thoughts feel so real, and it’s hard to shake them off, even though I don’t want them. I also tend to find “icks” or small things to criticize, and it feels like my brain is trying to push him away, even though I want to be with him. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and it makes me overthink whether I’m being honest with myself about wanting the relationship. At times, I rely on external validation, like when people tell us we look cute together. I’m scared I might be too focused on what others think, instead of how I truly feel. I also feel guilty about small things, like not responding in the way I think I should, and I worry whether I’m capable of loving someone else. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is, and it makes me try to find ways to dislike him, even though I know he’s a good person. I also feel nervous about things like meeting his parents or not fully enjoying his sense of humor, which adds to my overthinking. I want to be with him, but I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and overanalyzing my feelings. I just want these thoughts and anxieties to go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Could this be a sign of relationship anxiety or something more? Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.

i feel like i need some perspective. i’ve never been in a successful relationship and it gets hard bc you don’t always remember that relationships have bulk and that there’s hard times. i feel like im being taught that right now bc me and my partner are going through a weird time. anyways im at a place where my thoughts and obsessions have returned. i’ve always questioned if i really like her or really want this relationship and it’s so confusing for me. one day i am so in love with her and worry free the next im constantly questioning. i get these thoughts like do i really love her, what if we don’t get married, what if there is really just something missing and we’re not right, i feel like my ocd and anxiety is warping everything and i genuinely can’t tell or feel anything… it’s makes me so sad and guilty. we’re already going through a weird time it feels like i’ll ruin it bc ive been left in my relationships over my mental health before. i made this weird timeline in my brain where by now (10 months) i should be free of worry and so sure of being in the relationship. these past months ive learned so much about myself and her and being with someone who actually cares that im beginning to trust to give these more messy parts of myself to her. and NOW i feel guilty for that bc it’s taken me this long and so that must mean something lol. like that ive been pretending or stringing her along and that this is not a permanent feeling. so now im all confused and spiraling all the time. any advice is so helpful, im starting with my new therapist friday and im really hoping she will help me too.

They’re getting more intense.. My mind wonders if what i’m feeling is really OCD.. what if it’s not and i’m in denial? Why is my life like this, a constant loop of fears and stress holding me back. I just want to live. To be the kind boy everyone knows. To make and be a difference. There’s sometimes I wish I could stay asleep.. to rest for a while. To hibernate all these feelings away. But I know that’s not how it works. Each tear I shed is a reminder of the hell I live every day when I open my eyes. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know why I am anymore. Please someone.. advice, words of positivity, something.. I feel so alone. I’m scared. I don’t know where else to go.

I’ll list some key things with my main subtype, and I hope that I can get some erp advice, but it’s okay if not, I know nobody is my therapist..! 1. I have this thing where when I feel false attraction about a k!d, I will be immediately convinced and say “that means I am?” “I am attracted” “I feel attracted?” “He’s attractive” not to be weird but I panic and say these because I don’t want them, and I feel like I agree with it, this makes me feel like a bad person when I say them (sometimes I can’t help it when I get really stressed) what can I do for this to be better? 2. My brain will give me an intrusive question, asking if I’d do this,this or that, and I feel like agreeing or saying yes to this, sometimes I will hear a yes and I’ll freak out 3. When I get triggered by a photo, I have to keep checking and checking (this will always last forever) till I’m sure that I think the photo is cute or adorable and not in any way that I feel false attraction Whenever I feel convinced, I feel bad that I feel convinced and it’ll say “well if you were a good person, why do you allow yourself to get convinced even if you know you aren’t this”

The green parts are parts I definetly fit into, the yellow part are ambiguos in a way (Not that I ever fall in love with a man, but it feels like I could, and in the case of women lately I been feeling that I liked them in the past but never actually developed a crush like in the anime roncoms I watched (I know that's dumb but at the same time it isnt) and also about the other I do feel like I care what other thinks, like not my biggest concerns but I did have though about it a considerable amount of times)

I used to get very irritable and have severe ocd, while I have only been on Prozac 3 weeks at only 10mg then recently 20mg. I have noticed that although my intrusive thoughts are still there, it’s more manageable like 30% more manageable and I’m hoping with time and if needed an increase of my dosage it could go to 50-90% more manageable. Anyone experience with ssri please share your experience dosage, name, how long it ok to kick in and how is your ocd now on the meds? Thank you

Has anyone had thc/cannibis use trigger their intrusive thoughts related to soocd? Is this possible or is denial?

What are some ways you cope or things you feel are helpful?

I recently was diagnosed with postpartum ocd/ depression/ anxiety it’s by far the hardest thing I ever had. As an adolescent I struggled with depression/anxiety/ & self harm I didn’t realize back then that self harm was a compulsion for me. Anyway recently ocd has been attacking my baby along with my loved ones or even strangers. I feel horrible about it & feel insane I have panic attacks very often. I do my best to remind myself it’s ocd not me. I am genuinely the kind of person that is disturbed by road kill & cry over new all the time. I didn’t have these intrusive thoughts until my baby was 4 months (he’s now 6 months) because of a stupid true crime case & then it spiraled. I believe the only reason it’s doing all this is to have me feel like I am a villain & evil. It causes me to wonder if I have psychosis (like my mind purposely thinks the worst to try to convince me of psychosis) I am aware that’s not how it works. I am doing everything possible to overcome this sadly my insurance is Medicaid & it doesn’t work on here to find a OCD specialist. I move in 10 days to a new state & my insurance will be cut off for some time. I recently started Zoloft so I’m hoping it helps me until then. I want hope from other moms that have gone through similar experiences… this feels so exhausting & endless I wasn’t like this a few months ago. All I do is pray for things to get better I read the Bible to ease my heart & try to trust God that this to shall pass.

I feel disgusted saying this, but I think my ocd attacks younger kids that look pretty or something (not attractive),, and it makes me feel attracted, even saying this makes me feel like a pred, and I feel really grossed out, I feel like a bad person for even suggesting such a thing and I’m spiraling. Please help…

Hi there I talk about religion (but I'm not trying to force it down anyone's throat) So my main event (which is the one that truly bothers me) happened in 2015 when I was 14. I won't go into any details or anything. I will say that it got so bad once that I almost committed something detrimental to my health earlier this year. Not long after that I spoke to a doctor and basically confessed what's been happening to my brain and my mistakes, he mentioned things that really resonated with me, I'll paraphrase a bit: "Okay, so what you did was not good but it's not something to condemn yourself for. It falls into the grey area, you've apologized and have been forgiven (even though I apologized over text, which comes across cowardly)but it seems that you haven't forgiven yourself. There's a whole lot of difference between you at 14 and you at 23. Try to have some perspective." This really helped and it still does, but unfortunately ocd tries to find a way around this. I'll get a thought of "oh but you forgot to mention that other part of the event" and it magnifies it. Can anyone relate? I've done everything but fully move on because I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to move on. And I'm still worried over the future.

It’s 3am and I’m not doing well. I’m having an overwhelming amount of anxiety. I need to feel mentally clean but I’m dirty. I’ve had bad thoughts and I’m ashamed. I feel like I can’t even write it down. I want to say it aloud to someone but my wife is sleeping right next to me so doing a therapy call would be impossible. I’m feeling helpless. And so guilty for my thoughts.

TW: toilets, guilt, water, local idiot complains that her toilet isn't flushing properly and it causes her mental pain Hi everyone. For many years I have been struggling with contamination OCD. The worst trigger for me is stuff involving toilets and water/water droplets. I hate using toilets so much, especially public automatic flushing ones because of the fear of sitting in toilet water droplets and the dreaded toilet plume. Toilets in general disgust me so much. The last time I used a public bathroom, I felt like I couldn't use my home bathroom or touch anything at home until I took a shower and washed everything. I feel very embarrassed and guilty because I spend so much money washing myself and using so much soap and water. I recently moved into a new place that I will be staying in for many years due to my personal and financial situation, and the toilet used to always flush and leave little water droplets on the seat where I sit after, even with the lid closed. I have found a way to reduce this from happening but it's 50/50 whether or not I will see water on the seat every time I flush. I always open the lid and check the seat if the toilet to see if there are water droplets. If there are, I have to spend so much time cleaning the toilet with soap, then disinfectant, and then wiping it down and flushing it again until I get a "clean flush." I feel so awful and ashamed because I finally have my own bathroom after sharing one with my parents that I was constantly cleaning, giving me more stress, but now I still feel like it isn't good enough because I am still stuck in this stupid loop. I have homework to do why am I stressing over a toilet?! Now I keep a spray bottle of soapy water on the bathroom counter to spray and clean but this is also something that bothers me because the OCD tells me that it isn't enough and that the toilet is going to break or something. On the same note of toilets, I also have a lot of triggers regarding water droplets (not showering but like the water that drops off and bounces around I'm not sure how to explain it all) touching my feet, legs, other parts of me. All this mixed with my awful toilet related OCD has cost me so much soap, water, and time. Sorry if this is really weird and tmi and if I sound like a total brat or something. I wonder if anyone else goes through this and how they deal with it. My school counselor once told me that I can wait for the triggers to pass through or something like that, but that takes many hours and I need to clean so that I can sleep I am losing my mind gah

I feel like my rocd is flaring back up. Me and my boyfriend are in college and we’ve been saying for over 5 years now. We started dating in the beginning of high school and now sophomores in college. we’re 5 hrs apart and we don’t have much to talk about we know each others schedules and it’s pretty much the same. I get really anxious when i don’t have this immense feeling of love for him at the moment when i think or talk to him. i do love him so much but I feel like the distance makes us dry and i begin to feel distant cause we both have our own lives but i am anxious that i will fall out of love or if im in the process of it and im lying to myself. my friend was like oh do you see yourself marrying him and im like im only 19! and then i was like do i not want to?! the absolute spiral my brain goes through… does anyone know how i can cope so that thoughts stop. i just wanna be present for my boyfriend and only think of the positives.

i would like some advice please and i didn't get any responses 😭.. apologies for reposting but just need some thoughts on this 🥲 //// after frustrations with erp not working, i intentionally brought up the intrusive mental images as well as sensations during an exposure in trying to practice desensitizing myself to them. but now im scared that me purposefully bringing on the images and especially the disturbing outward sensations means that i did something bad or acted on my thought since i took the action to purposefully create and bring the disturbing intrusive images and thoughts and feelings. now it feels like not just a fear but reality. and my anxiety levels are just too much. i'm just feeling terrible and would like some thoughts or support