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It feels like I want to be with a girl now!!!

Please no nastiness. Myself and my boyfriend have known each other since I was 14. I met him because he and my sister were best friends. Anyway, I grew up and thought he was attractive. We tried getting together when I was 18 but I ran off. Anyway, we didn’t speak for over 10 years. I knew my sister and him kissed and had an incline they slept together but neither of them told me and my boyfriend said possibly but I don’t remember. Anyway, we have been together 10 months and my sister told my mum. My sister is telling me to leave him because he ‘lied to me’ but I don’t want to leave him. Then, she told me that in 2019 they exchanged texts but I was in another relationship at that point a long term one at that, so again my current partner wasn’t my concern. She then randomly stated that my boyfriend grabbed her bum when me and him met up again when we first got together (I don’t believe this for a second) I have also confronted my partner and he said absolutely not. When I had the incline that they slept together I said to my partner that I didn’t care, however it has come out now and naturally I feel a bit grossed out BUT he is very loyal to me, I trust him and ultimately I love him. Obviously I have mental images running through my heads and what ifs and makes me feel sick.

Hey guys, I’m 25 years old and have been struggling heavy with OCD for most my life. Even though it comes in waves, when it hits it does take a lot for me to overcome. Recently for the past couple of months, I obsess over work to the point I get extremely stressed. I thought it was due to the amount of stress I had working in Information Technology so I made the decision to switch jobs to lookout for my mental health. After the job switch it’s still all I think about to the point I wake up at 4:30am thinking about it and it doesn’t stop till I go back to sleep at 9:00pm. It has greatly affected my life as I have breakdowns weekly where I can do nothing but cry. The thoughts give me anxiety and they range from the job itself to me feeling as if I’m wasting my life now that I’m not in a career position even though I did this as a break for my mental health. Any thoughts on what I can do to help this? I’ve already spoke to my doctor about changing medications as I feel it is not working anymore.

I have an amazing fiance, our anniversary is coming up soon and I'm very excited, but my head keeps going back and forth on I love him or actually you don't love him. You hate him. It's so distressing. I keep looking up things to save relationships and comparing our relationships to other people like what am I doing wrong? And anytime I think of it, I also start thinking what if all of this is just in my head and it's not real or I'm just faking all of this. It's constant back and forth and it's making things hard. I'm not texting him as much as I use to and he noticed it. He feels bad and I don't want him to think it's his fault. He's the best fiance I've ever had and I don't want to lose him, but I want these thoughts to go away. Is it even ROCD or am I just losing it? I know I have OCD around food and gross sexual intrusive thoughts but I don't know if it's effecting other aspects of my life (I was only recently diagnosed) Please help, anyone.

Can it possible for ocd to be worse in the morning ? Like suddenly I remember I have intrusive thoughts and urges and have to go through that again. Like I have feeling in my chest and I don’t know what is that feeling

does anyone have any tips for finding what medication works for you? I’m a college student looking for a step in the right direction

Today I had a really bad flare up. I left for work, and as soon as we got on the highway, I had an overwhelming fear I forgot to turn off my flat iron. I compulsively googled the user manual of my iron to see if it would auto turn off. Went on multiple subreddits finding the answer. Googled how many apartments were burnt down this year due to hot tools. I posted on the NOCD app. I told my boyfriend I had an upset stomach to plan for my escape from work so he “wouldn’t know” it was OCD. I got to work, went to the bathroom and had a panic attack, lasted a whole 10 more minutes more before I made myself sick and started crying at my desk. I told my coworkers and boss it was because of stomach flu and left. I heard sirens on my hour long ride home and was convinced they were headed to our apartment for a fire I started. I got home, I was scared to go into my actual building even though my complex itself was still standing. And when I entered, the flat iron was not only turned off but unplugged and rolled up, put away. I “knew” I had some memory of doing this but couldn’t remember for certain and convinced myself that I was just telling myself lies. I’m sitting here hours and a lot of ERP later, and while I’m a lot better, I’m also crying writing this - allowing myself to realize that OCD won today. I’ve gratefully been at a really healthy place these last 9-10 months but I needed to post this for accountability. There are going to be bad days. But it’s how we react to them what matters. I’m not letting this make me go down a spiral. Hope everyone is doing well out there - thinking of you no matter where you are on your journey.

. I just posted about a month ago about a compulsion I did to try and prove it was dumb to think I could lean my head toward my kid in a sexual way. So I purposely did it to show myself it’s harmless and to prove my ocd is stupid.My head touched her hair when I did it and I have been suffering ever since like I touched my kid inappropriately. Lost weight, quit my job. It’s been real bad. Well today I was like it is really such nonsense this doing normal things in a sexual way worry I have. So I tried to pet my cat and do it in a sexual way. Again to figure out how just petting its back could be wrong.Or just to show its dumb.Well now that is added to my list of this ocd spiral. Did I do something inappropriate to my cat and my kid? Ughhhh

My ROCD has started kicking up again, and really really badly. My compulsions are all the “fun” internal ones, but also confessing. I’m with a partner who I wasn’t with last time this happened, and I adore him more than words can express, so it KILLS me that I have thoughts about him that aren’t true to who I am. It will be like, a few months ago I had a thought where I questioned if I was actually attracted to him, or if I could do better (which i don’t care? Because I love him so much. He is enough in every sense) but the fact I had that thought, and even stopped and engaged in it, now has me feeling so so guilty. Like I know I love him, I know I’m attracted to him, and I know it’s normal to have thoughts that pop up, that don’t always represent how you actually feel. But it just really kills me, because I confessed this to him. He was so understanding and literally said thoughts don’t bother him. Only actions do. But it’s still eating at me, because the OCD wants me think I engaged in that thought for a reason, and how could I ever think that about the person I love so much. Does anyone else get this kind of ROCD? Where it feels actually hurtful to your partner. I know it’s normal thought, I know everyone has questions and negative thoughts at times, but still it’s so hard to get past.

I struggle with self harm and depression. I told my doctor a week ago that I have suicidal thoughts and she put me on an anxiety/depression med and she said it could make things better or worse. I have noticed I barely eat anything anymore and I started to self harm more. I go through my day struggling and I’ve lost my friends and I stay in my room 24/7. I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. People say “oh it’ll get better” or “you’ll overcome it” or “don’t worry it’ll be okay” but guess what it’s not true. I feel like no one gets me or no one will listen to me. No one understands the pain I go through every second of the day trying my hardest to put on a fake smile. I can’t do it anymore. I want it to stop.

So I did something really stupid, I haven’t had a severe OCD episode in a few years. But in the weekend I tried Coke. I was an idiot for doing it, and I thought it was just the come down but it’s been 4 days and my OCD has come back, some of the worst it has ever been. I’m so angry at myself and also so terrified that I’ve screwed up permanently.

It’s driving me crazy.. I can go days feeling okay and then it just spikes up and knocks down my hope again. I feel crazy. I feel lost and confused. Everything is a trigger anymore. I don’t want to live my life letting fear control me. I want to be happy. I want to have it all back. When I told my psychiatrist about my OCD issues, he said people grow and change over time and that only triggered it even more. This TOCD has taken more than i’ve given it. Most of my day consists of thinking about it. One thing after another. Even at school in the hallway i’ll think a girls outfit is cute or something and my head will be like you want to be like that too. Which is far from the truth.. At least I think anyhow. I’m noticing that i’m feeling like I did when I had Harm OCD, that warped sense of identity and not knowing who I am. It’s a lot.. it’s really a lot. I juggle school and now soon work.. OCD is kicking my ass. There are some days I don’t want to eat, I can’t sleep cause my mind is too active but I want to sleep because it’s my escape. Sometimes it even follows me in my dreams. I had a dream one time I had different parts and it was scary. I woke up shaking and a mess. It’s too much.. all of it. I long for the day this will leave me alone. The day I can live life again. Every single thing.. every conversation.. I analyze. Do I like this more? Do I act like this more? Do I picture myself like this? It’s so much. The fear.. it feels so real. A curse I can’t control. I’m friends with a lot of LGBTQ+ people and my OCD really flares up around them. I’m gay, i’ve already been told i’m not manly, that’s okay.. But when people say these things it makes me scared that I want to be something else.. I feel like the foundation in which my life has built has fallen down and has eroded to nothing. I feel empty, scared, and lately.. alone. I know I vent a lot on here it’s just so much for me you know? And none of my friends get it. My friends don’t know the truth about OCD they only know the cleaning and the organizing. Not these thoughts that have controlled my life these three years.

I am going insane. I have an extreme fear of going to hell and being deceived by the devil. I fear that God will send me to hell and that I am not perfect enough. I am so confused by different Christian doctrines that I am trying to disentangle from and feel so drained. I fear that if I watch movies, cook, do anything I like doing is displeasing to Gpd and considered vain. I fear demons and Ephesian 6:12 about principalities and powers. I feel like God is going to cause me to die in my sleep and that I am a child of the devil. I feel horrible after every mistake I make and have unintentional intrusive houghts of blasphemy and evil thoughts toward others I don't even mean. I just want to be normal again. I also experience hearing the voice of God and read deeply in to signs, prompting from God and the Holy Spirit. I hear God telling strange things to do and fear if I don't listen to this voice I will be in disobedience and be punished. Also church triggers my OCD as well as scriptures about punishment and God's wrath. I feel fearful that I might commit a sin and that I am on the devil's side. I just need help because I am really suffering badly. I don't know what else to do.

Hi all, I'm thinking of starting back on medication because my anxiety is too severe to cope but I'm also really scared of starting medication. How was your experience with it? What helped? How do you fair with dissociation and medication? Any advice or experiences would be appreciated!

idk what to say sometimes, it feels never ending. i feel the burning thought that i want to breakup and i can’t ignore it. truthfully i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to loose her, i love her. but i also question and do this and that makes me feel so guilty and idk how to express that. she is so awesome a patient and cares about me and so do it. but i worry that she likes me more than i do because i get like this. i get these awful images of breaking up or thoughts that im secretly jealous of my single friends and that im just convincing myself i want this. at one point before we were together i did want to be single and date around, but then i met her and fell. it felt good. but what if this anxiety is just me know its not right? what if i just want to be single? i dont think i do and i dont wanna be:,( but these thoughts!! i just get so scared im not spending my 20s the right way and that in order for me to actually find the right person or love that i needed to date around and not be with someone. it makes me feel guilty. but this relationship feels good when im not anxious. i freak out because i just don’t know why i get this way. it feels like my brain is telling me deep down i know the truthfor sure but i really don’t. it makes me crazy and like a bad partner. i do t want to breakup i really see a future tighter but im like what if its not right, what if its bad timing, what if i have to leave. phew. some days i dont feel like i deserve this conquerer badge.

Looked up OCD recovery / success stories to give myself some hope. Found a link to a page on the NOCD website that shared a few people's recovery journeys. Clicked on the first one that had SOOCD tagged as a theme. She had the fear she was gay. Turns out she IS gay. It really triggered me and now I'm in a bit of a spiral 😭 ended up googling and looking for reassurance. I feel guilty and sad for engaging in compulsions. Like I just took a huge step back, or something.

I'm trying not to google, but I remember reading dozens of times that there are peds who feel bad for being peds. And actually there are communities? (i don't know how to call them) of non offending peds, who I'm guessing don't want to act on their thoughts because they know it's wrong. I have never ever done anything bad, but my fear is that the attraction is there. It feels completely real. My brain gives me reasons why. My chest feels so heavy. I'm trying to push through but I can't think of anything else. I am on meds now. I've been for 4 weeks. But what if that doesn't work either. HELP!!!!!

i just drank like 4 shots or robusta coffee, its something i used to do before my ocd but after ocd i cut on my coffee usage not i was doing a bit better so as a congratulation to myself i drank some coffee again and i feel like its increasing my anxiety like yesterday and the day before that i genuinely felt alot better than today. idk what is happening anyone here have experiences on coffee

Long post ahead . I appreciate you if you read this . What are signs of depression? I have a fear of it , and I will say I have experienced depression before I think , with thinking things will never be the same and thoughts like I don’t even care anymore but it all started because of my suicidal ocd (I haven’t been diagnosed ) but I have bad health anxiety and death anxiety waaay before this , and then one day had an intrusive image of self harm and it was so distressing all I wanted to do was sleep the thoughts away couldn’t eat talking about it stressed me out and caused me so much anxiety so I know that was I think depression . But now because of this theme I am scared of either falling back into it or fear of getting it because I link it to said theme . I do feel sad sometimes but I feel as if it’s because of the thoughts and wanting to so badly go away ! And I will say even before this I was happy never experienced depression in my life my family does not have a history with it nor has ANYONE in my family “s” themselves . And my brain keeps telling me I’ll be the first . My brain also keeps telling me the weathers getting colder your gonna experience depression so then that makes my anxiety spike and I get a warm sensation over my body . I’ve always loved the fall and cold ALWAYS , now I’m terrified . Is depression always that bad ? Ugh 😣

Can you get groinals and other intrusive feelings while on medication? Because I’m on sertraline and I still get the intrusive thoughts and feelings and my mind now tells me that if it was only my anxiety then I wouldn’t get them anymore and now I’m scared I’m actually a bad person?