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the NOCD Community

Anyone i can talk to . I can't stop being sad and crying.

with false attraction, and intrusive thoughts, does the persons name pop up all the time? like. in sentences and everything? and then when you see them you like want to avoid them, and notice every little detail if they are near, or think they are? like. mine does that and it drives me insane.

Yesterday I seized the opportunity to take a big step forward in my own ocd and personal journey. I have been going through a ton of inner turmoil over the past couple of months involving romantic feelings I have for a friend. OCD uses those feelings as evidence that I am a horrible, evil person and I am left feeling very alone. I wanted my feelings for this friend to go away. OCD says I can’t tell anyone about what I’m feeling because they would find out how awful I am. And if that happened everyone in my life would find out and I would be left alone and irredeemable. I’m steering into the abyss that ocd wants me to avoid. I started by confiding in friends and family removed from the situation. I only told them what I was feeling. No asking for reassurance. No trying to get them to say something that would counteract my anxiety. Just presenting them with what I am going through and giving up control of how I am perceived. It was agonizing but I was able to get through it. Last night I decided to tell my roommate, who is also in my friend group with this crush, about my feelings for our friend. It was very difficult to get the words out and he had a mixed response to the news. I made an effort to not seek reassurance or try to confess my perceived “misdeeds” in this situation. Just practicing relinquishing control. We were able to talk through it more. He is one of my best friends and he made me feel accepted regardless of whatever I felt, feel, decide to act/not act on. It was a very big moment for me. Not only in defying the rules ocd has set for me, but also with being more aligned with my own values and connecting with those who are important to me. Whether or not things do or don’t end up working out with this crush is separate from the issue I am attacking here. I don’t know what’s going to happen there, but I do know that if I pursue the values that are important to me and put in work to be the person I want to be, I am one step closer to finding the person I’m looking for.

I asked this question before, I think last year and i find that not alot of people arent talking about this. I understand that alot of people have health anxiety and they like to go to get checked up to know everything is fine, and we know theres that point where you do it as a compulsion, but noone talks about when you should go to get a check up. Maybe its because it depends on the person, but i find that i have a big problem with that. Im on the other side of the fear spectrum, I dont like to go to doctors, but I question that myself too cause there were times when I had a really bad backpain and i knew i had to go get checked up, or when i get really sick i go to get a check up. But im really afraid of doing bloodwork cause last time i got really sick after that. I think the last time i did bloodwork was in 2017or 2018... so yeah i know i have to go, i try it this year, tomorrow i will go get an EKG so and they will check my heart. So that will be my first exposure, however im really scared of bloodwork, even today i talked someone who said the same thing that he always bad side effects after it, and i forgot to mention that my brother always faints away adter bloodwork. So back to my question. I understand health is important, thats why i worry alot, and that you have to face fear and go to doctors but i got to a point where I notice everything and my reaction is "I should go to a doctor" and thats not healthy for me. If i dont go then i feel like I dont love myself enough. Cause poeple say caring for your body is love, and you should do it with love not fear but many times i feel like love says i should go to see if this is serious cause i care for myself. And before I developed fear of bloodwork or hospitals, I noticed everything on my body and i was afraid its serious. And this is what i dont like that people say its okay to check it once then stop... thats not the key cause anyone struggling with it knows that then it will go on another symptom. Thats why i feel like poeple who say "go get bloodwork every year" are still anxious about their health and maybe the compulsion is still there its just now the person knows they can wait a year safely...It happened with me now while im writing this post, i just thought about the yearly check ups that we have here in our work and that gives me peace that im okay, but what if i would miss one?I played with this thought and i got anxious that it would be dangerous missing it, i would be anxious the whole year about my health and that i let myself down if i dont get a check up and all this makes me feel guilt. And in that moment you dont know what is real, is this just negative thoughts or you are really letting yourself down by ignoring your health. And I dont really like to talk about it with people cause many would say "well go get a check up, you will feel peace". Dont get me wrong im not saying check ups are wrong, you should get check ups but i hope you get what i mean, what is behind it. Now i am on the avoidance spectrum but deep down im also on the "i gotta get checked up, i cant handle this". I know if i get bloodwork, everything comes up fine, then i will have a head pain or dizzyness, then i will be like "i have to get my brain checked, and then i have problems with my eyes then i get my eyes checked,i have panic attacks i get my heart checked cause i cant handle the palpitations and im afraid my heart will stop, then 8 months passes and i find something on my body, is this dangerous? Idk... i did bloodwork almost a year ago, they say you should do every year..." and it will never go away. I know that cause in 2017-18-19 i was like that, i went to every doctor, i checked everything and even after that i had new symptoms that needed another doctors check up... Until i had had enough and i developed fear of check ups. So theres actually both. But the overreaction of symptoms are huge. So with that my question is how do you work on that overreaction? For exemple 2 weeks ago i found a bump on my hand that maybe was there along time as i remember it but i noticed it now and i just thought the worse, it might be cancer i should check it and if i do i ignore my health and end up as a kid i knew who died of cancer because they found out late that he has it...I already associate someones tragedy with my life, but you know people say you learn from others problems... I just found one video about this topic where someone shared when they chose to go to the doctor, I think thats a really important part for our journey. I hope that yall dont take this as I say checkups are bad, there are people who take yearly checkups without being afraid, cause if they miss one they dont go crazy about it, but i think many still struggle with health anxiety... I hope you see the problem behind it.

is it apart of ocd basically where you rhink your like in love with every guy you meet? or you always like find yourself seeking validation from every guy? even dudes yk your not? like. idk ive always had this bad issue and i like chase the high feeling? is this apart of false attraction also or what?

This is going to be my last post because I’m going to take ERP and recovery seriously. Being on this app and googling is a big compulsion of mine. But before, I’m giving into my compulsions one more time because I need to know that I am not the only one. The past two days have been a tad better. My anxiety doesn’t feel like it’s consuming me and I can actually go to work and get things done. However, it feels like I am actually gay. Feels like I am actually in the closet. I don’t have my attraction to men anymore. I’m getting images of women and thinking to be happy, I need to be with a woman but I seriously do not want to. There is nothing in my past to prove that I do, however, my brain is making it seem like I always knew I was gay and didn’t want to admit, although there is no proof to prove it, yet I believe it. It feels normal and I’m not like freaking out anymore and it’s scaring me. Am I the only one? Am I actually gonna be the one that turns out to be gay after all? It doesn’t sound good anymore to say this is OCD. I’m confused and sad. Please, if anyone relates, that would help. If not, I guess that would help too but ugh. Thank you in advance.

Good Morning everyone ☀️. I’ve been in ERP therapy with NOCD for 2+ years, and I’m sharing my journey for anyone that may feel alone or is considering therapy. I’m in my 30s, and I was diagnosed in 2022, after a talk therapist I was seeing suggested I talk to a psychiatrist to be screened for OCD. Truthfully, I suspected I had OCD for a long time, but I was “managing” it so I didn’t seek help. Then the pandemic hit, and my mental health hit rock bottom. I worked with one talk therapist (who wasn’t helpful), switched to a new one, then ultimately was diagnosed and referred to NOCD. My biggest theme that I struggled with for years was emotional contamination. I could not handle being around a family member, because I was scared their personality or energy would contaminate me, and I would turn in to that person. I avoided allowing them in my apartment, if I thought about them when I was in the bathroom or washing dishes, I felt dirty and had to do compulsions to be “safe.” Spoiler alert, your OCD doesn’t actually keep you safe, even though it feels like it. I also struggled with driving, perfectionism, just right OCD, and intrusive sexual thoughts about a different family member. So, I started weekly therapy sessions, and I struggled a lot during the first year. ERP is hard. You’re essentially re-wiring your brain to change your thought patterns. Confronting years of fears, while also navigating an abusive relationship, took all of the mental energy I had. Then time went on, and I made it through my first year of therapy. I felt a little better. Then, I started going to NOCD support groups. I started to practice self-compassion, I shared my story and heard others share their struggles and wins. I finally started to see, feel, and acknowledge my progress. By year 2, I finally felt stronger. Now, my sessions are down to once a month. I have my conqueror status. My exposures are a lot easier to work through because I did the hard work early on. It feels over simplified, to summarize my journey this way. I could probably talk for hours about ERP. But I want to emphasize how ERP saved my life. As I said, I was having a hard time in the beginning. But now, life is so much better. Taking the first step to reach out to NOCD led me to where I am now, and I am so grateful I chose myself by starting ERP. I can drive long distances on the freeway without panicking. I can drive at night, in the rain. My whole world has opened up because I’m not limited on where I can go. My relationship with the family member I avoided improved greatly. I am sad to say she passed away unexpectedly this summer. But I reclaimed all the time I had with her from my OCD. I can tolerate not being perfect, or doing things that aren’t “just right.” When I have a setback, I bounce back a lot quicker than I have before. I’ll have the most bizarre thoughts, but I can let them go a lot easier than before. I still have struggles. I still cry when I feel overwhelmed or stuck. But overall, my life is mine again. OCD doesn’t go away. But going from giving in to compulsions over and over again, and avoiding living out of fear—to having my life be mine again, is the best gift I gave myself. Do I wish the work was easier? Yes. Would I wish this disorder on anyone? No. But if you are considering therapy, I urge you to take that as a sign that you want to get better. And I promise that whatever your OCD stops you from doing now, you can take it back with a vengeance. If you have questions, I’m happy to share more if it will help you. If you want support, I’m here too.

I have a pretty anxious attachment style and I’ve recently started getting back out there talking to people, several guys have ghosted me after I thought it was going well but one guy is hanging on, the thing is I always feel like texting means more than it does so when I don’t get a reply I freak out! Everyone on TikTok always says if they’re leaving you on delivered for a long time it means they’re not interested, but I know that the guy I’m speaking to has surgery today and last night we were talking for ages (and really intimate/cute stuff) so I’m trying to stay calm and just say look he’s obviously really busy today leave him alone he’ll message when he can, but it’s hard because the other part of my brain keeps going “yeah well why doesn’t he message to say so, why doesn’t he wanna make sure you know” but I always do know! I’ve now formed meaning to this and freaked out. People don’t have to talk everyday for it to be something right? Idk I’m freaked out

I met my boyfriend in September 2024 in an online game called Lethal Company. At that time, he was only flirting and treating me like a friend. But, once he found out I didn’t have a bf, he started getting gushy and lovey with me. About a few weeks ir a month later, I asked him if he liked me and he admitted he did. From there, we started talking every single day just about our life and being vulnerable with one another. Mind you, I had not seen how he looked. After a month, he said he really wanted to meet me. So we FaceTimed for the first time. At first I didn’t find him that attractive, but I tried to look past that because I liked the person he was. I accepted him for who he was. He has come to see me twice. But here’s the thing, I struggle with my feelings. He’s almost 100% sure he is in love with me. He treats me right and is an amazing, loving, kind hearted soul. But, in the morning recently, I’ve been waking up with a warm and uneasy feeling in my stomach. I don’t wanna eat. I question my love for him I am I in love? I do love him. I don’t wanna lose him. I cry harder than I’ve ever cried because I don’t wanna lose him. I feel lost. I worry. I worry about him and I imagine scenarios breaking up. But I feel so comfortable with him. I feel so safe. I feel like we get along so well. But, why do I feel this way I ask myself. I want to love him with all my heart, strength, but I feel like I’m lying to myself. And I hope that it is not true because he is the type of man I want in my life. I’m so scared to lose someone as precious. I’m so scared to talk to him about it because I feel like he’ll say “then you don’t love me if you’re doubting.” Maybe I’m afraid of the truth?? What is wrong with me 😭 I don’t wanna hurt him 😭😭 he means so much to me. He’s such a good man. I’ve never met someone like him.

So last night my boyfriend and I were nearing the end of our 10 hour drive. And he loves honking the car horn for no reason. Usually he does it a couple time I tell him to please stop and he does. Last night he honked the horn a couple time and I asked him to stop multiple times and he didn’t and I was reading him reason on Google why you shouldn’t honk the horn on the highway for no reason and then he honked again and I meant to just raise my voice a little bit to say his name but I ended up yelling on accident and I feel terrible I litterally started bawling and apologizing because I actually feel so terrible. And now I feel like I did it because deep down I must hate him. But he even told me he knows I didn’t mean to and he’s also said he knows he provoked and I he knew I was pushing my buttons but he didn’t mean to go that far. But I just feel like a terrible person because he didn’t deserve to be yelled at for honking. But I really didn’t mean to yell it just kinda happen. Idk what to do.

1. Understand Your Fear: OCD Creates a Habit: Your brain is stuck in a "fear cycle," where you try to avoid fear by checking repeatedly. This, however, increases the fear further. This Fear Is Not Real: It’s just a false signal from your brain. Recognizing this is the first step. --- 2. Steps to Build Confidence in Yourself: (a) Stop Seeking Absolute Certainty: Repeated checking reinforces your fear. You need to intentionally reduce the habit of checking. Practice: Tell yourself, “I have checked it once, and it’s correct. There’s no need to check it repeatedly.” Stop Seeking Assurance: Accept that you don’t need 100% certainty. Not everything needs to be perfect, and that’s okay. (b) Gradually Reduce Checking: If you check 1000 times now, reduce it to 500, then 100, and eventually just once. When you feel the urge to check, stop yourself. Wait for some time (5–10 minutes) before acting on the urge. Gradually increase this waiting period. (c) Learn to Take Risks: Challenge your fear. Say to yourself, “Even if I don’t check, nothing will go wrong.” Trust the fact that you’ve done it correctly, and slowly try to work without checking. --- 3. Practical Ways to Manage Fear: (a) Write It Down and Forget It: Write down what you’ve checked in a notebook. Then remind yourself, “I’ve written it down; now there’s no need to check again.” (b) Practice Meditation and Breathing: Meditation: Practice meditation for 10–15 minutes daily. It calms your mind and reduces unnecessary thoughts. Deep Breathing (Pranayama): Deep breathing reduces fear and anxiety. Do it regularly. (c) Use Distraction Techniques: When OCD-induced fear arises, distract yourself by doing something else: Sing a song, read a book, or go for a walk. Remind yourself, “This is just OCD, and I don’t need to follow it.” (d) Reward Yourself: When you resist the urge to check repeatedly, reward yourself. For example: “Today, I checked only 900 times instead of 1000. This is my victory.” --- 4. Seek Help From Others: Talk to a Trusted Person: Ask your family or friends to monitor your checking habits and help you stop. Get Professional Help: If the fear persists, consider ERP therapy (Exposure and Response Prevention). It’s one of the most effective treatments for OCD. --- 5. Positive Self-Talk: Repeat these statements to yourself: “My fear is not real.” “I have done it correctly, and there’s no need to check again.” “I am stronger than this.” Practice saying 10 positive things to yourself every day. It will train your brain to think positively. --- 6. Focus on Gradual Improvement: Improvement with OCD takes time, so be patient. Take small steps, such as: Check once and stop. Do a little better the next day. --- Remember: Your fear is caused by OCD, not reality. Building self-confidence is a process that requires effort and time. You can manage it—just be patient and continue practicing gradually. If needed, discuss your progress with your doctor or therapist.

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this

I just wanna get this out there cuz I’m gonna be up all night if I don’t. I’m scrolling on Instagram and sending cute things to my bf alongside some funny ones. Balance lol. Anyways. As I was sending them I didn’t get that rush of joy I used to feel when I did. Or the feeling I used to get when I told him I love him. I don’t feel those heart poundy good emotions lately. I think I love him. I don’t think about him often tho, like not all the time. If im doing smthn he’ll pop into mind and I’ll text/call but that’s it. I don’t get super giddy at the thought of him, I smile, but I don’t feel as warm. Why. Where is that feeling? I know love is a choice but what if im making the wrong one? I don’t feel Andy anxiety over the thought of breaking up and it pops up more and more and im worried my brain is trying to tell me smthn. Idk if it’s my intuition or not. Im worried im gonna fall out of love. Or have never loved him and have been faking it this whole time. Im scared I won’t be sexually/romantically atttacted to him anymore in the future when we get older. I’ve never been in a relationship this healthy for this long. What does a long healthy love feel like? I used to feel this intense heart pounding whenever we touched and when we made out it was like electricity, maybe cuz it was bew and it was my first time being sexual. Sex and making out still feels great. I crave it less which worries me. Maybe it’s stress and anxiety. But it doesnt feel as intense. And I’m worried I’m performing I’m worried I don’t love him enough I’m worried I don’t love him as much as he loves me I’m scared I’m gonna blow up our lives if I figure out I’m a lesbian. My brain has just been repeating and asking “wouldn’t you be happier with a woman? You’re bi and have never actually dated a woman” ok so what? I’m happy with the man I chose. Idc. I doubt I’ll regret not sleeping with someone else or dating around. I’m scared of every possibility of us getting married. I am not of his culture or religion. Idk what I’m doing Kids as well. Idk if I even love him rn, I’m so confused. I still feel happy being around him but how do I know if i only enjoy it platonically and not romantically? What if I fall in love with one of my friends/have intrusive thoughts about them while having sex? Or think about having sex with them. I don’t wanna think or do any of that not just cuz I’m in a relationship but because I just. Don’t want that?? None of these thoughts cause any anxiety. No physical symptoms of panic or stomach upset that I usually get. I’m exhausted. I feel numb. Someone please help and explain.

I really don’t know nothing much about OCD but I’ve experienced some symptoms over the last few months of knowing about it and the last few symptoms I’ve had where I would get out of bed and I would like right before I get to school or get out of the door sometimes light switch and like press it so many times and I would say my loved ones name so many times to make sure I feel like it’s right I feel like they’re gonna die or drowned and it makes me feel like they’re gonna get hurt and I always feel like my mind gonna turn off or like anytime I feel like I need to switch something off or you know or close the door or putting on my shoes or putting my coat it always makes me feel like I have to redo everything or taking out the trash like I always think about them like my partner, my sibling, my mother, my siblings, brother, my mother’s boyfriend I would always think Like one of my doing why why am I saying like why am I thinking these things? Why am I thinking that my partner is gonna drowned or why am my family is gonna drowned like I don’t want I don’t know I don’t know what my mind going through I always like to, I always feel like I have impulsive thoughts about harming others even though I’m not doing anything or harming myself even though I’m not doing that and I don’t wanna die because I have love ones who are there for me all the time and I just felt like I don’t know if anybody else feels this way, but I hope you guys understand that but The OCD is kind of hard for me because I would always like go on my phone or you know like try to like go on an app or rewatch a video so many times to make sure I get it right my partner isn’t there. I don’t know if this is experience that you’ve ever had or anything but Talk to me and like I will explain I’ll try to explain as much as I can but yeah

I've never seen a therapist or been diagnosed, so I went surfing through to find this community. I've seen a lot of OCD symptoms written online. Here is what I experience that I feel may be OCD. If any of you guys agrees, please let me know. I have only ever been able to call my mom by her first name. I have never been able to not do that. She tried to make me call her mom once as a kid but it felt so wrong that I started crying. Everytime I see a wet floor sign, I say "piso mojado" out loud. I have plenty of harsh intrusive thoughts, such as committing acts of violence when I see people not using their turn signals, interrupting performers at a concert. I make myself re-press on my phone alarms 10-12 times each day in the same rythym until it feels fully set to go off. Light switches get flicked off and on, I can't stand not doing it. I have to double-check everything and make myself re-look through the same drawers at work for hours. I love to write, but I never get far because I need approval from others. My head is also always filled to the brim with thoughts which has made writing and things like memory a lot harder. I can't use spoons. I can only use forks for almost everything. I can't stand them. That's all I can think of for right now. Please let me know what you guys think. Thanks!

Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)

One thing I’m scared of is that I get through all the exposures and then I still believe the false memories are real.. can anyone relate or share an experience?

It feels like I have internalized homophobia but I don’t want that 😭

Hi, I've struggling with R-OCD for 6 months now. I love my beautiful boyfriend so much, but this constant anxiety in my stomach is so tiring, I also have mood disorder and dissociative syndrome. I would never break up with him, I just don't want to. But I'm slowly relapsing in sh and dark thoughts... Anyway please help me 🙏

I’ll have thoughts that randomly pop into my head that stem from things I see or hear so I get how that’s intrusive. But sometimes I struggle with thoughts that I feel I like, I don’t WANT to like them but I might so is it still intrusive? And sometimes I’ll purposely think of things just to check so those are 100% on me and I’ll feel like I like them but again I don’t want to and then the compulsions start. So does that still count as intrusive?