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Does anybody else get the indescribable urge to cut yourself, you don’t want to but you feel like you have too.

**TW for POCD** I’ve spoken about this a few times before. That urge I had to type in “child porn” into google. I talked to my NOCD therapist today about it. She told me the ERP for it was to type it in. She even did it with me. Obviously nothing but news stories, crime statistics, and photos someone would use for a project showed up. I’ve been so petrified of typing that in there. She wants me to do it every two hours and listen to what OCD will say. I typed it in that way, I typed it out full, and I typed it out with an additional word. I clicked and browsed through all the google tabs. I’m okay, but I can’t stop crying. I’m scared to do it again. She said it’s not likely going to get flagged due to people looking that up for research projects and stuff. I’m just afraid repeatedly searching it up will cause some sort of alert. I feel so scared and full of nerves. I guess that’s what the ERP is supposed to do, but it was so scary. So scary :(

Hello! I am really looking for some advice. I have been struggling with OCD for a few years now and it drastically affects my daily life. I am going to give a quick run through of my OCD, and then the current situation I am in now. So for almost 2 years now my most prominent themes of OCD have been getting sick with the stomach bug (emetaphobia) and watching someone die/ having to see large amount of blood or do CPR on someone (I just graduated nursing school). Last year I stopped eating out, wouldn’t touch any of my food with my hands, would wash my hands until they bleed every day, bleached everything I touched when I was in public etc… I would have these major panic attacks all the time and the thought of getting sick hasn’t left my head 24/7 for 2 years. I was unable to complete my nursing school clinicals due to panic attacks each time I was at the hospital afraid someone would die and get these terrible images in my head. I didn’t sleep ever, barely graduated. I did ERP after school and was able to make up the clinical days I missed. Got to a point where I was eating again, felt like I was able to get my hands clean just by washing them. I have been doing exposures every day, and have accepted that getting sick will probably happen at one point and I am okay with it as long as I am at home when it happens. So locking myself in my apartment for 48hr every time after I could have been exposed to the stomach bug is major progress for me and I have been overall doing much better. Fast forward to now: It’s time for me to start my new job on a med/surg floor in a hospital. This week I have made it through a few days of orientation with panic attacks day and night but I am doing it even though I am petrified. I don’t feel ready for this big of a step, being exposed to both of my biggest fears constantly. Today at orientation the girl sitting next to me told me she had been vomiting all day, and continued to run out of the room a vomit the rest of the day. I now am 90% sure I am going to get sick and feel as if I would rather die than continue this amount of stress and anxiety I have felt from just a few days of being on the job. This is my BIGGEST fear and it’s coming true and I don’t know if it’s worth putting myself through this every day at work to just be having constant panic attacks and be miserable. I know with OCD you have to face your fears but I have been pushing myself and trying so hard and I don’t feel like it’s worth it to work this job. I would also feel incredibly guilty for quitting on the first week, but there are a million other nursing jobs that are not in a hospital. I think this is too big of a step for me right now but I wanted to see what others think. Any advice at all is so appreciated!

Someone on here posted about being triggered by a post on pocd where someone else confessed to something really creepy and that they were a p and that they didn’t want to be like the poster because they really were a p and were just looking to not feel guilty. And they blocked the person too. And I’m so scared they meant me and that means I really am horrible and just looking to assuage my guilt. I’m so scared.

I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.

I’m kinda growing weak in my faith and trust in god that he will heal me or he’s with me anyone have anything they can tell me that will help me have a little hope?

First, I want to apologize for any language errors—English is my second language as I’m originally from West Africa. After reading extensively online and watching many YouTube videos, I’ve come to realize that I may have been struggling with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) for over ten years. It has been an on-and-off battle, but the symptoms have always returned. I experience extremely unrealistic and intrusive thoughts that seem to trigger my body into releasing stress hormones, leading to overwhelming fear. This creates a cycle that feels unbreakable—like being trapped in a deep, dark hole. My mind is consumed by these thoughts 24/7, making it hard to focus, concentrate, or think about anything positive or meaningful. This has been my reality since my undergraduate studies. I’ve spent years trying to figure out what caused it or what event may have triggered this spiral, but I can’t pinpoint anything specific. I’ve even tried writing down my educational background and history, hoping to gain some clarity, but it hasn’t helped. When I was pursuing my bachelor’s degree in my home country, I often felt like I wouldn’t graduate. However, I was persistent and worked extremely hard. In the end, I not only graduated but also scored the second highest in my batch, earning a silver medal with a GPA of 3.96/4. Despite the challenges OCD threw at me, I didn’t give up. I applied for a master’s program and was awarded a fully funded scholarship to study in Germany. Even then, the intrusive thoughts were relentless—scary and unrealistic. They made me question everything, even dragging me back to painful and frightening memories from my past. Still, I persevered and completed my master’s degree with a strong GPA. I went on to apply for Ph.D. programs and received multiple offers. Today, I’m pursuing my Ph.D. in Electrical Engineering at a prestigious school in the U.S. My first semester went well academically, but mentally, I feel like I’m losing myself. It feels like I’m no longer the person I used to be. I feel lost. People around me—my family, friends, and colleagues—have high expectations of me, but inside, I’m struggling. OCD and constant rumination have left me mentally and emotionally exhausted, causing what I believe is burnout. It’s as if I’m trapped in a cycle that has detached me from reality and from my true self. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. Today, I took a step toward addressing this by visiting my university’s health center to seek professional help and discuss possible medications. I am holding onto hope that I can recover, live a good life, and rediscover my ambitions. I wonder when it will be my turn to feel genuinely happy and free. If anyone else is experiencing something similar, please know you are not alone. I’d be grateful to connect and support each other through this journey. Thank you for reading. Love ya all.

Yesterday my ex and I had let eachother go for the second time. I’m currently at work right now. My stomach hurts so bad and I just feel this intense amount of guilt. I’m going to try and explain this best as I can so bare with me… 2 weeks ago I was driving home from work and this might not be an “ocd” thing… maybe it’s just a me thing that I have to work on, but anyways on the way home we usually talk and catch up. While I was in the middle of talking and telling her about what happend at work, her sister ended up calling her in the middle of our conversation. So she put me on hold. I have explained to her it kinda bothers me when I have to stop mid convo when someone calls or talks to her. I don’t know why, but I get annoyed and I hate that I get that way. I gotta work on that. It’s also not her fault that she got a call. She can’t plan when people call her or not. I know this sounds so childish and silly, but because I got mad, I had a messed up thought and could feel myself mouthing it. I chose to think negatively in that moment. So after having me on hold, I was so mad at myself that I thought so negatively and immediately felt this guilt. I felt like I couldn’t carry on the conversation after what just happened (me almost saying the instrusive thought.) She asked me “Sorry what were u saying?” I replied with..” uhhh nevermind.” The. She said, “no go on.” I tried to hold myself together and said “can I call u back?” Then she said “what did I do?” I said “nothing.” And then she said …”what’s wrong?” And I just snapped. I don’t know if any of you guys snap and your significant other when u have these “ocd thoughts.” But I made her my punching bag in that moment. I was trying to hang up calmly but she kept asking and the more I felt guilty. We didn’t talk for a couple hours and I became closed off and dry, but apologized. I just needed to get myself together cuz in my head I’m thinking “there’s no coming back from what u almost said.” Ugh but basically she had said that she needed a couple days of space , but couple days turned into almost 2 weeks. As the days went by, I started overthinking and I had a gut feeling it was different this time. I ended up being right. I think she has told me she was initially gonna take a few days, but after talking to her therapist, she said that we don’t have to talk right away and to take time to herself. Lol I was Lowkey annoyed cuz I was like “ohhhh so this was yo therapists idea huh?” We ended up laughing about that. But sum that stuck is that my ex said was…” after this I’m done.” If I’m honest, I’m still kinda thinking about that. I think there’s been a lot that happened during this relationship and I feel like I made her my punching bag and would lash out and would distance myself when I had those messed up thoughts. I tried my best to protect her. But during these couple months I’ve been in therapy, we have been friends. That’s why I said “ex” because it’s complicated, but also because my ocd would flare up and make me second guess and I thought it would be easier to be friends so I wouldn’t second guess anything. I actually liked it because there was no pressure and we got along for a few months. She also had said something about “maybe for right now we just need to figure things out.” Kinda making it seem like we will talk in the future. So I called her out and said, “you just said we were done tho.” I don’t know, apart of me wants to think we’ll talk again. We just need to focus on ourselves and I’ll miss her, but I know for right now, no relationship. I need to get better. I feel like “ocd” ruined my relationship with her and drained her. I’ll admit I am a lot to handle and she really tried her best to make me feel better. I just feel so bad. It’s like everytime I would start to feel sum… another thought would pop up. This is so exhausting. I feel like I don’t deserve her. What do u guys think about this situation and has anyone had similar experience ?

If you had to pick one piece of advice from your therapist, or otherwise, that made the most dramatic impact on your recovery, what would it be? For me, maybe not "the most" but something my therapist said that radically changed my mindset for the better was that OCD is not an expert on anything. It doesn't know something, literally anything, that I don't. It doesn't have a medical degee, a law degree or any other degree. It's not a theologian, an astronomer or even a psychic. OCD is a small-minded stranger who knows nothing about anything and, maybe because of that, they have something to prove. They come up to you (knowing nothing about you) and they start acting like they know more about everything, including you and the kind of person you are. Being able to remind myself that OCD is a random, unknowing (for lack of a better word) idiot and being able to reframe its intrusions through this lens and this voice has significantly helped me in being able to talk back to OCD and even to prevent compulsions before they start. Looking forward to hearing what piece of advice has helped you all the most!

I had a 3 year long relationship (I was 15 when we started dating). I always wanted to get married young, he claimed that we could do that a few years later. There were problems at the end of the relationship (he was really into sports, it was almost his priority, his mother didn't want that we would spend so much time together...). I started to feel that he is lying to me (about his wishes regarding our future) because he didn't want to loose me. He proposed (2 months before we broke up) but it was probably only to make me happy (a shut up ring basically😆). After our breakup it was a hard time for me, I also lost my only and best friend and I was alone after 3 years. I focused on myself, but because of my loneliness I had dating apps. I met a lot of new people, it was never serious. It always somehow ended. 6 months later I met my now husband, he was (and is) amazing, caring, loving...he is everything I wanted. He understood my trauma from the previous relationship. Unfortunately my ROCD has started that time, it was awful. But he was there for me. We soon ended up getting married despite my anxiety. I love him, he is like my best friend. But now my OCD got worse. I have thoughts like I don't love him, how do I know for sure that I love him? What if I'm in denial...The last month I have really often thoughts about my ex, a lot of things remind me of him, I dream about getting back together, I'm comparing him to my husband. I have really bad anxiety, I have thoughts like what if I love my ex, what if I have to leave my husband because of this...it is so bad. I don't want to loose him. I had also urges to stalk my ex on social media in the past, yesterday I had to do it to analyze if I'm feeling something (he has a new girlfriend and posts her a lot). I can't even describe what I felt..anger, sadness, jealousy?, but it was so weird, I have also thoughts that I hope that he knows that I'm married, that he is jealous, I wish that they break up...I'm so ashamed, I don't want to lie to myself, to my husband...I don't want to hurt him, he is such a good person, I don't want to leave him, our marriage...I don't understand what that all means... I'm so sorry for the long text...I just really need to talk with someone about it...

My OCD has me feeling suicidal. I don’t have suicidal OCD (if that’s a thing) but I have lived with OCD my entire life, it’s gotten so bad that it is unbearable. I have just right OCD, and the constant feeling of things needing to “feel right” is eating me up inside. I don’t want to live this way. Even when I try to live with discomfort, I physically cannot. My head will actually hurt until I get things to point of feeling right. It’s to the point where I feel as though my brain chemistry has been altered. When I do follow through with a compulsion, I’ll sometimes have dreams of those obsessions and it’s so scary. I don’t know what to do. I want to live. I want to be happy and healthy. But this OCD is really making that tremendously difficult. I can’t do anything for myself, nor be a support for those around me, and whom I love. I don’t know what to do anymore😞😔💔💔💔

I think I’m going through the hardest depression right now. I’ve never felt so compelled to just stop getting up and stop living. I know it’s hard to hear, I just really feel bad. Right now I even feel like an attention seeker. I just wanted to know, are there any tips to raise me from this hole im in? Has anyone else felt like this an pulled themselves out?

i have uninstalled this app for one day bc someone here told me so but i dtarted talkinv to chat gbt again after one week of not talking to it. i am scared and i dont know what i feel but i do at the same time, i know i love my boyfriend but i still have this strange feeling in me, and so many emotions, i sometimes think he is cringe and annoying and i dont like it i dont understand what i feel now. I am scared that i will mot have anxiety anymotr and the thoughts will be true. i wamt to cry but i cant im so confused, one moment im happy one moment im confused and i feel strange

Is it just me or is reddit and quora the worst things to be on when you’re in a spiral or just in general when you have OCD? Why is it always mostly negative replies on there or just ‘move on, get over it’ ‘break up’, ‘what’s wrong with you?’ responses? I’ve accidentally made it a habit/compulsion to go on there when I’m freaking out about something and it always makes me worse - especially when it comes to ROCD! It always make me doubt my own thoughts and emotions :(

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been having these anxiety induced thoughts about me liking women, I have never been attracted to a woman. It started with one of my friends saying he thought i was a lesbian when he first met me, then one of my teachers asking him if i was bi. When he told me that I started overthinking and now i’m scared. I don’t want to be a lesbian and i’ve only ever liked guys. My brain is telling me i like girls but i know I like guys. When i’m distracted i don’t think about it but when i’m alone it starts up again, it makes my heart ache which is really annoying but I know it’s just my anxiety. I’m not really sure what to do and it’s stressing me out.

HELP! Relationship ruminating worries Hi all. I am diagnosed anxiety, depression, ADHD, and recent in the last year PTSD. No OCD diagnosis, yet I’m having rumination struggles that have caused me to join this app seeking maybe some help or tips. I’m 20 and in my first ever committed relationship, we’ve been seeing each other about 5 months, and dating about 2-3. I’m in a huuuuge anxiety episode right now. And all day I ruminate about how to find relief in my own mind. However, recently my rumination has latched on/moved towards questioning thoughts that I’ve never had before about my relationship. I’ll be sitting normally, and ‘remember’ that the ruminating thoughts exist from a pang of anxiety, and then start thinking them again, with the goal of ‘figuring out’ how I feel about him. It feels urgent that I figure it out, and it makes me feel like I’ve lost everything I know about love to be true about our good relationship. I love my boyfriend, and it’s been a very positive, nice first relationship experience so far. Whenever I am with him in person, I have never had any of these thoughts. Another variable that has potentially changed this thinking for me is that we have been apart nearly a month for the first time, since I am on holiday with family. However, it’s been tolerable, I miss him, but a normal amount. The thoughts are things like, “am I making the right decision to be in a relationship?” “Is he really the one that I want to be committed to?” “Is this how a relationship is supposed to feel, is it right for me?” “I don’t think I want this long LONG term, isn’t that bad? Aren’t I making the wrong decision, then?” “Is what I feel truly love? Is this idea of ‘love’ truly strong like it might be with another person who is ‘better’ for me?” “Have I been zoning out this whole time, and made a decision of commitment that is totally not my style and not my thing?” I don’t really believe that most of these are true. I chose this relationship at the time based off of true gut and heart feeling. I love my partner. But when I’m worrying, they start to feel potentially true. I ruminate for hours and days trying to figure out and come to a better mental feeling about it. Trying to answer all of these questions has proved useless- I never feel better after spiraling into thought. However, when I think about these questions, I start to believe that they really might be true, and for some reason that scares me a lot. My main fear that Comes from this process is that I may really truly feel this way, and just not clearly know it yet. Just wondering if anyone else has had these thoughts. I told my partner about them but it didn’t help too much, he just told me I have nothing to worry about and that he loves me a lot, he has no mental health issues and doesn’t really understand my severe ruminating anxiety yet. I start therapy again in about a week and a half, so I will bring this up to them next session, but I have been a worried wreck. Let me know if you have any pointers/similar experience.

One minute I’m crying over the thoughts the next minute I’m “enjoying” the thoughts

I often have very visceral and horrifying images of myself dying, usually in an accident that nobody expected. Sometimes I imagine images of my family or friends dying in the same situations, and it drives me nuts. I tell myself I think this way to get attention, like it feels like I have this voice in my head that tells me I want attention so bad that I create fake scenarios in my head that make people feel sympathy for me. But I don’t want to believe it, I don’t believe it. I feel like I’m in a constant battle in my own head!! Does anyone have this same issue?

no clue if this is compulsive, but I’m interested to hear any obsessions others have that aren’t the “common” ones you see online about what ROCD is? a few for me: - thoughts about their partner being with someone else instead (sometimes a specific person) and then trying to analyze your reaction to it? e.g. does it *feel* more right than us, do I actually feel happy for them, etc. - trying to imagine your partner in your current situation or maybe a specific future situation (when they’re not around) and trying to decide if they “fit” in it? - being super scared of losing them, then suddenly feeling like you don’t care much for them at all, and just constantly cycling? - I almost never fully enjoyed sex because I was constantly obsessing about whether or not I was turned on, turned on “enough,” if I was just having groinal responses and wasn’t actually turned on, looking at his face just to decide if I find him attractive enough, comparing my experience with how I feel watching content alone, etc.

I've been posting and commenting often, and I've developed this weird fear? Like, what if one of my posts or something I've said has made someone uncomfortable, or maybe they didn't agree, and they blocked me or just disliked me in general? It's so silly because this is a place where you should be comfortable to share anything, and there's always going to be people in life who have different opinions than you or maybe even dislike you. I know that, but I'd just hate to make someone upset or uncomfortable. I don't think I have, but... it's just been this reoccurring thought of mine. I'm also afraid of accidentally offering reassurance. I'm sure I have at some point... It began after I made a vulnerable post on here, and I felt self-conscious about it the next day. It's just been nagging me ever since. Has anyone else felt this way after posting or commenting? Just wondering, thank you! 🤍