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the NOCD Community

When you get a stuck thought in your mind, as stupid or untrue as it may be, how do any of you block them out, or try to at least? It’s like my mind has another voice telling me making up the stupidest things?

My SOOCD has been pretty loud lately and the fact that everytime I go out with mu friends I feel like I cant relate to their stories but everytime I go on reddit (I know it a compulsion) and read the responds to "how did you know you were a lesbian" and feel like I cant relate doesnt help at all. I was doing really well and even tho the thoughts were there I was happy with my bf. The onlu thing that bothered me is that I felt like I wouldnt be mad if he broke up with me were as if I imagine it with a women I feel like mu heart would be broken and that I would finally understadn what my friends go through... so yeah that's a pretty big thing because I know that a lot of therapist (and lesbian) say that if you can move on easily from someone its that you never loved them. And honeslty I have a pretty anxious attachment style so usually I would have to be more heartbroken than other if that were to happen with me and I would have to be scared and jealous during my relationship, which I am not. and I know its healther that way but is it real? Im soo lost, Im shaking I just wanna cry and im sure that sociatal pressure and the fact that I do not have a lot of queer friends are making this even harder. I just dont want to realise in 20 years that all of this was fake and right now it feels like it is and im just convincing myself to stay. Also ive been on birth control for 10+ years and I heard that a lot of women who stopped it started geing with women and did not feel any attraction whatsoever to men. And it also feels like if I were to ever try woth women I would never go back to men. and that its only fear thats stopping me... Idk if its soocd or not but it doesnt feel like it. I know Im all over the place but if anyone relates or could give some advice it would be great thank you!

I am 26, and l've had sexual OCD all my life without noticing. I thought the thoughts were my own and I explored them. Not I have finally found the answer to my hypersexuality, which is OCD. I was obsessed with one specific act and now I'm left with the memories of a crippling porn addiction. Please someone tell me I'm not alone that mistook OCD as own desires growing up. I simply didn't know any better. How can I stop beating myself up about it?

i want to mention first i have rocd (i think) for over a year and i obsess very severely over the faft that i live mg bf or not. i realised that i find him annoying and cringe sometimes and thats just his humor. i used to not have a problem either that. I have moments when i lought with him because of him, but sometimes, especially when i feel anxiety every thing he says and does is cringe and annoying to me. For example in the mornings he is a little “funny” and says random stuff and bacause he has vacation rn he woke up later then me, he usually wakes up later then me, and i had a thought that i dont want him to wake up bc he is hoinv to annoy me. im scared i dont like him and i dont apreciate who he is. why foni like him? i dont even know.. we make 2 yrs in april. i hate how i feel. i feel so bad.. what if he is not for me. i feel bad. these thoughts feel real, im scared i just dint want to accept the truth, i dont know if this post is a compulsion bc i want a reaponse from someone but i feel siper bad

I don’t know if I have ocd or not and I wanted to ask people but I know I should go to a therapist and ask them. But it’s gonna be like a week till that happens and I’m spiraling right now and I need reassurance from someone bc I can’t talk abt it to anyone in irl bc their gonna think I’m crazy and weird asf. So I get really bad thought of children and I want them to just stop like it physically makes me scared like I feel so scared and that I’m weird and I’m a p!do. Like for these past two days I feel like I’m going crazy I just want it to stop I’ve had for a year and a half. Like I felt like if I opened up abt it everyone would think I’m weird and every time I get these thoughts it makes just want pull my hair out and bang my head on a wall. I’ve researched this topic recently bc I honestly didn’t know what’s wrong with me. Bc before I did see a tik tok video abt pocd and I was like that’s what I’m feeling and I felt better but I still get thse thoughts everyday and I’ve tried to ignore it but it’s still there haunting me. I feel every time I talk to people I feel like oh they know or what would they say if they knew what my thoughts were. Then yesterday I was researching the topic pocd bc I wanted to figure out wtf is wrong with me. So I related to all the video I saw and what they talked abt and I felt better. But then when I was trying to sleep I felt fear but I tried ignoring than fell asleep. Then I woke up around 5 am and I couldn’t go back to sleep. Cuz my thoughts and my body wouldn’t leave me alone. My thoughts were saying what “if ur faking it to justify ur thoughts” or “u don’t have ocd ur just a p!do.” Like my thoughts were saying u don’t have ocd ur crazy and weird. I couldn’t sit still and my heart beat was going so fast and I couldn’t still still. I felt so bad and currently I don’t feel that bad but I still have this feeling of anxiety and fear and I tried sleeping but I woke up again with anxiety and fear. So now I’m awake writing this and I just need help I want to get better I want these thoughts,feeling inside me. And if I go into the details of my thoughts it makes me so scared.

I've been struggling with feeling like a "bad/weird/wrong person" for a while now and I feel like every day I'm hyperaware of things I say and do, comparing myself to others (especially "bad people" from movies or documentaries), feeling like I have to figure out what's wrong with me, feeling vulnerable in public, etc. This has put a huge strain on my relationships and school work, where I feel stuck in my head constantly unable to focus. When I talk to people I feel hyperaware of how much I use the word "I" in my conversations, and I beat myself up after for being selfish. I've been crying a lot, almost everyday, especially when I go digging through my memories to figure out if I've always been "bad" and trying to diagnose myself. On one hand I feel as though I should dig all these things up in order to fix myself, but on the other hand I find myself becoming more irritated, isolated and depressed whenever I go down this road. I thought doing all of these things would make me a better person but I think it's just making myself and everyone around me miserable. So I'm wondering, is all this comparison, rumination and hyper-self-awareness just a compulsion that must be resisted? I'm afraid if I don't do these things my "badness" will go unchecked and get worse. (As I type this I feel like I'm also probably lying/exaggerating).

Hello! I just got diagnosed with OCD a week ago and joined the app today to find a sense of community. Since my understanding of treatment is minimal at this point, I'm confused why everything on here tells us not to seek or give reassurance? If someone could explain the reasoning behind that it would be greatly appreciated, as I want to make sure I'm not only watching out for it in my personal life but also using this app appropriately.

Anyone else have this problem? I have to have a constant eye on my food (Like- I can't eat in the dark) because I'll convince myself bugs are crawling in my food as I'm not looking 😣

I usually don’t post on here but today has just been something else. my normal 20 minute drive to work took me 50 minutes, and my way home from work took me another 50 minutes, and then getting back in my car to drive back and forth around for like another hour. allll because of hit and run ocd. i’ve been conquering ocd now for quite some time and i was doing so great, all of a sudden the intrusive thoughts/images are like a level 10 anxiety. today when i drove around again to check the roads i went on, the compulsion barely even worked to ease my anxiety momentarily since my brain would come up with a new one the moment i got to the street. at some point i had to be like ok this is out of control im going home. now i sit at home dwelling on my whole drive! mentally reviewing (my go to compulsion with this theme) is not working either, cause my brain won’t let me like fully see the memory. it keeps giving me what ifs and blurry confusing memories. just looking to see if anyone relates as this is one of the most lonely themes ever for me :’) and it feels embarrassing for me when the people around me are witnessing it!

Last night I had a fucked up intrusive thought/urge about harming my partner and I'm spinning out today. I let them know I had an intrusive thought and was struggling with compulsions around it and future repercussions, but did not tell them exactly what the thought/urge was, which they accepted. Do y'all share details with your partners about harm ocd? How can we healthily ask for support from people we are having horrible thoughts about?

Hey all. I’ve been on NOCD for maybe two months, or three? and I’m still struggling. My episode of “OCD” started at the end of September last year, and ever since it’s been hell. The first month was what I can only describe as torture. I was crying every day, vomiting from anxiety, and the moment I woke up I was seized by panic in my chest and fear of the day to come.My favorite part of the day was nighttime because I knew I could go to sleep and have the briefest respite from the constant stream of intrusive thoughts. The very first thought I had was one of POCD, and it terrorized me for days on end before I finally told my mom and boyfriend out of feeling the need that if they knew and knew how scared I was, they would be able to help me and stop me from doing anything. It felt good to know that they were still there for me despite what I was thinking, but that relief didn’t last very long. Soon nothing they could say was enough to calm me down, and I was put on 50 mg of sertraline. I barely ate and found that one of the few things that brought me comfort was researching my symptoms online. I came across OCD and then NOCD, and to this day am fairly convinced I have “pure” OCD. The three psychologists I’ve visited say, though, that I’m not showing any compulsions like magical thinking or counting, and that then it’s not OCD and I’m suffering from a severe depressive/ anxious episode. I’m struggling a lot with this because it’s almost as if I need to have OCD, because then that means I have a condition that’s been studied and that I can be helped. Then I feel as if I’m trying to manipulate my psychologists into diagnosing me with it. My current psychologist recognizes that I’m dealing with obsessive thoughts, but since I haven’t told her about any conducts she believes that my intrusive thoughts are a result of depression or some trauma that I haven’t fully processed yet. I’ve lived through some stuff, but I struggle to understand exactly which one of them was so bad and harmful to me that it’s destroyed me like this. I’ve always kind of moved on from things and thought that I’ve healed from them, because nothing has ever hurt me like this. As such I’m feeling extremely hopeless because no matter which name is tied to my condition, I get the idea that I’m going to continue thinking about it every day for the rest of my life because I’ll never forget I thought of such horrible things. That makes me feel like I don’t want to live anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to kill myself, I desperately want to live and be happy again and accomplish all my goals. But the idea of dragging this with me for days upon days upon days is so tiring, that I wish my conscience could just cease to exist. I’ve thought of hurting myself just to show everyone how bad I’m hurting, and how desperate I am. That would bring no good and I can only imagine how that could hurt my parents. So I’m living each day and holding on. Sometimes it gets better, and sometimes it gets worse. Today is the latter and I just felt like I needed to vent. Thank you if you read up to here. I wish you all the best :)

I’m really down and don’t have anyone i feel i can turn to. I’m just so tired of living as myself. I hate who i love with including myself. I feel so worthless. Having ocd on top of it makes me feel like im just a waste of space. I dont know how to stop feeling this way. Or if i deserve to. That’s all :(

I had about 3 panic attacks, lost what’s been a very HUGE appetite lately. Cried myself to sleep. Spiraled, spiraled, and spiraled. I’m calming down but I’m still spinning mentally. Probably gonna keep crying all night 😛 I’m sorry if anyone else had a bad day today 💗 We can do this, stay strong 💕

Medication for OCD? Hello all, 19 male here, this seems like a cool community that isn’t nearly as triggering as reddit. I have pretty severe bouts of existential thinking or fear of going crazy ( psychosis ) after some pretty heavy mushroom trips a few years ago, I know logically I should be fine but I do know what it’s like to lose it and it’s scary. Currently I deal with relationship focused OCD, it’s all day from before I even open my eyes. I want things to work out with my girlfriend badly. Also I can come close to a panic attack sometimes which perpetuates everything. Anyway, I mention the fear of going crazy because the way my anxiety/derealization makes me feel is that I’m not mentally stable cause I feel out of it or unreal. I saw that a lot of anxiety and depression medication can cause psychosis and I feel like I could use some help in getting ahead of my OCD because the compulsions are had not to give into when I’m in such distress/not knowing. Plus overall I just feel like I have no idea how I feel about close to anything. Anyone relate about that ?

The 13th of January was when I first started experiencing Rocd. I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for 9 months. Never had a doubt before. I was literally looking at wedding dresses and couldn’t be happier. I ALSO had been going cold turkey off of my lexepro for a month and a half (I’ve been on ssris since I was 6, I’m 19 now). One day it was like something had possessed me. Like I was fighting the urge to literally break up with my boyfriend. Thoughts flooded my mind. “I don’t love him” “you need to leave”. Of course, I was freaked out. This has been my longest, and ONLY healthy relationship I’ve been in. I never was able to get past the infatuation stage, since either my exes would break up with me, or I’d have to distance myself for my mental health. I love this man. And literally have grown so much since I’ve been with him. He’s been nothing but patient though out this. Which shows me even more tjay I love him. But at last, even though I’m not as anxious anymore. I still have thoughts. “What if I don’t love him” “Am I too young to know what love is, like everyone says” “what if my body is trying to tell me something”. They’re tolerable. But damn. I just want peace sometimes. Can I get any tips from people who have recovered from Rocd. Because I have committed to loving this man for the rest of my life, but I sometimes lose hope that this won’t go away

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me because I'm really hopeless?

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

so i was on instagram and it came up with other signs of ocd then someone commented this doesn’t mean you have ocd now im stressed that its not ocd background - i had so-ocd for a few years then got treatment for it but am now on the waiting list for further treatment for other stuff but i dont have another theme which makes me feel like its not ocd my day to day life consists of touching the door handle every time you go past it or someone will die, and inability to send emails without re reading loads of times and getting other people to check because im scared i wrote something bad but the what if it’s not ocd thought is triggering me now and i don’t know what do

Hi everyone :) My name is Ezzy, joining from Germany. I've always had OCD since I was a little kid (I'm 23 now). Since I'm in my first real relationship for over two years, my OCD decided to cling onto it. I struggle A LOT with false memory ocd too. The thing I wanted to talk about today is about false memory OCD too I think but I'm really not sure. But I want to accept the fact that yes, maybe it did happen the exact same way. But I feel nauseous accepting it. Last year in August I think I met a new colleague and she is GORGEOUS!! She showed me her boyfriend and my head immediately started comparing her bf to mine. The part which I am very unsure about is that I got envious of her boyfriend. Now as much as I remember I never had that problem before but my head keeps telling me that this definitely happened. Let's say it did happen, how can I cope with this? I feel disgusting even thinking about this. Please tell me how to deal with this. I don't want to confess to my boyfriend but it feels so wrong not to. Thank You in advance ❤️

Hello, my name is Tim. I decided to become a therapist because I am fascinated in learning about the ways that people experience and interact with the world around them. In short, I aim to develop a greater understanding for other’s experiences. I was originally interested in treating OCD because of the use of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). At its core, ERP reveals a valuable lesson, which is confronting the things that we are afraid of helps us grow. Members seem comfortable with me because my first goal in therapy is non-judgemental listening. If you're struggling right now, OCD and ERP are both incredibly challenging, but you are capable and resilient. Just remember to try and take one small step at a time even though it may not feel right or perfect. I'm here to answer any questions you have about your OCD or questions about starting therapy, simply drop them into the comments below!