Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have read many people use the word theme in their posts. I think I know what that means as far as OCD goes but could someone please confirm me??? Thanks!

the feeling during intimacy with my partner, and just when it's a nice moment, what?! I find vivid thoughts and scenes and it seems that I want them and that they stimulate me... I'm going crazy

does anyone else get really sick like every 2-3 weeks. i dont know if its my anxiety but i always get really bad nausea flu type symptoms every few weeks and like headaches with sinus and ear issues but the doctor said everythings fine and ive been to ER like 3 times and they said everything’s perfect :(

So today I’ve been crying all day. My existential OCD has flared up in the past week and it may or may not have been because of me trying to quit nicotine. Don’t get me wrong I had been having thoughts before that but it seemed to be at a calm for a few months. I also have been alone for the past week due to my mom going away on vacation. That may or may not have been a factor as well. But I’ve been feeling really depressed and scared. So much has been on my mind that it would be paragraphs and paragraphs so I’ll just leave it up to the people who have experienced existential OCD. I’ve noticed that I haven’t been giving much attention to my other subtypes in the sense of challenging them. I guess I felt that since I had the scary existential thoughts on hold that I didn’t have to work on the other stuff because I felt like those things were worth worrying about instead of worrying about my purpose or why am I me type of thoughts. I just write this to share and maybe get advice from anyone experiencing what I’ve been experiencing. I’m going to keep going though and keep trying to kick OCD’s ass. Because what’s the alternative? Lol. Hope whoever is reading this is enjoying the little things and giving themselves grace and having a good day. 😊🙏

When I share about false memory ocd and people tell me " you know the answer deep down," " you can find the answer within yourself" i feel horrible because i don't know the answer if something happened or not because I'm in conflict if it happened or not due to memories popping up and my innerself saying it happened but then I argue against it and I don't know if I'm arguing against it because I don't want to accept the truth

This past week I realized I have not friends. It makes me feel lonely. I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, so my only social life would be work or church. I don’t have a job right now due to medical reasons. But I feel like such a fucking loser right now. The voices of my family and myself are making me feel horrible. “You couldn’t even kill yourself right.” Is what my brother said. He told me I need to grow up and realize that nobody gives a fuck. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Am I really just a sensitive piece of shit? Am I just being dramatic? I feel so lost right now. I can’t stop comparing myself to others who seem to be doing so well. It’s not like I haven’t been searching for a job. They’ve all turned me down. I’ve gotten help and I know my resume is great. Maybe my dad is right that it’s really just how I am. People are hired because of the way they are. I am not outgoing or friendly or approachable and it makes me hate myself so much. I know I can’t kill myself. I can’t put that financial and emotional burden on my family. I’m already enough of a burden as it is. I know that I’m “never a burden,” but the truth is I am. My mom even admitted that I was the most burden of a child and it makes me feel so guilty. I wish they didn’t love me. It’s so selfish and horrible to say that. I know there’s someone out there who deserves my life and family more than I do. I deserve punishment and failure. But I want an answer. It’s impossible to know the future. Am I right? Am I really destined for failure? If only I got that answer I’d be relieved. It’s not the ideal answer, but it’s still an answer. I don’t have to try anymore. It’s fucking tiring. I know I’m not alone. I just don’t know anymore. Maybe I need to realize that this is real life and life’s not fair.

Hi about a week ago I found out I have ocd and chronic anxiety! I tried zoloft and it was terrible for me. I also started therapy and I take hydroxyzine but I will discuss further medication with my doctor. My question is I have a huge fear that I'm going crazy, I am crazy, or schizophrenic to the point I'm so hyper aware of my surrounding ill look out the corner of my eye to make sure I'm nit seeing anything ill make sure to double check what I'm hearing and it's so draining! I get really scared and go into a panic and cry 😅 I need some reassurance has anyone felt this way my doctor and therapist explained it to me but I'm still very scared. I feel like one day I'll have a break and I won't be the same! I tried the grounding exercise and breathing it helps temporarily. I also cut out smoking weed and none of my family has this but I feel like I have it or ill develope it even though it's rare!

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

I been going to church looking for answers about my false memories if they are even false and overall ocd. Everything that I'm learning about ocd ultimately I get told that it's due to sin and that's why I feel overwhelmed and have the urge to confess on things idk if they are real or not. I just dont know whats my truth my mind Is saying one thing but I need a lot of confirmation if what im thinking its true thats why i been seeking confirmation going to church. Would appreciate a response or if anyone is going through this 🙏

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

Ever just feel like a big burden to everyone?

Terrified of aggressive homeless right by my apartment 4 times already this week I have been continuously stalked, verbally threaten, and shown the middle finger. These 2 homeless people stay everyday at a nearby park just 1 minute from my apartment and loiter around on either sidewalk beside my building and surrounding residential neighborhood. I have filed police reports and been told to avoid the area but I live in this area so l am always encountering these terrifying people. They definitely know my appearance and dog So l am change my clothes and dog haircut I am terrified stepping outside my home and returning to it . I've informed my property manager as well. And I do have pepper spray and a taser but just freeze up and afraid to use it confidently Fear I could be looking like the assailant on these "defenseless homeless" ?? I've even asked the local homeless outreach to intervene and get these individuals help. How can I feel safe again? I am obsessing they will physically assault me given the verbal threats they will hurt me. Paranoid they know my every movements, when I leave home , trying to walk a different route and a different time and when I go home. Constant looking at my surrounds and behind my shoulder. Trying to stay close to groups of families, well lit area, restaurants Overall have not had such horrible encounters in this neighborhood until now (edited)

Currently having an anxious night because my hormones are doing whatever they want before my cycle starts. It's so frustrating. I feel very, very on edge and like I'm constantly anxious about something bad happening. Also been nauseous and having sleep issues. So irritating. How does everyone else deal with the spike in anxiety and OCD before periods? I'm seeing an endocrinologist on Monday to try and help but I feel so stressed out.

I felt really overwhelmed with my thoughts and just so over it. I had my breathing controlled normally. It’s just so fucking annoying and frustrating that a normal thing like breathing is a hassle and something that I’m scared to do on a day to day basis recently. I had it controlled. I just wanna know if there’s people out there with a similar problem or something. I have this thing, this problem with a feeling of my thoughts coming out of my breath when I breathe I can’t breathe normally. It’s annoying and it takes me a couple days to finally catch my breath. I was doing good but then I ran out of my meds and the problem came back I was off my meds for 2 days. I had a breakdown about it today bc the thoughts are so perverse and I just wannabe in a normal situation again and be happy and normal it’s so hard to maintain. I don’t know what’s going on.

Hey everyone. I’m new to this app and have been recently diagnosed with OCD. My symptoms were something I had all my life but only recently took the step to seek therapy. Hoping to share my journey with y’all soon and recover together.

I think it's just anxiety, but I've been experiencing random bouts of anxiety around the evenings, usually around 8pm is when it kicks in. Is there an explanation for this? My head will feel cold and I'll start to feel dizzy and sick. Sometimes I worry it could be my eating habits.

Does anyone else find it hard to let go of an intrusive thought when you can find some irrelevant truth to it that feels relevant? Examples: **“You’re attracted to *insert inappropriate person* (family member/child/animal)”** “But they are pretty/cute/adorable…” **“You think your bf is ugly.”** “Well, his hair did look weird the other day and I’ve taken unflattering photos of him. He *could* be (more fit/better dressed/etc)…” **“What if I actually want bad things to happen to me for attention?”** “Well, I have imagined people comforting me… and sometimes I do not mind when others check in on me.” **“What if I’m actually a bad person deep down?”** “Well, I have made mistakes before… and sometimes I do not immediately feel guilty.” **“What if I secretly want to be with someone else?”** “I have thought about what it would be like to date different people.” **“You wanted (family member/child/anyone else) to find you sexy”** “Well, I don’t want to be seen as ugly, and a compliment is flattering.” —— It’s such a skillful distortion at times that I don’t even realize things are twisted, and I genuinely believe the thought, causing me to panic so intensely. Only later, I look back and have small epiphanies where I realize it wasn’t at all what I thought. Anyone else?

I can’t feel happy I can’t forget how these thoughts felt and I’m actually believing I’m bad, I imagined my intrusive thoughts about stabbing on purpose it felt like I know how it feels to do that physical action and I like how it feels and then I got this feeling like I was suddenly really happy or excited about it like I discovered why evil people get a thrill out of doing evil things and it’s sticking with me I can’t forget about it or argue with it or get rid of it normally I can find reasons to know it’s not true and forget about it but this time it felt like the feeling actually came from me as if I genuinely felt happy and thought it would be enjoyable or pleasurable/appealing to do that evil thing it doesn’t feel ego dystonic i feel abnormal like im pretending to be normal I don’t even have much anxiety I just hate my life im having this i don’t know what to do unless I can find a reason to move on and think no that wasn’t real then I can’t move on everytime I rember how it felt or that feeling of being happy it feels like oh my god like I can the saved or helped please I need a solution. If it’s true that I actually felt like that horrible thing could be enjoyable can I be helped? No I can’t that means I’m bad and now I can’t be helped and have to be in a mental home because I swear it felt like it was me who felt happy not a fake feeling and I’m jsut fighting against it because I wasn’t always evil but I swear it feels like I actually liked it and it appealed to me I don’t know how to deal with this

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here in quite in some time. I'm hesitant to post but I'm battling some things that are compounding onto each other. I've had ocd since 15 I'm 30 now..I feel it's still there but much better than years ago. Currently though I'm really struggling with depression and trauma too. Atleast I believe it's trauma and my psychiatrist saw some indicators. Long story short I was in a relationship with a narcissist and I'm still recovering. I feel my nervous system is still kinda on fight or flight. I've learned that our bodies very much stores trauma. Alongside this I'm pretty critical of my appearance and my self esteem is not so great. I've been putting myself out there more and socializing but I can't shake this feeling of being stuck in an endless loop. It's hard to tell what to tackle. It's difficult for me..I don't know if ocd treatment is for me or more so trauma based therapy. I think there is some overlap..any advice or feedback would be appreciated. A side note I've done ERP in the past and I've been to treatment centers such as mclean. I feel like I need a community because I feel pretty alone but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done