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what do normal people even think about? i feel like all i do is worry and fight with myself, for months on end now, i forgot what it feels like to think like a normal person

This situation just happened and I can definitely remember how it went but my brain is telling me otherwise and I know you guys said to sit with the uncertainty but what if the intrusive thought is so bad like disgusting, I can’t sit with that. Maybe it’s false memory but this just happened. I don’t even know how to live with this

I think I may have SO-OCD and OCD in general. At a young age fear of death. I use to tap my heart 8 times (lucky number) for each person I loved. Then I think I suffered with ROCD and HOCD when I was 18 after 2 bad relationships who they ran off with a ‘close’ friend at the time. I’ve struggled with OCD and these HOCD/ SO-OCD about 12 years ago but the HOCD went and the ROCD came back and forth. I did previously last year have a Fear of death of my children with alligators going on holiday after reading a bad article in Florida which lasted few months. Briefly Started with ‘R-OCD’ again but went pretty quickly. Am I good enough for my partner? Is she going to leave me? What if she finds someone else? Though I saw a picture of a good looking male on a social media which my Brian instantly questioned if I was gay, panic and anxiety which lead to which I think is SO-OCD and HOCD. An obsession is an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters my mind, causing feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease. A compulsion is a repetitive behaviour or mental act that you feel you need to do to temporarily relieve the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought. I’m stuck in obsessive doubt around my sexual identity, even though I say that deep down i know what my sexual identity is but even this is being questioned at the minute and I want to cry. I have always, always been interested in women. That much I would say I had a sex addiction. My attraction to the opposite sex has pretty much disappeared. I have a fleeting thought of attraction which will set off a cascade of doubt and terror which some thoughts/ feelings make me physically sick. I’m scared of going out in public or even looking at people especially men for the fear of false attraction. I try to do ERP when I do have moments but it makes me want to be sick. My brain feels like it’s in a clamp and I can’t stop the constant thoughts. It feels like something is my head has stopped or not working correctly. Even at night. Every time I wake my chest seems to feel strange and the thoughts are suddenly there. I’ve tried ERP but it makes me want to be sick even when it subsides. I am still continuing this but I feel so drained. I just want to be myself again who I was 3 months ago. I hate that this has happened and I feel that I can’t cope, can’t be the husband I want to be, can’t be the father I want and was. These are my main issues at the moment; false attraction to pretty much any male even voices, decrease attraction in opposite gender, severe anxiety, I can’t sleep or eat, constant thoughts 24/7 and scenarios, groinal responses, seavere recriminatory thinking, I hate myself, I even have false attraction to myself in the mirror. What is wrong with me? I just want to be the husband and father I was a few months ago!

I’m a csa survivor which made me develop hypersexuality while actually being a asexual individual. (Where I did CP and talked to groomers and sexted, ect ect) A few months ago I’ve started to heal, but the fact that I’ve seen so many private parts since I was idk, young? I imagine them everywhere, it’s really frustrating and sometimes I also get intrusive thoughts about other kids or my siblings. It’s deeply distributing but I also kind of think of it from a curious kind of aspect which I despise too. Honestly I have a hard time with any kid in underwear, my intrusive thoughts have been ALOT the last months and they’re really really overwhelming. I also easily go into overanalysing them or even trying to figure out more clearer the thoughts to “test myself”. I think, I hope. Idk it’s scary

I'm new to NOCD, but not new to my own OCD journey. I was diagnosed in 2017 and usually experience relationship obsessions. Medication helped me tremendously and I was able to tackle and overcome the anxiety I felt when my husband and I first got together. Fast forward to now. My best friend has decided to casually enter the dating world again and that terrifies me. The fact that it scared me triggered an HOCD spiral, that I think I've now gotten myself out of. I just feel pathetic for being so fearful that my friend is going to realize she's too good for me and leave me behind once she has a partner. I know this likely stems from my own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem, but my OCD has latched itself to this fear and I've been catching myself falling into old habits that I thought I'd overcome. I don't want to be living under the cloud again. Just looking for some encouragement or someone else who understands what this feels like.

Does anyone else’s false memory intrusive thoughts of what could have happened feel very, very real?

Hi friends on NOCD, I just wanted to come on here and confide in my ROCD community and look for support. I’m struggling right now because I keep doubting if I’m actually happy in my relationship. I feel like I’m always upset at him because I hold him to such high standards and expectations because he promised me he would do things at the beginning of the relationship but he’s beginning to become more relaxed and it makes me terrified he doesn’t actually love me or care about me anymore. How can I shake the expectations and just learn to love things as they are now? It’s so hard. He knows I have ROCD and has been nothing but supportive but I feel like he’s gonna leave me one day and that thought terrified me. Like I had a panic attack once lmao

I’m obsessing over the future and if my boyfriend and I are going to make it. I know it’s ocd because the thought won’t leave. Discussing the future with my boyfriend makes him very stressed because he is in a difficult family situation. I’m trying my hardest to be patient but I need reassurance that there is a plan and timeline in place. We have been dating for almost two years and I’m not ready to live together but I like discussing it and knowing there’s some form of plan. My ocd gets bad when there is no plan. Are there any thoughts or tips to help?

Hello! What a journey this ocd thing is! After 17 years with one therapist, I knew I was no longer making progress, so I changed to a new therapist. After just 6 months with her, she suggested I might have ocd and to look into getting diagnosed. She was right and I was diagnosed with ocd last summer. Meds are making a big difference but I still have lots of unlearning and re-learning to do. I’ve been struggling with whether or not to switch to a therapist who specializes in ocd. I have no issues with my current therapist, but she doesn’t specialize in ocd and I sometimes think I need someone who does specialize in it. But of course, I have Pure O, so I can think myself in circles til the cows come home. Can anyone share experience about switching to a therapist who specializes in ocd?

Listen, I totally get it. It’s hard to hear a loved one obsessing over small, insignificant things. My mom tries to be supportive, but she gets so mad when I tell her what’s on my mind, and she just yells at me and says I’m crazy for thinking like this. So, I just sent her this, and I hope it helps: Mom, I know it’s really hard, but when I’m suffering with OCD thoughts, all I need is sympathy. Getting mad at someone for having OCD is like getting mad at someone for having a head injury. Please understand that I can’t help it, or else I would stop it. I need someone to say, “I’m so sorry that’s bothering you this much. It must be so overwhelming. It must be so hard to cope with this.” You could even ask me questions, like “What does it feel like? How much are you thinking about this? What helps you feel better?” I just need someone to validate my experience and sympathize, not tell me that I’m crazy or say my problems aren’t real. I’m aware these thoughts are crazy — that’s why I feel so alone and sad and scared. When you tell me my thoughts are crazy, it makes me feel even more like a freak. Sometimes, I just need someone to hold my hand and tell me I’m not alone.

I have terrible ocd. Lots of different subtypes but the one that bothers me most is religious ocd. The advice I've been given is to go to only one priest for confession (I'm Catholic) and to listen to his advice. I've been doing that lately and I'm actually taking his advice (like, for example, that if I committed a mortal sin, I'd know for sure.. When there's doubt about whether or not I've done smth wrong, it's likely not mortal and I can recieve communion). I've read that this is good advice for scrupulous ppl. So I'm finally taking his advice but it's so scary! My biggest fear is receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin.. But I need to trust what the priest is telling me. Any other Catholics in this situation? I'm proud of myself for actually taking his advice but it's terrifying at the same time..What if I'm fooling myself and can't admit to myself that I actually did commit a mortal sin, but he sees it as doubt..like, I don't know if I'm doubting I've sinned or if I'm in denial about sinning.. If anyone knows what I mean..I also realize that full will needs to be involved in mortal sin and the presence of doubt is often a sign that even if I did sin, it wasn't fully willful so that's why it's not mortal.. But I'm still unsure and afraid. But that's probably cuz I have ocd and anxiety. Lol.. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation.. And if it gets easier to listen to your confessor's advice even though it's scary and not what your OCD wants.

I'm new and I'm really trying to control thoughts of replaying interactions I've had or things I think might happen with the people around me. This is something constant, and it causes me to repeat actions. Then I lose track of time and often end up being late. It has always affected my sleep and becomes a part of my dreams, which are also always vivid. It's always been hard for me to get up. I just constantly keep replaying different outcomes of things that it haven't happened yet going over every possible outcome with no correct answer. I'm scared of what I might say and do when at work because it's been getting worse lately. I've been terrified of socializing, because I feel like I'm going to lose it every time I speak to someone. I work directly with people doing their hair. I don't want my clients or co-workers to catch me in the act of one of my rituals or it to effect the job that I'm doing. It just makes me angry that I haven't been able to control these thoughts and it makes the rituals worse. Then I feel embarrassed after I finally stop repeating whatever it is, I'm doing. I feel like I can't trust anyone, and I’m terrified but I know it's not real. I can't afford to lose it/show it.

does anyone have any tips to help with hyper vigilance in a relationship? In my past relationship I got cheated on and it hurt me mentally, and now with my current partner I always have a constant fear that something bad is going to happen even though I trust him a bunch. Like if he brings up another girl and says oh she said this. And I get so triggered by it, how do I stop. Like I trust him 100% but my mind isn’t letting me, and I feel like I always start this and do this to myself. Or if it’s a girl from his past relationship and something gets brought up about it because of me, and he’s tells me it still makes me mad.

I wanna hear you most extreme feeling you had from ROCD please I feel like I’m going insane

im seeing everyone getting accepted by their colleges and im having a really hard time not comparing myself. I feel like my pure ocd has taken up my life and I wish my mind let me believe that I could work hard enough for these universities that I wanted to apply to. I feel so much embarrassment and shame in myself for having to stay in my hometown while everyone goes away to college. I can’t blame everything on my ocd, im still having a hard time accepting that I have it, I just wish I was better

This is not meant to fend anyone- rather your religious or not- somewhere in the middle-ect just expressing how I I feel.. I haven’t been to church since I was like… 13 years old… I’m now 34. I was raised Christian. My dad was the one who encouraged Christianity/church as a kid but he also is the person who sexually and verbally abused me, he also was an alcoholic and crack addict/drug addict. Not saying people with severe substance issues can’t be religious HOWEVER as a child he hurt me, over and over and over again. Once him and my mom split up I stopped going to church cuz I rebelled and felt like he only went to church to hide the truth of who he was. It’s just how i felt. I don’t know know truth and want know the truth becuase he died 2 years ago. The truth wouldn’t matter anyways. I’m also bisexual, and don’t beleive some of the (in my opinion) hateful judgmental things I see spread by certain religions, i do get religion is a spectrum tho. Long story to say, my 11 year old daughter has many friends who go to this specific christian church, and I agreeed to sign her up for a summer basketball team the church offers- only because the schedule worked for us and she knows kids in the program. She’s been asking to go to a few Sunday services in order to get to know the ppl /kids more so when she starts basketball she will know some ppl. So today, I’m going to church for the first time , I feel weird about it due to my past. I am not anti religion, I believe in being a good person and if god is real he will see that and that’s what matters. But church brings up trauma for me in ways. Anyone ever deal with this? Words of advice? I want to let my daughter choose her own path and explore religion if she chooses too so I am trying to support her, I’m just scared to go and feel judged cuz I literally have pink hair, piercings, tattoos, don’t agree w some extreme values ect. Idk compulsion a lot this am and heart is racing .

Hello, this is my first day here. Ran across this app on social media. I hope you finish reading. Wanted to see if anyone was somewhere in my shoes that can possibly give me some advice. Ive been in a relationship with my partner for 6 going on 7 months, we will call them H for now. At first, everything was so prefect, laughs, conversations, so much affection. Recently caught H on a dating app 10 days after my birthday, on the 4month mark, and the app was hiding it in their hidden tab section on your iPhones. The conversations were all deleted except for one. That one conversation happened to be with one of my old friends that I fell out with because they were moving in a snake way. They reached out to me via social media and told me about H’s dating account. With me having the evidence, H was seeking out attention from other people while I was away at work. Asking to be best friends and asking for their social media information. When confronting H about the messages I had, they denied it being them claiming that it’s a fake page and they got those pictures off of H’s social accounts. H opened their phone to try and show me they didn’t have the app. When i seen the hidden tab I asked H to open it. H hesitated but proceeded to opening the tab. Boom. The dating app was in the tab with the “fake profile’s account and pictures” but the text messages were all gone. H agreed to delete the dating app and unfollow the accounts they asked for on their. H thennnn proceeded to try and negotiate to keep them on their account or they would delete social media in general. Of course that won’t sit right with me so we agreed to both be off social media. Everything got better until, H was using the restroom and was in there for a while so I went to the restroom and just talk with H. As I opened the door, H quickly swipes out the app and turns the phone off. I asked H to turn it back on and unlock it and open the hidden tab. The social medias we both agreed to get off of was in the hidden’s tab once again. Now my trust has completely been shattered but I still love H. However, my real point here is, I do think that H has damaged me and I don’t think I can’t trust them even tho H swears they won’t do it again. I do also feel like I am doing too much and putting my anger and frustration against H because of what they did. I am lost and confused and need some advice on what you would do?

Makes me feel lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.

No one understands what I’m going through. My husband used to be my biggest supporter but not we’re separated and I try to explain to my parents why I’m upset when I have panic attacks but they don’t get it. For Example: This morning I told my mom I was having a panic attack. And she just kept asking “why? What’s wrong? U were so happy yesterday. When I said, I didn’t know I just was having this panic attack. She did not understand one bit. She just kept asking me why why why? And I’m like I don’t know. 😭 it makes me just wanna stay away from everyone and just isolate because people don’t understand. I know it’s not their fault. I’m actually glad they don’t understand because that means they’re not going through the pain I’m going through.

Is this even Pocd anymore where I feel I want children but I don’t want to do nothing wrong to children. And I woke up good today from my sleep and I feel tired to react to this thing. I just feel hopeless and scared to get out bed. I feel like rolling my eyes and says I am tired of this bullshit.