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This popped up randomly. I know logically I’m not one as I’ve only ever dated my age range and I don’t believe there’s a such thing as “latent philia” but goodness is this one weird

I think all of us have made mistakes, wether in childhood or teenage years and adulthood. I’ve made terrible mistakes when I was younger ( childhood ) and I’ve been regretting my actions and dealing with severe shame and guilt, I came out okay in the end and been the ideal kid I should’ve been when I was younger. I changed but hearing people like close family saying they would judge past mistakes and you’re allowed to judge, makes me feel horrible. because only if they knew…

Hi, friends. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a long one. Friends and family have tried to help and give me advice, but they don’t truly understand how OCD/ROCD disrupts me from thinking logically. Quick back story: I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy who I liked enough, but was never truly “in love” with. We bought a house together and everything. I broke up with him in January 2024 after learning that he had been lying to me and hiding multiple substance addictions throughout our relationship. He was also a compulsive liar. Needless to say, I was left in shambles with a ton of trust issues and a mortgage that I couldn’t afford alone. Flash forward to October 2024: I was unexpectedly setup by someone and ended up going on a date with a divorced 38 year old, I’m 30 for reference. Neither of us expected it to go anywhere and we were both the first person the other dated since ending their previous relationship/marriage. Plot twist….I fell absolutely in love with this man. I mean, getting excited to go to bed because I knew when I woke up I could talk to him again in love (🤮). Lame, I know. He said he loved me very quickly after a night of drinking, but the next day made it clear that “I know I was drunk, but I know what I said and I meant it.” Things progressed, we spent a lot of time together very quickly and there were a lot of big feelings. Things were fantastic and I felt like I was living in a movie. Now, here we are 5 months later. I’ve learned that he is definitely an avoidant, which is tough because I have an anxious attachment style. He’s stopped saying the cute things he said in the beginning, and I know that people will say that was the “honeymoon phase” but I still feel just as happy and excited to be around him as I was in the beginning. He’s been pulling away and said that he does love me and wants to be with me, but he needs to work on himself first. I ended up breaking down and telling him everything I was feeling and everything that was upsetting me. He was taken back, but said that he hears me and that everything I’ve said is extremely valid. He said he didn’t realize that I felt that way and he’s sorry. We took a few days to collect our thoughts and process, finally seeing each other again last Friday. When we saw each other we had an open and honest talk. He said that he has noticed that he’s repeating things he’s done in past relationships and that he doesn’t want to do that with me, he doesn’t want to lose me. He said he wants to be together and that he sees a future with me, but he just needs a minute before he can “fully commit” I.e. introduce me to any more of his friends and family. I’m completely lost. I want to be with him more than anything. I respect that he recognizes a pattern and his detrimental behavior and I’m willing to meet him where he is. But at the same time, should I have to try so hard for someone to love me? I don’t want to lose him, but I cannot lose myself again either. I’m torn between “the right person will do what it takes to be with you” and “if they aren’t giving you what you need, walk away”… I know this is long, but if you made it this far, any and all advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you!!

My pocd actually started cause of I accidentally read a cp manga and I didn’t have any special reaction while reading it. And got loads of false memories surrounding it. Now each time I see a child or literally anything I’m TERRIFIED that I somehow see cp and will enjoy it. Idk I wanna crawl under a rock and live there forever. Life is too much :/

Every time we go out together and it’s not just us it’s also our manager and her son and his (the guy I’m talking to) roommate. We went to church one time alone. But my thing is I keep overthinking “am I leading him on” I still don’t know what to feel just and I’ve never been in a relationship. When we see each other we hold hands and and hug but I don’t want to kiss just yet even though I get the feeling to because I want to take it very slow especially when. I’m constantly overthinking everything. We hang out and I’m having a good time and then I go home and overthink a lot. It’s worse when I’m overthinking when waking up. Has anyone else experienced this. Like we’re friends right now but does anyone think it’s to soon to be holding hands and hugging. We held hands the second time meeting because I’m aware I want to take things slow. When I see him I get happy. I keep seeking reassurance from my mom, sister and google (of course) and I keep seeing post that you shouldn’t lead someone on and you can’t force to like someone. I overthink and then I’m calm and the thoughts start again. I really don’t want to hurt this guy he is so sweet and caring

When false memories have popped up for you guys, did they feel real straight away like pop up like a memory but you’re still doubting whether they’re real?

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

im so afraid. someone said that blasphemy of the holy spirit is when you say something thats untrue. and my ocd is having a field day with it. i believe God is amazing, great and forgiving. however why are my thoughts this way, it gives me anxiety down to my toes and makes me want to vomit. im sorry if this triggers someone or anything. God Bless, Jesus Loves You.

I can’t totally tell if this is an OCD theme or not but I’m shaking and crying and can’t stop thinking about this. I hope that this makes sense, l'm having problems understanding how to explain my emotions anymore because I just don't know what l'm feeling some days, I just don't get it that much. I'm so scared to become an adult. I don't want to not be a kid in every sense of it. I don't feel like I'm an adult at all, it feels like an expiration date in every way. I don't think I have much going for me, l'm not very smart at least I don't think I am. The things I do like don't feel like they are that much to carry me through everything life is going to bring. I feel disconnected from the actual reality l'm living, like I'm just observing it. I just have trouble caring about my future and I have no plans for anything. But time is running out to figure out what l'll do. I would get rid of any of the privileges l'd get at 18 if I could stay at 17 forever. I don't want to loose childhood, I spent my younger years trying to feel smarter than I am and trying to seem like I was mature, but I'm not. I've had really bad things happen when I was young and things I feel like set me back. I don't think I've grown at the same rate as I should have. God I'm so confused. I don't know what to do about it man. No matter how many people I talk to this doesn't stop eating away at me. Does anything I'm saying even make sense? I wish I could stop time so badly. I don't want things to change. I am not ready for it at all.

Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️

there’s currently tension between the members of my family and it’s not only making me stressed, but it’s giving me really bad anxiety. the situation that’s happening is the byproduct of feelings being held in for years on end finally coming out. the situation doesn’t really have to do with me directly but more indirectly. it’s more so between my brother and my mom. and i’m really close with both. i also am home when i’m not at college. anyways, the issue is my harm ocd is latching onto it. lately, if i don’t like someone’s personality or they do something wrong, my harm ocd will latch onto that. this situation it happens to be my mom. but it’s also been my mom for a little bit now because she has faults that she refuses to acknowledge. my ocd is making me believe i hate my mom and so on. and i don’t hate my mom, but there are times where i really dislike her and how she handles situations, like this one. but i hate being at college more than i would hate to go home and i always love being home. it’s just this situation is making my harm ocd not great, making me not want to go home. furthermore, my contamination ocd gets triggered because of my harm ocd as i get nauseous so then i spiral. anyways, i apologize for rambling but i just need either some words of advice or support if anyone wouldn’t mind :)

What do yall do when yall think of past partners or other people during intercourse with your current partner. I ended up confessing that to my partner and it’s damaging the relationship or making things really difficult. Having a really hard time trying to control the thoughts. I even think of other people while with my partner. Any advice or anyone with similar experience?? Please

Usually my compulsions are always motivated by fear. I feel like a child when I have compulsions. Like for example, my brain convinces me that someone is in my house and I need to open every cabinet and all the shower curtains, and do tons of other crazy things like march instead of walking so that if someone where to shoot at my legs they'd have less of a chance of hitting me. How do I stop it? I am just going about my day and I can see in my head, myself getting attacked or something and so my only option to calm myself down is to do a bunch of random actions that will keep me "safe". Does anyone else experience this? Or convince themselves that they are under Milo Murphys law? That anything bad that can happen to them will, so they need to never do anything that could result in anything bad, and avoid everything? And how do you convince yourself you're not in danger?

So I’ve been going to an ocd therapist for abt 2-3 months now and she’s starting to make me feel very nervous and anxious I even started crying, she wanted me to do exposures that were to much for me and I got rlly upset and Burt out into tears and she just didn’t say anything and just sat there for a good 10 seconds doing nothing this is starting to repeat nearly every session and I’m very frustrated should I get a new therapist or do I just be nice and tough it out?

If I ever experience myself happy in life, my relationship, or friendships, OCD just finds a way to ruin it for me. As soon as life’s going good, it pops up into my head with all these intrusive thoughts that make it impossible to just relax and enjoy myself. My relationship has been improving, along with my mental health, and I have been feeling so in love and present with my partner. Everytime that happens OCD pops back up, with all these thoughts in my head like “What if I don’t really love my partner” “What if I’m not actually attracted to him” then it spirals to “What if I’m gay” “What if I don’t even like men” and it keeps going and going. Now, I can’t even hang around women friends without OCD popping up and saying “What if I’m attracted to them” “You have a crush on them”. I have always identified as straight, and I have always been boy obsessed growing up. I don’t want to be gay and lose everything I have with my boyfriend. That’s a huge fear that OCD is putting into my head. That I’m gay and I don’t actually love my partner and am attracted to him. I’m so upset. I just want to be happy in my relationship and at peace. And I want to be able to make female friends without OCD ruining it for me. :/ It’s like if I’m really stressed, my OCD gets really bad. And if I’m happy my OCD gets really bad. Unfortunately NOCD doesn’t accept my insurance, but I am meeting with a therapist I found on Rula who treats OCD, so I’m hoping that helps. I am also considering meds, because I can’t keep living like this. It’s been 25 years.

worried about loving the gift over the Giver. this morning I woke up and had a thought of “do you really feel like getting up and spending time with Jesus? love is doing things for the other person even when you don’t feel like it” and then a thought of “valuing the gift (my boyfriend in my case) over the Giver…that is idolatry”. boom “idolatry”. i don’t wanna idolize, but i got so overwhelmed that i stayed in bed for another 3 hours bc i felt ashamed and guilty. feeling super guilty rn. then i feel guilty for seeking relief about our relationship… today just felt off. i’m telling myself it’s OCD & then i feel guilty for not reading my Bible bc what if i really do value my partner over God…

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

I’m a devout Christian and was taught to take my thoughts captive. I started struggling with horrendous intrusive thoughts about 8 months ago. It made me incredibly sick and I almost didn’t make it. I’ve read many books and I’m new to NOCD. How does taking your thoughts captive work with OCD treatment?

My ex pressured me into telling my therapist or someone else in my life about my suicidal thoughts when I wasn’t ready. I had already been considering it and had told her that, but she kept pushing and made it feel like I had to do it. She even said things like “That’s not how it works, you need to bring it up to them” when I told her I wasn’t comfortable doing it first. Then, she gave me an ultimatum either I tell my therapist, or she would tell my mum or someone in my life like a friend . That forced me into a corner where I had no choice but to bring it up before I was ready. Later, I found out that she had been saving our chats, seemingly as “evidence” to protect herself, which made me feel like she cared more about covering herself than about actually supporting me. Instead of trusting me to handle my own mental health on my own terms, she took control of the situation and disregarded my autonomy completely. It felt like she prioritized her comfort over my right to make my own decisions. and she made it all about herself and her guilt and didn’t even ask any questions, i was furious and now don’t think i can ever trust her again. the way she handled it seemed almost clinical and it was cold. it’s like she completely disregarded how i wanted to handle things for her own comfort, it was like self preservation disguised as support. i was forced into it under the threat she would take matters into her own hands, i felt i had no control and when i noticed she was saving my messages in chats i asked why incase something happens? and she said yes, i felt like i was being treated as a liability like a problem to managed, like a burden, and she phoned me after my therapy session making it all about her and her guilt and if i don’t tell anyone by next week she will tell my mum or someone in my life cuz she wouldn’t want to be the only one who knew before we went no contact, i was furious. At the time, I didn’t fully process how messed up this was. But looking back, it feels like she prioritized her own comfort and her own need to feel in control over my right to make my own decisions about my mental health. Ifeel like im overreacting but i can’t stop wondering was this even okay or was it manipulative and controlling Now I’m wondering was this okay for her to do, or was it overstepping?

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.