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the NOCD Community

Ok. Rocd with some actual problems mixed in. I need to vent because I'm about to explode on my boyfriend. He introduced me to some of his friends and they didn't make a great impression on me. They were rude and made me really uncomfortable. I told him, but he's still really pushing me to hang out with them. Either I never really knew him or he's a completely different person around them, but it makes me really anxious. He used to be different, but he's changing and becoming kind of self absorbed. I'm a really sentimental person and the little things mean a lot to me. I've kept the birthday card he gave me because I felt that the message inside was really special. I gave him a birthday card and put a lot of heart into picking out and writing something that I felt was special too about a month back. I went to his house and I saw the card on the ground outside. I ignored him most of car ride home because I feel unloved, but then I just let it go. Everything always means more to me than it does him. I feel like he just uses me for sex, but I know that's not true. Idk maybe it is. I want to scream at him and cry, and curl up in a ball but I've just kept my mouth shut and talked to him like normal today because I'm a fucking mentally deficient pushover. I'm so tired. I can't balance everything. I'm falling apart. It's no wonder that he doesn't like me I can't do anything for myself anymore. I used to be confident. I don't want to come off as "crazy". How do I fix this before it gets blown way out of proportion. I'm not breaking up with him at the moment, so please don't suggest that I do. Should I confront him? If I should how can I do so and maintain the peace as much as possible in the process. I would really value the opinion of a guy on this.

I have OCD Harm does anybody want to share?

Hi, I have Harm OCD and have Kaiser. They have been near impossible to work with and it’s been dragged out for months. Kaiser refuses to acknowledge that Harm OCD even exists and no one I’ve talked to even know what it is. Does anyone know any good OCD specialists in the Los Angeles area? I would like to go some place that someone recommends or has had experience with. Please help! -Tricia

I feel like my OCD and fear of germs controls my life. It’s starting to keep me from work, taking care of my children and my husband is at a loss for helping me. We just recently lost our health insurance so it’s hard for me to find decent help.

I can't take hocd anymore , i just want to cry

This gonna be so cringy but anyone else just not feeling vibes no more? Like imagine its dark outside and its raining and u listeninn to music? That shit used to feel like the shit but now its just anxious and not comfy and cozy at all. Or like long carrides where you just listen to music and like imagine scenarios that will never come true? All that i cant feel anymore. Its just emptyness, im just debating wether im gay or not the whole time so like my carrides are filled with anxiety instead of the chilness.It all gives me major anxiety trying to be like who i used to be but deep inside i know its not genuine. I wish it was real and i could just feel vibes again like summer vibes or when ur hangingn with friend vibes. I dont even feel the christmas vibe anymore u kno its just all so dark. Like is this ever going to come back? I really want it back.

I feel bad in my chest I cant cry

My health ocd is getting really bad and out of hand. I woke up and at this moment it felt like I had some kind of band around my leg, but I did not. Therefore my fear for MS immediately came back, and I'm freaking out. I literally googled all day for symptoms and now I want to make an appointment with my doctor. The most fucked up thing about this is that it really feels like my health is getting worse

So I just visited a therapist for the first time and he recommended that I simply laugh at my OCD and tell it that nothings wrong when it tells me that I’ve done something bad when I obviously haven’t. This however is different to what I’ve heard being the best treatment which is to agree with everything your OCD tells you in order to expose the fear or something. What should I do?

I feel too "bad" to redeem myself or deserve recovery. I know it's just my OCD but every second I'm awake another completely different memory hits me and I'm filled with guilt and regret and paranoia. It never stops. I really don't know what to do. I'm in therapy and I'm trying every day but it's so hard to get better when you feel like you need to punish yourself for every move you make. I'm not sure what kind of treatment could help me when I have a new obsession every half hour and they're generally based on my past/real events. If any of you feel this way I'm so sorry :(

I experience hocd and it honestly has traumatized me and put my mental health in the worst state it has ever been and I’ve never questioned myself if I was gay/bi or whatever up until the hocd came out of nowhere and spiraled about a month ago. (Including the fact I’ve made out with all my girlfriends and never felt a thing). Now I’m scared to even go around another girl or my friends one on one. Ive been in a relationship with my bf for almost a year and do NOT want to lose him. I saw my life with him and now I worry about everything and everything feels like it’s going to fall apart. One of my friends told me “you may have never had the gay thoughts until now but now you are seeing it in a different light and maybe need to go out and try it now” which I can’t stop thinking about. I don’t want to go out and try. I don’t want to leave my bf. I just want this all to go away. Any advise on any of this? Or any comments toward what my coworker told me?

Groinals are so confusing because I just had one when I was thinking about a guy and it felt the same as the ones I get that I don’t want (when looking at women) now I’m scared this means I’m bi

I don't wanna reassure, but I hopefully want to try and help the people on here that have TOCD. I am a trans person, If my life ever gets better I'm planning on surgeries, name changes, the likes. I wanna tell yall that I have never seen a transgender person in denial...like ever. And I'm around trans people all the time. To trans people including me the thought of being in the body of the gender you identify as literally feels like a super hero dream. You love to see yourself like that, you feel extremely happy seeing it, you love it, you feel like youre doing covers for vogue and killing all the evil-doers on the planet with your latex corset and acryllic nails (well for me at least). There is not a smidgen of anything telling you that you picturing yourself that way is in any way, shape or form WRONG. In fact, as a trans person, my biggest fear is that my transgender identity might be viewed as fake, attention-seeking, bandwagon-hopping. I'm scared of having the way I want to be is going to be seen as me desperately trying to follow a trend. I'm anxious that I'm not trans enough, that people wouldn't call me transgender, despite my desire to alter my body drastically via surgery, so you people that are sitting there terrified out of your minds that you might be transgender - that is ridiculous. I want to look like myself desperately, and I'd go to great lengths to achieve that. This is what all trans people want and have been wanting for the longest time. So if any of yall don't fit that description - it's time to devalue your fears and start ERP-ing. Yall start affirming that youre trans, yall start browsing male clothing, yall start thinking about how cool it would be to have a chest binder or a pair of tiddies, etc. and eventually your brains will see that this whole entire thing is full of shit. I promise yall that. Period.

If you did ERP using this app, how long do you think it would take to get better?

Anyone with false memory ocd able to see the false memories in detail? And they feel real and you remember every little detail but you still know deep down it never happened?

I literally cannot stop picturing disgusting sexual shit to check and test for arousal and I see that my groin gets movements and growth. That shouldnt happen. If I wasnt a pedophile then that shouldnt be happening to why is it happening...Like someone please help me, I can't believe this is happening to me

As a child(around 4-6), me and this girl at my babysitters used to play girlfriend and boyfriend ?? I can't help but use this as some sort of proof. I wish I never did that, I cant remember if it felt right or not and it's scaring me ugh. Why did I have to do that whhhhhyyy

Please help! I’m currently visiting my brother in uni but these past couple months I’ve had a fear that I’m inlove with him or have a crush on him or something. It makes me feel sick honestly. He’s always been quite a popular guy. Many people know him and he’s had a lot of girlfriends etc. And because a lot of guys around my area tend to be so similar, he embodies some traits that I would consider my ‘type’ which I hate. Is this evidence????? I keep seeing all this proof that I do. Little things that add up. But then yesterday, I asked myself if I’d have a crush on him if he WASN’T my brother and the fact that my immediate answer wasn’t no scared me. A lot. I keep worrying that the only thing stopping me is the fact that it’s unlawful, and not the fact that it’s just absolutely sick!!! Plus I always feel the need to be cool on his presence, which I do with boys I like. I guess it’s mostly because I want to prove to him that I’m not as wimpy as I used to be (because he used to think I was kinda childish and pathetic) but still. Please please help. I don’t want to like him! I’m so uncertain; I hate this.

This is the second time i ever had a same sex dream. I don't clearly remember but it was a girl who after having some drinks was just caressing her cheeks against mine and we accidentally kissed. It felt like a feeling i never had before with any guy out there and felt nice and satisfying and now as i woke up even though i am busy with my daily work the thought about the dream is returning to me every now and then which is irritating

Anyone struggling with hocd going through this: growing up (18 now) I've never had a boyfriend or even my first kiss. I'm super awkward with that type of stuff for some reason and just don't know why. So any opportunity of having a serious boyfriend I was always uncomfortable and said no. That also had to do with me not liking my body and thinking that a guy would find it super ugly and unlovable. So with that being said I'm afraid I'm a lesbian or bi and like I don't find boys attractive anymore. I'm scared cause I want to be with a guy but I'm afraid I'll never find a guy I want to be with and find out in the long run I'm a lesbian or something. I don't want to be with girls but ocd is kicking me in my ass. Telling me that only girls are attractive, picking apart anything I find attractive on a guy and it makes me sad. Also sorry for the tmi but I'm afraid I won't find a penis attractive and that's that and I'm lesbian. I know I have to accept the unknown but I'm truly terrified cause of my past that it is set that I'm bi or lesbian and just was too stupid to know it.