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I relate to this song a lot; even though it's more about the pressure from her family, certain lyrics remind me of OCD. 😥 Also, I have a crush on Luisa. 🥰 What can I say? Lyrics from Surface Pressure: "But under the surface, I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus Under the surface, was Hercules ever like, "Yo, I don't wanna fight Cerberus?"" "It's pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, whoa Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop, whoa, oh, oh ... Pressure like a grip, grip, grip, and it won't let go, whoa Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow, whoa, oh, oh" "See if she can hang on a little longer" "Under the surface, I hide my nerves and it worsens, I worry something is gonna hurt us" "But wait, if I could shake the crushing weight of expectations Would that free some room up for joy or relaxation, or simple pleasure? Instead, we measure this growing pressure Keeps growing, keep going" "Who am I if I don't have what it takes? No cracks, no breaks No mistakes, no pressure" --------------------------------------------------------- Me relaciono con esta canción tan mucho; sé que es sobre la presión de su familia, pero algunas letras recuérdame de TOC. 😢 Bueno, también estoy enamorada de Luisa. 😍 ¡NO me juzques, gente! Letras de En Lo Profundo: "Es peso que con gota a gota lo reventó, uoh Peso como un "tip-tip-tip" hasta que haces "pop", uoh-oh-oh ... Peso con presión, presión que jamás soltó, uoh Peso como un "tick-tack-tick" antes de una explosión, uoh-oh-oh" "Cómo lo resiste y se agarra fuerte ¿Qué si pierdo y fallo al soportar? Si me quiebro" "En lo profundo Algo me inquieta y se empeora, Yo debo salvar a todo mundo" "¿Podré desvanecer el peso cruel, la expectativa Y vivir solo un momento de esparcimiento? Tan simple y bello En vez del peso que va en aumento" "¿Qué si me desplomo y no llego a ser quien debo ser?" --------------------------------------------------------- Não falo muito português, mas lho posso entender porque falo muito espanhol. Ummm. Eu gosto de essas letras porque são como TOC. E eu gosto de Luisa. 🥹 letras de Estou Nervosa (versão BT-BR): "Estou nervosa E ansiosa na corda bamba sigo cautelosa Estou nervosa Como um herói que se cansou numa luta horrorosa" "Não posso cansar Não posso falhar Será que eu vou quebrar O que me faz quebrar" "Pressão é como um tic, tic, tic que não quer parar, uou Pressão que faz tic, tic, tic pronta pra estourar, uou-ou-ou ... A pressão É tanta por aqui que, que já me estressou, uou E a pressão faz tic, tic, tic Meu limite chegou, uou-ou-ou" "Estou nervosa Eu fico assim ansiosa Mas tento fingir ser corajosa" "Que tal mudar o astral E segurar a expectativa Eu seria tão mais feliz E tão mais viva" "Tanto medo, tic, tic, tic, que não quer parar, uou A pressão faz tic, tic, tic pronta pra estourar, uou-ou-ou ... É tanta por aqui que, que já não sei quem sou, uou E a pressão faz tic, tic, tic, meu limite acabou, uou-ou-ou" "Eu sigo então, a pressão não mata" letras de No Fundo, Sempre (versão PR-EU): "Inquebrável, aguento-me sempre" "No fundo, sempre, fico demente" "Está tudo mal, o golpe final Destruição total, a destruição total!" "Pressão como um plin plin plin que não vai parar, whoa Pressão que faz tic tic tic até rebentar, whoa, oh, oh ... Pressão, fico fico fico mal, porque me agarrou, whoa Pressão que faz tic tic tic e quase já rebentou, whoa, oh, oh" "No fundo, sempre Estive nervosa e pior agora, sinto-me impotente" "No fundo, sempre Pensei se ser valente seria permanente" "Deixar o que está a passar, vai libertar-me Da expectativa e a alegria Poderá vir alguma calma Prazer não temos e apenas vemos A pressão vivemos Tão dura, não muda e não ajuda" "Quem serei se não puder aguentar? Não vou quebrar, sem errar"

When I was 5, I met my best friend in kindergarten. Ever since, she had not really been allowing me to hang out with other kids because she wanted me all for herself, which I thought was cute at the time, but then she also began completely leaving me for another friend whom she'd become obsessed eith, and when she got bored of them, she'd then come back to me. Many times she's insult me, but if I ever dared say she's even doing something wrong she'd get mad. I always had to do what she wanted, and every time I said no and wanted to do something she'd barge into my bedroom (because this was mostly in my house when we used to play), slam the door, and throw things at me when I came in to talk. Once, I found a horseshoe (I can't remember if I was with her or if I told her about it?) but anyways I was the one who found it, and she demanded I give it to her. I told her no because I loved it and wanted it and I found it, and she told me that if I didn't give it to her she would h**ng me with it. I didn't even know what that meant but I knew it meant something terrifying. I also began developing OCD around 8 and she and basically everyone made fun of me because I had a lot of physical compulsions and they reanacted my compulsions, and for that I always felt stupid and weird. I began to hide my compulsions, only doing them when no one was watching or when I was alone. I normalised it all by the time I turned 13, but my relationship had gotten so bad with her that I was actually absolutely terrified of going to her house to hang out, and for her birthday, she invited me out with another friend she hung out with. They ONLY spoke about things they were interested in like books and that's fine, but they knew that I wasn't interested in that stuff at all and asked me "Why don't you talk?" Like always, I felt left out because the only time my ex bsf spoke to me was when she embarrassed me in front of the other friend. Anyways I couldn't take it anymore that summer and stopped talking to her because I just couldn't do it anymore. Thoughout those years (and now still) I've been using Maladaptive Daydreaming SEVERELY every day to cope. I remember it reached the point where I would be actually talking to them in my head, like using my tongue to talk as if I was speaking physically but not opening my mouth or letting out any noise so nobody thinks I'm weird if that makes any sense, and I'd just be listening to music ALL day and pace for hours and hell, my OCD began targeting my MD, which was LITERALLY the thing my brain was using in order to protect my brain from loneliness AND OCD which os crazy lol, but I feel so stupid because I feel like with the MD i should've just sucked it up and changed fandoms instead of letting my OCD keep targeting the characters of the fandom I was Daydreaming to, even though I would spend days feeling physically hot, head and thoughts spinning, overanalyzing the game I daydreamed to over and over again to make sure that the character I roleplayed as was loved by the other characters that brought me comfort. I was so obsessed with the characters and the Daydreaming that it probably became the only thing that made me feel genuinely understood and loved and they were in my very own head! Does what happened even count as trauma lol? It feels kinda stupid cus it was just a childhood friend being a kid like yea sure she was toxic, but I never hated her. My parents loathe her because of this, but I feel like I'm just over exaggerating everything and don't want to be saying that this girl has traumatised me because I don't want to be blaming someone for something severe.

WARNING THIS IS A +18 POST I'm 24 years old and I never had a girlfriend, and in the past I felt bad about it but now i'm glad that I didn't had sex yet. I feel like I won't find a girl who is virgin too at this point, maybe it's because this is what people around me say, but even if I don't I have to work on accepting that people can change and the past doesn't matter. I wasn't a christian when i was in highschool so the reason that I didnt had sex was because I was shy and I didnt had confidence. Now because of ocd alot of times i feel mentally tired, i barelly can care for myself and those times i question how could i care for my girlfriend,I would feel alot of shame that I cant be a man for her, so maybe its good that im still single. My view about wainting until marriage changed however i still struggle sometimes with questions, I don't have close christian friends, people I go out with arent believers and it doesnt seem like not waiting until marriage had a bad effect on them. I dont believe that theres a thing that you cant connect with someone sexually,cause they always say what if you cant connect with them and you find it after marriage, I dont believe in that,I think you can work on it with anyone,however there are alot of stories of christian couples who cant connect sexually and they get divorced... so sometimes this question bugs me. Another reason is,I feel like planning your wedding and the whole party its just too much for me now, I dont say I wont have it, its just im 24 now and i feel like im too young for that,I feel weird about it, maybe when I will be 28 it will feel okay, but then if I get a gf, waiting for 3-4 years would be really hard.As I know myself I wont be able to tolerate the sexual tension more than a year, so I struggle with these things, you might say im childish, I accept that, maybe in time these will change. So if you are still here thank you, I made it really long cause I think its still important for you to know these details cause now i talk about what triggered me today. I watched a podcast about sex and how to prepare yourself for it(cause I dont like that people say as a single christian you should stay away/run away from that topic) and at one point they talked about "debuking the myths of sex" and the first one was that if you will wait until marriage, you will have a good sex life and good marriage. And i was like but thats the point, but dont misunderstand me, im not viewing this like there will be no struggles and growing is not needed, yes offcourse but stay with me cause then they said "sex at the first time should be akward(im okay with this,but then...) it should make you feel shame and discusted/discomfort, and this triggered me. I know for girls its usually painful but I heard alot of people said first time was really good, even christians on the internet who says they waited for it says it was really good. But I find the other group too who says its much harder, its akward and im like then whats the point of the honeymoon? I dont day honeymoon should be perfect but somewhat good,no? If its just a struggle that kind off takes away the beauty. You still have to find what is best for both of you but if you feel shame,discust,and akward thats a bad experience. And what should make your relationship stronger, it actually gives you more problems.When I was watching this, I got hit by those feelings cause in the past I felt shame and discust when i thought about sex and i didnt liked that cause sex is holy and its a good thing,but you say after wating so much,fighting with lust and sexual tension, finally waiting until marriage I will feel shame and discust about having sex? What if then it will be hard to do it again and it damages the marriage? Alot of these christians who make these videos had sexual life in the past so they wont feel shame and discust but we who are still virgins dont know anything about it and this is why sometimes i question is it worth to wait until marriage...

i’ve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completely😀. i haven’t been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. i’ve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking “im going to die one day” “idk what’s going to happen” “is god real” “i don’t want to die” “what if there is no heaven” and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like “omg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.” finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad that’s over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts haven’t been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. i’m still in college but i don’t know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i don’t want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i don’t go out, i don’t ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i don’t put in that much effort into school, i don’t have hobbies, i don’t want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im “ok” now is bc i’ve avoided literally everything. i’ve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. i’m not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. i’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didn’t know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. i’m definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i don’t experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything 😭. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i don’t have any libido, i don’t find ppl attractive, i can’t get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i can’t even get myself to go on a small walk. i don’t know where i was going w this but if someone who’s going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.

I haven't been able to read about experiences similar to mine when it comes to my perfectionism OCD so I was wondering if anyone had any "uncommon" experiences.

For the past weeks, I’ve been having these thoughts like something is going to happen to me. Impending doom. For example, i’m in class and then i’m getting these bad thoughts that i’m going to die soon. Or that im having these thoughts like, “am i real?” “is this the last time im ever going to do this?” I think this might be existential OCD, but I need to know if it really is. Has anyone gone through this and how have you coped with it?

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.

I was on Zoloft for over a month , then 2 days ago my heart rate got to 140 and I made my mom take me to the hospital. everything was okay just anxiety, now I’ve been waking up with anxiety and being nauseous it goes away after a min but it just sucks. I wanna stop my Zoloft idk how to go about that either. I’m so stressed. 😞💔

I just had intense sexual thoughts of this 6 yo, I got intense groinal response and I felt like I genuinely liked the thoughts, like I had 0 distress from the thoughts and I felt intense groinal response, I felt like I wanted the thoughts, now I feel like a litteral pedo, I don’t wanna be a pedo, idk why I felt that way towards the thoughts, but it felt genuine, like attraction and enjoyment, I’ve not been diagnosed with pocd and I just started therapy, can someone please help me? Idk why this happened or if it even is pocd, I don’t wish to be a pedo but I feel like one rn.

Is it okay to use "I am" statements when intrusive thoughts come up? I'm afraid of telling myself the wrong things and it becoming a compulsion. If anyone has advice, I'd appreciate it! 🤍

Please please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like something has changed in me — like I have changed, and like my feelings for my boyfriend have faded or shifted. It’s one of the worst sensations I’ve ever felt. I keep thinking things like “I don’t love him like before” or “I’ve changed too much to feel anything now.” Sometimes when he calls me or makes a joke, I get irritated for no reason. I feel like I’m being mean, cold, disconnected — and then guilt crashes down on me. I remember how I used to feel: warm, close, expressive. And now… I just don’t feel the same. That makes me think: “Maybe I’ve fallen out of love.” But I’m also constantly anxious. I overthink every moment. I can’t relax into anything without analyzing if what I feel is “right.” It makes me wonder — maybe I haven’t actually changed. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed and tired from months of these thoughts and fears. I don’t know how to feel right now. I just want to believe that this disconnection isn’t proof that love is gone, but a sign that I’m scared and burnt out.

Is it true that ppl without ocd may not even notice some of their thoughts in the first place that people with ocd notice and fixate on?

Nearly a week since I stopped in the middle of a compulsion and I still feel stressed and tempted to finish it. My throat, ears, head, chest, legs,arms, my body has been hurting since then. And if I finish it will it stop? But what's stopping me is.. I've been trying to trust God to handle it. Idk what to do rn, Ive been trying to set up a schedule for this week but it ended up not working out so I will try again next week, and School work I'm years behind (I'm in yr 10), I don't rlly have any friends either to help me. But anyways I try not to think about school that much since I have alot more to think about. And I don't even have any talent or anything I want to be I just want to be a good person but I'm horrible I just need to do focus on stuff Like getting closer to God. looking after myself. The OCD thoughts which. I can't do any of these tho because the OCD makes me so stressed I just want to hit the OCD in the face but I can't obviously so I do it to myself, And they make me want to do more to myself but I don't because ✝️ And I don't want to. Anyways I can't even do the basic things to look after yourself, and The OCD thoughts keep saying about death all the time, and illness. I don't like hearing it in my head all the time I can't do anything properly. And Those thoughts are active when I try read the Bible. Even when I used an audio bible. And a app where u read 1 verse at a time it's still hard. But basically what do I do My throat keeps feeling weird like burning without the feeling hot ughhshsheh I don't want to go back into that life when I was 12-13 where I was worrying about my health and checking with doctor all the time

i don’t want to do my compulsions. I feel like if I don’t somebody will get hurt, sick or die. It’s a very scary thought to feel like if I don’t do my compulsions it will be my fault even though it isn’t & nor will it happen. I know it’s magical thinking & my thoughts are not true nor will they come true. it’s just im so tired of doing these compulsions. im so tired of feeling like I can stop something bad happening if I don’t step on this or touch this 4 times. it even got me believing that if I do something I want to do & love, something bad will happen. I just want to be able to live & feel like I use to. I hate ocd. how can I calm this down so I can be able to navigate in my own life?

Is anyone else on beta blockers (propranolol, metoprolol, ect.) and experiencing the weirdest and most visual dreams and nightmares? My GP has recently prescribed me bisoprolol since I asked him for beta blockers due my physical anxiety and as I recently started my A-Levels (“Abitur” in Germany) I really wanted to make sure that I do everything I can to prevent panic attacks. He only had bisoprolol in his office, and although I know that bisoprolol is usually only taken by patients with generally high blood pressure, we both agreed that I still try them first as he had nothing else available at the moment (I just love the shortage of medication). Although bisoprolol is quite different from propranolol (higher potency, therefore harder to dose, only blocking one receptor) it does seem to help at least a little bit, but the dreams I experience are actually insane. I dream almost immediately as I drift into sleep, even if I’m still half awake I feel like I already start dreaming. I frequently wake up because of it, though most of my dreams are not really “brutal” or morbid by any means, they all seem to center around my friend that I recently had a really bad argument-situation (don’t know how to explain it) with. So although I’m calm throughout the day, I constantly wake up in fear and total distress and I instantly start ruminating once I’m awake, but since I also happen to have a sleep disorder, I already don’t sleep the way I’m supposed to and my sleep schedule basically nonexistent. I really appreciate the medication in itself, but I do think that this whole dream situation is a side effect from bisoprolol since I never remember my dreams on the days on which I don’t take it. Does anyone experience something similar?

Guys I just wanted to hang up and I was looking at pornography every time I was you know do it and I would get bombarded with thoughts I'd get overwhelmed with them like my mind is just constantly thinking of and it was just so hard infuriating I was looking at like anime pornography and Isaw one of the videos that looks familiar I watched it before but I remember they had like a underage anime character and then I clicked off it as soon as I saw them and my mom said oh you clicked it just so you can see that and what makes it worse is like pretty ejaculation already leaked out so now it feels like I did it i didn't even jerk off to you all I did was see the thumbnail and then I have thoughts like saying oh well might as well already get off to it when it wasnt the content I wanted to see I seen that the thumbnail before in the sight I just ignored it was focusing on the video I wanted to see for now I feel like i have to restart everything not only with the overwhelming thoughts but also my thoughts made it feel like I was actively seeking it like if I want my thought it was like oh you knew it was going to be there but u still click it anyway oh yes I had a feeling but as soon as I saw it I clicked off I don't know I'm just overthinking I guess and also like as soon as I saw it like my mind had a urge like might aswell get off to it finish it very hard I don't even remember how I climaxed I don't even know if I did it right but now I feel like I have to restart

I know everyone has negatives but it’s like they’re the only thing I see with him. Even when I was anxious and felt like this I was still able to enjoy the good moments and feel love. There was so much about him that I would love like we are literally the same person and that is so rare to find. Now over time it’s gotten worse and worse. Like the more I see the bad the more I convince myself. Partly cause when I was with him those times I was analyzing everything that was bad. And my brain kept saying you can’t end up with someone like this. And it’s become so real. Now I feel nothing and it’s so scary like nothing at all. I feel like it’s my mind trying to protect me because I keep thinking that if I leave I can have relief and also not worry anymore but I don’t think that’s what I really want. It’s just hard because the negatives are definitely something that scare me like being irritable and hard to talk things out so I think somehow something is blocking me from letting me feel cause I’m afraid to stay? This sucks I don’t want to feel like this about him has anyone gone through this???? If I’m so anxious to feel will I ever let myself feel again???