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the NOCD Community

Out of curiosity, does anyone remember when their OCD began? Was there something that you believed triggered it or was it gradual?

Im new here and I'm really scared. Rn I'm dealing with the fear that I'm sexually attracted to harming others. I've always been disgusted by anything harmful or violent and it's scaring me to death. I'm constantly checking my genitals to see if I've been aroused by these thoughts. and when i feel any movement at all there I try to scroll remember what thought did that and assume it was a bad one. Earlier this year I went through the same thing thinking I was attracted to kids. and now I'm wondering if it was true, not OCD and now my mind is just even more warped and twisted so I'm attracted to physical violence. I was having barbeque with my family a bit ago and couldn't get through the meal bc I had a thought about eating people and I thought "what if the meat triggers something in me and I start eating people?". it's a nightmare and I don't know what to do. I even know that I'm sexually attracted to my wife in a completely normal way, and I really enjoy sex with her when my head is clear. but as these thoughts get rampant I feel less and less like I want to have sex with her (which only makes the fear that these awful things are what I r e a l l y want all the worse) what on Earth can I do about this. I can't go near knifes or play videogames or watch anything with even a hint of violence or I flip out by checking myself and spiraling. Is any of this normal? if so how do I fix it? how can I expose myself to this when I feel so sure and so scared that it will arouse me. is this ocd? or am I a psychopath

Lately I have been obsessing over my health to the point where I notice any change in my body. It ruined my relationship with my bf and I can’t stop. I keep going to the ER thinking I have a serious illness

Just wanted those with Hocd right now, who feel like it will never end, it does and it will. I’ve had Hocd twice now. The first time was over a year ago and the second time was this past summer. The first time I sobbed for weeks, ended up convincing myself I was a lesbian and if that was really true that I would rather kill myself than live with it. Stupid thought, I know. I have never had anything against homosexuals, it just wasn’t who I was. But I eventually ended up majorly crushing on a guy and with the combination of work and graduating forgot about the three month torture completely. The second time it was triggered by me remembering that I had it and thinking I was cured. This time I let the monster convince me I must be bisexual. Now, this round was harder because if I beat it one time around and figured out who I was, then why was it back? Perhaps bisexuality was actually who I was, I mean, it would explain why I thought I could have been a lesbian. But again, I don’t like and didn’t want to like girls. It once again felt like I was being told who I have been all my life was a lie. Everything triggered me and there was nothing to distract me long enough to be happy. I couldn’t sleep because my mind would continuously be racing. And when I did sleep Hocd would creep into the dream, startling me awake. I was eating, I was doing my research compulsion pretty much 24/7. And if I wasn’t on a computer or phone then I was watching tv or forcing myself out and about to gage my physical reactions, fueling my physical compulsions. It was literal hell for another three months, it felt like there was no way out, that this was just who I was. But then my mom found out and once again I burst into tears, but it helped. Even though she doesn’t believe I have ocd, she was still there in her own way. I eventually stopped my compulsions. Don’t keep me wrong, I still have the thoughts in the back of my head telling me that when I think a girl is pretty that I’m a lesbian. But I know brush it off because if that were true we would all be homosexual and that’s just not how that works. I’ve gotten my attraction back for men and I’m happy. And I apologize, this is quite a long post, but I just want you guys to know that you might be going through the hardest time in your life right now, but it is not and will never be forever!

My therapist recently suggested beginning medication for my GAD/OCD. I am curious and open to the idea, but I think I’m more concerned about what will happen to me negatively. I have this thought that I have no ‘self’, and if I were to take medication, I feel that I’m going to change drastically. Can anyone speak to how medication has impacted them? I don’t know anyone who has used medication (that I know of) and this is the once place I feel comfortable asking for stories. Thank you.

i have real event ocd and i absolutely hate myself for a mistake i made a little while ago. i’ve stopped the ruminating over exactly what happened, which has helped me a lot, but it seems like every thing i do is plagued with an obsessive thought. i want to start exercising, but every time i think of doing a single good thing for myself, my brain tells me “you’re a bad person and you don’t deserve to have good things” so I don’t do it. i feel if i did do something good for myself, the whole time i would just be thinking about how i really don’t deserve it. does anyone else do this ? how do you cope with it ? is there anything you’ve done to reduce the thoughts ?

I’m feeling like I don’t like him and don’t want to anymore. Before it was ROCD thoughts and I felt guilt about not knowing. Can ocd convince me I don’t like him when I want to. I really want to continuing loving my boyfriend!!! Does anyone one experience this or anything similar?

Saw blood on the bathroom floor. My major disgust trigger. I luckily saw it before I can step on it but anxiety is at an all time high and I want to take a one hour shower and major compulsions. Ocd is making me think I stepped on it. The only way for me to feel better is to participate in compulsions and explain to myself why that’s not disgusting. I can’t breathe. What is the best way to handle this from those of you who are experts.

My Pure O has been such a little nagging twit lately, from intrusive thoughts on Existential matters, to Suicidal OCD, been noticing that when I finally start letting go of one theme it jumps to another, like I was starting to deal with the Existential one and Bam! Jumped to making me think I wasn't myself. OCD is so complex, but remember it latches on to the things we find Repulsing, the things we fear, our constant need to be in control, and thats just it guys, we cant be in control all the time, which is something we have to be aware of when battling these intrusive thoughts! You. Can't. Control. Your. Thoughts, the only thing we can do is understand that they are not coming from out Desires or from ourselves really, they come from fear. Please feel free to share any recent experiences

I want to share my HOCD journey sorry if it’s a long read. I started having issues at age 13, didn’t know what it was because this was pre internet, I am 46 now. I finally got diagnosed and treated at age 23. Medication did the trick for me for about 20 years. I reduced the meds and relapsed. I have had symptoms again off and on for the last couple of years and had a setback a week ago when there was a drag queen at a party that I went to.....I smoked that night for the first time in years and the combination threw me for a loop. I called my psych and have gotten my meds adjusted and signed up to start ERP on Monday. I have never done it and felt it was time to kick this thing in the teeth once and for all. I know it seems like the end to many of you, but just persevere it will get better. I have dealt with this off and on my entire life, but I also have a degree, a good job, am happily married to a VERY understanding woman and have 8 wonderful children. I am in a valley at the moment but I’ll be damned if I am going to back down to this disease. We can all get better with time meds and therapy. God Bless

Aside from my OCD which has already turned me into a horrible human being, I have racist tendencies that I don't know how to unlearn and I just generally feel like I've always been an absolute scumbag......I'm beyond help at this point

Looking at things existentially ruins things so much. I bought my first house and i used to think getting my own home would be amazing...chill out area, cosy, sense of achievement etc. But when now i've bought it its realistically a building made of a stone which most people have, theres literally nothing special about it. Same with getting a new car its like regardless of what it looks like i dont care, it gets me from A to B why would i want to pay 20k more for a better looking car? I look at everything this way, i'm not asking for reassurance but is that a thing other people do?

Reasons why I’m scared I fee like this will change the way I look at women forever Scared to tell my parents how I feel because my dad is a pastor and Me having HoCd will probably mean I have the devil in me Scared because I’m From South Africa and probably no one has ever went to a therapist about this before Scared because I can’t afford a therapist Scared because I’m not fully diagnosed of OCD and they might just say I’m Gay Scared because my dream of Having a wife and children might not come to a reality Scared that I might just start drinking everyday to numb the pain ☹️

Boyfriend has been ghosting me for 3 days now after I told him he wasn't as affectionate and he said he was depressed. I texted him to ask if he was okay and haven't heard back, but sometimes he has bad service. That was yesterday. He has retweeted things on Twitter so I'm not sure if I should message him there. The only times we haven't really talked are when we've broken up before and this is really painful.

Hi there! Does anyone else experience real event OCD? My days lately are filled with (sometimes) crippling guilt and shame over real things that have happened in the past. These are all things that are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things. I’ve talked to friends/family/therapists about them and I’m reassured they aren’t “that bad” but my mind can’t seem to let them go. Anyone else dealing with this? Any tips for forward progress? Much love to you all. ❤️

Contamination ocd is awful. I have a deep fear of sperm being everywhere! I’m so so so so scared and terrified that I’ll touch something/someone with sperm on it/them and then masterbate/finger myself or wipe after using the bathroom and get pregnant. I’m terrified to touch anything in stores, doctor offices, ect because of that very reason. I’m terrified to touch anywhere near my vagina, terrified I’ll have sperm on my hands from touching something and get pregnant I feel like giving up. I can’t be happy anymore because of this.

Will i ever be normal again? Do i have OCD or maybe im crazy. Everything started 2 month ago i have happy,one night i couldn't get erection with my gf,we are together 8 yr. Two days after that i achieved an erection for short time,it did't bother me to much. But after that my sister has come to visit us with her newborns i have happy to see them. And bang i got a thought about pedophilia with my sisters daughter. I run away from home and i get a panick attack. And aftet that nothing i avoid them,god i love them so much im uncle for the firs time but i can't be near them im scared. Now every time when i want sex with my gf im scared what if a image come to my brain about my sisters daughter. Or when my friends talk about cute girls or sex my brain automatic create a image of my sister daughter. I know i love her like uncle but why this. And now after 2 month i have still thoughts but now i don't get anxiety any more. What is wrong with me maybe im crazy now,why i don't feel anxiety anymore i don't whant this thoughts anymore. Pls guys if someone know what is wrong with me i want a answer pls

Hi I have suffered with depression/ocd/anxiety for a long time and was wondering if anyone else feels the same or knows how’s to help a big factor in my life that is affecting me which is my mindset as I am always constantly worrying/thinking and mainly I never know If i feel things or want things like I can’t tell if what I’m thinking is what I truly want/think or is my mental illness making me thinking these things so I am always confused and second guessing myself when I have bad thoughts or different thoughts hard to explain lol as these thoughts I get I have told people them and then destroys those relationships ect as I can’t help to say to people that I am really close to

Adults with ROCD or HOCD: Have you experienced OCD ruining your sex life? I obsess about how I’m a terrible person and that I must not have feelings for my boyfriend because I avoid sex. Any tips on how to work through avoiding sex? I know it’s just a form of avoidance but sometimes it feels so real.

Should I disregard this as ocd? I’m not looking for reassurance I’m looking for support and advice I’ve been stressing for months over symptoms being related to STDs which in my head would result in my partner thinking I cheated and leaving me. I’ve had issues with my eye (conjunctivitis then a blocked gland. It’s legitimately possible to get conjunctivitis from STDs which is why I made the connection) I still have the blocked gland in my eye and everytime I go near my eye I wash my hands “incase it is an Std and I infect my partner and myself and he leaves. I’m terrified of not washing my hands after I scratch my face, ESPECIALLY near my eye, my makeup sponges feel contaminated and if I cry and the tears go in my mouth I’m convinced I got chlamydia or gohnorea in my mouth and I’ll transfer it to him and he will think I’m a wrong un The optician says it’s just a blocked gland and if she thought it was std related she’d send me to the clinic herself, but I can’t stop thinking it’s possible she’s wrong and I’ll infect myself and my partner I want to disregard this but I haven’t had my eye swabbed so I can’t