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the NOCD Community

It’s very hard for me to believe there’s hope when people have been living with Hocd for 20 years or just many years while I only had it for 8 months I feel like there’s no hope for me to me honest.

I touched a GIANT SLIMY SNOT yesterday on the work printer (it stick to my documents and I didn’t see it till it stuck to my hand) I washed excessively yesterday, showered etc and this morning I disinfected my desk and washed my hands more I had to use the printer again today now I feel like o have undone it all and I need to wash everything again How do I deal with this?

Hey guys, basically I've got many issues as some of you know with this awful OCD. But my latest one which I'm not sure is OCD, is around my boyfriend. I fell in love with him and decided to call it a thing, been together almost three months. Thing is, he struggles to get an erection and it makes me feel bad. Like I'm the reason he can't get it up even though he's explained it's because he worries he won't be able to and then he can't. And now I'm going through a time where I'm thinking, I don't find him sexually attractive because I know I actually don't, but I still love him. And I'd find him sexually attractive if this wasn't an issue. If he got more sexy and sexual towards me. This is the first guy that has ever struggled getting it up with me, basically the bedroom stuff is absolutely shit and I don't want to break up with him but my brain is telling me I do but I don't. It's something we can work around but any advice on how to help him? Or how to feel like it's not my fault. Also am I horrible for doubting whether I'm sexually attracted to him? I think he's cute but the sexual thing isn't there at all and I love his personality so I do want to stay with him but I just want this to be solved

My harm ocd is off the chain.....about my brother. It tells me when I’m alone with him and he starts crying it tells me my family thinks I’m hurting him so I try to make him stop crying and then ocd says don’t make him stop crying don’t cover up what you did. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO BEGIN WITH. But I’m still the clown because I believe this stupidity still ???I always feel like a bad sister because my harm ocd thoughts are triggered by him. He’s only 1 tho so I feel guilty because he’s 1. I try not to be around him alone or at all because ocd is gonna tell me something and I’m gonna get triggered. Or if I get mad at him I raise my voice at him and he thinks it’s funny but ocd says I’m abusing him.Or it tells me my family thinks I’m raping my brother it’s so fucked up. I wouldn’t even consider that, so as of now I don’t play with him as much and it makes me sad because he runs to my room and bangs on my door but I don’t open it because I already know what ocd is gonna do. Or after school he’ll run up to me and I’ll hug him back but after that I leave him alone. He always brings toys to me to play but I’m scared to. I broke down in the middle of writing this because it breaks my heart that I’m such a terrible sister.I want to be a good sister to him but I can’t because of this,my other friends are such good big sisters and I barely play with my brother. Some things never change, I finally see that ocd is one of those things?

What can i do besides look for reassurance

Does anyone here even believe that I could become famous and successful and loved someday....Even if people know everything that's happened to me? Please don't answer with nice things for the sake of making me feel better...I want an honest answer.

Why do things that trigger me keep happening ? I picked up some paper off the printer at work and there was a HUGE glob of what looks like snot stuck to the paper that my hand touched I scrubbed my hands but they don’t feel clean still. Everything on my desk feels dirty and I worry I have an std now I want to chop my hand off

I’m so scared right now 1 thought I really don’t know If I want to be with my partner because I find other people attractive the next I really do want to be with my partner I love her very much then I can’t feel love all I feel is guilt for feeling this way then I don’t want to be with my partner but don’t know why Then I can’t face not being with her as she means so much to me is there a way back from this or is this my life forever so so tired of it

Todays the day. I've really been wondering about how....even If I get diagnosed with OCD, I'm still a bad person......How come being a good person is so difficult and rare...Why am I always compelled to be horrible, I don't understand

I found the cause why my anxiety or OCD keeps coming back. Took ages to understand it. When I am in recovery, first I usually accept I have the anxiety and these thoughts, images and urges as a whole, and LET them all be, ALLOW them there to be without any judgement (e.g. saying that "okay, anxiety, come to me, be with me and let's do things together). But THEN, when I start thinking about anxiety to be there, an old habitual way of thinking (that I actually do not want anxiety, I hate anxiety) kicks in and that brings it back! I realized, that the most important thing is to really DO things WITH anxiety, and without any suppressing thought or feeling. Just to let them be as they are. In my experience OCD sneaked in because of having so tiny, almost invisible thought of not wanting anxiety... And now what to do - not to become frustrated again because OCD came back :)

Out of curiosity, does anyone remember when their OCD began? Was there something that you believed triggered it or was it gradual?

Im new here and I'm really scared. Rn I'm dealing with the fear that I'm sexually attracted to harming others. I've always been disgusted by anything harmful or violent and it's scaring me to death. I'm constantly checking my genitals to see if I've been aroused by these thoughts. and when i feel any movement at all there I try to scroll remember what thought did that and assume it was a bad one. Earlier this year I went through the same thing thinking I was attracted to kids. and now I'm wondering if it was true, not OCD and now my mind is just even more warped and twisted so I'm attracted to physical violence. I was having barbeque with my family a bit ago and couldn't get through the meal bc I had a thought about eating people and I thought "what if the meat triggers something in me and I start eating people?". it's a nightmare and I don't know what to do. I even know that I'm sexually attracted to my wife in a completely normal way, and I really enjoy sex with her when my head is clear. but as these thoughts get rampant I feel less and less like I want to have sex with her (which only makes the fear that these awful things are what I r e a l l y want all the worse) what on Earth can I do about this. I can't go near knifes or play videogames or watch anything with even a hint of violence or I flip out by checking myself and spiraling. Is any of this normal? if so how do I fix it? how can I expose myself to this when I feel so sure and so scared that it will arouse me. is this ocd? or am I a psychopath

Lately I have been obsessing over my health to the point where I notice any change in my body. It ruined my relationship with my bf and I can’t stop. I keep going to the ER thinking I have a serious illness

Just wanted those with Hocd right now, who feel like it will never end, it does and it will. I’ve had Hocd twice now. The first time was over a year ago and the second time was this past summer. The first time I sobbed for weeks, ended up convincing myself I was a lesbian and if that was really true that I would rather kill myself than live with it. Stupid thought, I know. I have never had anything against homosexuals, it just wasn’t who I was. But I eventually ended up majorly crushing on a guy and with the combination of work and graduating forgot about the three month torture completely. The second time it was triggered by me remembering that I had it and thinking I was cured. This time I let the monster convince me I must be bisexual. Now, this round was harder because if I beat it one time around and figured out who I was, then why was it back? Perhaps bisexuality was actually who I was, I mean, it would explain why I thought I could have been a lesbian. But again, I don’t like and didn’t want to like girls. It once again felt like I was being told who I have been all my life was a lie. Everything triggered me and there was nothing to distract me long enough to be happy. I couldn’t sleep because my mind would continuously be racing. And when I did sleep Hocd would creep into the dream, startling me awake. I was eating, I was doing my research compulsion pretty much 24/7. And if I wasn’t on a computer or phone then I was watching tv or forcing myself out and about to gage my physical reactions, fueling my physical compulsions. It was literal hell for another three months, it felt like there was no way out, that this was just who I was. But then my mom found out and once again I burst into tears, but it helped. Even though she doesn’t believe I have ocd, she was still there in her own way. I eventually stopped my compulsions. Don’t keep me wrong, I still have the thoughts in the back of my head telling me that when I think a girl is pretty that I’m a lesbian. But I know brush it off because if that were true we would all be homosexual and that’s just not how that works. I’ve gotten my attraction back for men and I’m happy. And I apologize, this is quite a long post, but I just want you guys to know that you might be going through the hardest time in your life right now, but it is not and will never be forever!

My therapist recently suggested beginning medication for my GAD/OCD. I am curious and open to the idea, but I think I’m more concerned about what will happen to me negatively. I have this thought that I have no ‘self’, and if I were to take medication, I feel that I’m going to change drastically. Can anyone speak to how medication has impacted them? I don’t know anyone who has used medication (that I know of) and this is the once place I feel comfortable asking for stories. Thank you.

i have real event ocd and i absolutely hate myself for a mistake i made a little while ago. i’ve stopped the ruminating over exactly what happened, which has helped me a lot, but it seems like every thing i do is plagued with an obsessive thought. i want to start exercising, but every time i think of doing a single good thing for myself, my brain tells me “you’re a bad person and you don’t deserve to have good things” so I don’t do it. i feel if i did do something good for myself, the whole time i would just be thinking about how i really don’t deserve it. does anyone else do this ? how do you cope with it ? is there anything you’ve done to reduce the thoughts ?

I’m feeling like I don’t like him and don’t want to anymore. Before it was ROCD thoughts and I felt guilt about not knowing. Can ocd convince me I don’t like him when I want to. I really want to continuing loving my boyfriend!!! Does anyone one experience this or anything similar?

Saw blood on the bathroom floor. My major disgust trigger. I luckily saw it before I can step on it but anxiety is at an all time high and I want to take a one hour shower and major compulsions. Ocd is making me think I stepped on it. The only way for me to feel better is to participate in compulsions and explain to myself why that’s not disgusting. I can’t breathe. What is the best way to handle this from those of you who are experts.

My Pure O has been such a little nagging twit lately, from intrusive thoughts on Existential matters, to Suicidal OCD, been noticing that when I finally start letting go of one theme it jumps to another, like I was starting to deal with the Existential one and Bam! Jumped to making me think I wasn't myself. OCD is so complex, but remember it latches on to the things we find Repulsing, the things we fear, our constant need to be in control, and thats just it guys, we cant be in control all the time, which is something we have to be aware of when battling these intrusive thoughts! You. Can't. Control. Your. Thoughts, the only thing we can do is understand that they are not coming from out Desires or from ourselves really, they come from fear. Please feel free to share any recent experiences

I want to share my HOCD journey sorry if it’s a long read. I started having issues at age 13, didn’t know what it was because this was pre internet, I am 46 now. I finally got diagnosed and treated at age 23. Medication did the trick for me for about 20 years. I reduced the meds and relapsed. I have had symptoms again off and on for the last couple of years and had a setback a week ago when there was a drag queen at a party that I went to.....I smoked that night for the first time in years and the combination threw me for a loop. I called my psych and have gotten my meds adjusted and signed up to start ERP on Monday. I have never done it and felt it was time to kick this thing in the teeth once and for all. I know it seems like the end to many of you, but just persevere it will get better. I have dealt with this off and on my entire life, but I also have a degree, a good job, am happily married to a VERY understanding woman and have 8 wonderful children. I am in a valley at the moment but I’ll be damned if I am going to back down to this disease. We can all get better with time meds and therapy. God Bless