Welcome to
the NOCD Community

is it normal to have ocd episodes and compulsions and everything for the entire day? i can't remember the last time i had an OCD-free day where my heart was not pounding. Prozac will take weeks to kick in. what do i do?

I’m about to turn 18 and I’ve graduated high school a year early and I deal with intense feelings of imposter syndrome. I have no clue where my life is headed and not really even sure what college I wanna go to. I know I want to go to college but I just don’t know what I should do. I have a good job that I’ve been at for over a year and thats great, but I look at people my age and feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be. I’m an overachiever and someone that deals with OCD and the mix of those two is not fun. I think that when I was a child I had a lot of pressure placed onto me to do so well that I’m constantly looking for ways to improve in many aspects of my life. This leaves an unrealistic outline of where I should be and makes me feel so shitty that I can’t even see the good I’m doing. I can’t remember many positive things that people say to me about myself because I don’t think my brain believes it. I often worry if I’m not as smart as other people and overthink mistakes I make so many times a day. Excepting constructive feedback from people is extremely hard for me because I feel like I’ve failed. I feel sad about all of my past relationships with people. I feel scared nobody will ever love me.

(TRIGGER WARNING) To go more in depth with my question, can porn misconstrue or contort your grown up response and arousal, causing you to feel things to stuff you do not find pleasing? The reason I’m asking this is because something happened just now that is bothering me. I was on TikTok and I saw a video where a girl was explaining how her father SA’ed her. It was really hard for me to even get through the video and I kept pausing throughout because of how shocking it was. However, I noticed that I kept feeling groinal responses along with unwanted imaginations of what she was saying. I know, people typically kind of imagine stories in their head when someone else is telling them said stories, but I felt movement and it was bothering me because it did not match how I’ve felt about what I was hearing. Of course, I had to ignore the intrusive thoughts, but it was really hard for me to watch the whole video and I still have not watched it through. I felt like I was fighting with myself, however, when I think about it right now, I feel nothing. I know I probably should stop doing that because checking is only going to make the rumination worse, but I just wanted to see if porn could be a factor in this as I have struggled with pornography addiction as I was exposed to it around six or seven years old all the way up to now being 24.

I feel like today, I realized I’m not a good person at all. I think I am a really bad person. My pet died because of my neglect. I never thought he would pass away, but he did and I can’t believe it was because of me. How did I allow that to happen? He died because he needed flea treatment. That was my responsibility and I failed him. I know I’ve gone through so much the past 2 months. Losing my mom to cancer, being stuck in a foreign country for a month while grieving, coming home and try to pick up all the pieces in our family, struggling financially etc. My depression from losing my mom was so bad that I’ve been neglectful with my pets the past month. I’m even a mom to a little one. Of course I got up everyday , took care of him, fed him, played with him, cleaned our home. But it was hard and I feel so guilty for even feeling like my life is hard. Like everything is so hard to keep up with. I truly feel like I’m an evil person that neglects everything in my life. My cat dying because of me seriously has me viewing myself so differently now. Like what kind of person am I? What is wrong with me? I’ve been cleaning my house everyday, I have two other pets that I feed 3 times a day, I groom them, I got their flea medicine, I’m taking them to the vet next week to make sure they are ok. I took my son out to the pool yesterday, cooked him homemade meals.. got him toys.. i cook for my husband, i try to clean the house so my husband doesn’t have to do so. I still feel like I’m such a bad person. I’m a terrible person and something is wrong with me. What do I do? I don’t know if it’s because I always want to be perfect and everything has to be perfect, that when it’s not.. I feel like I’m a terrible person. What is wrong with me ?

So, I have been suffering from ZOCD for a little over 2 years, and my main fear is that I am into my favorite animal, cats. Recently, the intrusive thoughts and "testing" compulsions have gotten a lot worse. And by "testing", I mean imagining scenarios to see if that would trigger a response or not. I know that that behavior needs to stop ot I'll never break the OCD cycle, but I just feel this need to ensure that I am not attracted to bad things, so I keep doing it. It has consumed my mind, and I sometimes just test impulsively just to make completely sure, and then I end up spiralling. The anxiety has also decreased, so when the intrusive thoughts hit, it actually feels like a real arousal, even though it most likely (PLEASE) isn't. As a result of all this, I cannot look at cats the same way I used to, as this disease has effectively killed any chance of that. My eyes now automatically go to their private area even when I don't want them to and it disgusts me that my brain is like this. Actually, when I see a cat, the intrusive thoughts immediately set in. Is there ever any way for me to return to normal? I do not have access to therapy at the moment, so how can I deal with this by myself?

Can a false memory be based on a real event? Like the false memory is based on something that did happen (there is a time/place/people) but you’re not sure if the action in the memory is real? For example, I’ve been dealing with a false memory and it’s based on the time I went on a vacation with my family and the false memory has a time and place, it doesn’t change and it has a specific action and idk…it just feels like it did happen…especially since it’s based on something that DID happen…idk how to explain it :( I hope it is understandable. Anyways…I hope you guys are having a great day!

TURTLES!!! Many of the animals in India are friendly. The street dogs and cats behave like pets. You see Eagles on a daily basis. I guess the animals here have historically had less to be afraid of. I've been feeding a dog too. He knows who I am now and the first time he practically led me to the shop. I've found a restaurant where I can pig out for about 100 Rs and the food is delicious. I can see why westerners love Goa. There are hippie chicks dotted around and the Indian women are enough to drive you wild. I'm taking good advantage of the gym too. I'll be in better shape at the end of three months. This is the life.

The struggle is so real again tonight. Can everyone leave some supportive and fun comments down below? I’m just needing to positivity and hope.

How do all of you deal with stove and burners on? And not worry

I sometimes get in my head that my bf is limiting me? When he never has and I highly doubt he ever will. He wants me to go to school. He wants to be there for that. He wants me to dress confidently (but modestly around his parents, that’s more a me thing cuz I really want them to warm up to me). For some reason today it’s specifically about dyeing my hair?? Like a crazy colour or smthn (which I haven’t done since I was like. 10). “He doesn’t like crazy colours in hair HED hate it” ok? I also wouldn’t really like it at this point in time cuz I go with a nice copper colour that I love. And I’ve done that for the last couple years. Like yeah funky hair colours are fun but I don’t think I actually want them? How do I know if I actually do want them? I just like having highlights cuz I feel like I look a lot prettier when they’re done. I think the craziest I’d go now is like a deeper red than my copper like my friends lol. Idk I got super in my head cuz I saw a girl with her bf and she had pink streaks which looked really cool. It’s not that he wouldn’t let me it’s just he’s not a fan(he’s Muslim so, makes sense tbh. His mom does want him to dye his hair cuz he’s graying lol), and I grew out of it. It was fun when I was 10. Honestly if I wanted to have colourful hair again I’d get those chalk ones or that hairspray at Halloween stores lol. I don’t want anything permanent. I like the predictable nature of how my hair fades Yeah weird thing to obsess over. My bf has never been controlling of my looks and I’ve had no desire to really do anything out of the ordinary. It did make me anxious when he said it initially like a year ago but I haven’t really cared about it. Now I’m worried I’m ignoring some gut instinct lol. But I don’t think I have. I feel like me. I feel safe and happy. He loves how I dress. He loves the highlights (I’m pretty sure). Idk I’ve never had an urge lately to try to dye my hair a crazy colour. Like “ooo pink streaks. Im doing it” I like it but idk. It’s not my style. It hasn’t excited me in years. Idk if it’s cuz I’m depressed that I’m like meh(my depression scores haven’t been super high so I’ve been doing really well, even without meds) or if it’s just meh to me now. When I was a kid I had short hair lol now it’s down to the middle of my back. I’m still that weird kid who did dye her hair and loved sharks and dragons and would rather read than play at recess. The same girl who worked and worked to get to university and still loves theatre (yeah my bf got stuck with a theatre kid who can’t sing or dance, I’m a tech kid. It’s the first thing he told his sister lol). On the positive side, it’s our year and a half anniversary. We played roblox for a few hours cuz I’m 3 hours away rn. I also worry I’m not happy being a woman but I am. I’m not happy with how society treats women as a whole, but I wouldn’t change being a woman. I worry my smile isn’t genuine. I worry that the reason I feel so depleted is cuz I’m not who im supposed to be. But I have no desire, only stress thinking about being a man. I think the reason I’m so depleted is just general burnout from school (I’ve been in summer classes the last 4 months and planning how to run a club and looking for research opportunities. Yay pre med!) and also the state of the world. I don’t live in the USA but I feel unfathomable amounts of anger seeing what trump is doing. And seeing the atrocities in Gaza and Syria knowing my bf’s heritage lies in those places feels. Upsetting. I think I’m just generally tired of being a human, not being a woman. I love being a woman honestly. I’ve always been tomboyish so maybe that’s where the panic lies

TW. hii, ive been dealing with horrible thoughts as of lately. its gotten to a point where as of recently, ive been starting to eat less, sleep more, and cry a whole lot. i dont know whats wrong with me, i have confusing memories. im in a relationship, and as a highschool girl who loves hard since this is my first relationship, ive been having confusing thoughts about whether or not if i found attraction to a boy last year on a cruise. the first time i met this boy, my boyfriend knew about him because i made sure to update my boyfriend on everything. me and the boy were only friends & thats how i thought my intentions were before. but i dont know why now, a whole year later… ive been having confusing, yet convincing thoughts that i found attraction to the boy and i cheated on my boyfriend. everything seems so convincing, yet makes no sense, but i want to know the answer, did i find that boy attractive, and i try to look back into my memory to remember how i felt, but nothing works, i dont know how i felt or feel anymore. i dont know if these are false memories or theyre real memories. how do i know if they are real, concrete memories & how do i genuinely get rid of these thoughts?

Im easily scared so please be gentle. My ocd lately has been stuck on “how are we even here?” “What if this is fake” “how are we in a globe”. Super weird questions that I can’t answer or get my thoughts off of it. Anyone else out there with the same? I haven’t found a lot of people with existential ocd.

Everyday I wake up with a pit in my stomach and it doesn’t go away. I question reality and if anything is real. How it’s real and why it’s real? Everyday I wake up I’m disappointed I don’t have answers to life. By answers I mean the afterlife (if there is one) I find it hard to accept someday our life ends. It makes me wonder if life even has a point. It consumes me everyday and I can’t function normally. I wonder what I’ll do when my family members pass and where they’ll go. If I’ll ever see them again. I cry every night because I genuinely don’t know how I’ll handle that one day. I’m deeply afraid of losing the people I love and never seeing them again. Overall, I question everything about life. There’s so I don’t know and I know I can’t find the answer and that devastates me. I truly wonder how I got here and why I was chosen to be here. It freaks me out. I try to find solutions. For example, I consider myself agnostic. And I would like there to be a God but it’s difficult for me to believe it without evidence. What if it’s not real? And there’s so many things out there. I wonder if reincarnation is real or if it’s just something us humans made up for comfort. I’m working on my relationship with God but I don’t know. I feel guilty because I feel like I’m only doing it because I’m afraid.

I’ve been struggling a lot recently with intrusive thoughts and images of the same gender, and I’ll often get a groinal response out of pure terror which then fuels hyperawareness to the groin and to salivation which then makes my whole body burn and ruins my whole day out of fear of it meaning something about myself despite all the evidence in my past that I am straight (e.g having a baby on the way, only being attracted to women), I try to tell myself that it’s all OCD and it is a lie, but the groinal response just keeps me in this horrible spiral constantly, to the point that I have nightmares about it, does anyone else have this problem? I’m so exhausted because of it and I can’t sleep because the intrusive thoughts keep me awake for hours on end, I’m getting the help I need but the wait is crippling :(

I really really need help. Please. So, lately, I've started to notice that I may or may not have a bi side. I'm a girl, and I'm a Christian. I love Jesus and I don't want to do anything that's against his laws so I can't be a bi. I just can't. But lately, I've started to notice that when I see, like, a really beautiful lady, I feel some sort of attraction and tightness in my chest. I can't deny the tug I feel whenever I see a beautiful lady and I don't want it. I don't read or watch anything related to lesbianism and I can't deny that I find gay couples cute but being a lesbian has always been a no for me. It's been getting worse lately and last night I had a dream. So, there's this live TV show that's going on in my country and I had a dream about one of the contestants. Mind you, I have no interest at allll in this contestant. I barely see her on screen and I don't even like fee any connection for her whatsoever. But in the dream I had, she was offering herself to me to y'know, do some stuff and what happened to my body is what is still shocking me. I HAD NEVER FELT SO AROUSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I still can't explain it. I don't know what happened or what's happening to me but I need help. Like serious help. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just can't be bi. I don't want to. I feel like with each day that passes, I start to discover new, scary sides of me and my OCDs aren't even helping matters. Please, any advice at this point would do. I can't tell my mom or even my youth pastor cuz I'm too scared that they'll start to see me differently and start judging me.

Yesterday, I was told by one of my coworkers my OCD is a sin. Now, I work at a church and I am pursuing a ministry career and I don’t feel like it’s a sin but it is really bothering me. I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this as a Christian battling OCD.

I have a 56 year old brother who struggles with substance abuse, homelessness and mental health. I began to notice a patter that when his life would be thrown into the maelstrom, it would often trigger my OCD and put me into thought spirals and feelings of depression. Well, I’m here again. My brother is in a South Florida drug rehabilitation clinic and of course I’ve back slidden into an OCD spike. My brother is at the end of his rope, and hinted to not having the strength to do this anymore, so I just shared this metaphorical story with him just now. I think it was written by a Christian author years ago, and their name escapes me. When I texted him the story, it occurred to me that there is relevance here for my fellow OCD sufferers. I’m am not a holy roller by any means, in fact I’m a lapsed Catholic who often struggles with faith and its meaning. The Lizard on the Bow: A Story About Holding On There was a man who had a tradition of taking a quiet rowboat ride early each morning. He’d walk down to the lake, uncover his old canoe, and slowly push off from the dock. It was his time to clear his head and connect with God. One morning, he set off like usual. The lake was calm, and the air was still. As he rowed out to the center, dark clouds began to gather. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and soon the rain began to fall. The peaceful morning was quickly turning into a storm. Deciding it was best to turn around, the man began rowing back toward the safety of the shore. That’s when he noticed something—on the bow of the boat, just ahead of him, sat a small lizard. It must’ve jumped on when he launched from the dock. Now it was stuck—surrounded by water, perched on an unfamiliar surface, and the storm was closing in. The lizard started to panic. It darted back and forth, unsure what to do, its tiny body trembling with fear. The man, watching, began talking to it—softly, calmly: “Hang in there, little guy. We’re heading back. Just hold on—we’re only 500 yards from shore.” But the wind picked up. The waves slapped against the sides of the boat. The lizard became frantic, searching for an escape—darting left, then right, then freezing, overwhelmed. “Almost there,” the man said again, “Just 200 yards to go. You’re doing fine. Stay with me.” But the storm didn’t let up. The lizard, confused and terrified, couldn’t see what the man saw—the steady progress toward safety. All it knew was fear. Despite the man’s reassurance, it made a desperate leap into the water. It didn’t realize that shore was just ahead. That rescue was almost here. That if it had just waited… just held on… it would’ve made it. The Message This story isn’t really about a lizard. It’s about us—about how, in the middle of life’s storms, fear and pain can cloud our judgment. When everything feels too dark or too broken, we start looking for an escape. Even if it’s one we can’t undo. But God is in the boat. And He sees what we can’t. He knows how close the shoreline is—even when we don’t. Sometimes, all we’re being asked to do is hold on a little longer. Not to fix everything. Not to be perfect. Just… hold on.

I’ve been really struggling lately with identifying whether I feel a certain way about a situation or people around me or if I’m having intrusive thoughts. Lately, I’ve noticed talking it out with a friend is my first line of defense, sometimes just verbalizing those thoughts can help me hear what I’m saying, and actually start to process how I feel. I do get caught up in making the right decision after that, and it weighs on me heavily, and this is when I struggle to take action or become distant with others that’re in said situation. I try to do more grounding techniques and things that make me happy, I tend to try to focus on something like work or household chores and then relax with a good Gordon Ramsey show hehehe, but I still sit with that confusion of whether this is how I feel? What if it’s just an intrusive thought? What if I’m making the wrong decision or what if I don’t have grounds to feel the way I think I am feeling. This is when talking it out helps for me, but I still always have that inkling that I’m making the wrong decision regardless of what I choose. Does anyone have any coping skills suggestions to aid in this sort of struggle? I feel like it can be quite common to be stuck in those mental gymnastics with your ocd and I’m really curious what you guys do to help process these feelings yourself. I tend to spend time with my pets, watch a show, call a friend, but I’m curious if maybe there’s a recommendation that would work for me that I haven’t tried : ) thank you all for listening!! This is my first community post hehehe

My bf is gone for a week with his guy friends for a wedding and I’m having the worst time processing it. I’ve already caused a fight last night by pressing on why he didn’t text me enough. He told me to give him space and altho I know it’s wrong all I want to do is be incredibly toxic, ignore him for days hoping he regrets it. Or even worse, I’m having intrusive urges about relationship “revenge” which I won’t go into details about. 🥲 He’s a groomsman and my ROCD is firing off like crazy at the idea of him being paired w a bridesmaid the whole night. I’m angry he rented a tuxedo which he never wears when he’s with me, while I dress to the nines every other date. I’m angry he seems to forget about me whenever he’s with the boys. I’m angry that when I travelled overseas I messaged him EVERY TIME I had wifi access. But he can’t give that same energy. At the end of the day, he’s done nothing wrong, I only tell his story in a negative light. I don’t know how to keep it together for the next week. I know I’m acting crazy, like a crazy gf. I just want to be normal.

Hi so I have many themes of ocd and recently I found this guy attractive at work (which is fine no issue in that) however of corse my ocd gives me so many thoughts of how I’m acting around him and I even move away when he comes close because I’m scared I might touch him or he might touch me and it means I’ve cheated on my bf etc. however on my break I had the erge to talk to him more because I found him attractive so I spoke to him more. Only about his car etc but I felt more drawn to talk to him. I’m now scared I’ve cheated and this has left me bed bound for a while. Some people have said it’s cheating but those are strangers without ocd. I’m just so scared. I’m a loyal person but this one situation really scared me I need opinions if this is ocd or not