- Date posted
- 12d
last friday night I had a work dinner/bowling party with colleagues. I went together with a girlfriend (we both work there). there was a male colleague who I talked and laughed with together with some other colleagues. my friend said she thinks he has a little crush on me, but that she didn't want to trigger my rocd. I said that that it's fine.. the whole night we were on an off smoking outside with colleagues and I was really bubbly and happy (more so because I was drinking alcohol) now I think he flirted with me, because I remembered he touched my arm once? and I think he had said something flirty. but I remember I thought it was weird and I never reciprocated any flirting. I haven't said anything weird and I was the exact same way that I would have been with my usual friends (guys or girls), but I can't shake the feeling I should have more explicitly said that I have a boyfriend!! it was mentioned in a conversation and he knows it, but then why would he act flirty? I feel so bad! Saturday I remembered? that I also had a thought about him being attractive? or me kissing him? and I think that I liked the thought. I don't even remember and I don't WANT to kiss anyone else besides my boyfriend. why did I keep talking to him if I had a thought like that? I feel so shitty and like I need to tell my boyfriend. but I wouldn't even know what to say? "I had a thought about someone else"? "Someone might have been a little flirty towards me and I didn't stop them, but I also didn't respond to it"? I can't decipher if I blame that I cheated on Ocd? or if my Ocd ia actually making this a bigger deal then it is? in the past I have confessed stupid things to my boyfriend and he said it's nothing to worry about, but I feel this is different and he would not like it at all (ps. I keep trying to make myself feel a little better by reminding myself my bf has done some things in the past of our relationship aswell, that he didn't confess to me (I found out), such as asking others online for sex while in active drug addiction. I understand that was just because of addiction. and I still feel like what I did feels worse and like I need to confess about it. my mind is going crazy would confessing be a bad thing to do? it usually makes me feel better