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Same above question i ask i do analyze mental rumination and whole day & night multiple thoughts come in my mind & i feel anxiety

Is there an ocd them that makes u feel like u can’t do life anymore? Every second of everyday is thoughts consumed in see this is why u can’t do life, this is something else you’re failing at, here’s another area you suck at, you’ll never be able to do life, nothing will be easy, as soon as things get good they’ll get bad again. Nobody wants you to win. I mean it’s hard to shut it off bc it’s not wrong……

Today has been a shitty day. I got triggered this evening about the same intrusive thought and scenario I always worry about. Its scary because I try to think logically and realistically. But I really don't trust myself and am unsure if these things happened or not. It's very frightening and idk how much more I can take

(20, mdni!) okay, so this is abt my real event ocd, but I can totally see ppl w/ other types of ocd being affected by this too, so feedback from ANYONE is appreciated. do you guys ever wipe your hand when you bump into/graze against something on accident? like let’s say you’re talking to somebody, they’re showing you something, you reach for it, and your knuckle accidentally brushes against their boob. when it’s over, and you go back to whatever you were doing before, would you also wipe your hand on a rough surface repeatedly or scrape at the places you touched something with using your teeth to get rid of the lingering sensation? bc that’s something I do on top of rumination. it happened a lot when I was younger, too. I’d be reading a book/playing a game abt nature, and when something like a picture of a bug or fungus came up, I’d get spooked, drop what I was doing and wipe my hands on my pants. I have a good feeling I’m not alone in this, but I haven’t seen a lot of people talk abt it. pls let me know if I’m right!!

I’d RLLY like some advice if possible. I want to get the most help i can and I’m not sure if my new therapist is a good fit. Idk im just too sensitive but he’s every session session he says “if it’s true you have ocd” “if you have adhd” and it just irks me like idk 😭 he’s says it because he can’t diagnose me but like… I’ve been diagnosed for around 10 years at this point. like if my back hurts bc i have scoliosis or like if i tell him I’ve had a tonsillectomy i feel like he wouldn’t say “well if those things happened or were true” like idk 😭 I’ve never had anyone talk to me like that? I’ve brought it up once and he was like “ok i see i have to hedge w you” and im like??? What confuses me the most is that my psychiatrist is giving me new meds for ocd and SHES the one who reccomended him so im like??? Okay?! I feel that almost everything he says i already try to do. Except for an OCD worksheet. But my psychiatrist is the one who gave him the worksheet anyways. So when i flip the ocd paper over and see a thing that’s literally OCD why i don’t drive like ITS ON THE PAPER it just feels almost invalidating to be told yeah you might have issues. I want to keep going to therapy but im think maybe i should try again? And hes my first male therapist so i feel really awkward. I’d be willing to wait a long time if i have to even. OR im overthinking things and maybe i should go back and try to talk about him again even though it seems he doesnt want to.

The more I talk to people with ocd and the good brave sufferers on this app I’m starting to see a bad trail of miss information and poor therapy execution. Also can we please be honest with the sufferers, medication is not going to properly fix anything. Medication that pumps unnatural amounts of a neural transmitter, numbing emotions, causing loss of libido, genital numbness, weight gain, migraines is not fixing any biology, it is artificially changing biology. What changes real biology is good therapy. The biology of ocd is not what people think it is, and to be honest science is not solid on it either. What causes ocd in a individual is not black and white, Is it the chicken or the egg with ocd science, but the good news is science shows it doesn’t matter, and it is not a rd block to recovery. Now I am not against people taking meds. I’m not against people doing anything that brings them relief and gets them freedom, I don’t want anyone to suffer and everyone is in a different position in life, with different life stressors, and meds are necessary to stabilise and get them out of a dark hole. I was in one myself once and meds got me out of it, but meds never fixed my problem, meds masked my problem and gave me others. Please let’s be honest with them. Neural plasticity is a real science, meds are a poor understood one. Therapists please make it your goal and please remind yourself to Execute your therapy well and with passion and clarity. Some people want to try do it without the meds, but they just don’t know how. So please encourage them and show them the way, they are stronger then you think. Lots of love. From Former OCD sufferer who loves the power of psychology.

Does anyone have a before/after story? How to OCD start for you? I haven't always had OCD. I would say that before OCD I was an over-analyzer and liked to debate things. Also hyper concerned about "integrity." So maybe those are traits that make people susceptible to OCD. Mine started as a slow but steady addiction to confessing things to my g/f. You can say it was initiated by a mistake I made in the relationship. I felt bad about it, so I went on this mission to confess every little minuscule detail or potential thing e.g. "OMG I glanced at a girl once!" etc. Stupid stuff like that. I specifically remember the period of time where this "switch" happened. This was organically created OCD. This issue caused it. It switched from rumination and "problem solving" into an overwhelming NEED / "you must confess" every little thing ELSE anxiety, guilt, shame. OCD attacks things we care about. I cared / care about my integrity to g/f to build trust. "Not confessing" went directly against that. So you're left in purgatory. But the point is Idk if everyone has that same "origin story." I think this gives insight on what OCD actually is. At the end of the day, it's a mental addiction that needs to be broken somehow.

Everyone with OCD starts off believing that the thoughts make us monsters--and that the thoughts are dangerous. However, this viewpoint only feeds the insidious cycle of OCD. I know it's counter-intuitive, but the only way to defeat the thoughts is to ALLOW them to be there. We have to stop caring if they are there or not. Do you want to defeat OCD? You have some decisions to make. See below: -------------------------------------- 4 KEY DECISIONS TO DEFEAT OCD 1.) Make a decision that the thoughts are not dangerous. They may FEEL evil and scary. But they are just wisps of smoke 💨 that exist in your mind. 2.) Make a decision that the thoughts mean NOTHING about you as a person. Again, they feel evil and scary. But you have to understand that that is the nature of the disorder. This is part of the disease called OCD. I know the thoughts make you feel like a monster. But you have to understand that the thoughts mean ZERO about you as a person. 3.) Make a decision that the thoughts have ZERO connection with the real world. I know that when we have OCD, we always think our thoughts have connections to real life (sometimes even magical connections). But remember, they are just wisps of smoke in your mind 💨 4.) Make a decision that you are not going to fight the thoughts off. You have to ALLOW them to run freely through your head. This is the only way to take away their power. You have to stop caring whether they are there or not. You see, the more you fight, the worse they will get. Your only way out is to ALLOW them and to stop caring if they are there. -------------------------------------- Now, I know how hard it is to make these decisions. I know that OCD is called a DOUBTING disease for a reason. Your brain will always say that it is not safe to make these decisions. Or your brain will say there must be some caveat, or "what if this?", or "what if that?", blah, blah, blah. I don't know how else to say it, but you have to ignore all the noise and "man up" and just make the decisions out of faith, and out of a sheer effort of will. You will never feel okay about making these decisions. You will always have doubt. Make the decisions anyway. Make them out of sheer will. Make them like a blind person makes a step in the dark, out of faith and nothing else. You WILL gain back functionality in your life if you do these things. You WILL start conquering the OCD if you do these things. It is the pathway to freedom. This is why I love ERP so much. A good EEP therapist will train you in all of this. I learned these things on my own journey, but they lined up with ERP. Take a step. You can do it:):):)

I’m really distressed over POCD, it’s so bad to the point where I feel way too guilty to even speak about it, but I’m going to anyway. When my cousin was talking to me about an event that happened to her when she was 14, as soon as I heard the number 14, i instantly have intrusive thoughts and false attraction (because thats what it is, idk what else to call it, because ultimately im not worried about this part),, I’m worried because I allowed myself to like it and like the feeling of liking it, if that makes sense, and I don’t know why I did, and it’s stressing me out, because I don’t want to do stuff like that or be a weirdo?? I feel so stressed out, i didn’t even want to talk about this, I just hope so badly it’s not true and that I am a good person.

Hi hi everyone. I wanted to know everyone's experiences with Luvox. This is my second week. And I will tell you that the first week it was rough. I had almost every symptom. And it did intensify my pure o. But today has made officially two weeks. And that's not to say that i'm not going through it. But I have decided to stick with this medication and give it my all. I do believe that if I do, it's going to improve and hopefully slow down my thoughts. And today I have to say, did I do feel better. Even though it's small and I have been doing compulsions, it just feels slightly different. Also, for the first time in my life, i'm able to see and speak with an actual OCD dedicated therapist. We have our first session on friday. And I feel like the medication is going to help, because maybe I can slow down long enough for therapy to actually work. Just a bit about my ocd. Just in case this post hits home, and maybe you just need to feel like you connect with someone. I have pure O OCD. It comes in the form of very intense thoughts about people i love and know dying. It will usually start with a thought about someone, then, it kind of turns into if i'm thinking about them. Then starts.... do you want something bad to happen to them? And in about two minutes, i've convinced myself that I do. And I have to, in some way, make it right. My compulsions are a mix of pacing, tapping and above all very detailed prayers. Of course there's more to it than that.... it's a lot of counting, fear. Ect. Avoiding people, because i'm afraid it will bring on a thought..... The last few years have been really rough. I'm really looking forward to this new therapy starting soon. A lot of the time I feel like i'm just physically here. Going to work, and barely maintaining that. The actual life being lived. That really did stop a long time ago. I need to find myself again. I need to believe that that's possible. This crazy ocd ritual foundation that i've built myself, that i've like foolishly convinced myself works. It's completely crumbling. I'm sorry for getting off track.... it has been a rough few years. And in an even rougher two weeks. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Also, if you've made it thus far and have any advice on sticking it out with luvox. Please feel free to share. Thank you -B

TW / POCD, Real Event OCD im a girl and ive been dealing with intrusive sexual thoughts for almost 5 years, it started when i was 15 and im 20 now. but i just feel like ive reached rock bottom. the worst part of it all is just that i feel like im different from most people who deal with these thoughts, because sometimes i act as a compulsion. like one time i booped a toddler’s pout to make sure i didnt feel anything (i didnt) or when i stared at a naked baby far too long to reassure myself that to me its just a regular normal baby and that i dont feel attracted. but then when i read that “people with pocd would never act on these thoughts” and i think about these past situations and i think “oh my god i did act so this means im dangerous to children because i touched that toddler’s lips and im a harasser and im just faking ocd”. i also have been dealing with a bunch of groinal responses lately and they make me feel so disgusted, i panic at even a slight movement at my body parts. the guilt and shame is unbearable. i have such a loving family, good friends, a perfect boyfriend. they keep telling me how special and how much they love me. even the little kids in my life want me to play and want me to be with them (this makes even more guilty, like am i luring these kids to like me so i can be close with them?). but the fact is that the people in my life dont know whats going on in my brain and im too much of a coward to tell them because im so afraid of losing them and them being disgusted. but i dont feel like i deserve all the love i receive. like at all. i keep praying and crying to God to change me and to make me a better person and to make these thoughts go away. i just wanna look at kids and dont think all the awful things i do. even when my brain keeps telling me that i love and cant live without these thoughts. kiss and hug a baby and dont be afraid of how i react. be able to have a child someday. i miss loving myself, i look at all the other girls my age and i just wish i could be like them. i used to be a normal teen, who didnt have these type of thoughts. i just wish i could love myself and be confident and happy with myself but lately all i want to do is to die.

For those who have tried and benefited from SSRI’s, which one did you take and what did you notice changed after starting it?

I would like to hear someone who's struggled with obsessing over rabies and how you managed to help with the fear. For context I'm from the UK and we are fortunate enough to not have classical rabies but there are bats with lyssavirus. Bats will be waking up from hibernation soon and I'm struggling more than normal to go outside. Today I was walking with my partner and I felt a drop of something on my forehead, it wasn't raining and I don't know where it came from. Naturally, I felt scared because of the uncertainty of not knowing. So here I am, hours later, still worried about it. Despite the infinitesimally small chance that this liquid drop was A) from a bat and B) from a bat with rabies. I'm trying to push myself to go outside while it's dark but, my partner had seen bats nearby last summer, so I worry a lot about going outside at night.

I have had a few situations where I misread someone’s hesitancy during intimacy and now that im rethinking every moment I wonder if the person felt pressured. I always give people a verbal out to something, like “listen, we do NOT have to do this at all if you do not want to” and even asking are you sure? Because of my anxiety. But I do wonder and worry if I accidentally pressured someone without meaning to. Like one time me and my ex were gonna try something knew and he was being weird about it so I kinda got frustrated like listen we do not have to do this so do not attempt to do something u do not wanna do. It’ll just make things weird for the both of us. He ended up telling me to do it and still kinda made it weird so I got frustrated and stopped because I don’t like being in situations like that. Afterwards I asked if he felt pressured and he said he felt only a little pressure because he wanted to do it because I wanted to do it. Which is like?????) now I just feel weird. This happened months ago but I woke up with extreme anxiety this morning

We’re supposed to accept the intrusive thoughts and carry on regardless without doing anything to reassure ourselves but how do you deal with the feeling that you’re in denial, burying your head in the sand when you don’t do the compulsion ? This is what I struggle with most.

i’ve been kicked off reddit so i can’t reassurance seek and i’m feeling so lost. i want to share my story and i hope some trans people could tell me what it sounds like. i’m currently struggling with trans ocd and up until recently the thoughts have started to come with false emotions. i get butterflies a lot when i’m anxious and sometimes i get scared that the butterflies are actually me being drawn to the thought. so i just want to summaries my whole experience with this disorder. so, when i was only 4 years old i had a very strong urge to touch all of the corners in the room. nothing would feel right if i didn’t. when i was 10 i had to do everything 6 times, had to say “night, night” as my last words, and had to get to the door before the garage closed or i thought i’d die. when i was 11, i started experiencing what i think was existential ocd. nothing felt real. i constantly asked my mum for reassurance that i’m real. i remember avoiding going out because i felt so dissociated. i was so scared of developing derealisation and depersonalisation and frequently checked in mirrors to see if i recognised myself, and i would also type out the word ‘derealisation’ on a keyboard on my ipad to see if the word came up. if it didn’t come up, i felt okay. but i literally couldn’t watch movies like the matrix because i was terrified. now fast forward to when i was 12, i feared i was becoming a psychopath. i genuinely worried that i would grow up to be a murderer. i would have frequent intrusive images that would cause distress. i also had pocd around this age. for pocd in particular, i saved many tiktok videos to reassure myself that i wasnt becoming a pedofile. omg i also always thought i had posted something onto social media and always had to check that i did. now i’m almost 14. yeah, i’m young. but my current theme tocd is really not questioning. i’m going to summarise my experience with it a little bit here. i use envy men a lot. like i always thought they got more attention, more power and people swooned over them more than women. i was introduced to a popular fandom at the start of 2025 which i literally loved. the main ship were two straight men. i shipped them. i admired the dynamic. their ship got the most attention in the show. i of course blamed that on gender.ee i got very jealous of the attention and wanted to be in a relationship like that. like i would try and act like one of the characters (i didn’t try to look like him i just wanted to be like him because he seemed cool) and imagined myself being with a boy (me as a girl though) and basically ‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship because the more dominant man in a mlm or even the most dominant person in a straight ship always seem like the coolest. i still imagined myself as a woman like i didn’t want to be in a gay relationship, i wanted to be in a straight relationship. but in October last year i saw a video that resonated with me. it said “i want to be in a mlm relationship as a woman” and the top comment was “this is how i found out i was trans btw” and that dont scare me. but then i got curious. i didn’t feel like a boy and i still don’t now. so i went onto chat gpt… yeah i know. not the best. but i told it about what i was going through and it said all these different labels which i didnt understand. demigirl however, resonated with me. at least i thought it did. i few weeks later it kinda just wore off. but i started to get involved with political matters and yada yada i was an alt girl. i was very accepting of the lgbtqia community. i wanted a future in human rights or politics. i think i kind of tried to push labels onto myself as the alt community is very diverse. so i just left that aesthetic because again, it wore off. but in november i had a dream of me wearing a suit and tie. it freaked me tf out. like i was asking chatgpt why i had that dream. this is where my tocd started. (i have a history with ocd). i basically got really scared and started compulsively checking my memories, my feelings and i had so many uncomfortable intrusive thoughts of me as a boy. god it’s scary. this ocd subtype ruined my holiday, my christmas and more. all of the things i wrote here are extremely hazy as ocd kind of gives me false memories. so, yeah. i don’t feel like a guy. never have. i literally had pinterest boards of feminine clothing i wanted to wear when i was a mum/older. all i ever wanted was to be a beautiful, feminine woman. i forgot to mention that the other night i did my makeup and felt so happy. i was happy with what i looked like and for a moment, i felt absolute certainty in my gender. but then the doubt came back in. i’m so worried because it feels like i like the thoughts sometimes, especially when the anxiety fades for a second, an intrusive thought comes up like “but it would be cool and unique to be a boy” and then i panic because why did i have a split second of false desire??? i was on fluoxetine to help the anxiety and it did help! but i had horrible side effects such as nausea and food aversion. i got off of it and the symptoms came back. this triggered a new theme, surrounding health. but now that i feel better i can feel tocd coming back. why when i think of being trans i have a weird feeling or urge of excitement? i thought this was because i weirdly enough enjoy big changes like moving schools, but that doesn’t explain why. it’s like i’m no longer happy with the reassurance i get like being told “youre still a girl”. why is this. this just makes me so sad. i was looking at old pictures of me when i was little. pictures like me dressing up as princesses and wearing dresses. i felt so happy seeing them. it provided me with immense comfort. i know that should be proof hat i’m not trans but my mind is saying i’m in denial. :( i also see trans people online especially trans men and some of them are very attractive. it scares me like what if i want to be that and i don’t actually find them attractive? here are some intrusive thoughts i’ve had the past months. - what if i’ve been lying to myself my whole life? - what if i’m trans? - what if i’m in denial? - what if everyone leaves me? - what if i find out later and everyone leaves me? - what if i’m secretly trans? - what if i’m trans without euphoria or dysphoria? - what if because i would try and act like boys in kindergarten to impress boys means i’m a boy? - what if my life is a lie? - what if i’ve been repressing my whole life? i need some help. anything.

Hi everyone. I’m new here and joining because my life has been shattered by grief and OCD, and I’m really not in a good place. I’ve lived with OCD for a long time without ever having a formal diagnosis or treatment. For most of my life it came in waves and I was still able to function well. I had a career I loved, wonderful friends, and I cared deeply for my family. From the outside things looked normal. I never imagined it could collide with something real in such a catastrophic way. My elderly dad developed a blood cancer that affects the bones and plasma, and I became very involved in his care because I loved him more than anything. Early on a medication was discussed after diagnosis, but I became extremely frightened of the side effects listed. My OCD latched onto that fear and I hesitated for months. Eventually the doctor agreed to a watch-and-wait approach after I asked if that was appropriate. The language in appointments was often vague and the word “stable” was used a lot, which reassured the part of my mind that wanted to believe things were okay for the moment. Looking back now, I can see how much my OCD and fear were influencing my thinking, but at the time I lacked the insight to recognise it. My dad eventually passed away, and since then my mind has been trapped in relentless guilt and “what if” loops. I replay decisions constantly and feel like my untreated OCD collided with his illness in the worst possible way. After he passed, I learned much more about the disease, prognosis, treatment etc and that even in the elderly some people can live for years with treatment, which has made the guilt even harder to carry. People tell me to give myself grace and that I made decisions with the information I had at the time and with good intentions. Right now that feels incredibly difficult because I realise it was my brain hijacked. If I struggled with OCD before, I feel much more severely unwell now that it is layered with PTSD and trauma. Losing him is devastating, and the guilt and regret layered on top of that has been overwhelming. I’m sharing this because I’m trying to understand how OCD can attach itself to grief, caregiving, and medical decisions. Has anyone here experienced something similar? I’m sorry if this post is triggering for anyone. I’m just trying to make sense of something that feels impossible to carry alone. It really feels like the most horrific example of OCD.

I’m not sure if it’s an AuDHD thing or an OCD thing (or likely a combination of the two), but it is SO difficult for me to adjust to the slightest change in my plans for my day. For example, if I ask my boyfriend to hang out and he agrees (or even if he just says maybe), and then says he can’t later on, I get really frustrated and I feel really irritated. It sometimes makes me think he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to make time to see me. I know that isn’t the case and that he’s genuinely just busy or doesn’t feel up to hanging out, but I just get so locked on trying to find a solution. If I can’t, I just get irritated. I have to alter the order of what I plan to do during my day, and that really irritates me. I like to have somewhat of a rough idea of what every day will look like. It’s hard for me to let go of control. I’m really trying to get better about it because it isn’t fair to my boyfriend, but it’s really hard to recognize that I’m overreacting in the moment. Has anyone else been through something similar or have any advice?

Still struggling to sit with uncertainty for this specific one. The deeper I dig, the more dots connect, and the more likely it is that this whole thing could “allegedly” be true. The thing in question is Disney potentially being involved in CIA mind control programs perpetuated by a child trafficking satanic cult of Illuminati bloodlines. After finding multiple alleged victims corroborating the same scenarios happening to them, and some vague snippets in the Epstein Files, I feel like this whole thing is gonna be very hard for me to shake off as fake in my eyes. If so my heart of course goes out to these victims regardless. It just sucks for me if it is because, while I hate Disney as a company, I’ve grown up enjoying a lot of Disney movies and shows, and am a huge fan of Marvel. This has also spiked my OCD regarding religion, because if this is true, then Christianity must be true and magic is real and evil, which also sucks since I’ve had sort of a fascination with magical and astral stuff. All of these factors have culminated into triggers and fears regarding the Illuminati’s existence. There are some that bring up some homophobic claims here and there, but sometimes I think to myself “What if this is true because of everything being shared? What does that mean for actual gay people or my moral compass”? All this conspiracy stuff really messes with what’s authentic and what’s not. Everything feels like a trigger, making links with one another and leading me back to the beginning of the stress source, making the urge to research and dig deeper stronger and stronger. It just feels like Sisyphus and the stone, constantly searching for clarity only for it to reset, and now I feel like I’ve learned enough too much. Honestly wish I could unlearn this. This has just been freaking me out for the past week. If there’s anybody else who knows about this particular rabbit hole, let me know.

I wish I could put a better title on there, but I'm gonna be talking about so many different things that I wouldn't be able to make a title for it. I'm 20 years old. Supposed to be incredibly young but I don't feel young at all. All these years of stress and anxiety make me feel like I'm 30 already. I've basically been hiding from the world for the last 3 years. It started as just a general fear of adult life, to now not even trusting myself enough to leave my own home in fears I'll do something wrong. I suffer from so many OCD themes. (assuming I HAVE OCD, I'm not actually diagnosed.) Including the ones that tag this post, as well as others. It doesn't feel like there's anything that won't trigger me anymore. I want to own up to it now, I've done some awful stuff in my life. Was it when I was much younger and ignorant to how awful my actions really were? Sure. But I personally believe I was old enough to where I should have known better. These things have haunted me through many of my themes. Real Event won't let me forget, False Memories make it more difficult to discern what exactly happened, POCD from a handful of things I did/almost did that I really don't want to talk about. I've compulsively talked about my early years online, including some of the things that trigger my POCD, and while I've had a ton of people tell me I'm not worth anything and don't deserve happiness, I've had double as many people tell me that I do deserve to heal and move on. But that's not all that I worry and obsess over. Because of course it couldn't just end there. I specifically ruminate a lot about how I've treated my friend over the last couple years. She's become one of the bestest friends I've ever had, and I'm constantly ruminating about behaviors that are toxic/creepy. I've been posting confessions about this online as well, and almost everybody had the same opinion of "You're a bit of a weirdo, sure, but you're also creating a problem that isn't there.". It's like, while I see myself as just pure evil and have only ever done wrong, other people just... Don't think so? For some reason? I don't really talk about my POCD online anymore, other than here. The few things I talked about were usually with minimal details. People online really don't get it and will usually just tell me to kill myself. I struggle with false memories with POCD, usually twisting memories that do exist into something worse, as well as Real Events that I don't know my intentions for. Of course I also struggle with the regular intrusive thoughts, false attraction, pretty much everything possible. Combine everything together, and it's like... I don't know who I am. My whole life feels like a lie, if that makes sense. I feel like I'm standing on the line between an irredeemable monster, and someone who is just overreacting about everything. The only thing I know are my values at this current moment. I don't want to hurt people, that's half the reason why I'm still isolating myself. I'm so afraid of doing something wrong that I simply opt out of life altogether. But the thing that tears me up is that just because that's who I am right now doesn't mean it's always been that way. I could've wanted to cause harm, I could've wanted to take advantage. I just want a moment of peace, honestly. Regardless of whether or not I deserve better for myself, I stopped WANTING better for myself a while ago. I just want to be calm. I'm sorry this was so long, if you actually read this, I really appreciate it.