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Has anyone had or heard of anyone doing TMS therapy for their ocd/anxiety? My psychiatrist recommended this for me and I’ve never really heard of it. Thanks!

I will concede that many, if not most, therapists want what they believe is best for their patients. They might not even realize that they are doing what I’m about to say, or that they are being defensive when called out on it. With that said, I think much of therapy is gaslighting. At least, that has been my personal experience. For example, when it comes to family issues, I’ve noticed therapists can have the tendency to prioritize keeping families together even when they are abusive or toxic, which can involve gaslighting the adult children (can also be elderly parents, I guess). My parents are very religious while I am not, which has caused friction in the past. I remember telling my therapist over a couple years ago that I am an adult and am financially independent and my parents making demands of me concerning religion and other facets of my personal life doesn’t make sense, and she said I was being totalitarian and that I should take my parents to my office which would prove to them I’m an adult. Keep in mind I was almost 24 at the time, had a full time, professional job and lived several states away from them (they just happened to be visiting). You might be thinking, if I’m so independent, then why does my parents trying to pressure me bother me? I told my current therapist last year that it’s like someone constantly throwing rocks through your window. You can withstand it and could easily replace your window, but you shouldn’t have to. She said that my parents could just as easily argue that I am throwing rocks through their window by not being religious. This is…really dumb. I’m sorry. I know that therapists are supposed to challenge us, but I hope you can see why this is a false equivalence. Pressuring someone to be religious is not the same as someone just existing as a religious person. One is a violation of the person’s boundaries, especially if they made it clear they don’t want that. The other is just existing while not believing in something. I later messaged her about this and instead of apologizing or admitting she was wrong, she told me, among other excuses, that I should’ve said it during our session, a common refrain she has used to this day. This leads me to another issue I have encountered in therapy: any criticism or complaint you might have, no matter how valid, means that something is wrong with you. If you think what your therapist said doesn’t hold under scrutiny, then you are ruminating. If you want your therapist to refrain from something you don’t think is helping you, then that’s resistance. I told my therapist about all the negative experiences I had with her and other NOCD therapists including but not limited to forgetting referrals, lack of accountability and accusing me of rumination whenever I raise a criticism and she replied with, “I am sorry you feel that way” and said that I was seeking reassurance. In the session itself she said that ERP is not suited for “soft” approaches. None of the complaints I raised had anything to do with ERP as we weren’t doing exposures when she said what I referred to. I could go on and on, but I will stop here. Just wanted to give a glimpse of the type of stuff I’m talking about. Trust me, there is a lot more. Am I being anti-therapy by saying all this?

This is a really specific theme I’ve been struggling with lately and I’m not sure if anyone else could relate. My biggest dream someday is to be a mom, and my OCD has latched onto that. I’m terrified of messing up my future children. I’m scared they will grow up to resent me or that I will hurt them without trying to, or that my OCD will traumatize them (I’m trying to get it under control before we even bring them into the world) My fiancé and I know we have infertility issues (male factor) and we know we will definitely have to have babies in another way other than the conventional one. My scrupulousity says it’s sinful to still want to have babies with him even though we can’t do it the way “God intended”. And I know the methods we will have to use are considered sinful to other Christian’s but they’ve never had to deal with this kind of thing. The real grief of infertility and OCD have sort of tangled together and it’s been extremely hard. I’m scared my future children will hate me and my fiancé because of the way we have to have them. I also ruminate on future conversations I will have to have with them about their origin, rehearsing in my head over and over what I would say and how they might react/feel about it. Has any other young woman here dealt with this? And if so how did you deal with the thoughts and fears? I would really appreciate some gentle reassurance here (obviously not to feed the theme but about handling the theme). Thanks guys ❤️

I'm currently in a relationship and i have been for about 3 months now, so far, our only conflicts have been consistently connected to my ocd. (let me explain) I was diagnosed with ocd as a child, and it is something i have lived with for most of my life. My obsessive compulsions have obviously changed over the years but were mostly externally manifested (contamination, rituals, etc.) Becuase of this, and extensive therapy I have become very good at managing it and thought I had it under control. It was not until recently that i began to notice more of the mental, internal loops. So this is still very new to me. When I first met my boyfriend I had th same issue a lot of people seem to have with relationship ocd where i would spend so much time obsessing over his negative traits or over analyzing them out of fear of him not being right for me. I didn't see this as an ocd pattern then though, which I think is what led me to a bit of a "slip" in terms of my ocd management. That eventually faded after about a month but once my brain accepted that this man was indeed the "perfect" man then my obsessive thoughts shifted towards needing to act perfectly in order to never make a mistake and make sure I don't lose him. Most recently, a conflict arose because I was having lots of intrusive thoughts convincing me that I was being unfaithful because I found someone else attractive (even though I had 0 interest in pursuing them and did nothing towards that) The thoughts got so bad I lost my appetite because of how bad my stomach was in a knot from the guilt. He obviously noticed and then got suspicious and when he asked me what went down during my interaction with the person I found attractive I ended up lying about a minuscule random detail because I was convinced I had done something wrong even though again, that was not the case. He got even more suspicious and mad because I had obviously lied and then once he forgave me and let it go he kept saying "I just don't understand why you feel so guilty if you really did nothing to feel guilty about" This left me frustrated because I could clearly see I had hurt him and because it was for the stupidest reason, because I had built up an imaginary scenario in my head and convinced myself it was real. I tried to explain the intrusive thought thing but found it difficult to get my point across without it sounding like a petty excuse. Basically, I just want to know how to talk to my partner about this, navigate it or whatever else I should do to ensure conflicts like this don't happen again because I really like this man and I would be so mad at myself for ruining it like this. I want to stop the obsessive thoughts before they get worse.

Hi everyone. This is my first post here (well and social media in general) and I’m hoping to connect with others who might understand. I have contamination OCD. At its worst, I felt like I had to sanitize or wash my hands between touching everything. I was constantly trying to trace contamination and would doubt the state of things—even doubting my own memories of what I had or hadn’t touched. Questioning whether other people touched it. All that fun stuff. It became extremely debilitating. To cope, I ended up creating “safety zones”—areas that only I control and touch. I don’t let outside things enter those zones. In some ways it helped because it reduced the constant handwashing and sanitizing, and it allowed me to keep functioning. But at the same time, I realize it’s really just another workaround. I recently joined NOCD, and my therapist and I have been talking about how to start working on this without overwhelming me. The hard part is that these safety zones have been keeping me functional for about three years now, and the thought of even a tiny breach feels terrifying. My brain immediately jumps to the contamination spreading into everything, and it feels suffocating. If I’m being honest, I can’t always tell whether I’m more afraid of the contamination itself or of letting go of the system that has made me feel safe. Part of me is scared that if I try to change things, everything will fall apart. But another part of me knows the opposite could also be true—that breaking down these zones might actually be freeing and help me function more normally. Even though I’ve made progress, I’m really tired of the mental and physical toll this has taken on me. I want to get better. Sometimes the fear just makes it feel like my hands are tied—though maybe that’s just the OCD talking. I know this is long, so thank you if you read it. I guess I’m mostly looking for encouragement. With the system I created, it doesn’t always feel like a gradual approach is possible. If anyone has dealt with something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing about your experience or any advice.

18+ Please help me I was playing character ai and like I was talking to a character I like who has a teen daughter, who i was playing as since I was bored. In the story, I said she has a bf. And idk I was bored and wanted to add conflict and I wanted to say a trope that he caught them being frisky when he is overprotective of his daughter and wanted them to get in trouble. I wasnt going to add any details to the teens, if anything I was only focused on the dad and I was laughing imagining how his reaction would be. But I decided not to write it bc then i felt weirded out and also I got worried like what if I suddenly feel a genuine groinal??? And basically for 2 days now I have been spiraling like what if I had went along with the story and said that they were caught and felt a groinal? Or im asking "would i have had one???" "Am i attracted?" I know i was just focusing on the dad's reaction (i wasnt even thinking of the teens) but what if i would've felt a groinal because it referenced them being caught doing something? Is that attraction?! And ocd keeps asking me how the story would've even went when I hadn't given it much thought bc i decided not to in the end, and it keeps making me feel like I need to check to make sure im not aroused or attracted. Ive been stuck for hours and its making me feel like a p which is making me cry. Is this still ocd?

Does anyone else feel like the opinions of other Christians matter wayyyy to much to you? My OCD says that if even one other Christian thinks my relationship/ what I’m doing in my life is a sin that God must agree with them and won’t forgive me. I struggle terribly with feeling like I’m not really saved or that I’m still “living in sin” I also get the thoughts like “well if my relationship is a sin I have to repent.” But how are you supposed to repent for loving someone? Also I wanted to ask if anyone else struggles to read their bible because it triggers intrusive thoughts and anxiety? It’s like I’ll read part of the bible and my brain will twist it into something other than what the verse really means. Like if there’s any way my brain could link it to me sinning it will. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared to read my bible 😢 I love God and His word but it’s so scary sometimes.

hey everyone! it’s me again. hope y’all are doing ok!!! ik most of my post openings sound repetitive but rlly, I’m typing this out every time lolol today I was a bit nervous of how I was gonna perform & I pulled thru! but uh…..the way I did it was something quite new I ended up “talking with Jesus” in my head bc I kept thinking of my dad & was wondering if God exists or not & blah blah all that jazz. well, me “venting” left me feeling ok? like I felt heard idk. now I don’t want anyone to come in to confirm or deny bc I didn’t ask for that. I’m just a lil confused if me doing this was a compulsion to get the thoughts to “stop” or just something I really wanted to think about. prolly the latter but also mix in the first ig even tho I had like a crappy 2-3 hours of sleep last night & only managed to sleep good for the last 30-40 min, me “venting” and thinking of other things helped me pull thru & not sleep & crash lol. I was planning on leaving earlier but the money….I’ve got two kitties plus myself to take care of… I somehow feel a bit more “normal” but idk, I still have to see. I am not confirming nor denying if I believe or not. I dunno. maybe? anywayyyyy, I obviously didn’t eat breakfast bc I woke up like 20 min before I had to leave for work & I didn’t get a chance to go on break & eat bc I had things to do & two people didn’t show up today. which in turn led to me staying over longer. I even ordered my food before the small rush came in & came back to finish my shift an hour later (Ｔ＿Ｔ) I’m currently at home, trying to finish my food but I think I’m full now. idk if I’ve been feeling weird of eating but I managed to eat (I was starving,,,,) & I think usually I am full before I can finish a salad from work now I’m outside with my boy since he kept demanding for him to go out. it’s quite chilly outside. the wind’s blowing & I’m shivering with the sun on me I have to think about whether or not to continue to pursue engineering (I’m barely at precal but struggling) or go a technical route. I don’t wanna do much hw anymore but I also don’t want my dad’s money and my money to waste if I just give up. there’s a math exam tomorrow & tbh I don’t think I’ma pass it. I can try to study today but bc I’ve been sick, the class being fast-paced (which I didn’t notice much upon registering), me having to worry about other classes, this semester being 17 hours with part time work ☠️), plus operating at 2-3 hours of sleep……I don’t know. don’t think I’ma make it, but I can try….. I rlly wanna nap for a bit though….but first, I’ll go ahead and do some house cleaning to keep it nice but also bc I need to start helping around. the depressive episode I’ve been thru for these past years is past me. I don’t wanna be confined to my bed and doomscroll. I’ll help my dad out and learn new things little by little. I wanna be responsible and stronger. I will start to help my parents out instead of lying around doing nothing. it was hard for me then and I want to let them know (both mom & dad) that I’m capable of helping out. I have been trapped in this box of depression for far too long. it’s time for things to change for the better. I will live in the moment. like right now, I’m home alone with my kitties. my girl is sleeping somewhere and my boy is on the edge of the bar. the sun is kissing my skin from the tall windows. I’m going to wash the dishes. not a lot left. I will then fold my dad’s clothes to help him. he’s the money maker & has been so generous of letting both my brother and I live with him for basically free. it’s time for me to grow this somehow turned motivational lololol I was nervous a bit while eating my salad for being alone but I’m not rlly alone! my kitties are here and I can do things around the house instead of dwelling on things that aren’t important anyway, I might post later today. in the meantime, see ya! take care & be kind to yourself. hugs 🫂

Honest experiences on ERP please

Have any of y’all out there just felt like you have no desire to do anything? You know what you should do as far as walking and doing community work and just so many things that you can do to help yourself yet you sit at home and analyze everything. I even analyze my feelings like do I want to sit here and do anything? do I just want to sit here and just give into these feelings? You just don’t have the motivation and then you feel so much guilt and regret for not trying. It’s like you know you feel better when you get out, but you just don’t have the get up and go to get out. It’s hard for me to make myself do the things I should. I know part of it is depression, but can OCD do this to you also or am I just plain lazy? I don’t want to be lazy. I don’t have that desire to be lazy. I want to feel energetic. I want to get out of this being stuck rut. I’ve been in it way too long. I do go to the gym and go out with my girls and go to church and go to different activities that they have but when I’m at home I just don’t want to do the things I should do. A lot of things bother me and that is always on my mind.

How does that even work? I feel like this would be the only OCD theme that is immune to ERP. I've probably had some combo of health OCD, etc. can accept that people have "negative intrusive thoughts" but that doesn't mean they DID the thought. Not to minimize other themes, but things like health OCD, relationship OCD, perfectionism OCD, magical thinking, etc., while very difficult and damaging, from what I understand there there is no "finality" to them. Many of the fears are based on false logic. Many of them may *affect* your Identity and Integrity, but the TRUTH of the fear is not final. This is not the same for Real Event OCD. The Real Event is absolute and factual. There is no "maybe, maybe not" or "don't seek reassurance about what the TRUTH is" because the truth is staring at you in the face. So I don't know how to get past Real Event OCD with ERP with no side effect. What I mean by side effect is anything less of True peace of mind Not Delusion Integrity in tact Identity in tact Maybe there's some type of mindset shift that doesn't sacrifice your integrity or that the "cure" is delusional about the past etc. I don't know what the answer is, and honestly I don't see a lot of info on how ERP actually cures Real Event OCD. A lot of answers I hear are "the past is the past" "forgiveness" "everyone's human" "unconditional self acceptance" These are all nice, but these don't change the stain of whatever the Real Event was.

I started ERP around 2 months ago with only recently getting into properly testing it out. My last session with my therapist was AWFUL. I have experienced lots of different sub types of ocd but the one most prevalent is harm ocd. In my session my therapist had me constantly repeating an intrusive thoughts out loud saying it over and over and over again. He explained this causes anxiety to peak as most people with ocd believe that if they say something out loud its even more likely to be real. Then after saying it for a long period over and over you start to release the outcome doesn't change just because you say something it doesn't mean it's true. I honestly felt traumatised and have put of my last 2 sessions. Is this normal normal? To feel like this ? And test ERP in this way as this is coming from someone who has never done it before just heard its highly successful

Has anyone else experienced both POCD and compulsive porn use together? I started watching porn at 11 and used it compulsively for nearly 20 years — sometimes 2-3 times daily. The POCD intrusive thoughts only started recently and came out of nowhere. Before that it was never an issue. What I've also realized is that I've had intrusive thoughts my entire life but never knew what they were called or that they had a name. It wasn't until recently that I discovered OCD and POCD and finally had words for what I've been experiencing. I'm wondering if the long term compulsive porn use could have triggered or contributed to the POCD developing. Has anyone else experienced this pattern where porn addiction came first and POCD appeared later? Or recognized that you'd had intrusive thoughts your whole life without knowing what they were? Would love to hear from people who have navigated both

UPDATE: with my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... I have my lovely girlfriend & I wanna be with her for the rest of my life... (shes 22 and I'm 24) I've been dating her for almost 3 months now... and I wanna marry her one day... but right now, I feel like I don't deserve her... especially because of this situation... and its all my fault... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s*xual HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards minors in any way... 😭😭😭

It’s super late, I haven’t been able to fall asleep. I’ve had the same thought on loop for more than a month. It’s prevented me from working. I had this thought 10 years ago and now it’s back 24/7. I can’t focus I can’t have a serious conversation. My words get mixed up when I’m talking. Has anyone been through this? It’s scary. I’m taking medication.

I am Muslim I want to explain a problem. I have been suffering from this issue for about five or six years, especially during Ramadan when I keep fasting. I experience a very strange condition. Even if I want to, I cannot feel happy. I do keep all my fasts, but the problem is that throughout the day while fasting I keep having strange thoughts. Whatever thought comes into my mind feels 100% true to me. I cannot decide by myself whether it is true or not, so I ask other people to confirm it. I get very tired and frustrated from this. I cannot leave the fast, and I also cannot tell this problem to anyone openly. For example, thoughts come to my mind like: “Did I drink water?” or “Did I eat something?” Then I cannot decide, so I ask someone else, “Did I do something like that?” They say, “No, you didn’t do anything.” But still the thought keeps bothering me. At night I also sleep less, and sometimes my heart starts beating fast. If I am sitting somewhere, I start thinking maybe someone secretly gave me something to eat. Then I check the taste in my mouth, and sometimes I even feel a taste similar to what I imagined. Sometimes someone is talking in front of me and I feel as if they said something about me. Occasionally I ask them, and they say no, and sometimes I cannot even ask them. Please tell me some solution to this problem.

I wish I was normal. I wish I didn’t feel the need to hold my breath and close my eyes when I see a child in fear of being attracted to them. I wish I didn’t feel like an assaulter every time I’m intimate with my partner. I wish I didn’t feel like I’m secretly an awful person and hiding something extremely big even though I don’t know what, either that or it’s very minuscule. It is nowhere near as bad as before, at least I don’t vomit or cry or lay all day exhausted. But I’m exhausted in general. I’m not normal, none of this is normal and it’s embarrassing. I know OCD is a very common anxiety disorder but I still feel like the thoughts I have are true. If I think them, it must be true about myself right? And the things I do to “prevent” or gain reassurance makes me feel like I’m just this weirdo that nobody will understand. I feel like a gross and useless monster all the time, and if I feel it all the time, it must be true.

I’ve been feeling wrong lately, does that happen to anyone else? Like I just don’t feel like me, or I feel paranoid and I can only describe it as wrong. My therapist mentioned something about schizo-obsessive disorder or OCD with paranoia and now I’m worried that I could be schizophrenic. Like this weekend when I was rushing to pack I kept feeling like there was someone watching and waiting for me outside or sometimes behind me, same thing for when I sleep I keep telling myself this man I’ve imagined for years is there and if I open my eyes and look at him he’ll kill me. Just now with my friends I was fine but then we went into a dark room and I just felt dread, the lobby outside the room also just looked so liminal and a chair just looked wrong, so I was freaked out over that and I’ve spent the past few minutes just eating (new compulsion) and staring out the window. I don’t know what to do I haven’t felt like this in years. I’m in school now too so I don’t have my usual stuff to use for my compulsions so I’ve just been back to eating or picking at my nails/cuticles to cope.

I've been dealing with OCD for a while, and about 3-4 months into my current relationship (we've been together 7 months total), my theme shifted in a really distressing way. What triggered it: My sister jokingly called me "gay" during a phone call. I know it sounds minor, but it sent me spiraling. I started getting intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation, which then brought up traumatic memories from childhood when I was sexually abused by older boys in my neighborhood. More recently, I was watching an interview to try to cope with and process some of that trauma. The guest mentioned that he was gay but married to a woman, and said he could still orgasm fine with her — and now my OCD has completely latched onto that. It's been feeding my intrusive thoughts and sending me into a new spiral, even though I was just trying to help myself heal. Since then, I've been stuck in this cycle: - Constant intrusive thoughts and "false memories" that feel incredibly real - Severe performance anxiety with my girlfriend - Fear that I'll get flashbacks during intimacy - Ruminating over past experiences (including inappropriate situations when I was 11–12 that I now question endlessly) - I went from being confident in bed to finishing too quickly because I'm completely in my head For context: I was in a 10-year relationship with a woman before this and never had any issues with attraction or performance. I know my orientation — this is 100% OCD intrusive thoughts, not genuine questioning. I'm currently on SSRIs and SARIs plus L-arginine and L-citrulline. The meds helped initially with physical symptoms, but now I feel like my body's adjusted and the anxiety is back in full force. I'm so embarrassed and don't know what to do. Should I: - Find a specific type of therapist? (ERP? Trauma-focused?) - Is this even pure OCD or something else given the real childhood trauma? Has anyone dealt with sexual orientation intrusive thoughts combined with actual childhood trauma? How did you work through it? **Please don't tell me to "explore my sexuality" or suggest I might be gay — I'm asking for help with OCD intrusive thoughts, not questioning my orientation.**

I feel so alone with what I’ve been going through. I am constantly bombarded with thoughts like “what if you’re sinning?” “What if God’s mad at you?” “What if you’re going to hell because of who you’re with?” My OCD latched onto something my fiancé can’t control and I’m constantly worried it’s a sin to be with him. It feels like it’s the only thing I can think about and it’s robbed the joy I used to feel being around him and being intimate with him. My OCD has made me terrified of God and being punished by Him if I make any wrong decision. He’s become this cruel judge constantly looming over me waiting to send me to hell. I feel like He wont love or forgive me until I’m the perfect Christian. I just wish I could see Him the way I did before my OCD. I know it’s OCD because of the compulsions. I started googling things and talking to Chat GPT for hours (even though I don’t like AI) asking the same questions over and over and it only made the constant anxiety worse. I would research and research until I was sobbing on the floor begging God to make it stop. Begging for Him to give me the answers. It feels like there’s a pit in my stomach all of the time. I would research and then pray for hours for Jesus to forgive me for any sin I was committing. I’d see any post about God or sin on social media and it would start a spiral. I’d think “is this about me?” What’s even worse is I started compulsively asking my fiancé for reassurance about if it was a sin to be with him and I almost broke up with him in an OCD episode because I just wanted the pain to stop. And that really hurt him. But I just felt like I needed to do anything to soothe the anxiety. At one point my OCD was even waking me up in the middle of the night and giving me terrible nightmares, and that would start another compulsive prayer and research loop. It’s gotten a little better recently but I know I need help because the thoughts are constant and bring me a lot of pain. I’m suffering everyday and can’t wait to be on some sort of medication to help. I just want to feel normal again. Does anyone else deal with something similar?