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I’ve been having OCD and I’ve been thinking that nothing’s real and nobody’s real in this world isn’t real and I’m confused cause I don’t know if I believe it or not but I’m also a Christian and it scares me because does that mean I don’t believe in God it’s terrifying and scary and confusing

Does anyone else feel like they have to think about bad scenarios happening so that if they do happen you won’t feel as blindsided / unprepared? For example, I feel like I have fully thought through the deaths of my grandparents and my parents do that when it does happen I feel “prepared”. Even though nothing can prepare you… idk. Like I’ve even cried before thinking about these scenarios as if they actually died! Is this an ocd thing? Does it fall under an ocd category?

Feel really heavy all the time abt my family. My parents got divorced and it’s really hard bc my mom has been mentally abusive and narcissistic like forever but she doesn’t even know she is but has affected me and my dad a lot and so everyone’s just kind of shut off. But I’m still on terms with her but always feel uncomfortable and don’t fully trust her but feel bad for it cuz I love her and then I feel fake when it’s a good day and having fun with her every once in awhile then I’ll get bad anxiety and then I never want to be with her and am reminded like oh this is why so I try to have boundaries. But I know where my dad is coming from and I know exactly why he didn’t want to do it anymore cuz he struggled but made up a lie and it was really bad for awhile but she doesn’t know the real reason cuz she never listens or seeks to understand. And I feel like a terrible person knowing that and guilty but I can’t tell her cuz it’s already done and would make things worse. Am I awful and I liar and dishonest. Makes me sick but she has no idea her narcissistic actions and a lot of people love her but she is really really hard to deal with and I get where she’s coming from too but have lots of trauma that’s affected me my whole life that I didn’t even realizes for awhile. But then still being friends with her I feel like fake but I don’t want to be rambling but it’s hard to explain. Has anyone else had an experience like this? I try to distance myself but I don’t want to betray her but I feel more protected on my dads side I don’t want to pick sides and I don’t think what he did was right either but he wanted to be free from the abuse but it’s hard to explain like should I repent of this I feel in the middle sometimes and don’t know what to do. And she talks bad about my dad to others and he has kept quiet and wants him to pay for leaving and we were always on edge around her and her negativity was such a drag. I don’t know how to deal with narcissist trauma or how I should go about especially with ocd and religious anxiety. Like I feel like I’m hiding stuff from her and not telling her the full story but I don’t feel safe or comfortable being open with her like I do my dad and I don’t want to fall into gossip. But I bond with my dad over similarities and specific situations. Is it a sin to be reserved and if she asks me questions disregard them kind of

I had a dream in which I felt something like a "crush" for a trigger and I'm devastated. Feel free to judge me. It was the same trigger from 2018 that used to haunt me an year ago as an intruaive image and Real Event OCD. In this dream I didn't want her, sometimes I felt an intrusive "attractive" gaze, then sometimes she became pretty, then sometimes she was younger or a bit like an older teenager. When I was in a campfire talking with a person she appeared with "legs" which disturbed me and tried to look elsewhere. I was consciounsly and morally against it, but what couldn't be denied in the dream is that she was very "beautiful" or something like that. Then the dream became less personal and conscious and the dream straight up said I was planning to marry her. [Then out of nowhere when a woman grabbed me and kissed me I felt a lot of reassurance.] Also at the end it looked like my feelings for this trigger were undeniable, "as she was very pretty", it's like I was accepting it, also she looked older, and I felt like I was terrifingly more accepting of attractiveness. There was this other guy younger than me by 3-4 years and I investigated, and the dream was implying that she was older than the guy, calculating the year she started playing a game. At some point I remember in the dream, after the trigger said something abt wanting to be in a relationship with me, saying convincingly and willingly that "Maybe in the future", it really looks like grooming in the dream, i remember feeling that I was willing to date her in the future because the current me in the dream found her attractive or, worst, was attracted. I don't know if what I felt in the dream was simply attractiveness mixed with OCD obsessive perception or a straight up crush or attraction that was in denial, or both. But the latter was definitely what it felt like, I was consciounsly against it until the dream lead at the end for absurd to acceptance, but at the same time it's like I was feeling undeniable feelings of a crush. Why can't I have normal dreams. I can't even rest. My day is ruined, I'm afraid I can't recover from this because all these feelings may have been not real, but they weren't false, they were true. I experienced attraction, i think, and I don't deserve to live. I think I'm a sick monster that is attracted to triggers. Because this what felt like it happened in the dreams. And my dreams are not a continuous scenery in which I do not have agency, in my dreams, like this one, I think and feel in first person, I'm 100% conscious (while not knowing im inside a dream). So there is no excuse of it being just a weird dream. My thoughts were egodystonic to it, but the feelings felt like they were egosyntonic and I was in denial, because I straight up felt prettiness or something like a crush emanating from the aura of the trigger. Maybe because it was my fear? But then why did it become like a sort of "attraction" in the end? Was that part something less conscious and more dream-driven? I'm just hoping, grasping at straws.

Hi all! :(˘•̥⧿•̥˘ ): I wanted to ask a question about backdoor spikes, since I don't believe I've ever experienced one knowingly so I'm not entirely sure how to go about handling things. I recently went through a life change (Saturday was very traumatic for me, for context), so I wasn't devoting as much time to my intrusive thoughts as I normally would wind up doing (I still had them, but I had a lot going on and just moved along). Today on Instagram I got a reel that would've caused a normal OCD loop of trigger → intrusive thought → anxiety → compulsion. Instead of having an immediate spike of anxiety like normal, I just kind of felt nothing and kept scrolling. I got anxious about the lack of an emotional response to the trigger, which then caused bodily anxiety responses that I latched onto. I started ruminating on it and I think I was trying to purposely trigger myself to respond how I normally would, which I know is a compulsion. Would this be a backdoor spike, since I initially handled it like the we aim to (with the intrusive thoughts just existing, not really responding, and moving on) and I'm fixating on my non-response? How are you supposed to handle backdoor spikes...? It's hard to not get anxious when you get so used to responding with distress and anxiety, even when I know the goal is to respond less. 😞

I’m a 20 year old trans man and I haven’t medically transitioned. I have socially transitioned but get misgendered FREQUENTLY because I have long hair. I very specific transition goals and unfortunately they’re mostly unrealistic. I recently saw a video of a cis-man who looks *exactly* how I wish I did. Every single part of the video, his body type, how he was dressed, his hair, the music playing, what he was doing, all of it was what I yearn for. It has absolutely taken over my mind since. I am ruminating on it terribly and can’t even look at my own body in the mirror anymore. How do I an exposure for this!! I cannot stand it. I want to help this IMMEDIATELY! Should I go back and look at more photos and videos of him? Look at other cis men I’m jealous of? I don’t want make the OCD any stronger so I want to cautious but I’m willing to do any kind of exposure to help weaken my OCD around this. Any advice helps. Thank you. :,)

For some time, I found my sense of confidence and security in knowledge. Fundamentally, is it not used to understand the world and function in it? In a way, does it not give people a sense of self, the ideas and concepts learned and adopted? Fortunately for me, through spiritual teachings, I learned that everything in its many forms is not me; sense of self for me is the being that lies behind everything else in which I can focus or meditate on. However, still lies this need and desire to hold knowledge or beliefs about what I think truth is in what is and what has been experienced. I started experiencing anxiety in my late teens - although, I did have social anxiety earlier than that. I would start having panic attacks having to read out loud in class and I pretty much avoided every presentation I was required to do in college. My initial attempt to work on my anxiety was to find solutions to potential triggers I would anticipate or imagine, journalize it, and use it like a Bible. It wasn't long before I saw how unrealistic that was so I later started reading self-help books on anxiety. After my second breakdown and second hospitalization, I was in complete despair and felt neglected with insufficient mental health treatment. I began to take things into my own hands so to speak - self-regulate at a level none before. That meant in large part continuing to read and gain knowledge to strengthen myself to combat anxiety. Coupled with my pursuit for health and psychological knowledge, was my desire to create value in myself, value that I specifically can offer a woman were I to get into another romantic relationship that I so desperately wanted - value that I feel I failed to offer my first and only real relationship. If I can gain certain knowledge that would emotionally, mentally, and physically take care of someone, I can gain the confidence of being in a relationship again. Being someone with substance. After all, I didn't find value in my appearance and personality enough, nor my work, or money as that comes and goes, but I did find it in relationships - even somewhat non-romantic relationships after all, even as someone with social anxiety. What somewhat appealed to me, was building work relationships despite the norm of them seeming only superficial and also developing relationships with family - extending to cousins, and others in that circle. A lot of my reading was what I once heard called “me-search”. In other words, what I read pertained to what I struggled with or felt I needed to know for whatever reason, not necessarily what I was interested in. So, I read self-help books on anxiety and others psychological in nature. At 30, because of a negative experience with antipsychotic medications, I read nutritional books in an attempt to treat my anxiety naturally without medication. This was a time when I was still resistant towards medication. Now, I understand that I need the medication and its benefits. I look at them as vitamins in a way. Perhaps it was inevitable that the books were going to be of interest to me because they were psychological in nature where you get to learn about yourself and others. What was intriguing was a book on body language but most of all an introductory psychology textbook really interested me. I got to learn topics related to human development, emotions and motivation, language, learning and cognition. I got to learn topics related to memory, sensation and perception, states of consciousness and personality, etc. Now I am not going to pretend that I have a wealth of information in psychology - the human mind and behavior; I don't. I didn't take up psychology or sociology in college, although I wish I did. But I did learn a good amount of information, adopted it, and I embraced it. I consider and reference it in my interactions with people to instinctively try to understand them, offer something, and ground myself when doing so. It sort of became a framework or mold for me to understand the world and function in it. In fact, how could anyone who reads psychology or any social science information for that matter not have it reshape their mindset? Even literature for that matter as I did take a couple of comparative literature courses in college that had an impact on me. Is psychology, whether consciously or subconsciously, not used and a part of everyday life with people? I do have to now throw back in health and nutrition, especially for the purpose of this whole discussion. As I begin to discuss my struggles and down-fall related to this information, I need to re-emphasize that I am not a wiz on these topics, especially nutrition because I didn't read a whole lot about it. Still a good amount though. I merely wanted to educate myself to help with my anxiety and because of said value I wanted to add to myself. I haven't had a real consistent full-time job since around September 2024 and as time has passed I have been struggling since. I left the job primarily because of my anxiety around STIs and fear of having to do presentations; as I mentioned earlier, presentations or public speaking of that nature is a trigger for panic attacks for me. Perhaps, with a lot of time to think or be in my head, I began doubting my knowledge; knowledge that was important to me - as mentioned, nutrition, psychology (mind and behavior), and I am going to add the immune system - one other piece of information learned in a crash course for purposes of dealing with my anxiety around STIs that will be mentioned another time. At some point, the sources of where I got my information became important to me; they needed to be reliable sources. During my break from work, it occurred to me that the crash course to the immune system may have not been a reliable source, and moreover, I couldn't remember the book sources to where I got my information on nutrition. Later in my break from work, my mind attached itself to the psychology textbook - yes, even the damn psychology textbook! I started thinking about the possibility of misinterpreting the information because it possibly referenced bio-chemical aspects of psychology. I know there was one chapter on bio-psychology or something like that, which I read and understood at the time. However, I started thinking about or questioning what I really know about chemistry or mainly biology? Despite, biology of the brain or nervous and endocrine system primarily being referenced in passing necessary to illustrate and teach psychology, and even genetics, did I really understand that part? There is uncertainty in where, and how much was mentioned, and how much was common knowledge. Again, at the time, I had no problem going through the material but I started to doubt my understanding and made me think that I possibly misinterpreted the material as a whole because of the uncertainty with biology and maybe chemistry. This has become deeply conflicting and disturbing! Months gone by and I am still considerably disturbed, unable to function (for other reasons as well to be discussed at another time). What do I do with all of this information? The immune system information I could kind of ignore knowing that I have an immune system that attacks microbes or pathogens - to be discussed at another time when I go over my STI phobia, mostly my fear of passing STI infections to someone else. How do I disregard the information I have on nutrition and more important to me, psychology? The information has significant relevance to how I think, feel and behave. The information is referenced - retrieved from memory or thought about through association, when I interact with others and make internal and external decisions. This information was learned, adopted, and used for some time. I can no longer reference this information with confidence, and without conviction. When I instinctively reference this information, I become reluctant and conflicted, not trusting or feeling content with what I am thinking or communicating. What now are my beliefs if they are not these? What do I do with the building blocks of information that was built on this framework? How do I unmold my way of thinking and rewire my brain? Or, how do I deal with the uncertainty of the information I have? My anxiety with this has gotten to the point where I am doubting everything I know or think I know. Needless to say, I don't say I have knowledge, I say I have beliefs.

Hello, I am 19 years old. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD (pure O to be exact) but I’m pretty sure I have it. When I was younger I would constantly cry with guilt and shame for having thoughts about my religion. I’d think to myself “Is God gay” or “Maybe I hate God” I’d ALWAYS have to confess these thoughts to my family members. I also had more weird quirks like having to repeat a line from a cartoon I was watching. Or I couldn’t stop obsessing over my eyes getting stuck for making a silly expression! I also remember being TERRIFIED of catching Brain-eating amoeba or getting a tumor! But now, I developed POCD with a dash of false memory. You see, about 2/3 years ago, me and my Mom went to Walmart. She had to go use the bathroom and as I was waiting for her outside I thought to myself “what if I harm a child while she was in the bathroom?” That day I tried to look for something to “check” to make sure that I DIDN’T do that. Like, if there was someone in the aisle, I could look back and think “Oh! There was someone there. I couldn’t have done that” or if I called my brother, I can look back and think “I had him on the phone! How could I have possibly done that” But I don’t remember him picking up the phone. So I sent him a text instead. I was looking for anything in that moment for reassurance. I do remember coming back home and later on brushing off the thought. I can’t remember EXACTLY what I thought to brush off the thought. Maybe I thought “They have cameras, so if I did anything they’d come for me right?” I brushed this off! But now, the memory came back to me, and I made this WHOLE child up. I’m not sure if this sounds racist, but I have an image of me sniffing behind a black child! I made up an outfit and even gave him a name! The images in my head don’t make sense. But they still frighten and scare me! I’m frustrated that I can’t recall the exact memories that day. As I said it was 2/3 years ago.. But why did this hit me now, and not then? I can be talking to my mom or whoever, and I have this voice in my head “if only they knew the terrible thing you’ve done” and I feel SICK like I don’t deserve happiness! I even gave my Etsy shop a break because I felt like I didn’t deserve to be making money. Also, by the way, all my celebrity crushes are 40+ year old men! WHY THE FCK IS MY BRAIN MAKING THIS UP AND IM SO SCARED IF THIS IS REAL 😩 I CANT afford therapy, and I DON’T want to share with my family because they’re not very educated on this. I know giving reassurance is not recommended, but someone please save me and give me advice. I was happy and fine. This came out of nowhere. My family is also going through something traumatic right now, and I need to be at my best so I can be there for them!

Looking for guidance revolving around moving past things I regret. A little backstory, I’ve always had undiagnosed OCD. Constant ritual, saying things in my head over and over, having to be perfect with prayers. Things like that. I’ve been with my now wife for about 10 years. She’s perfect and such a great person. I’ve struggled with porn addiction for a while. In the beginning and more towards the 8 year mark in our relationship. Long story short, I did a lot of things I was ashamed of and regret. I was talking to people online about sexual desires, sending pictures, things like that. Talked with men and women, but mostly men. She found out, we worked through it, got married and have been great since. Flash forward, we’ve began studying the bible and I’ve felt deep guilt for my past. It would consume me and I’d confess things she already knew and some she may not have. Regardless, she’s forgiven me and has been great through this. I just hate that my brain feels the need to make me feel guilty by finding a ‘new detail’ or specific instance that I haven’t thought about since it happened. I feel the need to then confess even though she said she’s forgiven me and doesn’t want details. I just feel like I’m in an endless loop where I tell myself she doesn’t mean it, I’m a terrible person and don’t deserve her. She’s the love of my life we’re soulmates and I know she means what she says when she says she forgives me, but I just and cannot move past the things I’ve done. I recently read about real event OCD and feel like that’s me. I also feel like I keep convincing myself I’ve done worse things and I’m lying to her when I’ve already confessed everything plus she said she’s doesn’t want details. Just looking for help to move past these constant thoughts of people I talked to or interactions I did. I don’t want to think about those. I just want to think about my wife and the good things we have. Also can’t shake the deep burning guilt I feel in my stomach. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you. I just want it to get better and move on for me and my wife’s sake. Thanks again.

Anyone feel the need to keep items in pristine condition like sunglasses or TV’s? My ocd is telling me not to post so I am going to.

I know mental illness is... mental illness; and it isn't just "ouuu brains a bit different, but it's so whatever and I act mysterious . Or haha I'm crazy but it's just quirky." I know it messes the brain, legitimately, and impacts the way one acts- But sometimes, I say things or act in a way where at the moment it's just goes and it's how I feel through the emotions that are ongoing, but sometimes I act a certain way due to my disorder/possible other things and later or afterwards I'm like: "Aueghh I need to shut up- why was I acting that way ?! 🥲" it's like I'm so hyperaware of myself but at the same time I'm not as well and I just cringe a while after. Anyone else ?

TW: Animals When I was younger , two situations make me feel so guilty and disgusted. I had harmed a gecko and two rats. This was 6+ years ago and for both of them, I cried and felt so guilty after situations. I hadn’t thought of events until just recently and it caused my OCD to spiral. I haven’t harmed an animal since and I love my pets but my mind races and gives me anxiety of “What if you do this to your cat?” “What if you did this to your dog?” And it’s been bothering me due to the online things of like “if you harm animals you turn into a killer” and it scares me, giving me anxiety when I see them walk into the room. What do I do??

I am in a relationship. I am engaged, I love my fiance we have been together almost 2 years ( in 2 months) and our wedding is this September (yay!) I know I have had weird thoughts about liking my friends even before I was in a relationship like wayyyy long ago. Ever since I have been with my fiance (this is the longest relationship I have ever had… and it’s my forever lol ♥️) sometimes when I have a coworker that’s a guy or a girl (but mostly guys) like everything will be super ok and fine and whatever then my brain with randomly be like “oop you like them” “you chose wrong” “you’re in the wrong relationship” “you like your coworker”???? Like recently i work with a guy that i used to think was cute like in 2022 from my first job but like we never dated and whatever, but we became like pretty good friends over the years of me leaving and coming back to the same job lol. This time around we have gotten to become pretty good friends and i want my fiance and some of my coworkers to meet and them to be friends because i feel like they would totally vibe. But now like recently my mind has been being like “oh you like him” “you wanna be with him” “you wish you dated” or like i will think about like oh what if we dated What would have happened just things like that. Or like “oh what if you just want to like be single and date other people”??? I love my fiance so much i would never want to hurt him I want to be with him forever and marry him and everything but sometimes when these things pop up in my brain I feel like I am cheating on him an I wanna tell him all the things in my brain but I try not to because I know seeking reassurance doesnt help. Idk has anyone else gone through this? (Ps if you read this whole hot mess youre an angel lol thanks for reading my vent🤍) super tired 🥱

How do y'all deal with guilt and shame which comes after the gruesome, disgusting, disturbing unwanted intrusive thoughts? I am just 20 years old and I have so many dreams for my future I really miss my old self without OCD. I really really have these big dreams for myself, I've always been ambitious but sometimes the intrusive thoughts can be so dark it makes me think I don't deserve to be happy and chase these dreams.

It’s important to focus on what’s good about your situation, not just what feels wrong. But sometimes it’s hard not to reflect on the cost of living with OCD—truly acknowledging how much it can force you to sacrifice. For example, I’m 25 and I still haven’t gotten my driver’s license. I’m slowly working toward it now (hopefully I get there), but it’s been a long, heavy road shaped by avoidance—driven by anxiety, depression, dissociation, and more. It’s been a huge inconvenience and, honestly, a little embarrassing at times. It can feel isolating, like I’m not fully living. And that’s just one area. There’s more…dating, work. I’m curious—what has OCD cost you?

Anyone else obsess about their boss not liking them/being annoyed by you? I’ve been a medical assistant at my current job for about 9 months. In that time, my boss has unfortunately seen my anxiety/OCD in action. I ask her often if she’s mad at me or if I’m going to be fired. And when I don’t ask, I just cannot stop thinking about it and worrying over it. I know that I should not ask or bother her about it. But the way she responds to me is very short and dry. So she always seems to be annoyed at me. Am I probably just overthinking? I really love my job and my coworkers and patients. But I can’t stop obsessing over my boss liking me or not.

How do you handle having a discriminatory or bad thought and feeling guilty? I usually pray about it, but as a Christian, I feel like praying for forgiveness isn’t enough; I need to pray constantly. OCD causes me to continuously think the thought and pray for forgiveness in a cycle. Does having bad thoughts that come out of the blue or imagining worst-case scenarios make you an evil person?

Does anyone else experiences poor memory? Is it correlated with ocd? Sometimes Im not even sure what exactly I ate 2 days ago

I struggle so bad with harm ocd and today I’m so proud of myself! Thanks to the comments from you guys I’ve spent the whole morning with my family and just fought through the uncomfortableness!!

Does anyone feel angry during your obsessive spiral?