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How to I take correction as a Christian without spiraling?

I already deal with having harm ocd towards people I love dearly.. but now it’s starting to involve God, which is super upsetting and pushing me away from him. I already have thoughts about hurting others and now I’m having thoughts that are “what if it’s God telling me to hurt others” or “God wants you to kill someone.” Even though I KNOW Jesus and our lord would NEVER ask that or want that, it’s literally in the 10 commandments. It’s so frustrating and genuinely is starting to agitate me and make me anxious even though I know deep down that isn’t true.. does any one else struggle with this or should I seek mental help? Please be honest.

18+ i know sting operations dont use actual children but idk if it was an intrusive thought or i actually believe “oh its not a real kid” or “they arent that young” i feel so disgusting writing this out bc i dont actually believe it i wish those operations would go down more to have protected me from predators online too so i dont actually believe it but i dont know if me rationalizing it was some compulsion because i fear im like the offender or just a hyperspecific intrusive thought. the latter would definitely be preferable but im so scared rn

I just needed a place to vent without feeling judged. I never thought I would post in here, but here we are. I’ve been having this awful false memory this week. It’s about an “event” that I made in solitude, that implied indirect harm to loved ones. I know it’s a false memory. And I know it, because the last year I had this exact damn false memory, with just slight variations like the person I “harmed” and the content of the memory. I have understood that OCD can recycle past obsessions, like this one. And however… it just feels so damn real. OCD just keeps replaying the false event over and over and over and over to the point I sometimes even believe it, even when I know it’s not true. I researched for evidence that I never did that, Iooked for reassurance, I mental reviewed, I made EVERY SINGLE COMPULSION I made the last year when this exact obsession appeared, and guess what? NOTHING. There was NOTHING. And yet, OCD keeps projecting this intrusive images, this feelings, this guilt, this nausea, this pain and fear that all this that feels so real might be real, even knowing that is not… It’s just awful. Living like this, trying to do your daily life without confessing something you’ve never done, without trying to prove yourself you never did something that you already know. I’m just tired. I can’t even talk to the person that this obsession is telling me I harmed, because of shame, disgust, guilt and hate on myself. I’m sorry if you read this and felt disgusted or something, I just needed where to throw all this

My mind is trying to convince me I’m attracted to my boyfriend’s brother, because he tells me his relationship problems and him and his mom ask for my input. And I tried getting close to him when me and my bf was talking at first, so I could have a better shot?? I guess but I never really spoke to him, and I sit near him and class and sometimes I wanna speak to him, but it feels so like gross? Like it makes my chest feel weird? and sometimes I run into him and I just walk around him or kinda avoid him tbh..? Like idk. And when he’s around I sometimes get annoyed. Like my bf has done things where I’ve been like errrrr yeahhh…. But his brother gives me a terrible ick. Like. This is worrying me sm. Please someone help me 💔💔💔. And I never really noticed him until me and my bf got tg, and my minds like “u said u want him and his gf to break up blah blah” and my memory is literally trying to tell me I did that. But I do not remember it at all. But please advise anyone.and I got told he apparently said my name during s*x which is extremely weird. And when I seen him talking to another girl I felt like a gross jealousy? But I have no reason to be jealous??? Please advice anyone

I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

I have had these since I was a child, and I believe it falls under the category of “pure O” OCD. What happens is I’ll be minding my business, when all of a sudden a memory pops into my head completely involuntarily (usually, it’s a memory of a time I messed up socially or morally), and I have a physical reaction as if I stubbed my toe. Then I either try to distract myself and push it away, replay it endlessly, looking at it from different angles, or ask for reassurance from my partner. I’m wondering… Does anyone else experience this? Have you found anything that helps? Also, what does ERP look like for you with a mostly mental compulsion? Edit: I originally learned this term from a video called “Cringe Attacks” on YouTube, posted by danielhowell in 2013. If this concept resonates with you, I recommend checking out the video!

So I was speaking to a priest today, and I explained why I’m feeling this way. I explained to him what I’m struggles are and I think that God is telling me these things through thoughts and images when I pray. I got a thought of him saying something to me before I was speaking to him today, and it caused anxiety. He said he knew what scrupulosity is, but it didn’t help. I told him my 3 desires, which are to marry an Italian American, have a career with animals, and have my parents reconcile their marriage. He said that the reason I’m feeling this way is because that I’m fighting Gods will and that I need to pray for Gods will to be done and it caused more anxiety and depression. He said you surrender your free will to Gods will and it caused so much terror in my mind. I obviously didn’t tell him this. He said either you surrender your free will and follow Jesus Christ or you go your own way. I’m not trying to go my own way, I just desire 3 things to happen for my life and that I ask the Lord only for 3 things. It’s so terrifying now because now I fear that the Lord indeed was telling me all these things. I asked him if there is a lack of peace, that means it wasn’t him. He said not necessarily, because he thinks I’m fighting Gods will. However, I spoke to another priest and he said that God isn’t against my dreams at all and that he is with me every step of the way. I don’t know what to do…

Im trying so hard not to spiral rn. My moms words wont leave my head - that the weight from ocd/ed/lgbt identity is a spiritual attack and i have to hold on to my faith for whats to come next, spiritually (like low moods, nightmares, doubts, anxiety, worry, sadness - which ive already been struggling with for months now)and like now im doubting/questioning her take and my experiences (w ocd/ed) and now i feel like i made a wrong move in leaving therapy and worried that if i reach out to my therapist she wont take me back. My therapist recommends HLOC. And i didn’t sleep well last night. I keep myself busy by cleaning anything around the house or just leaving the house and my hands and feet are cramped up for like three days now. Last night i just woke up and started counting in my head and that scared me cos i wasn’t thinking of doing that. She believes my identity is something i have to suppress and not engage in. And its been ongoing for like 10 yrs now. And its gotten to the point where having this conversation is soul crushing, emotionally and mentally draining. I dont know what to do

3 years of the same thing. It never got better. When I see food i think it’s scary and i’ll choke or struggle and when i’m eating it’s just even worse. Sigh

OCD causes burnout, brain fog, chronic stress, high cortisol, heart palpitations, etc. This is not good for your brain or body. No one can tell me I'm better off mentally/cognitively than I was before OCD. Other than "being more thorough," I feel like everything is worse... Sense of self Emotionally numb Worse memory Mental fatigue Burnout from OCD Creativity Hopelessness If you're replaying thoughts 10,000 times.... it's gonna have an effect over time. "it's temporary" "it's reversible" "it's just OCD" Ok that's nice and all but what about if it's already been normalized and the neurological damage has already been done? This is the most demoralizing thing I've ever experienced in life. It ruins life. It destroys your outlook on the future. You can't fkn escape it. Doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, or what life situation you're in -- It's a curse. The fact that this even exists as a mental possibility should piss everyone off. Maybe you guys haven't reached this point yet. Maybe I'm speaking from the future - if your patterns continue for years. Or maybe I'm a special case. Or maybe it's overreacting. Does it really matter though if either way the impact is real + consistent for years? Neurologically, I feel like I'm on the other side of "the damage is already done." I'm just burnt out at this point and I feel the neurological damage. It's like if someone had their life and then got in a car accident and became paralyzed. There was "life before the accident, and life after." It is 2 different lives. Before OCD I was more vibrant, energy, hopeful, better outlook on the future. After? Bitter, pissed, demoralized, worse cognitively. Dealing with OCD as the headache it is is one thing, dealing with the neurological effects of it is almost as bad if not worse in my opinion.

I would be grateful, if someone could answer! So Ive had HOCD for months but now luckily its gone Idk how I did that but the thoughts dont bother me anymore. And for the last coupe of montag I was so happy, not worrying about anything. My life finally felt worth Living. But now it has all turnen upside down. For dass ago I slept for 14 hours and I suddenly bekamen anxious: what if I wont fall asleep tonight because I slept so much? And that night I only slept 3 hours- Idk if it was due to my overthinking or the fact that I slept so little. Then the day after that I was panicking, scared to go to bed, and that I Would not sleep again. Well that night I actuallly slept 7 hours. But now this night it took me 3 hours to fall asleep. I World be tired but my heart is always puonding and everytime I Would drift off I Would become super aware of the fact, that I would fall asleep. Ik it sounds silly but its keeping me from sleeping and Im helpless. Im scared that Im developing severe Insomnia. The worst Part is, that I really struggled with sleeping before and was finally over it and happy and not worrying about it anymore. And I was just so so happy. But now its back Worse than before and I dont know what to do. The only way I was able to sleep tonight was with my dad laying next to me. My dad. This cant be the solution forever and Im just really really helpless and dont know what to do. Im scared of tonight and dont know how to handle this and the fear of not sleeping

Does anyone have any other mental health disorders and/or neurodivergence on top of your OCD? And if so how do these react with each other in your mind? Do you feel like you need to take unorthodox/ alternative approaches to dealing with ocd because of the other things you have going on? Personally having been diagnosed with adhd and ocd, I have problems deciphering between the two, especially since this is all fairly new to me. so I’m super interested to see about everyone else’s experiences!

This is embarrassing to ask but has anyone dealt with contamination OCD in relation to their bathroom habits? I worry I’m not clean no matter how much I try to be. Then I worry about spreading feces and germs onto my possessions. I’ll spend hours in the bathroom trying to be clean. I fight it everyday and it is EXHAUSTING. Please tell me this isn’t me being crazy.

Can anyone relate? I have dealt with ROCD across two long term relationships. The first was a high school relationship that just didn’t work out. But the one I’m in now has so much love in it. For the first time in my life, I went months without OCD ruling my life. But of course, I’m back in the thick of it. My thoughts also spike around specific traits about my boyfriend and then I ruminate about them, think about how it’s going to affect us long term, and basically spiral myself into thinking I’ve never loved him and I need to leave now or else I’m a horrible person who strung him along. How do I handle all of these negative emotions that come from hyper-fixating on these tiny things? I’m literally concerned because he’s not always super outgoing which usually doesn’t bother me actually but the second it’s inconvenient or it annoys me even the slightest (or I start comparing him to other people and how he “should” be) I start going in circles in my head that create all of these negative emotions and disconnection towards the person I love so much. Does anyone else struggle with this? There are so many things that I love about him. Why does my brain convince me that this one thing is going to cause me insurmountable pain down the road if I don’t fix it right now??

Hi friends. It's been a while since I've been on this app. But alas, here we are. I learned a lot the last time I was here and I've beaten this ocd bastard twice on my own, but it has come back and now I just need support. If possible, I would prefer that support from those who are further along on their healing journeys as I am, but I feel newer fighters can learn here too! I love my boyfriend endlessly. He loves me in the soft way I always needed. The demanding way I always craved. He sees every part of me and chose me the same way I chose him. The ruminating started about a week before he moved in. I understand I have some attachment trauma from previous relationships that I need to work on. The first month was a constant spiral. The second month not so much. Good days, bad days, days with just that buzz of anxiety. Days where I feel over the moon in love. Days I feel anxious to be near him and Days I feel like I cant get enough of his touch or kiss or love. The mornings are the worst. When I wake up and feel him and instantly the anxiety is there before I can even cognitively register what is happening. It takes FOREVER to shake that. And the way it warps my thinking just gives me more anxiety. As I am writing this, there is not a doubt in my mind that I love him and want to spend as much time with him as this universe will allow. I want every tomorrow, every one day, every quiet moment in between. But my question and need for support is how to get through the mornings. Or better, how to practice successful ERP before youre even conscious lol. I do what I can of sitting with my thoughts/discomfort/etc. I spend a few extra minutes in bed with him just cuddling and breathing and existing. But it still lasts hours. Is there a step Im missing? Along the same frame of thought, I initiated sexy time the other day (big win I know), but halfway through I had the thought of "What if I am just using him for sex?" And I couldnt shake that either (hard to when there is so much else going on lol). Any help or positive words would be appreciated. I unfortunately cannot afford therapy and this site doesnt take my insurance. So im trying to do the research and ERP on my own.

Struggling this morning with my OCD as I have an upcoming doctor's appointment this afternoon and am scared of the outcome. Feel like I'm spiraling, fixating, difficult to be mindful. Real struggle. :(

so I told my bestfriend about my thoughts, it obviously didn’t make me feel better. I feel like a bad person every time I’m around her now. she said that she’s had thoughts too she can just brush them off, but the fact that they’re so bad for me and so frequent it’s hard to be like its OCD even though I am diagnosed. and it’s hard to get better because I feel like i’m just a p.. like therapy won’t for someone who’s actually a p so why am I here.. how am I supposed to know when I have a thought about every kid that I see and it’s been this way for so long? I don’t even know what it’s like to think normally of a kid anymore. i’m jealous of everyone around me.. hearing other people’s stories don’t even make me feel better because I feel like mine is worse and I know this is an OCD thing, but I’m genuinely like so convinced that it’s not.

Ok, I know the second part of the title might come off annoying in some scenarios but let me cook. So, the past few months i decided to come off meds for multiple reasons, mainly sleep issues and emotional numbness. After a month it felt unbearable so i decided to slowly try out lower doses (I’m currently on 75mg of Sertraline, before i was on big 200mg). Lately I’ve been thinking about experiencing discomfort, anxiety and my inability to do so. I feel like huge portion of my anxiety comes from me being absolutely terrified of the feeling of fear itself, and having real difficulty managing and accepting uncomfortable emotions. So I have to constantly monitor (my breath , I have a lot of Somatic OCD) be on edge and regulate through rituals to keep everything perfect and presentable for others all the time. Medication helped me a lot with these, BUT it made me absolutely numb to life and experiences. I didn’t care about anything, I think partially this might be the reason I failed a year in university and lost friends. ( I might be wrong.) I was chill, but about everything, so much so that I think I missed out on necessary anxieties to move me into action. On 75 mg im starting to feel being disconnected a little from my environment again, but I’m still monitoring my breath a lot and its causing me anxiety and a lot of sadness. But maybe these are necessary parts of life and I need to stop escaping them every time I can? I don’t know. I don’t know what to think or do. My psychiatrist has a lot of trust in me trusting my instincts about medication, but I really don’t know what to think now.

How do you draw the line between being safe / responsible/ self aware and giving into compulsions? Such as asking for feedback vs seeking reassurance or being conscious of dangerous situations vs avoidance as a compulsion? Also do you consider doing research a form of seeking reassurance?