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working to conquer OCD
I am a true Christian and I am having blasphemous intrusive thoughts that keep popping into my head,now I think I am going to hell because I have blasphemed the Holy Spirit of out fear because I thought these thoughts š
I have a problem with counting everything. This has been going on for years. But itās gotten worse. I especially have trouble when I am praying and reading. I have to count how many times Iām reading a sentence and when Iām praying, I will say the same thing over and over and itās hard for me to end my prayer because I say in Jesus name I pray Amen I donāt know how many times! Itās like I think Iāll have to say it four times and I do and then Iāll do another four times and then another four times. It used to be three but now itās four. It makes you not even want to pray sometimes. How do you stop this insanity? Because when you say stop in your mind it doesnāt stop, that doesnāt work. Iām sure if I went to a therapist they would do the ERP therapy on me. How does it work in these situations that I have problems with? Any tips or suggestions that may have helped you all out there that would help me? And do not even get me started on showering! Itās ridiculous! I know itās all rooted in fear and doubt, but it sure is hard to get rid of that.
itās like iāve completely changed genders and minds and itās so sad.
TL;DR I (early 20s F) have been in a 2-year relationship with a woman (mid-30s) who is still legally married, lives with her ex, and has a highly complicated shared life structure with them. The relationship has been emotionally intense, largely hidden, and unstable, and has significantly affected my mental health, contributing to OCD and severe depression. I also have OCD that worsens relationship uncertainty, and weāve had repeated breakups and reconciliations. Iām now trying to figure out if this relationship is realistically sustainable or if Iām stuck in something that canāt work. Long version Throwaway account for privacy reasons. Iām looking for outside perspective on a complicated relationship situation. I (early 20s, female) have been in a relationship for about two years with my partner (mid-30s, female). We met online and became close quickly, and started dating shortly after. At the time I met her, my mental health was relatively stable. After entering this relationship, my mental health changed significantly. I developed severe anxiety patterns and was later diagnosed with OCD. My symptoms are strongly centered around relationship uncertainty, trust, and fear of abandonment. I also feel the emotional instability in this situation contributed to one of the most difficult periods of my life, including episodes of severe depression. From early on, the situation around her living and relationship status was complex and not fully clear to me. I was told she still lives with her ex due to ongoing commitments. Over time, I discovered additional details gradually, including that they are still legally married. Their situation is complicated: they still live together, remain legally married, and have ongoing shared responsibilities and family ties. While they are no longer romantically or sexually involved (as I understand it), their lives are still deeply interconnected for financial, legal, and personal reasons. There is a significant age gap between us, which I feel has also contributed to differences in expectations and understanding of relationship structures. I have never met her ex or her family due to the complexity of the situation and emotional boundaries. People around her are not directly told about our relationship, but most likely infer it. It is generally not openly discussed, mainly because she is afraid of how it could affect her marriage and existing commitments. Her ex, as far as I know, has been generally supportive of our situation. Because of this, our relationship has mostly existed in a private and somewhat hidden form. I do not visit her home and have avoided situations where my role would be unclear. Over time, this situation has created significant emotional strain for me. My OCD and anxiety are strongly tied to relationship uncertainty, leading to intrusive thoughts, doubt, and reassurance-seeking cycles. I am currently receiving help for my mental health and actively trying to manage this. At the same time, my partner has had her own mental health struggles, especially early in the relationship, including trust and control-related issues that affected communication. Combined with my own worsening anxiety, this has created a cycle where both of us have been impacted by each otherās mental health. There has also been a repeated cycle of breakups and reconciliations, often triggered by my anxiety spirals and inability to cope, followed by reconnection. This pattern has become emotionally exhausting for both of us. We are currently not in contact after a recent breakup, as she has said the cycle is no longer sustainable. At this point, Iām trying to understand the situation from an outside perspective and separate anxiety-driven thoughts from realistic concerns about the relationship structure itself. Does this kind of relationship structure realistically work in a healthy long-term way, or is the ongoing instability and breakup cycle itself a sign that it isnāt sustainable regardless of feelings? And how do I distinguish OCD-driven anxiety from valid concerns about the situation?
Hi guys, Second post hereā¦ even writing this feels unreal. Everything I do or see and the whole reality I live in always brings me back to the same questions and intrusive thoughts regarding whether this is all made up, if reality is a dream and how we are all here. The idea of solipsism terrifies me and makes me panic because if it were true, I wouldnāt want to live as all my loved ones are fake. I will never get answers for these thoughts and theories, which finishes the loop and makes me just as scared. A constant derealised state of mind has come to me as a product of this and itself triggers more of the same thought spirals , leaving me constantly in panic, stress, survival mode searching and searchingā¦.a genuinely consuming torturous loop. I feel like Iāve unlocked a state of mind I canāt come back from and the idea that Iām alone in reality scares me, triggering OCD in the psychosis theme. To those recovered , or sufferingā¦ I need help, hope, support .
I saw online that children who committed deviant behavior canāt be rehabilitated. When I was younger, probably up until age 14 to 15, I did some things. Iām not proud of due to trauma, my environment, and people and other kids doing the same behavior to me. I repeated a lot of things I wouldnāt do now and Iām worried that Iām someone who canāt be rehabilitated. I donāt do anything wrong , like those things I did back then, but I worry with the TikTok said. I worry that my past defines who Iām supposed to be as an adult. The TikTok meant children who were actual predators, but some of the things I did as a kid could be seen as that or just very, very weird and gross :( i canāt stop thinking about this
I am at a really stressful period in my life right now, and usually that tends to bring some pretty nasty OCD stuff to the forefront. When I was around 12 or so (also a really intense and stressful period for me) I had this thing where I was super afraid that I had gotten splinters from this little cactus I had in my room and would tear my fingers up with nail clippers and needles looking for them because I was afraid of getting an infection that would lead to getting my hand amputated. I was able to get a hold on it back then and havenāt dealt with that in a while (probably because I donāt keep house plants anymore, I tend to avoid things that might trigger me which is probably a bad thing but that can be analyzed another day). Itās been ten years since then and that obsession came back the other day. I went morel mushroom hunting with my brother and actually had a lot of fun, but I stuck myself on a thorn and started obsessing about splinters again. I was able to keep it at bay for a whole day but the next day I ended up taking tweezers, clippers, and needles to my finger on and off. My external stressors got worse and I had a huge breakdown in the evening where I was digging and digging and digging with the needles. I kept thinking about infection and how I would have to get my hand amputated. It was on my right hand, which is my dominant one, so I kept thinking about how hard life would be without it. I really like writing and I was spiraling about how Iād never be able to do it again. I couldnāt stop digging until I had cried myself into exhaustion. I actually do think I mightāve had a splinter but I donāt think that really matters because I realized there will always be a splinter and I will never dig deep enough to find it. I went back at it the next morning but finally stopped myself when I felt like I got the splinter. But then I started worrying I had another one on my other finger. That was yesterday. Iāve been wearing band aids on my fingers so that I donāt have to look at them because if I look Iām going to start digging again. And Iām afraid if I spiral worse, I am going to cut my finger open fully. I almost did the other night but stopped myself thinking of infection and nerve damage (so I guess the OCD was helpful? lol). I know the bandaids are a crutch but Iām afraid Iām going to hurt myself (not with the intention to hurt myself, just with the intention of getting the splinters out). My brother asked me to go mushroom hunting with him again this morning and I had to say no even though I wanted to. I was too afraid I would get stuck again and the whole cycle would repeat. Iām just really, really frustrated with myself. I havenāt had an issue this bad in almost two years and I feel like Iāve regressed. I feel like Iām 12 again. Iām so mad at myself for digging and Iām so mad at myself for refusing to do something I liked just because Iām scared. I guess I donāt really know where I am going with this post, maybe just venting. If youāve dealt with this or something similar, let me know how you have been able to get over that fear or to stop yourself from acting on the compulsion to dig. Thanks everyone
Maybe OCD related, maybe not. Recently Iāve been feeling very out of control of my emotions. Specifically Iāve been experiencing intense anger and rage over the smallest things and itās been very overwhelming. I had the same experience start at about 4-5 month postpartum after my son was born and now Iām 5 months postpartum with my daughter and itās happening again. That was a very dark time for me and Iām scared to go there again. I donāt know if itās my ocd flaring up or if itās hormonal shifts or something else. Has anyone else experienced this? What helped you? I feel guilty that Iām not parenting from my values, but from a place of emotional dysregulation. Thanks in advance šš©·
I'm a Christian and I have OCD. Scrupulosity developed when I was not healed from OCD. OCD has caused my to doubt if I really have faith and also fear of dying. Can anyone else relate? What exposures have you done to deal with this and what success have you had. Thanks.
I want to face my fear of flying and fly this July (take my kids to Hawaii for the first time) but I havenāt bought any tickets to go anywhere because of my anxiety and OCD. I am so worried something bad will happen and I keep getting bad images about the plane crashing. Last time I flew was like 2-3 years ago and I flew for 2 hrs and it was the worst anxiety. I was sweating, couldnāt sit in peace and said so many prayers to God asking him to forgive me of my sins because I was convinced I would die that day. My therapist gave me some homework and is helping me through ERP. My exercise yesterday was to go to airport to look at planes. I went to In-N-Out that next to LAX to watch planes land. I was so triggered and anxious as we were getting close and I started to get flashbacks of my last flight. I held back my tears as I watched the planes. It really triggered me. I donāt know what to do. I donāt want to be afraid anymore. I donāt want to show my fear to my kids because Iām the adult and I should be the one to make them feel safe. I couldnāt sleep last night just thinking about it
I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... ššš And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...
Hey guys! I am very new to this site and very new to OCD (I was only diagnosed a week ago) but now Iām starting to realize it has severely impacted my life for the last three years. Iāve been getting progressively worse for the last six months and absolutely spiraling for the last week. Iām constantly disassociating and so scared all of the time. Iām literally terrified that itās never going to get any better. Iāve been prescribed Prozac (please donāt scare me) but Iām terrified itās going to make things worseā¦I havenāt been able to attend school or work, I havenāt been able to eat or shower or get out of bed. Iām so exhausted and so scared. I just want things to get better. Please please tell me your positive stories or offer some words of encouragement, even if youāve only just started treatment. Thank you guys.
Hi everyone, this is my first time on this app but I wanted to download it to see about OCD because I think I may have it (and I donāt want to be like those self diagnosed people on TikTok who are annoying so if I am please let me know! I have no intentions of being offensive I just want to know what is wrong with me). For preface I am 17 female. I frequently have horrible thoughts. For one example, I think to myself if this thing happens (say I flip a coin) and it does this thing (say it lands on heads) I think to myself that I HAVE to kill myself, or hurt myself, or something bad will happen to my family or loved ones. I donāt think about it on purpose but it just happens and I have an extremely strong sense of needing to do that thing if something happens. I also have really violent disturbing thoughts, and !TRIGGER WARNING!, sometimes these thoughts include torturing my siblings (extremely vividly picturing it), killing people, hurting animals, or sometimes even incest or being a victim of a horrible crime like rape by my family. I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN! I swear Iām not a horrible person (at least I think Iām not) but I think about these things and I WOULDNāT EVEN HURT A FLY, so I donāt even know why I would think of these things. Also I worry sometimes if Iām a pedophile or attracted to animals, WHICH I AM NOT I SWEAR!!! But I always worry and think about it. It haunts me that Iām capable of thinking of such things, and if I can think about it Iām worried that I most certainly can do it. Does anyone have any advice? Does this sound like OCD or am I just a horrible psychopath?! When I hear of OCD, I only hear about the cleaning and organizing, never any of what I think or feel, and it makes me terrified that Iām a horrible person or a sociopath or psychopath (idk if thatās offensive to say if it is I apologize) I apologize for the long post and upsetting content. Itās my first time on here so if Iām doing anything wrong please let me know, I want to be respectful. Also once again, I promise, I would never hurt a fly or act on my heinous thoughts, but they haunt me. Thank you for reading and your time.
Iām new to all of this, but can someone please tell me how you stay active in life with all these crazy thoughts and images in your mind. I canāt even function at this point.
Hi, Iām pretty sure I have OCD and Iāve felt this way for a few years now, but Iāve been avoiding getting help. Iām really struggling with telling my parents. When Iāve felt bad before, itās often been seen as me just being moody or āruining the moodā, so Iām scared they wonāt take this seriously either. I donāt just want to tell them, I want to ask for help, but I donāt know how to say it in a way that they would understand. Lately I have felt like Iām running out of energy and I canāt carry this on my own anymore. How did you tell your parents, and what helped you actually ask for help?
I already deal with having harm ocd towards people I love dearly.. but now itās starting to involve God, which is super upsetting and pushing me away from him. I already have thoughts about hurting others and now Iām having thoughts that are āwhat if itās God telling me to hurt othersā or āGod wants you to kill someone.ā Even though I KNOW Jesus and our lord would NEVER ask that or want that, itās literally in the 10 commandments. Itās so frustrating and genuinely is starting to agitate me and make me anxious even though I know deep down that isnāt true.. does any one else struggle with this or should I seek mental help? Please be honest.
18+ i know sting operations dont use actual children but idk if it was an intrusive thought or i actually believe āoh its not a real kidā or āthey arent that youngā i feel so disgusting writing this out bc i dont actually believe it i wish those operations would go down more to have protected me from predators online too so i dont actually believe it but i dont know if me rationalizing it was some compulsion because i fear im like the offender or just a hyperspecific intrusive thought. the latter would definitely be preferable but im so scared rn
I just needed a place to vent without feeling judged. I never thought I would post in here, but here we are. Iāve been having this awful false memory this week. Itās about an āeventā that I made in solitude, that implied indirect harm to loved ones. I know itās a false memory. And I know it, because the last year I had this exact damn false memory, with just slight variations like the person I āharmedā and the content of the memory. I have understood that OCD can recycle past obsessions, like this one. And howeverā¦ it just feels so damn real. OCD just keeps replaying the false event over and over and over and over to the point I sometimes even believe it, even when I know itās not true. I researched for evidence that I never did that, Iooked for reassurance, I mental reviewed, I made EVERY SINGLE COMPULSION I made the last year when this exact obsession appeared, and guess what? NOTHING. There was NOTHING. And yet, OCD keeps projecting this intrusive images, this feelings, this guilt, this nausea, this pain and fear that all this that feels so real might be real, even knowing that is notā¦ Itās just awful. Living like this, trying to do your daily life without confessing something youāve never done, without trying to prove yourself you never did something that you already know. Iām just tired. I canāt even talk to the person that this obsession is telling me I harmed, because of shame, disgust, guilt and hate on myself. Iām sorry if you read this and felt disgusted or something, I just needed where to throw all this
My mind is trying to convince me Iām attracted to my boyfriendās brother, because he tells me his relationship problems and him and his mom ask for my input. And I tried getting close to him when me and my bf was talking at first, so I could have a better shot?? I guess but I never really spoke to him, and I sit near him and class and sometimes I wanna speak to him, but it feels so like gross? Like it makes my chest feel weird? and sometimes I run into him and I just walk around him or kinda avoid him tbh..? Like idk. And when heās around I sometimes get annoyed. Like my bf has done things where Iāve been like errrrr yeahhhā¦. But his brother gives me a terrible ick. Like. This is worrying me sm. Please someone help me ššš. And I never really noticed him until me and my bf got tg, and my minds like āu said u want him and his gf to break up blah blahā and my memory is literally trying to tell me I did that. But I do not remember it at all. But please advise anyone.and I got told he apparently said my name during s*x which is extremely weird. And when I seen him talking to another girl I felt like a gross jealousy? But I have no reason to be jealous??? Please advice anyone
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OCD doesn't have to
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