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(VERY LONG POST) Earlier I was on the way to therapy for the first time in a long time and it's an urgently needed one. My only ride there turned into the office drove me there and somehow, fucking someway I couldn't stand to be I the car with them, I felt too unsafe and too anxious. We were on a similar road to it but I wasn't really sure where but felt compelled to get out the car now. Turned out to be the wrong turn but I had something telling me GET BACK IN THE CAR but I didn't and even worse, I had no way back home. I had an emotional breakdown after realizing everything, when I had to be put on the waiting list a 4th time since June because of bullshit reasons. My rituals that culminated in that time reached debilitating degrees of thought loops and rituals (notetaking and chronic rumination together.) I had no idea what was happening to me, I was scared and then I learned what OCD really was and educated myself and realized how badly I need to be seen. the idea of OCD self-sabotage was on my mind after learning about it yesterday, I had it on thought loop since and getting out the car, I thought "is this what that is?" I got home and cried til a friend of mine came over and I felt better for a while until I felt a pang of panic during "WHAT IF YOUR OCD ISNT REAL AND THIS IS ALL INSIDE YOUR HEAD" so I've been agonizing intensely over this since. What's happening to me? Why did I do it? Did I force myself into this and won't take responsibility for just giving into a childish impulse? Why do I feel compelled to write about my meaningful thoughts and memories and traumatic events in journals and leave sticky note reminders everywhere I never act upon? Why do I keep writing more because I get antsy and am paralyzed I'll forget all meaning of my life? Why does it only satisfy me for a little while? When I told my best friend, who has OCD earlier about what happened, I couldn't bring myself to tell him I got out the car. I can't now either, I'm terrified by the impossibly small likelihood that he'll download this app and find this and think I'm a self diagnosing fraud. I feel I alone and like I have nowhere to turn. I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me for so long. I'm terrified and very tired of feeling hopeless. If you're still at the end here, thank you. I feel compelled to confess to anybody here that could understand what I'm feeling. If nothing else I could get this off my chest.

Anyone else experience OCD trying to attack your relationship with your therapist? Like, I had a pretty decent session this morning but now (many hours later), I’m worrying about whether or not the therapist is judging me about one of my obsessions or if she thinks I’m too crazy to still be working. Grr. Why does this disorder try to destroy any chance I have at getting better!?

Some of you know I’m in hospital due to my OCD and depression. Today was awful. I’m constantly being watched and it’s so humiliating to perform compulsions in front of strangers. Also can anyone think of an alternative to eating the gross hospital food? My OCD is currently manifesting itself as disordered eating and I can’t bring myself to eat the packaged food. Hope you’re all well! d a i s y

Anyone having unnecessary and excessive doubts on their girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband being unfaithful to them?

First post, new here. I’ve always thought that I have OCD since I was in 7th grade. I am 22 now and actively trying to take steps to treat it myself because I don’t have money for therapy and my parents don’t believe I have it. I think I suffer from Magical Thinking. A (stupid but true) example would be how I collect phone cases. I buy really cute ones and then I put one on and the whole day no one texts me so I take it off because I think it’s the case doing it and it gives me anxiety so I switch back to this main one that when I use it I get texts and it makes my anxiety go away. I do this with a lot of my things so for years I just haven’t been able to wear or use certain things or even take a different way home for fear that abc or d might or might not happen. It’s very debilitating to feel like I can’t change anything about myself or my life because it gives me anxiety thinking that if I change this or that then I might die, or I might not have a good night, or so and so won’t text me, etc. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’ve never told anyone about it just something that consistently eats away ate my brain and has been forever. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

Hospitalization fear - I can’t get over the “what if” aspect!

This is my first post. I have HOCD and I’ve had it for 13+ years. It started when I was watching a tv show and a girl accused her boyfriend of watching animal sex porn. I stopped and became frightened that I could be attracted to animals. Why? Don’t know. I never ever thought about such things. But I had a huge since of dread. Then I was able to shake that thought. But then I immediately thought what if you are gay. Then boom, years were lost because of this thought. During that time I also got caught locking doors repeatedly, but that passed and HOCD remained. Now I am married with a child. I love my husband and child. Once POCD popped up but it passed as well. Mostly I live in a state where ocd plays on a loop in my mind. I feel like a liar and fraud. I can remember being able to enjoy life before this. But now, I’m lost. Depression has kicked in and I can’t shake it.

“My freedom is in the therapist’s hands and I could get hospitalized and...” This is really bothering me. Maybe it’s because Pure O isn’t a real diagnosis, not many therapists know about it. Maybe if I used the scientific term? Non-Observable Ritualizers? How do I convince the CBT therapist I’m not crazy and just worry tremendously and any person who wanted to bring him to others, their last place they’d be is therapy?

Anyone else ever wonder if since other people apparently have these thoughts and don’t feel guilty then are they just a bunch of terrible people?? I have a hard time distinguishing what guilt is relevant or not and I’m struggling to see other people as “good”.

Accepting ur harm OCD thoughts is the hardest f*cking thing ever! It’s been more than a year and no matter what I can’t accept them.... I feel so evil mental and I feel I enjoy these thoughts... and don’t get me started with my vivid dreams lord I feel I’m gonna lose control and kill someone I hate or someone who’s been rude to me.

Happy OCD Awareness Week, everyone! What's one thing you wish people understood about OCD? We'll compile your answers (they'll be anonymous) and share them on social media to teach more people about what it's really like to liv with OCD!

does anyone else deal with emetophobia or throwing-up related fears with your ocd?? I know it’s supposed to be common but I feel like so many people don’t understand! pretty much everyone I tell about it says “well no one LIKES throwing up” and ugh! duh!!! I know! I just wanted to know if anyone else deals with it too

Am in ERP. Now able to wash my hands just once. But still avoiding touching the tap and door knobs. ?

I’m having some trouble; I just found the perfect apartment near my school and I went to speak with the company about signing a lease. I had a huge fear that what if my roommate is gay because I am dealing with HOCD. And guess what I find out today.. she’s lesbian. And I have nothing against gay/lesbian but my HOCD is starting to flare up again and part of me doesn’t care but part of me is worried :/ what do I do? I feel like God is trying to mess with me and I’m not okay with challenges like this. It’s the perfect location and apartment and now I’m thinking of looking elsewhere..

Why OCD is about fighting.. Concerns -> https://www.treatmyocd.com/why-ocd-recovery-isnt-about-fighting/ Quote: "You can view OCD recovery as a fight or a battle or a constant struggle, just like you can view your life..." I appreciate the approach, the intend, but it is not a question of how to view OCD, it is how it is.. to experience OCD. It's just that it just is, a constant fight. It just is. And it has nothing to do with every life can be viewed as struggle. Of course everybody has the usual problems with relationships, family, job, education, friends, health... If you have OCD it's a constant battle without pause and in addition to all the above. It's exhausting. Just a different opinion or even fact to the blog post. That's all folks

Anybody else taking sertraline (zoloft)? If so, I am interested to know what dose you are taking?

My OCD gives me this constant fear that I could be pregnant even though I have never had sex. When I’m with my boyfriend and I’m in his lap and we’re doing nothing but kissing I am afraid that sperm is somehow going to get near me and can get me pregnant, even with 4 layers of clothes between us. It’s very frustrating, especially since I know it’s impossible. The what if’s just make me miserable.

I put in my ADA form today. I can't do my job anymore at the pace I'm at teaching at two schools and not even a lunch break most days. I hit my breaking point last year, but chicken out. I met with two lawyers and got their okay to submit it, so I did. They said if they try to let me go we can fight them. 15 years I've been teaching more than I should per my union contract and now I need to make a change so my family doesn't lose me. Last year I had two suicide attempts in 10 months. Not acceptable for a job to lead me to that kind of stress.

Hey guys, my boyfriend is going on holiday next week for 2 weeks. I’m really worried how I’m going to cope without him around. I’m so scared that he’ll die or I’ll never see him again. Plus, he might not have signal for some of the time so I won’t even be able to see if he’s ok☹️ anyone been though this and have any advice on how to cope? FREAKING OUT

Religious OCD trigger warning, mostly about Christianity : My religious OCD is rampant today. I keep having thoughts like: am I really saved? Do I have any fruit in my life? Do I really believe I’m a sinner? Does questioning this mean I’m really not saved? The pastor said you have to know for sure, but what if I don’t? My biggest problem is that I work in ministry so I’m feeling like a big fraud today. The Bible and all pastors say I should have assurance on salvation, but not with OCD. I’m always terrified that I’ll be one of those people who serves in ministry for years and then realizes they were never saved. I used to pray for salvation every day and I really mean it, but then I question it. It is so hard