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the NOCD Community

It’s ridiculous how much people discussing HOCD bothers me. I know it’s a form of OCD, which I understand is out of the person’s control. I know mental illness is not a choice. I have OCD, so I get it. I get invasive thoughts about being hetero, so it makes sense that it works the other way too. I know the people who have HOCD aren’t necessarily homophobic. It does kind of make me feel like my sexuality is a worst case scenario, though. I can’t help but think “people are as afraid of being like me, as I am of heart attacks”. Idk. It just almost feels like people are saying “oh no what if I’m gay” “don’t worry, you’re straight. You’re okay because you’re straight” (which I know isn’t the case). It could just be because of the lack of positivity I’ve seen surrounding the queer community lately, though. I’m not trying to call out or invalidate people with HOCD though, I know it’s something that they don’t enjoy, and it’s something they suffer with just as much as I suffer with my OCD. Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest

I don't understand ERP. How is it logical? I can sit with my hand in a toilet all day & I refuse to habituate to it. I don't even have contamination fears & that's nasty. Making a picture hanging on the wall crooked on purpose? Why? I prefer my pictures to hang straight. I wouldn't habituate to a crooked picture.... Lick the bottom of your tennis shoe? Ew. Not gonna habituate to that either. Curse God out with curse words? Don't care to do that & I'm not even religious. So, how does ERP work? I don't get it.

Anyone treating their OCD with weed? It’s legal where I live so I think about trying it, but I had bad experiences with it when I was younger (panick attack). Any tips? Is it worth a try?

Looking for some rOCD friends here. Been with my boyfriend for over a year and it hit almost 2 months in and hasn’t stopped.

Exposure for pocd? I’m afraid to watch anything that could have kids in it. I know I’m not attracted or anything but I’m traumatized because of the thoughts... I have to say pocd has been the hardest obsession I’ve had to get over

My boyfriend of almost two years just broke up with me. I’m hurting a lot and the ocd has skyrocketed because of it, especially since I haven’t been feeling the best already. I also always have a physical reaction to stress, and have been dealing with feeling sick all night. Does anyone have any tips or advice for how to deal with this?

Trigger warning questions about sex / ROCD please help ? ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️ I’m always analysing and worried about what makes me horny before I have sex with my girlfriend. I’m scared that I thought about a girl ‘ prettier ‘ and I feel bad about it. I love my girlfriend so much and I’m scared that I will be so anxious that I will tell her everything and hurt her feelings. Also I dont masturbate when I want too because I’m scared of what made me horny. If it’s another girl I find pretty I ask myself is she prettier than my girlfriend? Than I feel like a horrible person. Since I’m so scared of thinking of others girls during sex, of course thats what I think about... like saying DONT THINK ABOUT A PINK BEAR, automatically thinks about a pink bear Can someone help me? This is difficult on my personnal sex life, I wish I could enjoy sex and masturbation as much as I did before OCD Thank you for your help! CalmRiver

(VERY LONG POST) Earlier I was on the way to therapy for the first time in a long time and it's an urgently needed one. My only ride there turned into the office drove me there and somehow, fucking someway I couldn't stand to be I the car with them, I felt too unsafe and too anxious. We were on a similar road to it but I wasn't really sure where but felt compelled to get out the car now. Turned out to be the wrong turn but I had something telling me GET BACK IN THE CAR but I didn't and even worse, I had no way back home. I had an emotional breakdown after realizing everything, when I had to be put on the waiting list a 4th time since June because of bullshit reasons. My rituals that culminated in that time reached debilitating degrees of thought loops and rituals (notetaking and chronic rumination together.) I had no idea what was happening to me, I was scared and then I learned what OCD really was and educated myself and realized how badly I need to be seen. the idea of OCD self-sabotage was on my mind after learning about it yesterday, I had it on thought loop since and getting out the car, I thought "is this what that is?" I got home and cried til a friend of mine came over and I felt better for a while until I felt a pang of panic during "WHAT IF YOUR OCD ISNT REAL AND THIS IS ALL INSIDE YOUR HEAD" so I've been agonizing intensely over this since. What's happening to me? Why did I do it? Did I force myself into this and won't take responsibility for just giving into a childish impulse? Why do I feel compelled to write about my meaningful thoughts and memories and traumatic events in journals and leave sticky note reminders everywhere I never act upon? Why do I keep writing more because I get antsy and am paralyzed I'll forget all meaning of my life? Why does it only satisfy me for a little while? When I told my best friend, who has OCD earlier about what happened, I couldn't bring myself to tell him I got out the car. I can't now either, I'm terrified by the impossibly small likelihood that he'll download this app and find this and think I'm a self diagnosing fraud. I feel I alone and like I have nowhere to turn. I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me for so long. I'm terrified and very tired of feeling hopeless. If you're still at the end here, thank you. I feel compelled to confess to anybody here that could understand what I'm feeling. If nothing else I could get this off my chest.

Anyone else experience OCD trying to attack your relationship with your therapist? Like, I had a pretty decent session this morning but now (many hours later), I’m worrying about whether or not the therapist is judging me about one of my obsessions or if she thinks I’m too crazy to still be working. Grr. Why does this disorder try to destroy any chance I have at getting better!?

Some of you know I’m in hospital due to my OCD and depression. Today was awful. I’m constantly being watched and it’s so humiliating to perform compulsions in front of strangers. Also can anyone think of an alternative to eating the gross hospital food? My OCD is currently manifesting itself as disordered eating and I can’t bring myself to eat the packaged food. Hope you’re all well! d a i s y

Anyone having unnecessary and excessive doubts on their girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband being unfaithful to them?

First post, new here. I’ve always thought that I have OCD since I was in 7th grade. I am 22 now and actively trying to take steps to treat it myself because I don’t have money for therapy and my parents don’t believe I have it. I think I suffer from Magical Thinking. A (stupid but true) example would be how I collect phone cases. I buy really cute ones and then I put one on and the whole day no one texts me so I take it off because I think it’s the case doing it and it gives me anxiety so I switch back to this main one that when I use it I get texts and it makes my anxiety go away. I do this with a lot of my things so for years I just haven’t been able to wear or use certain things or even take a different way home for fear that abc or d might or might not happen. It’s very debilitating to feel like I can’t change anything about myself or my life because it gives me anxiety thinking that if I change this or that then I might die, or I might not have a good night, or so and so won’t text me, etc. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’ve never told anyone about it just something that consistently eats away ate my brain and has been forever. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

Hospitalization fear - I can’t get over the “what if” aspect!

This is my first post. I have HOCD and I’ve had it for 13+ years. It started when I was watching a tv show and a girl accused her boyfriend of watching animal sex porn. I stopped and became frightened that I could be attracted to animals. Why? Don’t know. I never ever thought about such things. But I had a huge since of dread. Then I was able to shake that thought. But then I immediately thought what if you are gay. Then boom, years were lost because of this thought. During that time I also got caught locking doors repeatedly, but that passed and HOCD remained. Now I am married with a child. I love my husband and child. Once POCD popped up but it passed as well. Mostly I live in a state where ocd plays on a loop in my mind. I feel like a liar and fraud. I can remember being able to enjoy life before this. But now, I’m lost. Depression has kicked in and I can’t shake it.

“My freedom is in the therapist’s hands and I could get hospitalized and...” This is really bothering me. Maybe it’s because Pure O isn’t a real diagnosis, not many therapists know about it. Maybe if I used the scientific term? Non-Observable Ritualizers? How do I convince the CBT therapist I’m not crazy and just worry tremendously and any person who wanted to bring him to others, their last place they’d be is therapy?

Anyone else ever wonder if since other people apparently have these thoughts and don’t feel guilty then are they just a bunch of terrible people?? I have a hard time distinguishing what guilt is relevant or not and I’m struggling to see other people as “good”.

Accepting ur harm OCD thoughts is the hardest f*cking thing ever! It’s been more than a year and no matter what I can’t accept them.... I feel so evil mental and I feel I enjoy these thoughts... and don’t get me started with my vivid dreams lord I feel I’m gonna lose control and kill someone I hate or someone who’s been rude to me.

Happy OCD Awareness Week, everyone! What's one thing you wish people understood about OCD? We'll compile your answers (they'll be anonymous) and share them on social media to teach more people about what it's really like to liv with OCD!

does anyone else deal with emetophobia or throwing-up related fears with your ocd?? I know it’s supposed to be common but I feel like so many people don’t understand! pretty much everyone I tell about it says “well no one LIKES throwing up” and ugh! duh!!! I know! I just wanted to know if anyone else deals with it too

Am in ERP. Now able to wash my hands just once. But still avoiding touching the tap and door knobs. ?