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When most people think of contamination ocd they tend to think of people cleaning but I’m the opposite... with a mix of that and depression my room gets incredibly bad. I hate cleaning so much so instead my brain says if I don’t touch the dirtiness I’ll be fine, so instead of cleaning it I’ll avoid it. Especially dust. I have a lot of stuff and I’m a collector of things. (I do have hoarding tendencies but also I’m trying to find ways where my collections can be put in ways where it isn’t hoarding) and for example my window has an ac unit in it, even in the winter. It gets dusty but my books and bed and plushies are all under it on the floor and I’m scared of dusting it simply because I don’t want dust falling on those things... so it stays incredibly dusty more and more. I did just dust two of my toy shelves for the first time in a long time. I feel pretty good about it but my room is still a disgusti mess with trash everywhere and dirty clothes piling more and more where they won’t get clean unless I went to a laundromat and put them all in a GIANT washing machine. They just overflow and stay dirty and take up half of my room. And then my bathroom is also disgusting. I don’t take bubble baths anymore bc my bathtub is grimy and dirty and I haven’t had the motivation to clean it and I always feel dirty after cleaning even if I wash my hands. Also my mom has Alzheimer’s and she spits everywhere in the bathroom. On the floor, on the sink, on the toilet... i tend to just get scared and tired and not bother with it (except the toilet I wash that every time I use the bathroom now whether it approves my inspection or not) but with the sink... I tend to suck my stomach in to wash my hands so I don’t touch the sink... I feel like no matter how much I try cleaning anyways the dirtiness will never go away because I spent so long avoiding it instead. Think I’m gross I don’t care. I know I have serious issues with these. It sucks. I don’t wanna live like this either and I get so overwhelmed I shut down instead.

Anyone who says “accept the uncertainty and move on” is a massive hypocrite

Hi everyone. I have religious ocd and i am muslim and i pray 5 times a day. There is an ablution ritual where we wash parts of body in certain steps before prayer. I get doubts on purity, doubts on my ablution steps, doubts during prayer in each step. I also have tetribke intrusive thoughts where my mind curses god and anything related and it scared me and still does, especially since i hate hearing curses about god or even curses in general. All these things make me always spend so much time making sure i am clean...and make me repeat ablution and prayer. Most times i cannot even begin prayer because i doubt my intention, doubts if i even did a step, get terrible curses against god in my mind, and doubt every step. I try to ignore, especially the curses...but fail every time. I also know some things i do are not logical but still cannot help not doing compulsions like asking god for forgiveness and starting all over. I cant go to a therapist because i do not want to take medications and also do not have the money or means to commit to it. Also, not sure if they can help because it is very specific. Anyone with my type of ocd and muslim? Were you able to recover? How did you ignore and go on doing ablution and prayers? They have become extremely hard. Please be kind. I am in a very depressed and helpless state. Please dont tell me to do anything blasphemous or sacreligious. I love my religion and god and know this is a test. Thanks.

I'm not sure how to get my obsessions and compulsions to line up with ERP therapy. It's all really confusing & I'm in a lot of distress figuring out how to manage my OCD.

Im so tired of these compulsions to recheck everthing. I just want some piece of mind. I tell myselfeveryday that this is the day i will power through. But i fail. Then i OCD even more because its my punishment of not fighting it. Does this happen to anyone else?

Hello. I’m in this group for my 14 yr old daughter. Her strong signs started last summer. She prays non-stop, kisses crucifixes (we are Catholic) prayer comes in between her & her needed work around the house, her school work, and she’s not comfortable about her negative thoughts toward people/friends, constantly apologizes, & second guesses herself constantly. I’m exhausted. She is seeing a fully licensed counselor, but I’m becoming more & more convinced she needs medication, & ERP. Plus some. I’m reading ‘Brainlock’. It’s proving to be very informative. I keep feeling like it’s the tension & anger between my husband & me that made her this way. I’m so sad. Advice?

Is anyone else really triggered by “motivational” messages that say things like “trust your gut” or “follow your instincts”? ‘Cause it’s like well, my instincts tell me to do lots of irrational things I really shouldn’t do, so

I feel like I have OCD, and I wanna know if anyone else with OCD experiences these things too, and how they cope with them. .First of all, since I was about 8 I’ve been obsessed with keeping things even. Like if I used my right hand too much, I would have to switch to my left, so it doesn’t feel “left out” . For as long as I could remember, I’ve always pretended to be somebody else. I knew it wasn’t real, and I knew I was only 5 and was at school, but I’m my head I was 30 and was at work, but it was all I thought about, it was never just a game to me. I still do this now and I’m 15, it’s annoying because I can’t focus on real things. . One of the things that affects me most is that, I feel like someone is watching me, and affecting my decisions. It could be a family member, a teacher, or a celebrity I like. It was a routine, I would choose who it would be that day, they would sit down and watch what I do, and I felt like I couldn’t be myself, because they were going to judge me. Sometimes it’s fun because it’s like a celebrity knows me and cares about what I do, but it’s also annoying because I had to be on my best behaviour, even if I was just lounging. . And the most consuming thing by far is my rituals. The biggest one is the way my morning affects my day. I’m OBSESSED with the way my days go. I can’t have a bad days. So if something slightly bad happens to me In the morning,like maybe I step on my charger, I feel like my day is going to be horrible. And I spend so much time telling myself it’s going to be fine, just to give my self temporary relief. It’s so annoying because it’s all I ever think about, and it’s only on weekdays.

I have Real event ocd about things I did as a kid at 12/13. It’s killing me because it really happened but I feel like a different person now completely. my actions disgust me and it makes me feel like i don’t deserve to be alive. I constantly have flashbacks about the events and it sends me into a state of panic, I feel as if my younger self has traumatized my older self. i’m so scared that things I did make this true, i really am a bad person, even though i’m an adult now and would never never ever do that again. I’m so scared. All I want is to be a good person but I keep remembering gross things I did and now I feel like the biggest fraud to friends and family and everything good in my life.

No one really listens No one is there for me People are all minding their owns I don’t have a loved one. I feel alone I wish someone would really listen. Really understand this messed up mind of mine. I can’t talk to anyone I am afraid they don’t wanna listen. I am afraid i will act like a burden. Thought about texting some people i trust. Like mr. ***** or dr. *****. But I’m scared they will be like: “what’s wrong with this girl??? What on earth is going on??? We don’t care! Why did she text us??? What have she thought??? “ No one is here for me. Not even me myself. I had enough and life is being really tough lately The more goes on, the more i feel alone I admit i got no one Guess no one is interested in knowing what the hell is going on in my mind. Who cares?? Really? You know what?! Why talking to my therapist? What will she say? Just like classes Just like teachers She would say: do what i told you. Do your CBT sh*t. But i am tired of that I hate it. I love (loved) to be independent but.. I have to admit this: I really Really Need someone to rescue me Outta this thing. I am having suicidal thoughts And I can’t let them go I scratched my wrist. Help please

So I’m realizing now that I used to watch a lot of teacher/student porn and I feel absolutely disgusting. No wonder I have so much anxiety. I hate myself

I want to share this story in the hopes that it will help others avoid the mistakes I’ve made. I’m not looking for pity or reassurance, this is just a thing that happened. Brace yourselves, this is long. In 2015, before I was diagnosed, I got pretty sick. (I actually had puss come out of my eyes and it was the worst.) I was taken to the hospital by my dad then I went in and was seen pretty quickly. While a nurse was taking my vitals, I mentioned to him that I do take pills to quiet my thoughts. He asked what kind of thoughts and I was completely honest with him. I told him of have thoughts of pedophilia. That was mistake #1. When he heard that, he reported me to the police. About 20-30 minutes later, a police officer came in to interview me. I had nothing to hide so I told him everything. That was mistake #2. That was a hard lesson to learn. But I won’t make that mistake again. After what felt like an hour, he left. I was discharged and returned home to recover. That day, I got a call from my work. (I won’t say who it is, but I hear Village People love it there.) When I arrived, I was called into an office with someone high up and a person from HR. They asked me what was going on, and since I still had nothing to hide, I obliged. That was mistake #3. After that I was summarily fired. I was distraught because I loved my job. But they decided to fire me because my job was working with kids. My mom and dad had to come pick me up because I didn’t think I could drive. When we got home, there were four or five police cars in front of the house. Someone asked if I was twicedouble and I said yes. They handed me a warrant and 15 or 16 police officers raided my house. They took all of our electronics, including my mom and dad’s even though I don’t ever touch them. They were looking for child porn but they weren’t going to find any. They held our stuff for a few weeks. When I got back my stuff, one of my good friends cut ties with me. (She worked at the school where I worked at an after school program.) Ultimately the police found nothing. I wasn’t arrested or brought in for questioning. My record was clear but I was ruined. At this point all of my symptoms were amplified 100 fold. The one good thing that came out of this was going to a psychiatrist, getting my diagnosis, and medicine. On a positive note, now, nearly 5 years later, I have the opportunity to work with kids again as a 1 on 1 behavioral analyst. I have a meeting with one of the supervisors on Tuesday and I think have a really good shot at getting it. So while this is a story of hitting rock bottom, it’s also a story of climbing out of the pit. I wanted to share this because I think some people here have concerns that they might be a pedophile. I’m here to say if you’re concerned about being a pedophile, you probably aren’t one. Pedophiles are certain that they are attracted to children, people with POCD are not.

i’m having panic attacks about this coronavirus . im literally scared to leave my house idk what to do.

Has anyone else had an extreme fear of psychosis?? I made the mistake of reading so much about it that my mind is now always on “the lookout” for signs of it. This includes fixating on background noises, etc out of fear of hallucinations or hearing things. Naturally my mind has convinced me I must be, even though my psychiatrist has assured me I am just having anxiety/ocd. Has anyone had this and if so how did you get through??

I feel like I’m completely going freaking psychotic. This is taking away my faith, which I thought was pretty strong. It tells me to not bother praying because God isn’t helping. It’s telling me that I am the worst person, worthy of death. That I deserve every bad thing that comes to me. And I believe that. I hate that I’m having these thoughts in my own mind. I hate that I feel this out of control. The medication isn’t helping. My head is always spinning. Nothing is helping because nothing lasts with this stupid disease. The good days don’t last. The efforts to work don’t last. I’m losing my mind and going insane. I don’t have access to a therapist. I don’t have resources here. I’m so irritated and scared that I could just give up. I literally don’t even know what to do with myself right now. I feel crazy and hopeless. I feel like I should turn myself in. And I mean every last word I’ve said. There’s no exaggeration.

Yall I feel like shit because theres this 17-18 year old bulky anime character that I think looks cute and I feel like I'm attracted to him yet I absolutely have 0 desire in sexualizing him. Is my OCD bullshitting me again or am I turning into a predator.

i’m at my house and a bunch of people are here. one girl keeps touching all my things. another girl said she felt sick. and my brother said he felt sick after i drank out a drink he made for me. about to have a panic attack in front of a 9 year old. someone please talk to me in the comments about anything at all please i’m really anxious

It must be true that there are people using HOCD as denial. There’s no way everyone who thinks they have HOCD actually has it. This is what my mind tells me when I think of HOCD, which reinforces my loop. I try to just put all the HOCD shit to the side and just confront it head on without leaning too far to either side (denial or HOCD). The problem is when I do this, if I come to the conclusion that I’m straight I don’t feel satisfied with it. It feels like I’m just saying that because that’s what I want to be, but if I come to the conclusion that I’m Bi or Gay, it feels like I’m saying it but not really accepting it within, which convinces me that I’m in denial. I’m just so angry because this all became so trivialized. I’ve brought myself to the point of telling myself that I’m gay or bi so I can move forward and not be stuck like this. Also, looking into my past sucks now because I can’t tell if I’m remembering my memories correctly or through a “your gay” lens on. I question things, I never used to give a second thought. Whatever I’m going through has brought me too my knees and has torn my self esteem and life apart. my life is now consumed with these thoughts. I feel like I’m being stripped of who I am and being replaced with a scared pussy. I feel like a scared pussy because I’m scared of myself, all this fear of what I could be has stopped me from just being and not giving a fuck.

Today was good. I was walking through paris i didnt experienced any hocd execpt a bit when i saw gay men couples but i knew that wasnt me. So yeah everything good. I got into the appartament and i started massaging my back and suddenly i thought what if a men would massage me and it didnt bother me but it wasnt any sexual but still after 3 sec i got hocd i got triggered then i went to bathroom i wanted to masturbate thinkin at a girl to idk just reassure myself and be better. As i was doin it the image of our driver doing it for me GOD I CANT SAY IT EVEN god and please help me I thought I like it and i was ok lets give it a chance (HOW DA FUCK COULD I DO SUCH A THING GOD!!!!!) so I thought and idk it felt like a dark power all i saw was a big man who was doin it for me. After 8 secs of thinkin It came from the deps of my soul the biggest regret the biggest sadness depression anxiety you name it every bad feeling HOW COULD I THINK AT SUCH A THING HOW PLEASE TELL ME HOW. WHY WOULD I ENJOY IT. i stopped and i was kinda approaching of ejacuating and I thought of a girl and yeah for moment felt but good but i was already turn on. Anyway after ejaculation i thought again about i thought. I had the biggest sadness ever felt i started crying in the mirror. IM NOT THIS I DONT WANT THIS .. god .. GOD PLEASE someone please write me what s wrong with me why do i have such thoughts what should i do. Thinking that i will be somehow touched by a man makes me wanna be swollen by the earth and hide .. I feel like a priceless piece of shit..

So I’m curious how many of my HOCD suffering friends here have theirs morph from being gay to bisexual? It’s like, yeah I notice good looking attractive men, I’m not brain dead. But I have no joy or want to have any physical, romantic or sexual relations with them.