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Its so hard to stay present when Im arguing with my mind all day :( idk how to stop

So I feel really guilty about something. I don’t if I felt something from this thought but it’s scaring me. I feel confused. Idk if the medicine is helping with anxiety but it keeping me in control. I cried once yesterday and haven’t done compulsions for the last 3 days. Can’t jinx it. I’m just trying to stay strong. I hope this thought I had and feeling I got was just my ocd.

Having a bad morning. This one stupid meaningless thought has snowballed into wrecking whatever peace I had. I had a random intrusive sexual thought involving my mom and that started it. Now I’ll occasionally get more of those intrusive thoughts and I’m hating it. I feel incredibly ashamed, guilty, anxious, and embarrassed. The idea of even looking at her causes me anxiety. I woke up earlier than I’d like because I couldn’t sleep anymore from tension, it feels like the anxiety is eating me up, I’m sweating and shaking. When I finally got out of bed I got hit with a wave of nausea and I don’t have an appetite despite being hungry. I don’t know what to do. I have a therapist that I recently starting working with through NOCD and I messaged her on how I was feeling yesterday but no response yet, plus my next appointment with her is Monday. Part of me feels like I should confess to my mom but I’m afraid that’ll scare her or have her think I’m some sick freak. I’m only in the monitoring part of my ERP and even more so this new thought popped up after my last session with my therapist so it’s completely new and I don’t know how to stop.

I'm so tired of this shit between the coronavirus and my hocd it is so exhausting being awake. Sleep is a reprieve from all of it. I can't believe that 2 weeks ago I was doing so well thought I was straight knew I didn't want to be with female to it now being back to the way I was before ruminating, thinking I'm bisexual again, believing all the thoughts, sensations, and feelings to be proof. Like I'm back in that mindset that there is no way it isn't true it feels to real and true to not be.

3 years and im still obsessing over the fact 'i could be transgender' . exposures are ineffective , what should i do? i want to stop this overthinking circle. how do i prove myself im a girl not a boy? am i even a girl?

Any tips on how to avoid mental compulsions? I’ve been ruminating over an event for like 6 months now. I don’t even realize I’m thinking about it half the time because it almost comes natural now. I would love to have some peace of mind, but I just can’t stop fixating on it.

So I have had a good four weeks roughly, not really allowed myself to get stuck on my intrusive loop of harming my daughter, (this is my obsessional thought) what if. Anyway this morning has been horrendous, lying in bed I started to think what if I actually want these thoughts what if I can't stop thinking about them because I actually want to act on them. Well I feel terrible and hate my brain, why woukd I even think like this? Bearing in mind I have two older children who I have never had a thought like this before.

I’ve been really struggling with OCD at work the last few months. I’ve tried my best to hide it, but my coworkers have definitely started to notice the anxiety and lack of confidence I have in my ability to do my job. I work in healthcare and my OCD thoughts are focused towards making a mistake or missing something that can cause someone harm. I’m great at my job, but my brain keeps trying to convince me I’m not. I had a coworker kind of nicely lecture me this morning on “relaxing a little” and told me “you know what you know, stop second guessing yourself all the time”. And how she knows I’ve been going to the gym every day but I need to find “other ways to relax more. Like meditating.” I just smiled and agreed with her. If she only knew the extent of the crippling anxiety I’ve been dealing with for months now. And how I go to therapy every week, meditate multiple times a day, swim at the gym every day, and take medication to deal with it. And how three months ago I couldn’t eat, sleep, or function at all. Anyway, now I’m paranoid that my coworkers are going to start bringing it to my supervisors attention and it’s going to effect my career. This is awful and exhausting and I’m really trying my best to be better.

Really need some support/advice right now. I’ve had multiple panic attacksbecause of everything that’s going on right now with this pandemic. I just really need some help but I know I’m not supposed to ask for reassurance. Everyone is panicking, even people w/out OCD which makes me panic even more. I honestly feel like I need to go to a psychiatric hospital or something, I’m just afraid of having a complete meltdown. I haven’t really been able to go anywhere such as grocery store, gas station, etc. bc I don’t want to touch anything.

I'm feeling like this is going to be long since I don't share this with anyone. My main problem is fear of contamination while urinating/defecating, I only go to the bathroom once a day, and it is affecting me severely. I stay in my room all day, so that the absence of any physical activity would save me the trouble of using the toilet. I come from Pakistan and we use traditional toilets where you have to crouch down to pee/poop, afterwards you wash with a pot of water using hands. This is my main problem, I feel so disgusting afterwards that I spend almost half an hour washing my hands with soap if I have long fingernails, and ten minutes if I've just cut the nails. I cut my nails after every five days. Though my nails grow slowly, I still cut them because I have this feeling that germs (/fecal particles) are in them. During washing my hands, I use soap under my nails too. And not just hands, after washing my hands I wash both my arms, feet, and face with soap for fear that fecal particles may have stuck there during flushing the toilet, and because the water splashes on my feet when I wash my nether regions. I don't see any other way, using paper towels is not an option, I find that more disgusting. Usually when I defecate, I feel so disgusting that I take a bath afterwards, I wash my nether regions with soap so vigorously that I get soap burns (the worse thing is that I have chronic anal fissures, soap irritates that area, but I just can't stop using it). My baths are almost three hours long, minimum 1.5 hours (I have improved a lot, since I used to have 6 hour long baths). I have improved due to medication, I started taking meds a year ago, I only visited the therapist twice, he was condescending and told me again and again how religion was going to help me, not therapy (weird, but okay). I took those meds for a month and then he changed the meds and they started to make my condition worse. I stopped taking meds. After months, my mother visited another therapist for me and I started taking the meds she prescribed. I felt great, I had no panic attacks, even during my exams, this was huge for me because I always get panic attacks during exams. But once a month I started having panic attacks again, everything else was fine (apart from the fact I avoided going outside and still only used the toilet once a day). I started having other problems then: abdominal pain, diarrhea/constipation, anxiety, panic attacks regularly while on the medication. I read about the medication and these were the side effects. I stopped taking those since my bathing time was also increasing. I know, one of my major problems is that I have absolutely zero contact with my therapist. But this is because of my first experience. Also my parents were there when I used to visit the therapist, (in the same room), so I couldn't possibly say all these things, I couldn't describe my specific fear. I just want a normal life where I can pee/poop whenever I want ? One of the reasons I never mention it to anyone is that I feel that this is hilarious.

I’m trying so hard to not feel anxious about the coronavirus but I feel like everyone around me is panicking. They’re canceling all of the sports at my school and they just cancelled prom and there’s talk about closing school for two weeks. I’m trying not to freak out but how can I not when I’m surrounded by panic??

Mental Rituals are sneaky...do you recognize that you do any of these? I found this online, and thought it was a great summary of the mental rituals many of us engage in: Mental Review – A person examines past memories and events to determine if the feared obsession occurred or to make sure there isn’t any historical evidence that supports the OCD fear. For example, a man with HOCD may mentally review all of his positive, heterosexual experiences to feel more certain about being straight. A woman may lie in bed mentally reviewing all of the physical actions she took when placing her infant in the crib, to ensure she didn’t suffocate her baby with the pillow. “I remember placing the pillow on the rocking chair before bringing the baby to her room.” An individual may also review his past thoughts and events to gain certainty he is not in denial of the existence of his sinister inner core. An example of a mental review process may look something like this, “My niece was over the other day and she sat on my lap. Why did I let her do that? What if I wanted her to sit on my lap because I am sexually aroused by her? I think she may have initiated the contact though. Yes, she got up off the floor and approached me. Did I pick her up or did she climb up herself? I’m pretty sure she climbed up herself. Okay, well what if it doesn’t matter that she climbed up herself? What if it is still creepy that I allowed it or that I didn’t ask her to get down sooner? I am the adult after all. Okay well many people allow kids to sit on their laps. Was I aroused during this? I think I felt something. Well I did let her down when I felt the tingling sensation. She said goodbye to me and so she must not have been traumatized by what I did.” Mental Checking – Checking the brain is just a non-physical way to ensure an OCD fear is not realized, and serves the same purpose as door or stove checking. A mental checklist may be recited to be sure all bases are covered. The OCD sufferer may bring up OCD thoughts intentionally for the purpose of checking if the thoughts still bother them. They may fear that the presence of uncertainty and anxiety mean that the thought is therefore true. The intensity of OCD thoughts and feelings can fluctuate from day to day and moment to moment. Because of the good feeling sufferers get when intrusive thoughts don’t produce as much anxiety or uncertainty as usual, they may compulsively “check” their reactions to thoughts to hopefully replicate this experience. The problem is continued checking becomes the reinforcement for OCD thoughts and feelings. Mental Rehearsal – A person spends time mentally preparing or rehearsing a future situation to determine it is safe for themselves or others in this compulsion type, which is the exact opposite of mental review where the past is examined. Examples include rehearsing a future medical appointment to be sure the all right medical information will be provided and all the right questions are asked to guarantee health. A groom with ROCD fears may mentally rehearse the upcoming wedding vows to examine if he feels strongly enough about each point to marry his future wife. A teacher may fear she is not adequately understood when she speaks and never feels she can explain things perfectly enough. She may engage in a mental ritual where she rehearses her lesson plans mentally to ensure the children succeed. Mental rehearsal might look something like this for someone suffering from ‘hit and run’ OCD, “I know Main Street has a lot of mothers pushing strollers in the afternoon. I will have to take another street since I will be going out for lunch today. Second Street might be less congested. How will I know if it is safe for me to drive? I can ask my co-worker to ride along with me and he will be able to hear if I hit someone.” Self-Reassurance – Just like reassurance-seeking from others, the purpose of self-reassurance is to mentally provide certainty that the feared outcome won’t occur or that one is not as bad or evil as the OCD leads them to believe. A person may tell themselves positive affirmations about being a good person when their OCD produces thoughts about harm, pedophilia, etc. They commonly run through a mental list of reassurances they have received from family, friends or professionals. An example off the self-reassurance process may look something like this, “My priest said I did not sin when I accidentally took home the song book from mass. But wait, did he know that I was the one who put it the bag and not my child? Yes, he told me that it didn’t matter if I did it or my child did it. I returned it to the church the next day and it was an accident. I am a good person. I’ve never stolen anything in my life!” Thought neutralization – This occurs when a person mentally replaces unwanted, unpleasant thoughts or images with pleasant or more neutral ones. A woman tries to imagine her child sitting in a field of flowers after having a thought about him getting kidnapped from the playground at daycare. Another woman brings in an image of herself beside her neighbor, a woman still healthy and vibrant at age 83, to neutralize an intrusive thought about potentially getting cancer. A young man with HOCD may imagine a sexy girl in a short dress after noticing an attractive man walk by him on the street. Prayer, mantras, and special phrases – A person may repeat a prayer or phrase to neutralize an intrusive thought. Clients with intrusive thoughts may say a prayer, “God is good,” or a compulsively say a phrase, “Good conquers evil,” following any panic-inducing OCD thought. The phrase, “It’s not me, it’s my OCD” is a good way to recognize and categorize intrusive thoughts as OCD brain blips that don’t need attention. It is a helpful reminder to avoid responding to OCD thoughts compulsively. Any phrase can become compulsive, however, if it is used repeatedly and excessively with the motive of convincing oneself with certainty that a bad outcome will not occur, seeking comfort or attempting to rid oneself of thoughts. Have awareness of your motive for using any phrase, even the helpful ones provided by your OCD specialist. Normal religious prayer may also be repeated compulsively to neutralize fears about having done the prayer incorrectly or that they have sinned by having inappropriate thoughts while praying. Solving and wishing – Sometimes people become less concerned with the possibility of acting out their thoughts and more concerned that the thoughts will plague them forever and will cause of life of misery. This has been referred to as “Obsessing about Obsessing.” Individuals often spend time “wishing” for the thoughts to go away and comparing their life to a life they would have if they weren’t obsessing. An OCD sufferer’s compulsions may also be focused on “solving” their OCD puzzle by excessively thinking about what they need to do to fix their OCD. These compulsions send a message that the OCD is more important than it is, and as a result makes OCD more powerful. Self-punishment – A person who has fears of being a bad person which results in excessive amounts of guilt may engage in a mental ritual called self-punishment. The person will abuse themselves mentally in order to feel they are not getting away with a crime that has gone unpunished. The self-abuse temporarily relieves some guilt because they feel they haven’t gotten away with something they ‘should’ be punished for. It also leads to a sense that they are on the same side of the population as people who hate killing, pedophilia and incest, etc. Just letting these ideas sit around is not acceptable. Obviously, putting oneself through this process is uncomfortable and often very depressing, but letting oneself off the hook does not feel like an option. “I am a horrible person for having these thoughts. What kind of good person would think about sex with his sister? This is really sick. I am a demented and depraved individual and don’t deserve to live!”

#throwbackthursday let's get some happy memories rolling even in the midst of the stress. Tell us about the best gift you ever recieved. For Christmas last year my brother gave me my very own free little library to paint and set up. I love reading and had been getting most of my books for free at a coffee shop. I was shaking when I saw what it was. After we painted it I got permission to put it in the lobby of my school. I see it every day when I go to class and it cheers me up

I posted about this last night but I’m just getting really worked up about it :( For the past months I have been mainly struggling with harm-suicidal OCD, with some existential and religious OCD as well. Once in a while I’ll get these super random disturbing (disturbing as in about people it shouldn’t be about) sexual images pop up but I’ve been able to sweep them away without it sticking. The other day however that came up while I was talking with my mom, about her. It was really distressing me. Thought that was the end of that but yesterday night I was remembering how distressing that was and the my mind starting to spiral on that. I was having a million questions and fears coming up such as “why did that bother me so much?” “Why would I think something like that about my own mom?” “Oh god is this some new topic that’s trying to stick??” “What if this gets so bad it’ll actually make me want to kill my self eventually?? (Referring back to the harm OCD) Etc. I was getting very worried but was able to go to bed. This morning it’s still bothering me a lot. My body is shaky and sweating, my back is hurting from tension, I feel like throwing up, my hands feel numb. I’m desperately thinking that I don’t want this to be a thing. I love my mom so much and HATE that those intrusive thoughts and images from the other day are hurting me this bad. Please help :( I keep reminding myself that it’s the OCD talking, not me. But its still very distressing.

How difficult is to study when you have OCD!

Can I speak to someone please? I just need help with this...

Does anyone else struggle with knowing which thought or voice is from god or if it’s just your ocd?

i got diagnosed with ocd and depression for the first time in my life ever today and i feel like i just manipulated my psychiatrist into diagnosing me with ocd because at first he was just going to diagnose me with generalized anxiety disorder and i said i thought it was ocd because of other symptoms i used to feel when i was younger. if i hadnt gotten diagnosed with ocd that would just make me feel like i was crazier than i already think i am so i needed him to validate my anxieties because i cant tell if i just have intrusive thoughts telling me i want to kill people or if i actually want to kill people anymore, it makes me so so scared and nervous. just typing this makes me nervous because i know how crazy it looks. i feel like i should be locked up. i hate feeling this uneasy.

Hey everyone. I’m in treatment now but I’m not sure how to tell my therapist about my groinal responses. I’m scared because I’m the only person at the facility with POCD and I’m afraid that she won’t know what I’m talking about. That’s probably not true because she specializes in OCD treatment, but I can’t shake the fear that she will think something is seriously wrong with me. Has anyone told their therapists about their groinal responses? What tips/encouragement would you have for me?

Where my ROCD people at? Anyone else constantly struggling to deal with thoughts that you’ve been unfaithful? Simply by checking someone out, staring, having thoughts, or even just straight up thinking about someone a lot (in an ocd way)? It makes it so difficult to be around people in the workplace and elsewhere. Would love to hear some people’s examples if you feel comfortable sharing.