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The recent thread on HOCD and people then coming to terms with their sexuality is so triggering/confusing ? it kinda counters everything you learn about how arousal and groinals don’t necessarily mean anything

I need some help. I finished therapy not too long ago, exhausted every ERP exercise me and my therapist could think of and I still feel like shit. I feel like a fucking freak. My therapist said that usually after therapy OCD just won't be there for a long time and it's still here. Infact it feels like I'm slowly regressing. Is this normal? I need to talk to people who have finished OCD therapy. I had therapy for 6 months with some of the most gruesome exercises. I don't have money for more therapy, I don't want to get on meds and I just want to be OK. I've been accused of being my worst fear on this app like 4 times so be really careful with what you comment, please.

I’m afraid to ask this, but is it common for OCD to present as a fear of wanting to do something bad? I’ve had thoughts like “maybe I do want to”, “just do it”, “that sounds like a good idea” and so on. These thoughts are unwanted, but it makes me really confused and scared because I used to dismiss thoughts by saying I know I don’t want to do that. Has anyone experienced this? I’m afraid to treat this as OCD because they feel more real..

For anyone who struggles with “just right” obsessions and a lot of compulsions are mental ruminations, how do you practice exposures? So far I’ve mostly talked to myself for exposures but it hasn’t felt strong enough, so I’m also considering recording myself and listening back to it (as much as I don’t want to listen to my own voice!) what do you guys do?

If the brain develops neural connections when we think of stuff repeatedly, wouldn’t ERP be counter intuitive and make people believe our thoughts? can someone explain how that works?

Anyone dealing with one thought for a long while? Like a month or 2?

my mind is making me feel so guilty for all the shit i put my boyfriend through when it comes to my mental health

I'm broken. I'm at the point of a panic attack, and I'm so angry I just want to smash everything in my room. I was getting better, everything started to make sense. I realized how these irrational fears made no sense and I was facing them, one by one, and winning, constantly proving to my mind she was wrong. My OCD grew branches on sexuality and spirituality. As a Christian and spiritualist, I thought that if I watched porn, I would bring some kind of low, negative energy to my computer and that would cause it to burn out some pieces. There is this whole vibrational thing going on, and also demons or evil spirits that are attracted when you do something of "low vibration". And for Christianity (at least on the majority of churches) masturbation, pre marital sex and most sexuality things are big no no's, as they fall under the category of promiscuity. With my computer being my only way of distracting myself, with games, TV shows, social media, home schooling and artworks, this became a no no for me. I got to the point of not masturbating at all for months. Any time a sexual urge would appear in my mind I would pray for God to take this temptation away from me, because I "knew" that somehow if I gave in, I would infect my computer with this low energy/vibration and cause it to malfunction/die/burn out some pieces. After a few therapy sessions and also talking to my mom about this (she is very open), both her and the therapist said one thing has nothing to do with the other. This was just another trick of my OCD to make me feel guilty and afraid. Okay, I decided to follow their advice. It made sense. I watched porn this morning, to try price to my mind she was wrong, and guess what happened in the evening? MY KEYBOARD STOPPED WORKING. Not just one keyboard, I had a reserve one and it also doesn't work! I've just spent hours trying to fix it but for nothing, and I have essays to finish for tomorrow, and it's holiday here, so I won't be able to find a technician. And then there is the weekend... But not only that... No. That would be too easy. My bedroom lamp also burned out AT THE SAME TIME, which stands just by the side of my computer. Now, what are the chances of that?! I had this lamp for several months (and also the keyboard) and never had a single problem. What the fuck is going on?! I'm laying on my bed in complete darkness wanting to punch something while I just laugh of this nonsense out of complete rage.. I'm broken. My emotions are all fucked up now. This will probably be another night with insomnia. I was facing my obsessions, putting them to test one by one to show my unconscious mind that these irrational fears were not real. I had to pray constantly and compulsively before each exam, several times, or I wouldn't perform well on it or God wouldn't bless me. I decided to stop, and put things to test. This week I did two exams and I didn't pray in any of them, not only once, and I got max grade. That was the light at the end of the tunnel. My fears were unfounded, they were beginning to crumble and I was starting to conquer them. But then this happens. What are the chances? Is it REALLY just coincidence?! I don't know, I'm just tired and I don't know where to go from here or how to proceed. Can anyone share a light?

I finished my 8 sessions through NOCD app. My anxiety, depression scores lowered by half. I'm more able to expose myself to my fears now. And I do not panic as much as I did when I started the therapy sessions. I would definitely recommend therapy to anyone here. It does take a lot of work on your own, and meds with therapy is much better. Consider it if possible.

I don't usually make a post like this, but I'm genuinely curious. I've read a few things/seen a few videos which sort of touched on it but I think only seen one post in here where somebody mentioned urges to do this. Confession-compulsions are pretty well known as being part of trying to relieve guilt and anxiety, and have links to perfection and moral OCDs. But who here has experienced false-confession-compulsions? I'd be interested to hear your experiences. I'm talking about something like when you have POCD and tell someone you're definitely a paedophile, or false memory OCD where you tell someone "I did a hit and run on the way home". Basically repeating whatever the OCD keeps telling you. I also know that statistically it's quite common for people to do it, sometimes people walk into police stations and claim to have committed a crime, also obviously happens a lot during interrogation (OCD pressure is a HELL of a lot like interrogation). I have responsibility/guilt/real event OCD and I've done it several times when I had been letting feelings dictate facts and didn't know that I had OCD, so I had reasoned the bit of it telling me "you're in denial, you did X/Y/Z" was my conscience. Yet even since finding out it was OCD it's been hard to fully pinpoint the reasoning behind it- I'm leaning towards thinking it was a combination of 1. To try to get guilt relief 2. To test whether saying it "felt right" 3. I just wanted some peace from the thoughts, like if I can just embrace that I'm an awful person maybe I can move on from that point. Of course it never actually worked. I think I probably got temporary relief for about 2 minutes before panicking about how I could've just said that. I've also had similar compulsions for years of when someone in the household says something like "who ate the last of the biscuits?" or "who moved my shoes?" or "did you leave this plate in here?", I always feel massive rushes of guilt and urges to say it was me when it wasn't. I even sound guilty when I deny it even though I didn't do the thing. Just wondering if anyone else has experiences to share? I've made a ton of progress on this with ERP/somatic processing in the face of guilt triggers, as well as working on codependency and complex trauma which have been factors in developing my type of OCD. I don't say the little things around the house were me when they weren't anymore, and even though it makes me feel guilty I try to stand my ground when something or somebody triggers guilt, rather than taking the feelings for facts or absorbing it as my truth.

Ugh my rocd is making me so sensitive to everything my bf says like I’ll ask for his advise and when he gives me his opinion My mind goes straight to “he’s being mean to you” “he didn’t say that nicely/ loving therefore he doesn’t love you” or especially when I talk to him when I’m anxious and he knows not to reassure me (my therapist told him not to) I get all these thoughts about him not caring like he used to in the beginning and that he’s mean now and ur going to have to leave. Does anyone have any tips on how to not take everything to heart and deal with this type of intrusive thinking I know it’s my ocd doing this and making me feel like he doesn’t care as one of its tricks, but it’s just this one is so much harder bc I always have seen my bf as such a sweet and caring person and now that’s clouded:/

Okay so my bf is everything I’ve ever wanted but for some reason when I see him all my brain does is criticize him...? saying he’s not cute or he’s not funny or he’s immature ect. ect. even though I know he’s now...? my brain aso downplays the good things and amplifies the bad...it’s really annoying and I don’t know what to do....I’m about to see him for the first time face to face in two months and I’m so nervous....

So I have been battling OCD for 7 months. I saw a psychologist for 15 weeks. I have recovered up to 80% then had a relapse but now I am starting to feel better again. But these are a few takeaways that have been a game changer for me that I think can help people with their recovery: 1) Acceptance - accept anything OCD throws at you. Anxiety, thoughts, urges, sensations, pain. You must accept all of this. As soon as you accept anything that is OCD things will start to get better. Don't push it away. 2) ERP - voluntarily think of things and do things that give you OCD and anxiety. You must voluntarily expose yourself to the fears and thoughts etc. If you keep having a thought the bothers you spend some time intentionally thinking about the thought and completely agree with it. 3) If you do the recovery work you will get better. But you have to do the work. Set aside 20-30 minutes a day and just concentrate on exposures. If you do the work you will recover. If you don't do the work you won't recover it's that simple. If you have a trouble some thought right this second agree with it 100%. Then take the thought and do and exposure with it. Intentionally think of the thought for 5 minutes. Make sure the thought gives you anxiety. Tomorrow the thought will be less I guarantee it. Just keep at the exposures its the only way to get better. ❤ If you fall down today pick yourself back up tomorrow its that simple.

i’m trying to write my hierarchy to do erp correctly but the thing is i’m a bit confused. my obsession come into my head usually by my triggers and that could be like seeing the word bisexual or gay or seeing a pretty girl. and then i get that wave of anxiety and the thoughts come in. or i can be sitting and i get the thought that “i’ll never have a bf” or “i’m gonna meet a girl and she’s gonna change me” and so if anything should i do a hierarchy for the things that trigger me the most instead what i obsess about? cus i cant pin point what i get anxious about sometimes, it’s just the anxiety is there and i know why cus the thoughts are at the back of my head.

Does anyone else find it hard to open up to your loved ones about how you feel? Is it necessary to tell your family what you think about, or is it okay for them to just be aware of what's going on?

Hi! I was recently diagnosed after some deep thinking into my past- realizing I’ve had OCD for as long as I can remember. I’m having a difficult time accepting I still have it because my obsessions and compulsions don’t “fit” into a category like they did when I was a kid. When I was a kid it’s obvious now: -Constant fear that I was dying of cancer or another illness and couldn’t/wouldn’t tell anyone -fear of “germs” or “dead skin cells” that I would make into a joke -any time I traveled by plane I would pray the same prayer for sometimes hours at a time because I was convinced a terrorist would hijack the plane -counting down from 10 in areas like malls, movie theaters, etc. bc I “knew” a bomb would explode and we would all die when I finished So clearly I had a deep fear of death and everything I did revolves around that Now as an adult I feel guilty even saying I have it. (Even though the first time I even realize I had it as a kid, which seems obvious now, was this year). But everything I do fits into a different category. A big part to me is that the stuff I do seems less extreme than as a child because now I logically know I’m not dying of cancer. For example as an adult: (I’m 23) -peeing 5x or more before bed in a 15 minute period -still have the germ thing but not to the degree I had it as a child so I’m like is it still a thing and I can just hide it well? I will wash my hands while inside multiple times despite doing nothing to dirty them but not like 20x -absolutely CANNOT fall asleep unless my nighttime stuff is right (earplugs, lotion on hands, thighs can’t touch, can have my arm circulation being cut off, and others) I guess what I’m saying is so often I feel like “well maybe i don’t actually have it now. I clearly had it as a kid but not now! Now I think I’m just weird!” I have this fear that I accidentally tricked my therapist and psychiatrist to diagnose me? So, does anyone else experience this? Who had childhood OCD especially?

A little clarification on my (and many others’) experience with HOCD. Yes, “I don’t care what my sexuality is, I just wanna know for sure” makes the case for HOCD stronger and more ‘qualified’ sounding- however that is not the only HOCD can manifest. Saying that, can trigger some HOCD sufferers who are simply weary of identifying as lgbtq (an understandable fear). Do NOT get me wrong however. I would do ANYTHING for my friends who are bi and gay. I love them SO dearly and will fight for them for forever. Lgbtq folk who struggle with their identities, and not being loved by the people who are supposed to love them no matter what- INSPIRE me with their resilience. Their strength. Their confidence to live out who they are to the fullest extent. I watched the movie Love, Simon and cried like a baby, and am incredibly excited that Pete Buttigieg is the USA’s first openly gay presidential candidate. However this does not discount the struggles that many lgbtq people face. So many are not accepted by their families, have extremely difficult life transitions, and agonize over coming out. These are not things that people willingly want to go through. Is is completely unreasonable for someone suffering with HOCD to also fear these things? As an example (I’m black)- there is a difference in saying that you wouldn’t want to be black because you believe we are less than, versus saying that you wouldn’t want to struggle with the same things that we do. Just because you understand the trials and tribulations that black people go through in this country and would not want that for yourself, does NOT mean you are racist. It simply means you understand that there is pain. And no human willingly wants pain. Although these are exact things lgbtq people have to deal with (making HOCD distinctly different from most other pure o themes because it becomes impossible to differentiate us from people actually struggling with their identity) it shouldn’t be ignored that HOCD sufferers fear them too! Why wouldn’t we? This is such a deep rooted issue for sufferers because, where you could say someone who is suffering with POCD would never hurt a child simply because their thoughts horrify them (and a real pedophile wouldn’t be scared of their thoughts) you can’t say the same for HOCD. For some of us HOCD people who have these specific fears, it’s even more difficult to trust that what we have is ocd and it’s even more difficult to explain to someone else that what we have is ocd. I’ve had different themes of OCD throughout my life and the obsessive and compulsive behaviors have been the same, but this one makes me feel like I don’t even get to qualify. What a mind-fuck for us, huh? Also understand, this definitely isn’t my only fear. I have been attracted to, day-dreamed about, and desperately wanted to be with one gender my entire life. Having a husband was something I’ve wanted for so very long. It IS a part of who I am and what I want. It’s distressing to think this could all be lost one day. To have these ‘dreams’ stolen by obsessive thoughts, and be made to believe that it was all a lie- is just as hard to deal with as any other form of ocd. When I envision the life that ocd is telling me I “actually” want- I’m filled with sadness. How do any of the rest of you deal with your ocd telling you that you want (or want to do) something- that you actually don’t? I know this can be controversial, and truly truly hope I do not offend anyone- lgbtq friends, I truly do love you. I just want everyone to know that what we can struggle with within each theme, can be very different- but none are any less important or qualified than the others. If you truly disagree and want to share, please be kind. I am just as fragile as a lot of us on here. I’m suffering too.

Does anyone else get tired from other people's problems? I'm just so exhausted having to talk people down from suicide, or comfort them about shit situations. I probably sound like a bad person because of this, but in very empathetic. It affects my mood and makes me upset and suicidal, too. But I cant just tell someone to fuck off, or go to someone else. That's mean. I want to be there for people but I cant handle it. Idk what to do.

I’m really worried I’ve been doing my ERP exercises wrong on the app):

So what is an example of ERP treatment for this sub type of OCD does anybody know?