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18+ only please, nsfw talk My ocd is giving me semi false memories. Semi not bc I know what’s true and what’s not. I just feel sick and I’m so depressed and scared that I haven’t showered in days and I’m awake all night. I don’t normally sleep till 9 am and wake up at 9 pm. And then I end up feeling terrible all night. Always ending up in a crisis. My pocd is bothering me because I age regress and I feel I can’t explain bc no one understands what age regression is which makes me wanna rip my hair out. I just remember times I used to come home from work ready to take a bubble bath and regress but instead I would compulsively masturbate in the bathtub every time and I know I wouldn’t be regressing during those times but also I feel disgusting bc my intention would originally be to relax and regress after work every time and I fucking hate it. I feel sick and I always only masturbate compulsively. Then I would always rush to ask reassurance from my ex best friend and she knows all my secrets so I’m scared of her spilling them. What if her reassurances weren’t true? What if she lied and does think I’m a bad person pr a disgusting person or a pedo. I don’t know I just wanna disappear a lot but I can’t so all I do is sleep. No one understands. It’s something every night. I need to shower and I can’t even do that. I just hate my life. I feel like I’m a horrible person and I don’t know. I really need someone right now I feel so alone.

"[zOCD] false memory" TW: Zoophilia OCD, personal life (masturb-tion) (F, 20s) I'm so sorry for mentioning this again. I just need to let it out of my chest and organize my ideas. Like I mentioned in the previous post, I have a new event I'm obsessed which is: well, you know that dogs like to smell our private parts right? Well, I think I've always pushed her away whenever she did that. She usually tries to sniff my butt and I do not let her but : * I'm worried that I've let her sniff the "front"* (but I don't remember) A little back story, I started masturb- in late 2016 which made me started feeling like a pervert. In 2017, I started developing sexual themed ocd (zOCD, Incest OCD, pOCD). Because of that, 2017 and 2018 became a blur to me - I don't remember much. My therapist said that masturb-tion is what triggered all of this... I felt so bad for doing it, that I started to believe that I did wrong things in the past I don't remember about - and this is one of them. Moving on to the issue at hand, I don't think I ever let her do it! Before 2017, I always remember pushing her away so she couldn't either sniff my butt (which was the most usual) or my "front" because it made me feel worthless and dirty... I hate it. But, since I started masturb-, I felt more aware of groinal responses and arousal and had more thoughts about sex. And so I'm afraid something like this happened... I'm afraid I let her sniff the "front" for some sort of sexual gratification (while fully clothed of course). I don't want to believe this is true! I just don't! This isn't me! I'm not a pervert! I want to cry... My brain keeps coming up with reasons for why this maybe happened. It tells me what I've told you above: "I've become a pervert and so I let her do it for some touch" I have the vague memory of her sniffing and I just added the imagination of me letting her and liking it. OCD is great, huh? (I want to cry) I don't want to think it's true! I'm battling this "idea" and trying to find incongruities. - it's not very probable that I changed ideals just because I started masturb- - I don't truly remember this happening. It's just fear of not remembering well 2017 and 2018 - I've always felt disgusted when she did that to other people. - I don't remember getting sexual gratification (that I enjoyed) by anyone (including pets). - if it happened, wouldn't I (excuse my words) "open my legs more" to get more gratification? (and I know this didn't happened!) I don't know what else to say... Please talk with me? Share your opinions? I- feel so Gross... And I'm so afraid this happened. I think my fucking zOCD happened because of the constant sexual jokes my dad makes about my dog. I can't look at her sometimes without having disturbing thoughts.

can you be against something now, that you used to be okay with?

Hey ! Anyone struggling with checking OCD?

Hello everyone! I am not the one having OCD, but my boyfriend does, and it is combined with depression. He hides it pretty well (he doesn't want to make me or any other person sad) and acts like everything is normal most of the time (makes everyone laugh etc. - like many other depressed people) even though I know he suffers a lot. We know each other on a very deep level and I am the only person who he has told about having OCD and depression, and I just want to help him as much as I can. The thing is that he has a lot of negative thoughts most of the time and if he doesn't do something, for example, claps his hands 8 times, he believes 100% something bad is going to happen to me, like I'm gonna get hurt or something. At the moment it is not possible for him to talk to specialized OCD therapist as there is not one in the area where we live in, but I am confident that I can help him or, even better, guide him, so he helps himself, so that he, at least, suffers less from this. What advice would you give me? I know that I shouldn't be too pushy or telling him what I think he should do. I just want him to know that I'm there for him and that, even though I cannot understand what he's going through, I can at least educate myself about OCD (I've seen some self-help books you posted here) and talk to him about what I've read, because I think it is better to talk about it rather than him hiding it and suffering in silence.. This is how I thought I could help him: When I see or when he tells me that compulsions are happening or going to happen, I'm gonna let him know that he is not going through this alone and that he can trust me. Then I will ask him to tell me what kind of thoughts are going through his mind at the moment, and if he, for example, tells me that he thinks something bad is gonna happen to me I'm gonna tell him to try not to do any compulsive behaviour and try to, no matter how hard it is at the moment, accept that thought and repeat after me: You are safe. I am safe. We are always going to be safe. Only good things happen to us and always will. I believe that if this is done constantly that it will make his OCD more managenable (and depression as well). I would really appreciate any comment, expert or from a person having a similar experience that my boyfriend has. I really want to help him. Thank you! ❤

Anyone ever experience existential OCD? This is a fairly new theme for me and I’m having a hard time with it.

okay my incest ocd is forming into “what if this affects my relationship with my boyfriend and i have to leave him because i have to satiate my “desire” to perform incest (even though that’s completely against my morals) and i’ll be completely consumed by the incest and the past mistakes i’ve made” i hate this so much

Porn and HOCD.... thoughts?

I found this on reddit and it's really helpful for my female HOCD sufferers Credits: @bakesoda17 "It’s so annoying (rant) (TW for talking in detail about my sexuality) I fear that I may be bi even though I know I want nothing to do with the same sex. I only like men and men only, but my mind is making it seem like being with a man sexually won’t be enough for me. I admit I’ve never really stopped looking for reassurance even when I was doing better as I had said in my last post. I guess I’ve been trying to keep reassuring myself that I really am straight and am attracted to men physically. The thing is, I know I am attracted to men. I really think that guys can be so beautiful and hot, but society doesn’t really train us (women and I guess gay men as well) to see them in a sexual way. Society has always sexualized women and has always made us to be the objects of desire (the prizes to be won) instead of men. I think it is because of this and the fact that I was sexually abused as a kid and introduced to porn that way that I’ve been able to become aroused by women’s bodies, on a screen at least. In real life women have never done anything for me and I really don’t think they ever will, but even then my mind tries to convince me that because of my porn habits one day I will actually want to be with a woman sexually. And I do actually find men’s bodies attractive and even arousing to some extent, but when watching porn it’s always been easier for me to get off to looking at the woman instead of the man, and this is what has always bothered me. I’m still a virgin at 21 and I’m afraid that this and (consequently) my HOCD will affect my relationships and sex life one day. I think porn has already done well enough damage to me as I can’t even feel much down there when I masturbate anymore, and porn gets old to me so fast. I don’t know how those people who are addicted to it and watch it for hours at a time do it. I used to be able to get aroused a lot when I was a teenager and would watch porn a few times a week and never really had a problem getting wet, but ever since 2017 (the same year I first got HOCD) I’ve been having these issues. I think this is what has been making me feel less aroused to the stuff that actually aligns with my sexuality (such as solo male videos) than I normally would be, but of course, I can still easily get off to female focused stuff and it disgusts me. I wish this wasn’t me. It makes me feel like I truly could be bi and I’ve even had people on this subreddit tell me that before since apparently “it’s not normal” to be that aroused to something that supposedly isn’t your sexuality. And another thing that bothers me a lot are the people who always go around on the internet and especially on YouTube videos I’ve seen trying to spread the information about that supposed “study” that found that all women are either bi or lesbian. I truly don’t believe that is the case, but I nonetheless get triggered when people try to argue that there’s no possible way that any woman is truly straight. It’s obvious these people have an agenda and are most likely men hoping their lesbian fetish becomes a reality. I’ve also seen some lesbians themselves try to argue that, but it’s obvious as to why. Pride month is this month and I get that this is probably a huge trigger for majority of us with HOCD, but I honestly haven’t been triggered by it so far. What I do get triggered by is what I just talked about and these social competitions where people try to argue which of the sexes is the more attractive one. I hate when people talk about that, it’s just hugely triggering. Of course people always say that women are the more attractive of the 2 genders, but I myself don’t even agree with that. It’s crazy to me because a lot of women agree to that and I think that’s what only continues to fuel the rumors of that supposed “study” being true. I honestly believe that the only reason women are seen as more attractive is because that’s what society has been pushing on us for so long. And I get that there is probably a real important reason for that (reproduction), but it’s still really fucking annoying. I think that if society would sexualize men just as much as they did women then I probably wouldn’t even be like this right now."

I'm having a hard time figuring out the difference between a trigger, obsession & exposure. I enter my obsession, sometimes I don't even know what the trigger is, but then I'm not sure what to do for an exposure. The response prevention part makes sense to me though.

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling lately with something I never have before- doubting my Christian Faith. I’ve struggled with religious OCD for a while now so I guess it makes sense that this would eventually happen, but it’s still super difficult. I spent the past couple of days constantly google searching evidence for God, Jesus being God, why the Bible is true, etc., but every time I find something that makes me feel better, I keep looking and find someone who doesn’t believe in God arguing against the point that was made. I talked with my therapist today and I’m working on cutting down the compulsive googling, however I’m struggling with the thoughts still being stuck in my head that say I don’t actually believe in God and that it’s just something I’m telling myself. I’m mostly scared that if I don’t keep on reminding myself why I believe in God, I will eventually stop believing. If anyone is currently struggling with this or has overcome it and has any advice or stories of hope, I would greatly appreciate it.

another intrusive shameful memory popped up. a couple years ago while my family was staying in a hotel, i put the covers over me and took nudes under the covers while my brother was in the room. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED literally he didn’t see a thing and didn’t even know what i was doing. i just feel so gross about it cause he was in the room while i did it.

Someone help I’m scared and alone ?

I feel like the real event that lead to my anxiety and intrusive thoughts is too horrible of a mistake to classed as real event ocd. I only remembered the event about 4 months ago, it happened when I was 13 and I have no idea why it hasn’t bothered me for the last seven years. For the most part I genuinely think that I have ocd because I started experiencing unwanted thoughts since I remembered the event and have been put on medication for depression. Even though I can see that my behaviour lines up with ocd, I don’t feel like the guilt is excessive given the situation. Whenever I see anyone talk about their real event it always seems so tame compared to mine and it makes me feel like a horrible person.

Hello, I joined here like seconds ago and started reading everything on community page and what can I say - at least we are in this together. But I really feel alone sometimes and I feel like I'm crazy or like the only one on this planet with such thoughts. As long as I can remember myself i was always scared. Not like heights, physical things or going on a crazy adventure. I was and still am a pretty adventurous person. I was scared mostly when I was alone. For example, when I was younger ghosts or something like that. And I always thought that I will grow out of it. I'm 20 now and I'm still scared of something bigger than me, I feel like something strange will happen if I dont do things that my mind tells me. There was a time when It got better and I wasn't so afraid, but for the last couple of months it's been the worst. I cant even go out for a run because I know that when I get home I will have to go through the hall way to my flat and im scared. Almost every night my boyfriend walks me to my door. I feel stupid and ashamed. I dont know what to do. I cant control these thoughts. While writing this I had like 5 of them. In the evening its always worse. Is there anyone like me? I really feel lost and alone..

So I just learned about romantic and physical bisexuality and I’m a little worried. I like guys and always have (though I doubt it a lot) and would prefer to have sex with one. I’d want to marry one too. But I find women sexually attractive. I just don’t wanna have sex with them. I don’t think I’ve ever found one romantically attractive either. My TOCD plays into this a lot too saying if I were a guy, I would want to have sex with a woman, which is hard. Like, I don’t want to have sex with a woman as a female, but I would as a guy? Idk, I think too much! I just worry I have internalised biphobia and I’m afraid to come out. I’d be worried my friends would think of me differently. But at the same time, I don’t even know if I am bi so why would I have to come out? It’s just weird because OCD is playing into it but I’m worried it’s also partly not OCD.

Hi there.. i have been dating a guy for 4 months and i think i lied about my work position .. i work with a company and the director refers to me as his assistant and leaves everything in my hands when he is not around. I do part of the director's work. I told this guy i have been dating that I'm an assistant director since everyone refers to me as the director's assistant and I'm not an assistant that makes him coffee or book him meetings. As i said i do part of the director's work and help in a few but not all the decisions of the company. And now I'm feeling guilty and thinking of every lie i ever told to anyone before and feel shameful. Can someone give some tips.of how i can cope pls ?

I can’t do this anymore. My ocd convinces me I’m a racist, a psychopath, a weirdo. I hate myself so much I don’t even know if I have ocd or I’m just a terrible person. I need help and I can’t get any.

I believe I’ve developed a new theme about worrying about having contracted HIV. At least 3 if not 4 months ago my penis touched the rim of the bowl at my college dorm bathroom and since then I haven’t stopped worrying that I may have contracted the virus. No matter how irrational the fear is, and how unlikely that scenario is, I can’t stop reading on symptoms and WebMD. I donated blood recently and haven’t gotten an email saying they used my blood yet which has made me worry. I know they test for it

Can't get a hold on whether I did something or not. So I go like: if you accidentally did it, forgive yourself and move on. So did I do it? No, I didn't do it. So there's nothing to forgive and I have been worrying over nothing. But if I did it? Nonstop!