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Lord I can't take this :(. Today my thoughts feel so real, I literally remember a few days ago I was obsessing over guys and I was literally imagining stuff and it felt so good but now my anxiety is back with full force. I feel helpless and confused just like I was initially but this time I'm 100× more helpless and confused. It feels like ive lived my whole life as a lie that I only love guys. Somebody told me my childhood crushes don't matter and what matters is what I like now. Like literally I can't tell what I like now cause they got me more confused. I don't want girls romantically or sexually but my brain is making me think of phrases and things that make me feel like I do want it. I also developed magical thinking ocd from all of this :(

So I am slowly, slowly accepting this but I'm struggling. When i used to watch porn i came across lots of daddy-teen type roleplay themes in porn. I remember role play scenes of like "step dad" or "mums boyfriend" and things of that nature. I am aware it was acting between adults and everything is consensual, but there is still an unethical nature to roleplaying such fantasies in my opinion, things like sneaking into her room etc. I really do get that it's fake, but it doesn't seem right to me to allow fantasies like that to exist. I have a problem coping with memories of scenes like this that I saw in the past. I dont even watch porn anymore, I havent in like 2 years. I also remember some scenes with what seemed like men filming with prostitutes, and I cant help but wonder if the women had all the rights that a porn actress would have? What if they didn't? What if they didnt sign contracts etc before? I know I'm thinking far too deeply into it. This is why I find porn a disgusting industry, and I'm sad that as a young teenager I found porn and regularly went on it, because it's so unethical and I feel that I'll never be able to wipe the shame of it away. Memories of these kinds make me ruminate. There is no clear answer, I cannot be sure of anything so all I feel is shame and ruminate feeling like a bad person for ever viewing porn in the first place.

I got the intrusive thought "What if you unknowingly ran into your kitchen, pumped soap in your hands & rubbed it on your TV". My compulsions now are trying to figure out if I did that, looking for potential soap rubbed on the TV. How would you apply ERP to this scenerio? I'm confused about how it works to break the cycle.

I really try to refrain from posting a lot but this time I have to at this point my anxiety feeling is gone and all that remains is the thoughts still bugging me constantly and turning everything sexual and it bothers me so much, I honestly feel like it’s me in denial like 100% I’ve lost my identity and my heterosexuality, everything was simpler a year ago this day and this was never a thought in my mind at all, my mind is convincing myself it’s not ocd and I’m actually gay and I’m not getting the same anxiety reaction I usually get and my groinals responses are off the chain right now I can’t go anywhere without getting these impulses. I wish i could go back and time and stop myself from going to the party where this all started and I was high ash and this thought comes out of no where.

Am I the only person who is absolutely CONVINCED that I don’t have OCD and am actually attracted to the things in my mind?

Hello everyone on here. Just wanted to vent a bit about those intrusive negative thoughts and how is the best way to deal with them? I try to ignore them and pay no kind to them but it can be difficult. SAMSON

Hi guys ! This is my first post , I suffer from Harm OCD , POCD, and currently ROCD, lately it’s been themed around harm , constantly feeling like I’m going to harm one of my family members or fiancé, which scares me to be around people because I get urges and it feels like I’m going to do something bad so I avoid people and objects, it’s horrible. Side note I’ve been feeling like my drive to be affectionate and make out with my fiancé is not something I want anymore. Sometimes I feel I want to be all over him and sometimes I’m just like not in the mood especially if he eats something bad. I overthink and nit pick everything in my head and it makes me think what if he’s not the one. I’ve never been treated this good in my past and always have been cheated on and he puts me on top of the world and puts be first and I constantly wonder if I’m attracted to him anymore and it’s causing me a great deal of anxiety, can anyone help? I’m brand new to NOCD

freaking out because i can’t tell the difference between liking male attention vs. actually liking a man. whenever a guy i like likes me back, i become totally turned off and even grossed out. liking women doesn’t sound or feel right either..... but it’s just so torturous feeling like i don’t know my “true” self, or that i could be this far in denial. i don’t want to have to constantly question and doubt and analyze and “check” anymore. i’m so exhausted. nothing feels right. i’m so jealous of people who never have to stress about this. i also don’t get why the thought of being a lesbian is legitimately gut-wrenching and TERRIFYING. it shouldn’t be a big deal, but my brain blows it way out of proportion every time. i wish i could just have certainty. i just want to feel normal; or like i’m not somehow lying to myself. sorry for the rant; just wanted to express my thoughts to people who might understand.

Honest answers please, but did paying for a therapist really change your life for the better? Im stuck between paying for one or just saving my money and dealing with it by myself.

Hi guys, I’m really struggling right now, and I would appreciate comments. I’ve been commenting a lot on all of your posts, and I hope you’re all doing better. Unfortunately, my POCD and Sexual Orientation OCD are scaring me to the point that I don’t think I deserve anything in life. Through adolescence, I would get aroused thinking about my pediatrician appointments, which led me to watch pediatric YouTube videos in my teen years. (They were of all ages, some/a lot my own.) Once I realized how bad it was, I stopped, but my POCD is roaring so loud. I don’t want to touch a child, I don’t want to hurt a child, I avoid TV shows that trigger me. I am gay, and I struggled with HOCD in freshman year of college. As soon as I came out, I believed I was straight—and I HATED that. I didn’t want to be straight. I got groinals, just as I do with this fear. I got through that first one, and it should be an indicator that my POCD is also fake, but I just read somewhere that someone came out as a real P and attracted to women as well. I’M SO SO SCARED that’s me even tho I don’t want to be attracted to either. I’m just terrified because my “type” is younger looking guys (the term in gay language is “Twink,” I am one myself.) I’m not into body hair or super muscle men, or men much older than me. I feel like I can’t even enjoy my type now cuz they maybe “look” like kids. Also I’m having memories of scrolling through Instagram accounts as late as last year! (I think?) looking for beach pictures?? I didn’t “act” on it, and I don’t think I was actively looking, maybe it came up randomly on recommended because I watch certain shows on TV, but I don’t WANT THAT AND I CAN’T BELIEVE IT HAPPENED AND I HOPE IT WAS SUBCONSCIOUS I really don’t want to hurt anyone, I avoid it at all costs, I wanna blame it on false memories, I just don’t know ? I’ve never hurt a child. For reference I’ve also had perfectionism OCD, ROCD, fear I was trans, etc. (I even thought I WANTED to be trans, but one day I realized that wasn’t true.)

On a somewhat related note: has anyone here dated/been in a relationship with a partner that has OCD. I'm starting to realize just how important it is to me (as someone who has never been in a relationship) to eventually be with someone who will understand this condition. Humanity though, being what it is, tells me that I will only find that in someone else who sufferers from the same condition. Is a relationship between two people with mental illness (and a similar one, at that) possible?

OFF TOPIC I have a chronic digestive condition that makes me call in sick to work a lot. I feel such intense guilt when I call in sick and I’m always worried of losing my job because of it. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this? I feel unwell today but I’m scared to call in sick..

I feel an intense need to be sure I find crimes immoral. My OCD tells me if I’m not 100% sure I find a crime morally despicable it means I will probably do it. For example, my reasoning for not wanting to hurt children is because “it’s wrong” but I don’t even know what that means. I know I don’t want to do it but I don’t know WHY. I feel such a strong need to know WHY it’s wrong and I’m scared I don’t know that reason! Has anyone else experienced this? I’m so worried

I want to ask the girls who are dealing with HOCD: do any of you deal with social anxiety and/or have low self-confidence. Wondering if this one of the causes for why I feel uncomfy with men sometimes. I feel like a lesbian after todays panic attack, and feeling “straight” now feels forced.

I just saw a video making a joke out of OCD. Of course it was about that “OCD” that everyone claims to have where they like having things organized. A lot of the comments were like “lol, this video is how I learned what OCD is!” And “this is so funny!” Does anyone watch Good Mythical Morning? It was an old video that Rhett and Link made. They just posted it on their Instagram. I just feel really crushed, like everyone laughing at the video is taking advantage of my suffering or something. Can anyone relate?

how am i supposed to live my life as the person i wanna be today when i’ve done such shameful things in the past

Can depersonalization/dissociation make you feel like your a robot or your not concious

can somebody please give me guidance on this: I saw a quote saying "don't take life too seriously, no one makes it out alive" and i immediately thought "so what's the problem with my fear? i can commit it?" and now i'm stressing out. i don't want to commit my fear. i don't want to be it. but anything that relates to "being yourself" or "just live life how you want it" gives me anxiety because my brain automatically is like "okay. so it's okay. you can commit your fear. and everything will be okay." i've become so empathetic of people since i've had ocd. i forgive everyone, to the point where it's not healthy. like my friend and i were talking about sex trafficking, and she said how they should be killed for what they've done. and all i could think was "but, no one should die for their mistakes..." and i don't know if my mindset on these things is good... or i'm taking this empathic thing too far. i just want everyone to be happy. and to not feel bad for who they are, yet here i am, stressing about if i am my fear. i cant tell if me forgiving myself is causing my ocd to tell me "you think it's okay to commit your fear." ... i'm still being very empathetic towards everyone. even people who have committed serious crimes.

Hi guys. I’m struggling because I obsess over things I feel I’ve done wrong and I fear my boyfriend will break up with me over them. I never cheated on him but it’s things like responding to a compliment wrong, feeling like I said something flirtatious when I wasn’t trying to seem flirtatious. I’ve told my boyfriend about some of my fears and he hasn’t broken up with me but my compulsion is to tell him my fears so he can reassure me that the thing I’m obsessing about isn’t a deal breaker. However it’s really not healthy for my relationship to tell him everything I feel I did wrong and I feel like I have to tell him every little detail of every conversation that bothers me. Does anyone else have thoughts like this?

The thing I struggle with in my HOCD recovery is the acceptance part. I’ve seen people say that a key part of their recovery was accepting their attraction to the same sex, but knowing they can still choose to be with a person of the opposite sex. But the whole concept of my ocd is this NEED to know that I’m not attracted to the same sex. For example, for someone with POCD, surely their recovery wouldn’t include accepting their attraction to children but knowing they can choose not to act on their intrusive thoughts, the whole concept is fear of this attraction. Would love if anyone knows more about this!