Welcome to
the NOCD Community

How could thousands of different thoughts in different non related types be ocd

How can I stop checking things? I’ve been up all night making sure I haven’t accidentally sent any messages or posted any pictures to social media sites and I’m still getting thoughts that I have or what if I have and it’s really hard to not check. Any tips on how to stop this cycle?

HELP So I’ve started imagining situations as a form of a compulsion, when I masterbaiting over porn( women only) I have to imagine what it would be like with a man to check if I like it more and each time I do it the less disgusted I feel and the more aroused, what if this just means I’m fucking gay, it’s like every time I master-bait I have to check and it’s like I’m getting addicted and my hocd is telling me I’m using it as a excuse to wank over the gay thoughts, but I always cum over the women in the porn, how can I beat this shit, Like I’ve started having dreams about girls again but my hocd has taken away my satisfaction, so I’ve been seeing if the gay thoughts bring me satisfaction but they really don’t, I don’t get this I feel so sick after and so unhappy, I just know gay ain’t for me but I don’t know how long I can fight these thoughts I feel like these compulsions have turned me gay, like the constant imagining, Also when I try to imagine a man having sex with me like as erp it’s always a girl, like my brain knows I want to be with a girl but this shit won’t go

Back in November i did LSD and ever since then i just noticed that i have a lot of bad thoughts and have been doing actions repeatedly for no reason over and over the way i want them to be even though i know it's already fine the way it is but i still need to continue to check it idk I tried asking my dad to go see someone about it but he said " doctors need to worry about actual sicknesses " and it just made me feel like trash and that it's all in my head.

Quick rant It’s crazy in middle school and high school I was known as that Fboy who would cheat on his girlfriends and get with so many girls, and now have hocd. It started out so stupidly too. Me and my girlfriend made a fake tinder with her pictures and started “bullying” guys calling them simps and whatnot. I had fun w that, and when she went home, I kept doing it. After a few hours of doing it, in my head I was like “is it gay that I like this?” While I think this is what started it, I could be wrong, i have trouble remembering things now. I know that I’d avoid making eye contact with guys, otherwise I’d think that they thought I was gay. If there was an attractive guy I’d get anxious and tried not to look at his face. And then after smoking weed, I drove my friend home, and I was feeling really anxious, and when I looked at him, I got the thought “do I wanna kiss him? Should I?” And then I got anxious I thought “why would I think that” but the next day I completely forgot. That happened when I was high like 3 times, and once when I was on lsd. This was all in the span of one year. What makes me reluctant to say this was hocd, was that at the time I didn’t obsess too much about the thoughts. I was too busy obsessing about my weight I guess. I had become obsessed at that with not eating and going to the gym and I became depressed because even though everyone told me I was skinny, I thought I was fat. Then in January of this year, I got the flu for a week. After a week, I got better and BAM. I got the thought “i think I’m gay, should I tell my parents” and I got an anxiety attack. I never consciously made that decision, nor did I put any thought into it, so I was confused as to why I thought that. After that I became depressed and anxious. I quit my job because we got a new worker who was gay and I just kept comparing myself to see if I was similar to him, and then I remembered the friend I had the gay thoughts about works there. Then I dropped out of the semester because it was too hard to concentrate. Fast forward to now, I’m a hell of a lot better, I’d say 75% better. I still get things that bother me, and make me overthink like seeing attractive men in movies, or seeing anything related to my friend. I’m thinking about doing one of those calls with one of the therapists on this app to see if they could help with that 25% I need, to feel 100% like I used to.

How are you guys.. first post here.. been dealing with this terrible condition for a couple years now.. I went to therapy a while back and half assed it (excuse my french) and it got me by enough to live an OK life. Eventually a year or so went by and some vacation triggered it all about 4 weeks ago and I have been a mess since. Not sure what i’m even going through to be honest. Just constantly feeling irritable and constantly having thoughts and i’m at the point where i’m sitting there emotionless but i’m freaking out inside. I am scared I am losing my sense of rationality, the other night I had a bad headache which sent me into a spiral of a panic attack and I thought I was going to lose my mind and harm everyone.. I had to take a pill to calm me down and leave the house because my feelings were so intense in that moment I couldnt tell if I wanted to harm or not. Best way to put it is i constantly feel stuck and doomed and even when I try accpentance i cant shut my damn mind up. I could go on for hours about my ocd, my brain is way to good for its ownself.... constantly a step ahead to ruin my life.. as i type things like this it says to shut up and not get help bc i want this and i will harm.. or when i go to my appointments i get urges to tell the guy to shutup and i get thoughts of leaving.. everything my true core wants.. i think the opposite and it drives me nuts even tho i show no emotion about it , cant think about it all right now as i think of more of my issues i will make another post.. thanks.. also i am such a nice person but i get thoughts all the time that make me feel like im ACTUALLY bad or an asshole

What are some common/uncommon misconceptions about OCD and OCD recovery that you wished more people knew about?

Anyone wake up with intense anxiety? I can’t sleep at night. The minute I wake up I’m consumed with anxiety to the point I’m crying. It’s been like this for two weeks and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted.

I looked up psychopath symptoms and it definitely didn't help. I feel disconnected from myself, others and even reality a little. Then i have horrible harm thoughts. Maybe I am crazy and deserve to be locked up.

Hi guys, I would like to share something and ask your opinion about it if that's fine. So, I was at work yesterday (I work in a grocery store) and I saw a child walking by. As always, I felt a lot of anxiety, but not just that, I also felt a very strong groinal response. Now, that's not the (great) problem because I'm aware that POCD comes with this type of symptom. The thing that worries me is that I've not been dealing with groinal responses for a long time, and when I had it yesterday, it felt very different than it used to feel when I first started having POCD thoughts. It felt absolutely real and it was very similar to arousal. In addition, in that moment, I don't think I felt enough disgust towards my groinal response, I don't think I realised that my body was responding to seeing a child, and not an adult. I don't know. I'm confused as it feels like it was more than just a groinal response. What do you think about this? Should I worry about it or let it go? (I sincerely apologise if this was disturbing!) Thank you for reading this!

A bit of a background on me: I have suffered from ocd for as long as I can remember, and I have reached my breaking point about now being isolated inside with my family. I was going to seek therapy but with covid-19 that does not make things easy. This is my first time seeking the courage to reach out to a community. so hello, future friends and fellow sufferers. Anyway, Last night I had an intrusive thought about my brother naked and noticed I got a groinal response to it. The more I checked, I felt the more intense it got, going from a tingling to an almost swelling feeling. I did not get an erection but it almost felt like I was getting one. however it felt very different from a normal erection. At one point I got so panicked about it I felt Iike I was going to have a heart attack. Now Ik for a fact that I am not aroused by, or attracted to my brother or any men for that matter. I also suffer from pocd and am familiar with groinal responses to that too. But am I crazy? Has anyone else experienced this? And how have you dealt with it? Ik I’m reassurance seeking but I just want some clarity on if this is normal for ocd sufferers or if I was actually arroused. Thank you in advance ?

I'm NOT asking for reassurance. I just want to know if I maybe developed depression. My ocd has been fucking me up since more than two years ago. I want to know if I maybe developed depression because of it. If so, I really need therapy. My symptoms are as followed: -No more appetite for more than 6 months -No more sex drive for more than 6 months -When OCD is active, I get recurrent thoughts of suicuide. -low self esteem -thinking that life sucks ass and dying would be better. Can this be caused by depression?

My ex best friend and I had a tremendous fall out 3 years ago. We were inseparable for so many years and my ocd started to latch onto this idea of “what if something bad happens to her and she develops ocd like me and her life is ‘ruined’?” bc her mom had very clear symptoms of it too. So I started fighting with her all the time constantly checking her every thought and action which I know was toxic on my end and so annoying and invasive, but I felt like if I didn’t then something bad would happen and I wouldn’t be able to “prevent it” and she would spiral and I couldn’t stand to watch that, what I perceived to be true. We fought constantly, but in addition she also lied to me a lot and at the very end got quite physical with me-choked me, scratched me etc. I grew to be toxic from my ocd constantly causing fights with her trying to check if she was okay 24/7 but I still think I didn’t deserve that and she cut me out immediately after and has never looked back since and it’s been years. I cried and cried to make up with her bc the guilt was absolutely killing me for so long, my brain got hooked on the scenario and if she felt bad, would make up with me, missed me, etc. anyone have tips for accepting your faults especially due to ocd when your intentions were good, and accepting being cut off and shut out by someone you were so close to who purposefully ignores you even when you’re in the same group?

So here is my story . I've always been weird regarding the way I thought. Thinking that if I did a certain action then a certain outcome( whether it's tapping my foot as I leave my room or doing a certain action) I would do these , daily thinking that I couldnt start my day without them. I've also have always been an Overthinker and have been prone to anxiety since I was young. I've always thought that this was a normal thing I would do ( I had religious themes that were terrifying when I was around 11) So I feel like I've always had OCD but just never diagnosed . During Middleschool I identified as Pansexual because all of my friends were bi. And the dumb middleschooler in me was all like , " I wanna be like everyone else too!" And so I did. Even though throughout the whole thing I only ever had boy crushes. I even played Otome games(Games targeted towards females , they're kind of like dating games where you end up with a guy) So entering highschool I realized that I was straight and only wanted to be with guys. So I ended up doing what any Highschooler did and started dating , having crushes and the whole thing. I would make sure I look nice for a guy, flirt and everything. But last year due to a stream of bad luck regarding dating , I fell into this weird pit of anxiety, of me ending up alone in the future. ( My dream was to get married and have children) and then suddenly the thought came back again , the HOCD hit me like a wave. I had every symptom in the book, the rumination, false memories, the feeling of dread, the gronials,google searching,loss of attraction, force myself to watch porn,I would just go about through my day like basically a zombie and I couldn't eat without puking, till the point where I had to go to the doctor. But as weird as it started it disappeared as soon as school started. Heck , I even started dating again and I had been talking to this guy who really liked me and I liked and we eventually started going out. Heck, when he kissed me it felt so right and amazing. His scent would be on my clothes and everything and I would get so excited and I would miss him a lot. But that all shattered once well, his parents got involved and flatly told him that they wanted him to break things off with me because they didn't want the friendship him and my dad had to just break off. So in concern of his parents and my dad , I broke things off which utterly broke me. I felt like a zombie throughout that whole thing. It was horrible. And that's when HOCD started to come back once more and haunt me,but differently this time. I didn't have the google searching, or the intense feeling of anxiety, I have a little bit of my attraction, but the rumination remains and the gronials too.My brain also always tries to tell me that whenever I feel attracted to a guy that it's fake and that I'm forcing myself to do it. It tells me different things like ",oh you have to do this, you'll feel better once you try it and worse of all my brain keeps reminding me of my middleschool years. But it's significantly less harsh than it was , I hate the fact that I'm going through this because it feels like, I'm going to never be happy with a guy ever. Or my brain is trying to convince me that I'm forcing my feelings that I don't truly feel this way for him. I feel so lost , numb, I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. :(

I thought I was doing better with my pocd, but it’s been tough the last few days. I saw a young girl at the store, and I looked at her on purpose to ‘check’ to see if I was attracted to her. Of course it made it worse. Then ocd tells me, ‘but ok why aren’t you attracted to her? She’s so cute look at her? If you aren’t attracted to her now you will be next time you check.’ It’s like I can’t control the checking. Even when I see a cute kid online, I scroll past them then it’s like ‘wait, but we’re you attracted to him/her? Go back and check!!’ I don’t need reassurance. I just need someone to tell me that with therapy this will get easier because I’m freaking out today ?

Anyone else kinda fallen out with a best friend before? Idk I’m feeling a lot of guilt over how things went with my ex bestfriend. It’s been like a year now and we’re not enemies, but it’s still weird. I’m just worried I hurt her. And I’m worried she thinks I’m a bitch... because I know I’ve changed a lot since then. We used to have quite a gossipy friendship where we’d just talk about others a lot. She knew a side to me that’s (hopefully) died now. I just wish she could know that. I don’t wanna talk to her about it though; it’d be too random. We were really close, but maybe not BEST friends since we both have other best friends. But then I got closer to two other girls and it just got weirder. She started to irritate me and I just didn’t wanna be close to her anymore. I should’ve dealt with it better though. She’s got a solid group now and I’m happy for her! I just keep thinking about the whole thing and getting anxious.

I’m trying not to get stuck on diagnoses and “Do I have X, Y, Z, or am I just a lazy bum who needs to try harder?” I score low-ish on many scales therapists have given me (Y-BOCS, Beck Depression Inventory, over-control scales). The scales seem to be telling me, “You don’t hurt enough. You don’t have a real problem, you just need to get over yourself.” I’m excellent at surviving; I’m independent, support myself, self-employed. But I still suck at thriving and feel strangled in rules that I don’t know if I should be keeping or not. It sucks. Thanks for listening.

Everything just sucks. I identify as a masculine lesbian, but I’m having intrusive thoughts about being bisexual. My problem though is that when I go on tik tok or instagram, I see masculine women identify as bisexual. This is a problem to me because these are women who you’d look at and think “oh she’s definitely gay”, but she’s not because she’s actually bi. During this whole hocd thing I tried so hard to look and act gay and masculine, while still being myself, because I wanted people to know that I’m gay. But if there are masculine women identifying as bi, what would people think about me?? What if I am bi?? What if I’m just a masculine bisexual?? These thoughts are really triggering because every time I see a masculine identifying bisexual, I think “what if I’m not a masculine lesbian, what if I’m a masculine bisexual?” What if these thoughts I’m having are supposed to tell me “you’re not gay like you think you are, you’re just a masculine bisexual”? Is this normal?? I don’t know what to do anymore. Honestly, I just feel like giving up and giving in. I really don’t know if I can take it anymore. I just don’t know who I am anymore.

Hi everyone, I'm having a rough time. I don't know if this is me exaggerating but I don't and can't see a way out of all this mess. I follow Kimberley Quinlan on instagram, and she has recently posted something about self compassion and how everyone is good and loved. But here is the thing: I don't deserve self compassion and I don't deserve to be loved. I've done some disgusting and awful things, and because of that I don't deserve to be treated with love and respect. And this kills me. It kills me knowing that I'll never be good a person. It kills me that I am who I am and I can't change it. I saw the post, realised what a deviant I am and how I deserve nothing good, and my anxiety is spiralling like crazy now, it won't stop. I don't know what to do. I have work today but I really don't know how to function. The pain is way, way too big for me to handle it without bursting into tears or wanting to spend the whole day in bed and be left alone. I'm sorry. I don't really know what I want from this post; I guess I just wanted to let it out. Thank you for reading this.

here’s my story. (i’ve sent this to someone just thought i’d copy and paste it) I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about four months and the first two months were like a honeymoon phase. It was great I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts or anything. About two months down the road, I had this intrusive thought about liking this girl and it really stressed me out. It was this girl that I wasn’t even friends with anymore and it really stressed me out like a lot. That lasted for about two weeks. Another intrusive thought came after that and it was saying that I was gay and that I should break up with my boyfriend. That’s been going on for about two months now. It’s been really stressful because at times my mind will just be like “come out to him” and it just feels so real. And will be doing intimate things in my mind will just be like “you don’t like this” “this is not what you need to do you don’t like d word“ LOL. When my boyfriend and I first started dating we had sex a lot and I never thought about that those thoughts did not even cross my mind at all. All this time I feel like I’m in denial or something. Last year, I did kind of think I had feelings for this one girl. But at the time, I was homeschooled and had been for about five years and I was in a ballet company with all girls and I have never had a crush on a girl once in my entire life. I’ve always been very boy crazy. Last year was just me being desperate for love the relationship wasn’t even sexual in anyway. I came out as bi after that because I had read shit on my astrology chart or something, and I think I was reading that months before last year in the whole girl situation happened. And something on my charts that I had bisexual tendencies or something and I was like “oh that has to be me since it says that.” I just remember being extremely confused and I actually ended up in a mental hospital shortly after I came out as bi and it doesn’t really feel natural to me in any way. Like I feel like if I was truly happy I wouldn’t of been at the worst mental state i’ve ever been in in my life. Shortly after that, I went to high school. Remember I was homeschooled before then, so I started up my junior year at a new high school I haven’t been to school in five years. I went boy crazy and dated two different guys before the boyfriend that I have now. I never did fall for a girl or anything. I was just very very confused about my sexuality from after last year happened to about January of this year. I was always confused and questioning. I was also addicted to lesbian porn for about a year. So I think that has a lot to do with what I’m going through now. So anyways, in January I kissed this girl in my English class just for fun or whatever and I did touch her but it was kind of like a thing where she said “you won’t do that” and so I did it just because she said I wouldn’t do it. I guess I don’t really get grossed out about the thoughts it’s just a lot of anxiety that comes with the thoughts that I’m experiencing now. I haven’t even thought about last year and stuff like that until I started having this thought to come out to my boyfriend and come out to my family and it’s very annoying I’ve been having suicidal thoughts I started new medication I just..... it’s just so hard. Have you experienced any of this in your relationship if you are in one? I really love my boyfriend with everything that I have. With every bone in my body. I don’t doubt that. Because in times that the thoughts don’t bother me, I feel the love between us and even when they are I still do feel the attraction. But those moments where nothing bothers me or even when I’m still thinking about it but things the anxiety isn’t there, I know I love him.