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I need a space to breathe and rant and get stuff off my chest so this is what I’m using this for now. I hate being angry. I hate it so much cause I always feel like I have less control over my thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like I have no control over possible actions etc. which makes it really hard with harm ocd. But it feels like an endless loop, because my ocd is so frustrating it makes me angry, and that makes me feel less in control, so the circle continues. It sucks feeling like if anyone knew what it looked like sometimes inside your head, maybe they wouldn’t love you and they wouldn’t see you the same way. I feel so lonely and hollow that days. I have so many “friends” but they all make me feel more lonely, cause everything is so superficial and pointless and sitting with them just makes me feel like I need to withdraw deeper into myself because they don’t get it and they don’t really want to get it or care. I want to scream and cry cause I can’t control anything. I can’t stop the people I love from dying one day, I cant stop time, and I can’t keep things the same forever. I’m so tired of doubting everything about myself. Am I a pedophile? Am I a danger to my loved ones? Am I psychotic? Ya da ya da ya da. This endless anxiety I have it feels like it’s slowly killing me and it’s making me depressed. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two nights and I mean like at all. I forget to eat I get so anxious and either way I sometimes feel so nauseous I don’t want to eat. My family doesn’t really get it, to them ocd is always just an excuse, or it’s for drama. I have tried to ease myself into the idea that maybe everything is chaos. Bad things happen to good people everything has an end, etc. it’s much easier said than done. If life is an ever changing stormy sea of waves than I’m barely clinging onto anything.

I want to talk to my therapist about my real event ocd regarding my incident with a dog licking my genitals when I was younger... I don’t know how to bring it up though and I feel like I’ve mentioned it before to her and I know what she’d say to me already but I feel like I NEED to tell her anyways. I also want to talk about my hypochondria over this lump on my vulva but that’s too embarrassing, in my opinion. I haven’t told anyone about that and I’m really scared I have cancer or something and am going to die soon. I fucking hate this...

I get triggered when people discuss how it frustrates them to hear someone say, “That’s sooo OCD.” Then they talk about how OCD is *real* suffering, and these people don’t know what real suffering is. Another time, a friend asked, “Have you ever struggled with depression?” I said, “I don’t know.” He said, “You’d know if you had.” It makes me feel like suffering is a competition. And that I have to rank a certain percentage in suffering before I’m allowed to express my pain or ask for help or practice self compassion. Maybe nothing is wrong with me. “Suck it up, buttercup.” And all that.

When your hocd hits really hard today and you can’t tell what’s real or fake :)

What kind of hobbies do you people enjoy that distract you from your OCD? I only ever watch tv because it distracts me from my thoughts, but what do YOU do?

Anyone else suffering from derealisation/numbness

hi! my name is vic, its nice to be here with you all today :) i am a 15 year old transgender man. i was diagnosed with ocd at a young age and i am prescribed prozac. i often struggle with instrusive thoughts about worsening relationships with my family due to being uneducated on trans topics yet i cant find it in me to help them understand, so i usually dont bother. i often worry about my mom being upset if i transitioned into a man medically because i was her only ‘daughter’ and i feel like being trans would make me a whole different person in her eyes and even a huge burden, not necessarily financially, just personally. i also struggle with paranoia that people online are out to get me due to my interests or insensitive things ive said in the past unaware of how harmful they can be. i believe i cant really prove that im a good person to people i who arent around me anymore and theres nothing i can do but feel defenseless and vulnerable. i have an extensive past of relationships whether it be friends, family or partners that i couldnt begin to type all out here- which is frustrating. i have visited plenty of psychologists but im unable to tell them my stories due to the fact my mom is always with me and telling them what she knows of me instead of letting me talk, and i know well that if she found out about my past it would stress her out and she would take it out on me the wrong way.

Just a normal day, the sun is shining,the birds are chirping and my step mother just said she plans on leaving my dad and I because i wasn't interested in having a sibling. And now she thinks I hate her. I wish I had never been born. I can't help the feeling that I was a mistake. I feel useless. I'm nothing but a bad luck charm. I have no purpose and I never will I'll probably be homeless in the future. I have no reason to live and no reason to die. I'm just here I just exist. But I'm starting to doubt that I exist. I feel like every thing that is happening to me is all in my head. Like I'm imagining all my problems. I really hate myself. I hate the stupid way my mind works. Can't the ground swallow me Right now? Kinda need someone to talk to

I really need help and I was talking to someone who is trans boy and he was telling me how he found out his trans and he was like I have internalised transphobia and he was like that a few years ago I’m worried because he told me to be open and try things I had a mini panic attack and I’m still scared

My compulsion is seeking reassurance. I go to my husband about every single worry (usually about contamination). It’s ruining my marriage, but I’m struggling so much with this and as hard as I try, I keep running my worries by him. It’s so hard on him and I want to stop this. Can anyone relate / help? Thanks in advance

Does anyone feel like they just don’t know how to think anymore? Like for me I feel like I don’t know how to think anymore. I remember I went 3 months keeping a song in my head 24/7 just so I wouldn’t think of nothing intrusive. I just feel like ever since then I don’t really know how to think anymore the only thing I get anxiety for is when something weird pops up when I want to think of a girl and get anxiety when I mess up. I tell this to my therapist but she doesn’t do anything about it. I really feel my therapist doesn’t listen to me but I have an appointment with her this Friday and hopefully she’ll try to do something with me cuz I’m just kind of tired of reiterating what I get anxiety for and not get treatment for it but we’ll see.

I'm extremely scared. My rocd and hocd are going bonkers and j have no idea how to control them. My hocd is being such a bitch at the atm though. My new obsession is I just see my bf as a friend but I call him my bf because of the heteronormative society and I'm so scared. I don't want girls but my brain gives these images of me being sexual with them and physically I make this disgusted face and I dont want it but then my brain says that was I truly want inside. Each and every moment my thought feels really true and I feel so bad. Hocd has also made me lose my libido and now it's distorting my natural feelings for things. I'm so confused :(

I just had a baby 3 months ago and my OCD and anxiety has flared up pretty bad. I was in therapy, and am on gabapentin and Klonopin. As well as seeing a naturopath, I should add that I’m on L-Thenine and Ashwaganda. My therapist decided that we were not a good fit after a year of treatment yesterday. I’m more of a natural person, I have a hard time with SSRIS and we weren’t seeing eye to eye. I asked to go down to one session a week and then, she decided we weren’t a good fit. Anyways I’m pretty triggered, and just would like some words of wisdom while I wait to find someone else in the interim. I meditate daily, and workout as well. Thanks in advance!

After the caronavirus started every surface seems a threat to me. Even at home, I can not touch door knobs or buttons. I continuously wash hands. Skin on my hands have become very dry and damaged due to continuous washing with soap.

Anyone with religious/faith doubt/spirituality OCD available/want to talk? Struggling with this right now :(

Struggling. Failed to meet the goals I set for this afternoon. So I’m sitting on the couch. Watching the time tick by. I wanted the afternoon to “feel right” and now it doesn’t because I messed up and now nothing “feels right.” And now I’m sitting here, spiraling down this mental landslide of everything I’m doing wrong. What do you do when you feel this way? How do you get yourself to move when this happens?

Is anyone here Muslim? I was raised Muslim but rebelled in college and after that, and turned out to be the complete opposite of a good Muslim girl. I’m American so I guess that also has to do with it. Now at 27 I feel like crap, and I am feeling extra shame about things (real event OCD) because of my upbringing.

For any Christians or believers in God out there who feel hopeless right now, I find that turning to my faith helps me. Before this hit me I haven’t been good with keeping up with my faith but going through tough times like this makes me feel more faithful in God. I’ve recently started to listen to Christian music and praying more and it helps me a ton with feelings of hopelessness. If anyone reading this has any recommendations of music or books or anything please let me know! I’m not trying to preach or force my faith on anyone on here but if you’re not Christian reading this I believe the universe has a plan for you. You were not meant to exist on this planet to simply suffer and die. As hopeless and as you feel right now you will come out of this stronger! I don’t think any of this is triggering but I put a trigger warning on this anyway for anyone with religious ocd on here in case any of it is triggering.

About to start ERP on my own. Any tips? And will it work? I'm in ALOT of distress and is debilitating.

I feel so hopeless right now. I can’t stop crying and I hate my life. I’ve been doing fine but the feeling of it being being true and the feeling of it never going away are over powering