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Ocd has been kicking my ass today. Whats my dumb ass do, I google shit. Working through some marriage stuff and my harm ocd loves to attack my wife and makes me question everything about me. I've had 4 people confirm I have ocd and I still question it. My NOCD therapist is off this week and haven't been able to talk to her since last Monday. Oh this is so hard. Luckily I'm meeting with my other therapist here in my area this evening. It just sucks, I've been superstitious about seeing black crows in our yard, I dont like the number that is associated with the devil, I dont really like the number 6 in general. Ugh just so much. Im mentally exhausted.

OCD??! Please help Hi I’m 17 and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I’ve been given medication a few months ago to deal with it (propranolol & fluoxetine). Earlier this year I was convinced I was dying, I would constantly check my pulse and look in the mirror to see if my face had gone white or yellow or a weird colour. I would google symptoms of death and compare them to my symptoms and I would also google my symptoms to see what they sounded like. Every night before I went to sleep I would say “ if I’m going to die please let it be when I’m sleeping” and sometimes I wouldn’t even sleep in case I didn’t wake up in the morning. I even made my mum take me to the hospital one time because I thought I had cancer. I didn’t. Also one time I thought I was having a heart attack and didn’t leave my bed all day for fear of collapsing as soon as I stood up, but that was just Anxiety causing chest pain. I even thought of Suicide just to get it over with because I couldn’t handle the fear anymore. But after a few months of that I start getting intrusive thoughts about children. I was so so scared and confused by these thoughts I didn’t know what to do. I thought “omg if i even have to question it then I must be that”. I would avoid going out, being around the little ones in my family. I thought I was this monster. but then I started researching and I came across ocd. Specifically pocd. And I thought omg this sounds like all my symptoms. I was reading people’s stories and watching YouTube videos on ocd and I felt relieved that I wasn’t one of them sick people. But then the doubt crept in again. And I cried and cried but then I couldn’t cry anymore. Like I physically couldn’t cry ( I think due to the antidepressant I’m taking). The thoughts went away for a few days and I felt great. But then they came back worse and I was so terrified that I actually could be capable of doing something that evil and disgusting. Then they went away again for 2 days and they came back a few days ago worse than ever. I am almost convinced that I am a p. I would literally rather die than be one of them. I’ve resulted in self harm due to these thoughts. (Punch walls, cut my wrists) and I seem to feel no pain when I do it. It’s like I’m numb. The thoughts aren’t really giving me much anxiety anymore and that scares the living hell out of me because it feels soooo real and it feels like I’m turning into that person. Every time I go out now and I see a child I literally have to hold in my emotions because all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs because I feel so guilty and panicky. No one knows about these thoughts I’m having. Also a few weeks ago I gave up. I was trying to sleep and the thoughts just took over my head so I sat up and it was dark and I just said “god please just kill me because I can’t do this anymore, I can’t live like this. If your plan for me is to make me into such an awful sick person then just kill me and let me die” I was so tired and broken I just wanted to die. But I held on for my mum. I started trying to get back to sleep again. And suddenly an image flashed through my mind of me dragging a razor blade along my throat and bleeding out. And i literally felt an urge to do it. It was terrifying. Then an image of me stabbing my mum came into my head and I literally wanted to run out of my house so i wouldn’t harm myself or anybody else. I must of fell asleep at one point. But now I am just completely exhausted physically and mentally. I just feel so done and I feel like this is the end of the line for me. My head is literally in pieces and so is my heart. For years now I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I’ve always wanted loads of children, and I’ve always been around small children my whole life and never once had one of these thoughts about them. I just need it to stop. I need them out, or I don’t know what will happen. I feel like I’m going insane, this doesn’t feel like real life. It feels like an illusion I’ve fabricated in my head and I can’t get out. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel so weak and ashamed and scared. Does anyone know a way to deal with this please?? Thank you if you’ve read this far I don’t know what else to do.

I can't afford a therapist till at least next year...what can I do in the meanwhile?

Hello all, I started erp therapy with the nocd therapist. I just really am having trouble saying things (worst fear) and doing the exposures of my worst fear. I know erp has helped many people. Anyone here that has done well with the full treatment? Just some positive advice needed.

This feels so real i want my old life back. I hate this life so much this wasnt suppose to happen 😞

Does anyone have prison ocd? Like obsessively worrying about going to prison or getting in trouble with the law. I havent heard too many people discuss this, only a few. Its become paralyzing and taking over my thoughts and life. Ive been struggling with ocd since I was 14.

Hello, I'm a fourteen year old girl, and I was thinking about getting therapy. My OCD has been really bad since June, and I have problems with my family. I want to take a step up and try residential therapy, where I go and live where I'm getting therapy. I desperately want out of my house, not because quarantine is making me miss going out, but my family has been causing me great amounts of stress and loss of motivation. I wanna get on track with my life, I wanna be able to not let my anxiety and low motivation get in the way of my dreams. If you're reading this, do you think that taking this step would be good? I need some major advice, I'm really desperate.

Anyone ever currently (or in the past) wonder if others can read your thoughts? And no, I don't see mine being a delusion because I question it and hate the fact it enters my mind. Ugh.

I’m putting it all out there. When I was young I was a very sexual child. I have no idea why, but I just was. I remember my siblings and I used to take turns playing “house or doctor” this happened between ages 7-9 until eventually we just grew out of it. Never thought of it for years. I’m 26 now and for some reason one day it just popped into my head and I haven’t been able to shake it since. I start creating new memories worse then the original ones and I start making myself believe I continued this behavior into my teenage years ( even though I know I didn’t) OCD has me now convinced I’m a disgusting human being and a p*dophile for what I did at these ages. What makes it worse is I can’t go back in time and check myself which is all my OCD wants to do. Double check everything ALWAYS. Do others struggle with this too?

Anyone who struggle with porn and masturbation? Can we talk, I need help :(

Anybody else struggle with religion OCD? Would love to hear what it’s like for others! I’m a Christian, but more spiritual the older I get. Borderline agnostic with a lot of fear that I’m moving away from Christianity. Fear of hell even though I don’t believe in hell. Fear that there is no God, even though I believe in God. Please no responses with scripture! I’ve had way too many people in my life try to “fix this” by sending me sermons or verses

Any tips for maintaining a healthy relationship with ROCD? I know it can be hard and this is my first real relationship so any advice would be appreciated :)

I truly just want to die, this shit is never going to get better i have zero support, nobody understands me, my family’s lives are perfect and im just here miserable as fuck i get so irritated and jealous because nobody is going through this but me and they can care less. Im done with everything.

I was sitting and got the random intrusive thought "Go smear soap all over your TV and yourself." It was a thought. It's my understanding that we aren't supposed to do anything with intrusive thoughts. My therapist, who works with OCD, said "In the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter whether you smeared soap all over your TV or yourself." I don't understand what they meant by that. I thought the whole point was to allow the intrusive thought to be there without doing compulsions. I'm not sure what the purpose of digging into the content is. With OCD out of the picture, it'd still bother me to to smear soap everywhere. Basically why did my therapist say "In the grand scheme of things." It's causing me a lot of distress and throwing me off in what I'm supposed to be doing therapy wise.

Anyone here with SOOCD/HOCD ever hear someone tell them that they thought they were gay? Or that someone else told them they thought you were gay? How do you deal with this? I just got triggered hard and I haven’t had my hOCD triggered this hard in forever.

Does anybody else feel like they can't tell what their true wants are anymore? Or just me

I have been having really horrible real event OCD for over a year now. Stuff I did that was bad, but I feel an abnormal amount of guilt for. I saw a therapist which helped a TON and has brought me to a manageable state. However, I think I have accepted that I need to take medication. My brain chemistry is just too out of wack. I’ve looked into everything from medicinal marijuana to prescription drugs as possibilities. Does anyone have any experience with medication and it’s effects on your OCD? Has anyone found it to be helpful?

does anyone know how to deal with parents who don't believe you have OCD? My therapist has talked to them, and I often try to explain to them what OCD is and how stressful it is, but they still think that I'm ""faking"" it. Could they be in denial or something?

I want to be normal.. i dont want to have arguments with my mind.. i want to be a normal 12 year old.. i found out that i first started showing signs like 5 years ago maybe more but why does everyone else look so normal and act so normal and i dont? What did i do? Why do i deserve this? I just want to meet my friends and act normal ive planned when im older for me and my friend to get a tatoo and have late night drives and go to starbucks snd get nails done but that'll never happen you see people on instagram and they do all of these things but i wont be normal enough to do things like that and i really want ocd to go away im suck of crying all the time and not being able to tell people why i hate hate HATE IT god if there is one must have chose favourites

Also! In order to not freak myself out like last time I didn't hide away, I still tried to watch tv with women in it, I play my videogames with female characters and I still talked to my female friends. I'm still very uncomfortable and I feel a loss of attraction and I hope it will come back, but hopefully I can go to therapy soon and get properly diagnosed. :)