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the NOCD Community

Anyone with HOCD ever feel this strong feeling that they may be 'in denial' and that eventually you will have to come out to the world and live that Gay lifestyle. I am honestly just tired of this, it feels like I am being severely pushed into something I deep down know I don't want, I don't know how long I can last. I am accepting the thoughts, urges and feelings however it's too exhausting, too distressing and too painful, it feels like I am repressing myself, repressing my 'true identity' and I need to just go with whatever my thoughts and urges are telling me to.

please read!!! a few months ago I smoked wax and got AN AWFUL reaction. I had a complete panic attack, depersonalization, and derealization. it was THE SCARIEST THING EVER. I haven’t really felt the same ever since... I’m SO SCARED THAT IT MESSED ME UP FOREVER. I get panic attacks, depersonalization and derealization, feel depressed, have terrible existential thoughts, always have anxiety, and feel depressed. I can’t even sleep at night. I’m so scared I’m forever messed up. Could wax do that to you???? Please help! Has anyone else experienced this????

Do any of you think they are traumatised besides OCD, or their OCD is part of a trauma, or have been diagnosed with PTSD?

Does anyone else have EXTREME anxiety about dying? I’m so fucking terrified. I think about it all the time.

Im just really sad, depressed and no one gives a shit about me. Not even the people who I thought I had my own family. Im all alone.

What are the best techniques you have learned that help(ed) you go through relationship ocd?

POCD TW I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a picture of a little girl and suddenly I had the urge to kiss or touch her or something it scared me a lot and I started scrolling faster to get away from it BUT I felt a groinal response and it felt SO real like butterflies and twitching and itching and everything maybe even vaginal lubrication and I had the urge to masterbate and scrolled back to make sure I don’t desire this and I felt calmer when I didn’t feel anything looking at her again but I still feel anxious and kinda aroused during the day thinking back to the situation I don’t know what to do it feels so real the urges and everything ?

I was finally feeling better, but now I feel myself getting worse.

Just thought I’d share my story so far with you all and maybe see if anyone’s had similar stuff :) I had been completely straight my whole life. I’m 18 now but had had multiple girlfriends who I was very much into. I was never into guys. I was very stressed for my exams and ended up going to see Bohemian Rhapsody with some friends to chill. After seeing heaps of gay-Esque things in the film the thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay or bi” and then that’s when it started. (This was 3 months ago) I then found myself unable to hang out with my guy friends because every time I saw them I would get anxious I was attracted to them. I moved past this but I’m still constantly having an internal reasoning battle with myself about wether or not I’m into men. I then noticed a huge lack in sex drive towards women as well which scared me because being into women was a huge part of me. I have never been aroused by or enjoyed thinking about men sexually or romantically though this is what the intrusive thoughts were. This leads me to my main point which is porn. I was a heavy porn user before the ocd and I was starting to find Normal straight porn not as good. I had been watching more kinky shit eg step sibling stuff etc. I have watched gay porn multiple times since the HOCD. **potential trigger/ graphic warning ahead** and had finished both times. It happened very quickly and I just felt terrible after. I tell myself that I finished because of just the pure taboo nature of it and it was what the ocd wanted me to do since whenever I’d tried to arouse myself to men in a non pornographic way nothing had ever worked. Also when I was watching I wasn’t particularly focused on like the men themselves like I would with women when I watched straight porn. It was all very traumatising and I have to keep stopping myself from checking again to see if my reaction changes :( I’ve been meditating a lot and I’m about to start ERP on here and with my psychologist (who diagnosed me with ocd) But yeah just was wondering if anyone had anything similar with the porn thing just so I can figure out if it’s denial or whatever :) I don’t think it’s a coincidence with timing either since this all happened during exams.

Anybody else have a major problem with confessions in ROCD? How can I deal with the urge to confess every little thought to my boyfriend? It’s hurtful to him because I’m constantly telling him every minor interaction I’ve had that I can remember with another guy, telling him my doubts about our relationship, and lately I’ve even been telling him hurtful things I don’t even agree with as far as comparing him to people I’ve been with before and people I’m attracted to. It’s really wrong of me to say these things to him for the sole purpose of relieving my anxiety. Any advice?

Hello, Everyone. My situation got worse when I got to know about The Secret book by Rhonda Bryne. The book mentions that positive thinking attracts positive things in life and negative attracts negative. Every OCD mind is filled with negative thoughts. It means that the negative thoughts will become true because we are keep thinking about them.

Anyone know of a good erp for sensorimotor ocd?

I was doing ERP on my own last night and I ended up having a full blown anxiety attack for about an hour because of it; sweating, heart racing couldn’t concentrate on what my friends were saying. Anyone else ever go through this?

My sleeping pattern so far Monday- 2:00am Tuesday 6:00am Wednesday 3:am Thursday it’s now 4:15am and still awake ? I just want /NEED to sleep ??

any experiences w zoloft?

So someone posted the other day about OCD being a spiritual attack. I couldn’t agree more and I would love to dive deeper into this topic. Please comment your thoughts on this theory:

Luvox is amazing

What helped you seek OCD treatment? It's been over a year and half since extensive online research helped me conclude that it's very likely I have moderate/severe OCD. Despite the fact that it severally impacts my daily life, I'm struggling with reaching out for professional help. Held back by mounting fear, anxiety, and doubt I'm having a very difficult time getting help. So I'm just wondering what helped others take that first and speak to a professional.

Anyone a born again Christian and struggle with pure O /scrupe?

The thing that scares me most is when I’m having a great time playing with my kids and I randomly think about killing them. Not specifics but just the idea. Then I have anxiety for hours about it and scare myself. “What if I did?” “Will my mind ever snap and I do it?” “Am I a danger? Should I leave?” For the longest time I was scared to talk about these thoughts. I’m glad I found a safe space that will truly understand that that is all they are - thoughts. I hope to make new friends so that we can help each other during these “episodes” and bring each other back to “reality”.