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the NOCD Community

The past is all I have left of myself.

Anyone else feel like OCD is making their whole world change? Like your perspective on literally everything is shifting which means your future isn’t going to be what you wanted it to be? I have HOCD and ROCD and feel like I’ll have to leave my marriage or leave my religion or end up with a woman but none of those things are what I want? I love my religion, my husband, and the previous ideas I had for the future before HOCD showed up.

Has anyone else had OCD over a person?? In an ugly, anxious way?? Like obsessing over their appearance and what people think of them because you don’t want them to have any good??? I know that sounds awful and I FEEL awful, but I just can’t help it. Don’t know how it was triggered, but I think it usually starts when I think people are full of themselves/narcissistic... I just feel alone :(

I keep getting intrusive explicit images of a 12 year old that looks 16. Ugh. And sometimes I look at them out of anxiety but mostly am able to block it . It’s horrible because I’m 17 and don’t wanna like be attracted to a freaking 12 year old this shits scary . I think it’s false attraction because I wasn’t attracted to her when I saw her just shocked but it’s so scary . What if I accidentally fantasize about her , which is sexual abuse !

before you post... think! t- is this true? h- is this helpful? i- is this inspiring? n- is this necessary? k- is it kind? This makes me laugh 😂

I’ve noticed my OCD is getting worse and worse each day. Even with therapy, ERP skills, and all my other resources. My thoughts are getting darker and darker. Yesterday I realized I have been having negative thoughts about my boyfriends job and that I didn’t want him to work because of my own strange thoughts. He’s a truck driver and It’s not like I don’t want him to be successful and make money. It has nothing to do with that but It’s really weird thoughts about him driving and stuff, (not about his safety or other’s safety. It has nothing to do with other people at all either) it’s weird sort of kinky thoughts that are based out of anger that wouldn’t make sense to anyone. I’ve been having these thoughts forever and I just now realized how weird and wrong they are. The fact that I just realized this makes me feel so guilty. He needs to work and make money and I feel guilty that I don’t want him at this job because of the strange thoughts I get about him driving. And I know all about intrusive thoughts and have them myself which makes me able to identify that these are not intrusive thoughts and that makes me feel even worse. I need help so bad.

I feel really alone in my ROCD struggles. I feel like it's never going to get better. I'm worried because my relationship is LDR and because of the virus I can't see him to build our connection in reality together. I worry because my rocd isn't getting any better. It's been 6 months now and no clarity days and I worry I have to let go cos its never getting better. Yet I don't want to. I just live in hope. I feel doomed and like the odd case here because my damn think happened just two weeks before meeting him irl. And worried I'm doomed as a result. Could someone please help me. Sorry, I just feel like the odd case because of the things I mentioned and it really upsets me. ❤️

To the ones in college, has OCD put a huge impact on our school work. Honestly I’ve spent more time thinking than actually doing assignments this year... it’s eating me up because now I feel like I’m behind and a disappointment

False memory ocd, how do I deal?

NSFW I remember when I was around a junior in high school, I looked up “freshman boy senior girl” on pornhub(for clarity I’m a straight boy who had an older girl kink at the time) and while I’m not 100% sure if I was just looking for fantasy or the real thing, I eventually stoped caring because even if it was the real thing I know it’s not a big age difference. But then my mind started going to “what if you knew it was harmful at the time and still looked it up?” Is it normal that I don’t know the answer to that question?

This article just helped me so much. I was terrified that if I didn’t purposefully direct attention toward my obsession to make me aware of it, that I was just suppressing the thought and doing ERP wrong. But this article helped me see that any type of engagement with the thought/obsession, including directing my attention toward it, IS rumination — and that I can choose to stop! Please read this article and this guy’s other articles — they are AMAZING and a literal God send for me! https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/awareness-attention-distraction-and-rumination/

Let’s take a mental pause. Answer the three questions below and be as detailed as you wish. 1- What’s your favorite scenery to see out a car window? 2- What type of coffee drinker are you? 3- Name your favorite sound. I’ll start: 1.) Large green fields or city night lights. 2.) The decaffeinated or herbal tea type. 3.) Crackling firewood

The only thing bringing me peace rn is the thought of ending my life.

I didnt think it was possible to feel worse. I shouldn't have watched porn. I should've taken care of this years ago. Now I feel I've ruined it for myself. No happy ending for me. I dont want to be negative but I can barely function anymore. My life has been swallowed by this shit AGAIN!!!!

Wish I had someone to talk to. My husband is so frustrated with my contamination ocd. He is always telling me to leave him and my son and go away for good, so he doesn't have to deal with me. Mu son is my life and my husband is actually telling me to leave because of my condition. The other day he even told me to go back to sleep and never wake up. :(

Has anyone else lost friends bc of OCD?

Is it just me or does anyone else experience feeling disassociated and as if they’re actually loosing their mind or going crazy due to their Harm OCD, etc. The constant intrusive thoughts, followed by either reassurance that you are not your thoughts and/or do not want to act on your thoughts, etc. Lastly, does trying to ignore them and not act on self reassurance, changing of thought patterns, etc. Does that make you feel as if you’re going to or could loose control? Is this my OCD that I am dealing with in conjunction with severe anxiety? Or am I dealing with something else? Please help with any feedback that could be constructive. This has become both debilitating and handicapping for me. Thanks in advance!

ocd is such a hater i have squashed three major themes with ERP and now its making me dread the possibility of developing a new theme

Hi all, just need to rant because I'm exhausted. CW for body and sexuality OCD. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm strong enough to get through this. I understand now why I've only had the strength to deal with OCD at discrete points in my life, times when I would be completely consumed by terror and not know why. But as time has gone by and I'm more actively working on my OCD, I can't push it down anymore. Part of me misses that, even though I know it's better to be working on my response to thoughts as well as the trauma underlying them. My OCD shifts between body/health and sexuality obsessions, and my compulsions are largely mental. The thing that has put me in a bad place the past couple days is just the unrelenting nature of the thoughts. I know you're not supposed to fight with them but it's so hard for me not to. But whenever I successfully defuse one obsession, another takes its place. Today it was defusing a freakout about a hormone test I got back this week (spoiler: contact stress can alter your hormones); I finally accepted that the results are not an indication that my body is broken or that I'm going to be alienated from my sexuality forever. Later on in the day, I was triggered by a picture of an actor from an old Nickelodeon show: my brain freaked out when I saw it because I took my reaction as attraction to someone underage, which of course must mean I'm a pedophile. And being a pedophile all this time (despite a lifetime of evidence to the contrary) would explain why I've felt disconnected from my sexuality the past year. In short, I feel like even when I'm not actively being tormented by intrusive thoughts that challenge the very nature of who I think I am, I constantly live in fear and even avoidance sometimes of being triggered. I know a LOT of the weirdness around sexuality in the past year is simple fear of being triggered, by something that "may" being lying buried beneath the surface. It's exhausting and it makes me fundamentally distrust myself and my ability to know myself. At the end of the day, I get glimpses of who I could be if I wasn't at war with this almost every single day of my life. I know the content, peaceful, compassionate person behind all of this. I may have in the past, but I don't believe myself to be the monster my OCD tries to convince me I am, which makes it maddening to still be subjected to this abuse day in and day out.

there’s actually no fucking way that I have had HOCD since I was 12 years old and that it wasn’t a sexuality crisis this has haunted me for years off and on so much so that i’m always conscious of jt even when it’s not that bad it was more like i had hocd and it affected me so much that i was kinda scarred like mentally which to me sounds like sexuality crisis that has gone into denial after years of convincing herself that she was straight in fucking begging someone to answer me please