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How do I do ERP for real event OCD that focuses on the fear of jail

Very detailed: TW Sexual, POCD, Real Event, scared, Guilt, insane shame I can't sleep. So I might as well write everything that I'm feeling. I was actually really calm the other night. Just as I was getting ready to sleep, I couldn't. Here I am with my mind spinning, my breathing barely in control, and the constant fear that I might be in jail or at the very least accused for some kind of crime one day. I don't know how much my OCD is catastrophizing, distorting, or twisting the thoughts I have on these events and intrusive thoughts All I can say is that ever since I developed sexual feelings and wanted to try and explore them, it's like I became a monster. I became sick. I became selfish and greedy. I feel like I became a Deviant and saw nothing wrong with it while being under so much pressure at the time When I was still in high school, sex was all I cared about and I showed it off. I sent several nudes to different girls in the past, I got nudes back, I did phone sex, and tried nonstop experimenting with a bunch of different people online. Thing is, I never saw anything wrong with these behaviors. The only strong feelings I got was the adrenaline rush when it came to receiving new levels of "communication" with peers that I interacted with. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I feel guilty about all of this now, but I do. These thoughts keep switching back and forth. They'll focus on my past porn addiction, the sexting I've done, the things I acted out from adult content, and how much of a high sex drive I had trying to grow into those times. All I constantly worry about right now is a time where I messaged a girl on instagram at one point. I don't remember how we met. I don't remember her age but at the time I was 17. Only vague intrusive images of the things we talked about, how we talked about those things, and pictures we had shared with each other. None of it was nudes however, which I'm glad it wasn't looking back. It did have to do with feet, which is a body part on the body I generally love, with or without sexual attractions to it. We shared those on occasion, and we seemed alright with it. I don't think she was bothered by it, but I honestly can never be sure anymore. I don't know what my intentions were. I don't know if I ever had a thing for her, I doubt it tbh. I don't even know what made us stop talking. But now I can't even find her after so much searching for some kind of answer. I feel mortified and deeply ashamed of these things. I feel guilt, regret, and shame for the sexual feelings I carry. If it isn't focusing on these events, it's focusing on sexual intrusive thoughts that I don't want. Right now, I would say I'm becoming the person I wish I was years and months ago. I wish I didn't get exposed to any porn. I wish I didn't get hooked on my sexual feelings. And I wish I didn't act on them. I know I was a teenager and all, but still, I just can't get this guilt off my shoulders. I really don't know what to do. I feel like out of the sexting, the flirting, all the porn watching, and basically anyone finding out, that I'd one day be in a lot of irreversible trouble. That one day I'll eventually be abandoned out of love. I'm really trying to get as far away as possible from these things. I don't want anything to do with sexual activities. I despise porn and I don't want to go back to it. I despise sexting, and these unwarranted thoughts and feelings pretty much. I do feel like I'm making progress with everything, and just as I can see that, I'm bombarded by these thoughts and these past events. Constantly reminded of them every single day, hoping that one day I can either find a solution to it all, or to wipe my memory from it all. I just want to say sorry to everyone. Anyone that I may have hurt, disturbed, or bothered out of annoyance pretty much. All I want to do now is help people to the best that I can, get away from my past, hopefully be able to sit with all of this, continue to support others, and myself. I hope everyone else is having a good day and a good week.

does anyone worry they like their thoughts? i’m terrified.

Has anyone with ROCD/relationship anxiety ever dabbled on the thought of, “do I like my partner or do I only like the idea of them?” I know this is definitely a new phase of mine that has probably branched off of my brain being rewired after 2-3 months with relationship anxiety and all the intrusive/obsessive thoughts, but it’s for sure bothering me and making me second guess my feelings for my partner again, so I’ve been compulsively researching for hours. But I know that I care so much for my partner and we’re so early, etc. I guess just to keep it short, is this a thought anyone else also feels?

Hi all, I wondered how many of us have had their sex life impacted by their obsessive fear of becoming pregnant or their obsession over consent? I have personally been affected by this and on top of that my medicine means I have literally 0 libido. As you can imagine, my relationshop is strained by this (partner of 5 years). Any tips on how to tackle any of these issues? I want to do more ERP for the issue but constantly pushing my partner away is causing more issues on top 🤦‍♀️

I’ve always felt that people that committ sucicide are just wasting there life and it will get better but they didn’t care and I always thought that was stupid and anytime someone would tell me they were sucicidal in the past and tried to do it I would be like wow they are dumb but now since my panic attack and the sucicidal intrusive thoughts I have happen I feel completely different and don’t understand why I feel differently about it and am very worried that I will be sucicidal one day and that I won’t be able to help it but before all this I was positive I would never

I’m curious how old everyone is? I’m 24. I feel very alone because I feel like everyone is so young.

Reading post on here about POCD and I just keep feeling like crying. I want to cry because it’s better than believing this is real I broke down typing this before I could this I real

Not sure if this is OCD related but I think I just had an anxiety/panic attack? I was driving out for an appointment and all of a sudden felt like I was going to pass out at the wheel and that was followed by nausea, lump in throat and feeling like doom or fear I guess? It was so sudden and so alarming that I eventually pulled over, cancelled the appointment, and turned around and went home. Now I'm feeling generally weak and tired. Has anyone else had something similar? Or know what this is and how to cope?

I posted a few hours ago about my pocd and really struggling today and no one has replied. It makes me feel worried that everyone is thinking that I'm a real 'you know what' and that's why no one is replying. Can someone maybe reply to me? I feel really anxious. I don't know what to do about my thoughts and sensations. All I know is that I don't want to be feeling these things. I don't want to harm anyone. I just want to be normal. But I'm really worried that I'm not! Someone please help!

tw pocd my pocd tends to attack girls ages like 11-15. it’s really distressing. i’m straight too. it’s like the fact girls are always sexualised (or atleast i’ve always felt like i’d been) and so it’s picking on them. but i feel so uncomfortable. ironically my type has always been older men which is like the exact opposite. but yeah these thoughts are worrying and making me check and it’s all so uncomfortable. it feels ‘more real’ or possible than if they were younger (my pocd has never attacked children, more often like young teens). saying all this makes me worried

I’ve been struggling a lot lately thinking that I don’t have OCD because I don’t have many physical compulsions. I avoid things, I ruminate, and I check things like body sensations and feelings I get with the thoughts. But for some reason my OCD is making me feel like those aren’t real compulsions and I don’t have OCD and I’m just a manipulative liar who is just in denial or something. This feels like a relapse and I’m tired of OCD. I can’t even leave my house. I feel stuck and hopeless.

So the only thing that bothers me. I tried to do erp on my own. Intensively as i could. No anxiety. Little discomfort. I tried doing it to see if i will still get anxiety from past experiences. Now I’m not sure if thats a compulsion and rumination. So i didn’t get anxiety when i did it. My therapist and I talked about maybe ill figure this thing out, maybe i wont. No anxiety. We were doing erp at that point. But when i sat with my therapist because i didn’t know if i needed to intentionally expose myself to past fears or if its rumination, i got confused and some anxiety creeped in. Thats when i felt scared to go and do my past fears. So i just don’t know if i should still try to expose myself without any fear, but maybe eventually it will creep in. Or should i not because thats rumination. Trying to figure it out. Or should i do erp as an exercise where i still do whatever i need to do but not figure anything out

I'm not diagnosed with anything and this isn't OCD related I just want to rant. So last year where I live we werent going to school from march until September because of COVID. Around September me and my classmates started going because we had to write our postponed exams in October. I remember around August I realised I don't really have a personality or any individual thoughts and that's when I started becoming really aware of the fact that I don't contribute much to conversations or my friendships. When I would see my friends in person if just get quiet and wouldn't be able to talk to them cause id keep thinking "am I being interesting, I have nothing to say, they probably think I'm boring". I also realised I don't actually know anything which is also why I can't contribute to anything. I'm not interested in YouTube videos or tiktoks, I can't really talk about shows that I like in person, j feel like I have no interests or formed opinions on things so I have nothing to talk about. I can only talk to people over text and that's not much. It's gotten worse now to the point where during a conversation I won't be concentrating ill just be thinking about how interesting and fun my friends are and I have nothing to contribute. I overthink evry single thing I say and every single interaction I have and it doesn't stop. And I also constantly have thoughts about this, what mental illness I might have, how I might not have ocd, ocd like intrusive thoughts,etc. I don't really know what this is but I want to make it stop. I want to be able to start enjoying life and being normal. I want to stop worrying about everything. Again I'm not diagnosed with anything.

I can’t sleep, my POCD is convincing me I don’t deserve to live but I know I don’t want to hurt myself. I’ve fought this spike for over a week now (I’ve suffered with POCD for years since I began working with children but new memories/obsessions pop up.) I’m tired and I can’t even practice the “maybe, maybe not” exercise because now I’m like “Is it the OCD? Or are you just guilty and you’re looking for excuses?” I know in my heart I would never hurt a child and that I hate the thought of children being groomed or preyed on but that doesn’t convince me that I’m not a horrible monster and dangerous. I have barely slept worrying over a memory of feeling arousal watching something and didn’t think anything of it and moved on but now I’m like “Was that actually a teenager or something and you didn’t know? Did you WANT that? Did you accidentally feel this arousal looking at a minor without knowing?” Or “Was your friend lying about their age when you talked about suggestive/18+ content?” Which makes tons of new intrusive thoughts enter my brain and scare me worse. I’ll listen to youtube videos validating that people also suffer with this and that POCD is real but I feel like the exception. I know I don’t want to give up to my intrusive suicidal thoughts but these thoughts don’t leave my head and feel so real. A week ago I would have practiced mindful thinking and train my brain to let it go but now I’m so lost I feel like thats “escaping my guilt” or something. I shared this with my therapist and knew she couldn’t give me reassurance but I thought I would feel a weight lifted but it’s still very much here. I just want to feel normal again but then I feel I don’t deserve it. I wish I could sleep. I’m just crying and having panic attacks every night. I care about children’s safety so much why why why why does it feel like this?? I’m starting ERP soon and I’m so scared..

I'm convinced that I'm just a late bloomer and that I'm really changing...

Today was not a good day. I slept through the entire day and woke up very late. I'm having such a terrible time trying to sit through these thoughts. It's so hard to sit with these feelings and all of this guilt but I'm still trying. I've been googling and that made things worse honestly, but it's so hard to stop it all. My OCD went back to latch onto the very first thing that sparked my OCD: All the times I chose to sext with others when I was a minor. I stopped before turning 18 and I've never done it ever again since. I feel like an awful person. My biggest fear when it comes to OCD is being a sexual Deviant and convicted of a sexual crime. I just hate that I've done these things. I can't stay in the present and enjoy myself in the now because of this immense guilt holding me down. I feel like I'm holding back tears and it feels like this won't ever go away, yet I still try. Sometimes I get so hurt and sad that my thoughts sort of leave the current situation and I go back to my thoughts of childhood. Back when things were easier. When I was happier. When everything made sense. I don't know if I'm beating myself up too much or if I deserve this. I have really bad difficulty when it comes to getting over these sexting events and the times I've viewed adult content. These thoughts assume the worst out of these things and I feel like it only rarely gets better. I have trouble with all of this for the simple fact that these things have happened. Right now I don't do any of the things I get scared of thinking about. I don't watch any adult content, I really try to filter out all of it, and I don't masturbate. All of these things just makes me feel like a really terrible person and I stay terrified of my sex life and my sexual feelings. Anything sexual, I don't think I can handle very well so I just try to stay away from it all. But I feel like, especially in the past, my sexual feelings took over my control and what I would and wouldn't do and things just happen. When I was 17 I met this girl on instagram and I thought she was very funny. We ended up talking to each other a lot and we sent memes, funny pictures, funny faces, and I think we talked on the phone one time. We even shared baby pictures. I don't know how we became such good friends or how we even met but we did. But OCD always pinpoints the times we've exchanged pictures of our feet. It constantly brings this up and at the end of it all, I don't remember her age. I feel sick. I feel really disgusted in myself and I feel like I just constantly keep messing up my life in my adolescence. I don't even know if what we did was sexual or not, but I know for a fact that nudes weren't shared. That was the last thing on my mind. I remember that we joked about this kinda stuff too and I think we were both in high school at the time. But I can just never be certain. Then I get anxiety of the thought of the nudes I did send to other girls with an inner voice saying "Now those pictures are going to be online forever. What if your friends see that? Your family? The people you love? What if they know about these things? You'd be disowned into jail" Self compassion is getting harder and harder. I'm really trying to push through this but these feelings make everything so hard. I'm constantly fearing for my life based on these stupid things that I've done in the past that I would never do now. I feel like there isn't any escape. I just don't know what to do. At the very least I'm trying to breathe. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm really sorry.

Does anyone here have emotional contamination OCD? It’s a rare subtype that doesn’t really get talked about

This is my first time posting here, I hope this is okay. I just started therapy with a licensed professional counselor about 6 months ago. Over time, I opened up for the first time about obsessions and compulsive behaviors I’ve done since I was very young (I’m now 27). She shared some OCD resources and I felt heard for the first time in my life, and like I had finally found the words to describe my experiences. I haven’t started treatment yet, but I am really struggling today because my experience in therapy has brought up a lot of difficult emotions that have made my OCD spike. My boyfriend has noticed this spike and has been encouraging me to see what he calls “a real doctor”, since he doesn’t think a LPC is fit to diagnose me. It feels like he is discounting my experience because I haven’t been treated by a psychologist, and it’s making me feel invalidated. Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have to be formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist or psychologist to get the OCD seal of approval? Do you have any resources or advice for how to talk to or educate your partner about what you’re going through? Thanks in advance, just feeling lost and frustrated.

I just had a diagnosis from a nurse practitioner who just said that it's not ocd if there's no physical compulsions. It kinda of frustrated me a bit.