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Any tips for sitting with the discomfort other than going on your phone? Going on my phone is a coping mechanism to distract and numb out

SO-OCD TW really don’t know how to explain this but sometimes i feel envious of girls who are just really openly bi or gay. like i admire that confidence and ‘wish i was like that’. and i guess it’s more of a hypothetical. like if i really am bi or gay i wish i could just accept it and be like them. but i’m scared all this is just internalised homophobia and like i’m scared to express my true feelings or something. i don’t know anymore. saying i’m straight feels like a lie but i don’t think i’ve ever liked a girl. but then i envy overtly bi or gay girls? it just doesn’t make sense and idk what to think

Now I’m wondering if I even have ocd, in December when my theme of sexual-orientation ocd started I was doing so many compulsions, taking quizzes, googling coming out stories, comparing pictures of guys and girls, comparing straight and lesbian porn, ruminating about past and current relationships and friendships, ruminating about stupid things I did as a kid and even two years ago in my first year of high school. But I’m at a point now three months later where the anxiety is minimal and I don’t ruminate too much because I feel like my mind has gone crazy going through every possibility and I just don’t want to give in to those thoughts. My attraction to men is still low, i still find a bell going off in my head every time I see a pretty girl or something lgbtq+ related however my only compulsions right now are checking this app when I’m about to ruminate, occasionally going into Reddit and telling my grandma and friend about it. It’s subsided a lot which I’m grateful for but now that it’s still there I feel like I’ve given in somehow or like I truly am something other than straight but I hate that idea. I don’t want to like girls, don’t want to be intimate with one and I hate how sexualized they are in the media because it makes it hard to differentiate between arousal and genuine physical attraction but I still don’t want to be with one like that. I don’t know, anyone else feel like this ?

God is Alive Hope this helps someone. I know he is I have proof. Nothing to do with OCD.

Feeling like a burden to my family today. I’ve been speaking to them about possibly leaving my current cbt therapist to start therapy with nocd, however they seem very frustrated with me for wanting to switch therapists and for not being all happy and bubbly all the time. We don’t have much money so therapy is a big decision for us, I can tell my family and my friends are getting fed up of me :(

My ocd tells me I shouldn’t be forgiven for childhood sex play because I was older than than my sibling. It’s so hard I feel like I don’t deserve to move on with my life and should die. Even though my sibling loves me and talks to me all the time.

well, i might as well write something here. I'm feeling especially miserable today, came across this app and installed it. can't hurt, right? I'd be here all day if i had to talk about how and why and when my mental health started significantly deteriorating. i don't feel comfortable talking about why i deal with the issues that i do. I'll try to keep it short and focused on ocd. i guess I've always had these tendencies, and taking my lived experiences into consideration, i was pretty much cursed to be stuck where i am now. my ocd was initially a relatively standard harm ocd subtype. it had some peculiar aspects to it that I'd rather not get into at the moment. it was easy to get frightened and consumed by my unwanted thoughts. as a kid I'd spiral over conversations around me that triggered some sort of disgusting mental image. and the apparently unrelated physical rituals that i performed to calm myself down really only made it worse in the long run. here i am now, disabled by pocd, harm ocd, pure o, some sort of moral compass ocd. a lot of it has a sexual nature to it. i fear experiencing attraction or arousal to whatever causes an intrinsic response of disgust in me. a lot of it has to do with my fear of being destined to become an irredeemable person. I'm ruled by my own self hatred. after years of dealing with this illness and other comorbid issues, sometimes going into remission, the best way i can describe my case is as an "autoimmune disease of the psyche". i have developed many, many coping mechanisms, but my brain seems to adapt itself to the remedies i come up with, eventually weaponizing my own coping methods against me. i spend most of my daily energy containing whatever is haunting me in the back of my head. I'm sure I'd go insane if i just let it go loose. i deal with a vast network of thoughts that connect simple words to horrifying concepts which require me to engage in some sort of compulsion. it's inevitable for the most part. every single slightly alien sensation in my body causes an instant delusion-like belief in me that the worst is bound to happen. it's up to me to prove to such a superior force that it shouldn't make it happen by moving my eyes a certain way, coordinating some abstract notion of... something...? inside my head. it doesn't make any sense to anyone but me. I've tried to explain it in detail but so far i haven't met anyone else who can put themselves in my shoes when it comes to such a complicated ocd case. but obviously, I'm keeping it vague here. fear of uncertainty and the despair that accompany it govern me, i no longer feel like a person. I'm pretty much a walking corpse at this point. I've given up the hope of ever living a normal life. I'm grateful enough that i survive each day that passes by and i will continue to do so. my pessimism would probably depress most people, but it's strangely helpful. when i hoped for good outcomes, I'd get disappointed eventually. it gets better, but it never did, so there's no use establishing goals or milestones. i expect the worst, so nothing disappoints me anymore, and when good things do happen, it feels especially great. i made peace with my own miserable future.

i just read a tik tok comment on a video about disturbing intrusive thoughts and so many comments triggered me saying “this is scary” “you people are sick” etc. and i just started spiraling, i have POCD, harm ocd, inc3st ocd literally so many intrusive thoughts that cause me to panic and feel evil and reading those made me burst out in tears, i’ve never felt so alone. i would never do what my thoughts put in my head, i don’t want them, i don’t believe them, i just want to be a good person and have normal thoughts and i didn’t want this. i am so tired of people misunderstanding me, i DONT want these thoughts, they make me feel sick and evil and i pray at night they’d stop and they never do and now people are saying “you’re sick” and everything, i feel so lost.

So I am not that anxious about the thoughts anymore and sometimes when I see/hear something that can trigger a memory from my past that ocd says is a "proof" that I'm not straight, I try to not argue with it anymore because i noticed that whever I argue with my thoughts, i feel more anxious about it. BUT when I don't argue with my thoughts, it convinces me that I'm gay my whole life (even though I never felt that way). Plus the fact that I'm not anxious about my thoughts makes me want to be anxious but really, I'm too numb to be anxious right now even if I would want to be. Maybe I do get anxious when I do engage with my thoughts, but it really is convincing if I don't argue with it. Can somebody give an advice?

Having HOCD and being a parent hurts. It’s like I can no longer watch my own child.

I have been in a severe OCD episode since about July that has only gotten worse each month that goes by. I even did a partial hospitalization program and IOP from August-September. I am starting to feel hopeless. I am at the worst point in my OCD right now and have been have had serious fights with my boyfriend around it that is pushing him further and further away. My OCD targets him and my biggest fear is that I will lose him and my fear is starting to come true. I haven’t heard from him all day following our like 6th fight and I my anxiety is through the roof. I texted/called him like 10 times. Nothing can even distract me I am so worried I feel sick.

HELP ASAP!! When I was 7 I had a sleep over with my friend, I’m now 15, when he was sleeping I pulled down his pants a little bit to see what his butt looked like and I can’t remember but I might have touched the butt to se what it felt like. I then went to sleep, but I can’t remember if I touched the hurt I definitely pulled the pants down a bit to look but can’t remember if I touched. Does this mean I abused or assaulted him, or that I’m a bad person, or a sex predator, or even child predator for doing this once when I was 7. I feel so bad about it I can sleep and have lost all motivation, am I a bad person, am I a predator, or did I assault him? This is killing me am I a bad person or abuser please help??!!

Yesterday I watched the movie A Beautiful Mind and I thought, is there a fine line between OCD and schizophrenia? Just a genuine question.. what do you guys think?

How was your day today? How’s skl/uni/work?

Maybe it's my impatience. I do ERP (pictures, loop tapes etc.) and I've sat with anxiety and it got easier to do. But my thinking outside of ERP gets worse by the second. Right now my mind is in overdrive to convince me. And the loss of attraction shit (including focusing on old women) has made it worse. I am completely doubting HOCD. I am hopeless, depressed and utterly traumatized. I dont think I have anything left.

I have pure-o and I’m a Christian. My recent fear was worrying my child would die. That turned to what if I abandon my faith. Next was what if Christianity is all a lie...I’m stuck. I’ve tried all my strategies. I can’t even pray or read Scripture normally bc I feel like my brain and heart are disconnected. Anyone have any pointers?

For those who paid to use NOCD how was it what was it?

I had a thought today and it's making me spiral...it was .."what if my compulsions aren't actually compulsions and I'm willingly thinking of the thoughts and feelings but just using it as an excuse to deny my orientation?" I don't know what to do it's driving me crazy. Can someone please help

I’m currently seeing a therapist (not on NOCD) and I’m worried she doesn’t really understand what she’s doing, as my OCD doesn’t seem to be getting better. However I’m worried if I see a therapist who does ERP, that they’ll tell me I don’t really have OCD and that I’ll find out all my thoughts are true. I don’t know what to do, should I stop seeing this therapist? Is ERP terrifying?

Avoidance. Its not about stopping myself from things, its mustering the courage to do basic stuff. Ita gotten so bad I can't even put on socks or have showers. I'm missing out on life, and truly I've been missing life lately. It all is so completely ridiculous. I want to go for a hike. I want to do zumba and yoga. I want to build a strong and healthy body. I want to experiment with cooking and learn to play the piano. But all I do is avoid. I do find support in "what would you do if you didn't have anxiety/ocd", but even if I know what I would do, I can't seem to be able to follow through. It feels impossible. My life has become empty and I'm not functioning anymore. How are you all doing? And how do you feel about avoidance?