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the NOCD Community

I have a tricky one for you guys... Please help me in this. I don’t know what’s true and what’s anxiety in this situation and I need some help. I have a pretty paralyzing fear of being murdered by my partner. I don’t remember how it started but it’s a fairly new theme (within the last 2 years). I probably make it a lot worse by watching a lot of true crime documentaries and, of course, many of the killers are the spouse. Anyway, it usually comes and goes in terms of severity and I JUST felt like I had gotten over it. I didn’t really worry about it anymore. My partner knows about this. He has a twisted sense of humour and has made dark jokes but never threatened me or made me feel like I was in any ACTUAL danger. But he can say things that will just absolutely send me over the edge. He’s promised (and pinky-promised) that he will never murder me or anyone else. That sounds SO silly when I type it out but it’s how I ask for reassurance. Anyway, something happened today where this has now come up again and I’m through the roof with anxiety. I googled (I know, stupid!) and it sounds like a lot of people have this dark sense of humour and a lot of people think it’s normal to joke about killing each other with their partner..? I don’t know- it’s not like I feel like he’s threatening me. He always apologies when he sees how anxious i get and promises he was just kidding and he would never hurt me. But I just don’t see how it’s funny? Maybe I would if it weren’t for this intense fear? I don’t know, please help. I don’t know what’s really a threat and what’s not anymore. Thank you!

Any mamas of little ones on here trying to tackle this OCD beast while taking care of their kids??? Could really use a tribe of women right now. I’m finding it so much harder to fight when I have to care for her because she is only 3 1/2 and takes up all my time (it’s wonderful btw I am just finding it difficult to fight through the panic attacks in front of her.)

Out of control intrusive thoughts of all types have become a part of my everyday life I do not know who I am anymore and I see no hope:(

Omg, loss of attraction is kicking my ass....

Someone else that also get icks when a guy is overly kind and says he cares about you a lot, and I mean a lotttt.. I don’t know why but I want to distance myself from all of it, makes me feel weird

Help someone?

I’m on zoloft and I have been for about 3 ish years, but I’m also about to start Wellbutrin for depressive symptoms. How have others felt on this? Obviously everyone is different but it’s just interesting and comforting to talk about

I haven’t read it in a while but the master doc is freaking me out again :( I just read the content page and it’s all just terrified me. I’m convinced I’m just in denial right now, like I’ve had loads of crushes on fictional men before (a sign apparently) and a couple of times I’ve gone off of real guys when they start liking me back (I thought it was due to me being scared of change) and it just all feels like evidence :( Like there’s even a thing about blushing and feeling nervous around men being a sign and I sometimes feel so nervous before dates :( I’m not asking for reassurance as I know it won’t help I’m just in a state of panic and want to talk to someone, I can’t keep doing this, I just want it all to stop :’(

Has anyone had any success when dealing with a false memory within a real event. I did something and I have a false memory about that event and if that false memory actually did happy I want to confess to my partner about it. But if it’s false why would I confess to it. There’s no way to tell. So I either live with the possibility that it did happen and my partner doesn’t know about it. Or just say hey I have ocd about this thing and I don’t think it happened but I can’t remember. Option 2 sounds like the best option because this one doesn’t go away

Does anyone suffer from TOCD? I've seen very few people here who suffer from tocd.

Is anyone else scared of getting dental work because they’re scared they’ll tell people about their horrible intrusive thoughts in the post-procedure high?

Just wanted to say that from my experience consumption of drugs or alcohol makes OCD significantly worse and I'd avoid it at all costs if you can.

Does anyone else have a form of SOOCD / HOCD in which you worry about your appearance / interests? More recently I’ve started not caring at all about making myself look nice. Truthfully, I feel awful a lot of the time because of this. I look in the mirror and think I’m ugly. But on top of this thought I also think, “I look gay”, “I look like a lesbian”, etc. Then, it morphs into other thoughts such as, “Wait, I don’t care about makeup anymore? I must be gay”, “I don’t care as much about fashion anymore? I must be gay”, “I don’t feel like I can easily connect with other girls when they talk about “girly” things? I must be gay”, “I don’t like as many “girly” things as I used to? I must be gay”. On top of this, I also create false memories from my past of me faking being girly to fit a certain standard. I’m TIRED of it. Of course, I know straight women only liking girly things is a big stereotype, but it’s enough to scare the shit out of me.

What do you do when a compulsion no longer relieves the anxiety? My pocd is giving me hell. Lately my pocd has focused on child pornography and the google compulsion I’ve had isn’t relieving the anxiety. Before just searching the term was enough to clear the get rid of the anxiety and I was always left with the feeling of guilt that I’d done something wrong and that I was gonna be jailed for it. I never want to see the actual thing and I’ve been trying to resist the google compulsion but I feel like I’m not strong enough no matter how hard I try. I want feel like such a monster for it. What do you guys suggest I do?

For people who have experienced successes with SSRI’s or other antidepressants, what symptoms did they treat? The intrusive thoughts, anxiety, compulsions, all of it? I have tried other ssri’s in the past, with moderate success in reducing anxiety, but it didn’t reduce the unwanted thoughts. However, at that time, the theme of my intrusive thoughts weren’t as troublesome. So while the thoughts still existed, it didn’t limit my functionality. I feel like even if a new SSRI reduces my anxiety and compulsions, but not the intrusive thoughts, that I will not return to the functionality I had just a short time ago.

I suffer from TOCD and ı have a question.What does it mean to feel like a girl? I'm a girl but I feel neither like a boy nor a girl.Does that mean I'm not a cisgender female?

I've been realizing that to keep going and act on values in the face if uncertain feelings is a huge commitment. It's like accepting yeah I may be "wrong" but this is what I'm gonna do cause I need to strengthen my self trust. It's so effing hard. My heart goes out to others dealing with SOOCD within a committed relationship like I am. On top of it all I am bisexual so this feels like an eternal mindfuck but somewhere within my values I know the beginning of this relationship was so good that I didnt care ir obsess over what gender my partner is not did I obsess over what exact sexuality I am. I have hope in that, but at the same time, sometimes a day with ocd is a hopeless day. My heart goes out to all who can relate. <3

I got prescribed zoloft and so scared to take it. I was up reading all these horror stories and now I'm so scared to take it.

Lately in therapy, I’ve learned how OCD doesn’t come unless there is general anxiety first. It helps me to think about what I’m actually anxious about when i start thinking irrationally with OCD. My goal right now is to feel anxious without it flipping into OCD. OCD only makes me feel some what in control when i feel helplessly anxious. It’s all a lie!

Someone please help! I feel like crying. I had an argument with my sister regarding something. I play this online game called yo world on fb and I met someone on there who also lives near me. We are close friends and she’s a girl and I’m thinking about meeting her. My ex was really toxic which traumatised me really badly and made me want to end my life. she was a girl. However I was on soo many pills because off my intrusive thoughts and anxiety that i wasn't aware of my own actions( whether i really liked her) or just wanted someone to be with me to not feel alone. i told my sister i am planning to meet up with this girl however were just good friends. i guess my sister is right about bringing someone over just to chill after meeting them once however i got really upset when my sister said that as i started to believe that she was stopping me from meeting someone and make friends. my mum got involved after i argued with my sister and said why i was getting so upset and thought i was meeting this girl ( for something else) however after my last relationship it left me questioning about my sexuality it was my first one. i don't know whether I'm bisexual or not cause whenever i watch programmes with good-looking guys i get attracted and happy. i have liked guys before. my mum is like so your bisexual means u want to be with a guy and a girl in a relationship at the same time? now i cant stop thinking about what if i want to be with two people at the same time? i'm getting scared. this thought happened after my mum said that. i don't even know if I'm bisexual or not. i feel really embarrassed having this thought. i searched on the internet. 'confused about my sexuality and lgtb came up. i saw the wore trans gender and starting thinking what if im transgender . i don't want these thoughts. i just want to be free. i can't stop thinking about my sexuality. i feel that i never liked guys when i did??? why is my brain making me feel like this. : (