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I have hocd and it has to do with the fact that I started watching transsexual porn. I am a straight male and this does not go with how I really feel. I am very much attracted to women. Has anyone here had problems watching certain types of porn that don't align with your sexual identity? I would watch straight porn to check myself to make sure I was still attracted to women. Or check them out in public and be like yeah of course I like women. Also, what's really killing me is I think my sister in law has see the porn I watch and I'm afraid she has told my fiancees whole family. She has used my computer before and I just think she stumbled across something. I can't get it out of my head, I belive that my fiancees family knows the porn I watched and is trying to drop hints that I am gay. Like I think they're leaving dick shaped things around the house on purpose when they come over. They literally wrote the word GAY and underlined it for me to see once in my house...I am now avoiding them when I can and I get anxious around them. I just wouldn't want my fiancee to find out in a way that would upset her. If she is going to know what I'm going through, I'd want to be the one to tell her and hope she understands. This is devastating. Sorry for the long post. Thanks guys.

Unrelated to OCD rant, but I need to get this off my chest (FYI, it’s not even that serious) So, me and two of my friends are planning on going to see Billie Eillish next year, as she’s going on a world tour. I’m only 17, and I work. My friend can’t afford her ticket at the moment, so I said that I’ll pay for her until she’s able to pay me back. I get paid tomorrow from work, and the tickets we’re planning on buying are gonna cost me £200, because an individual ticket is £100 &, as I said, I’m buying for my friend. But, I’m not even sure if my money will go into my account tomorrow, as my manager told me today that it will either be tomorrow, or Saturday, and that it’s about a 50/50 chance. The tickets go on sale at 10AM tomorrow, and I’m pretty sure all the good seats will sell out very, very fast - and if I don’t have the money tomorrow, it’s likely I won’t be able to buy on Saturday. For some reason, this is giving me so much anxiety, like I literally can’t relax because I’ve gotten myself so excited about getting the tickets, and the possibility that I just won’t be able to get them is almost devastating and I’m just completely uncertain, and I have OCD so I clearly have an issue with handling uncertainty... I literally can’t focus on my work because I’m worrying so much.

Does anyone have any advice for sharing their obsessions with their significant other? I struggle with relationship and sexuality OCD. My boyfriend knows I have OCD, but we have never discussed it in detail. I think he is trying to respect my boundaries and I am terrified he won’t understand my obsessions and/or will take them personally. As a result I feel like I am hiding this horrible secret, and it is causing me so much anxiety. I want to talk to him about it, but I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that won’t hurt him.

I think I’m better off dead. I can’t even find therapist who want to listen to me or help me. Nothing I say makes sense to them and nothing they say makes sense to me. I have nothing to live for. I have no interests at all or none I can accomplish. I just rather be dead than to keep living like this.

I know with other themes similar things can happen, but with SOOCD is it possible? If someone says a scenario that you've never been in and asks how would you react? (And its a scenario you logically don't want to be in usually) and as you think about it you could see yourself having a good time/enjoying the scenario (when in reality you probably wouldn't). Is this a thing SOOCD does or is this just overthinking? My example: Someone on this app said to another person they should go on a date with a girl to learn if they were bi or not. I am a straight woman. I have always had crushes on boys, thought of being with a boy, dreamt of having a husband, I even have a boyfriend of 8 years. When I thought of the scenario of dating a girl to see what it's like at first I sort of laughed to myself cos I was like that's never going to happen because that's not me. Then in less than a second doubt came in and I could picture myself sitting across the table from some girl and laughing with her, wanting to know her. Now in this picture I never wanted or got the feeling that I wanted to have any sexual relations, yes she was attractive, but I didn't want to do anything with her. So after this I realised the whole wanting to know her and maybe even a hug could come from the fact I have no friends at all, I only have my bf. The female friends I had were so b*tchy that I cut myself off from them and also I'm not into "normal" things like drinking and clubbing, I also don't have as much money like them to hang out. I'm more into nature and reading etc. Then I used to have a group of male friends, which also had my old crush, and we would hang out almost every day playing football, chilling in the park, cinema, bowling etc. But then they told my bf to dump me out of jealousy and started becoming more his friend than mine (they did apologise months later but damage was done and they become people I didn't recognise). Sorry, kind of went on a bit there. Is it possible the potential of me liking going on a "date" with a girl is ocd? Not having female friends and possibly missing having a friend? The fact I've never been on a date with a girl so it would be that giddy nervous thing of trying something so out-there cos it doesn't align with who you are? Or is it my absolute worst fear come true? I understand no one knows for certain. I just wanted to know if it was a part of SOOCD really. I've also seen some people that have deliberately triggered others with their comments and did it on purpose. I'm asking those doing it deliberately if you could not do it? I'm doing better and don't want to backtrack right now, and it's also torturous to others.

I am having really bad panic attack now. I think i dont love my gf but constantly i am trying to prove myself that i love her and that is why i developed OCD, its not other way round. I prove myself because she loves me alot and i will never get a girl who will love me this much. Please please please help !!!!

Something I just realised is that even if any of us turned ot being for example bi, doesn't mean we HAVE to act on it if we don't want to.

Anyone in a relationship ever get an urge to talk to someone they shouldn’t be?

Someone read ASAP bro. So my upstairs neighbor was being hella loud right? So I told my mom to tell them to be quiet but my mom said “oh they have a kid, it’s okay” basically she doesn’t want a problem and she’s the type to not use her voice to make it known she’s uncomfortable. Well okay... if she’s that type of person then I’ll take it into my own hands.. so I went up and confronted they were like “What? What noise...your crazy.. when we walk it has to make noise” I said “Idk it’s maybe three bed or chair idk if it’s walking” I told them just to be quiet so we don’t have a problem. She closed the door on me. Well okay. Am I wrong? Because my sister doesn’t use her voice I basically carry the whole family, because I’m the only one that uses my voice and speak up. Cause my mom doesn’t like problems and even if she felt uncomfortable she’ll won’t say anything.

I have a weird one idk if its OCD but I know im a decent guy, at least average looking but I feel like I need validation from girls. Its like i just want to know for sure if im attractive and how much is so… perhaps from a fear of not being good enough. With much reluctance and self-hatred i downloaded a dating app and actually did get matches and conversations, etc which surprised me and gave me like a “high” for a while and a sense of relief like “oh thank goodness I must be attractive then” but no matter what, somehow my anxiety would always find a way of convincing that I wasnt. Ie: if a girl and I werent compatible and she unmatched me I’d feel like I wasnt good enough, or if she asked me to hang out id just think she must be easy and says that to many guys etc. Like no matter what my anxiety prevails and despite the reassurance I got from actually doing decently well on this app, it has only left me feeling more anxious, rejected, depressed and confused. Is this OCD?

I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts about my siblings lately and I really hate it because they’re super super young , I think it’s stemming from my soocd but I’m really scared of developing pocd. Any tips to nip it in the bud early?

my therapist just told me he doesn’t know if this is ocd or avoidance. my greatest fears have just been confirmed.

Guys😔 I am so sad. Like sooo sad. I cannot stop crying. I am convinced I am a lesbian for sure and I never liked men. My feelings changed towards my now ex. I started having severe anxiety around him. I am not sure if it is my SOOCD or if I was never attracted to him to begin with. Either way we broke up and I’m so sad. I don’t want to be a lesbian but I do have sexual feelings towards girls. I enjoyed sex with my ex but maybe I didn’t enjoy it maybe I lied to myself. I cry myself to sleep every night and I’m crying right now. I feel trapped. I don’t know why I cannot accept if I was a lesbian and just be happy. I feel happy when I think about being with a girl like I stop crying and then I freak out again. I’m always looking for someone to tell me I’m not. But maybe I am. I don’t know I just know that I am so sad. Everyone would accept me if I was gay such as my mom, sister and friends but I wouldn’t. I don’t know why.

Racing thoughts.. Anyone dealing with super fast racing thoughts? They are sometimes nonsense. Even when they are not scary, my mind is just looping random conversations, songs.. its like super fast random stuff. Its so scary!!

Anyone else that can FEEL the front of their brain overwork itself? It seems like I can totally feel my brain all foggy. That’s because the front part of the brain is overstimulated right?

(I'm sorry for my English but I'm not native speaker) Hey im very stressed so I need to share my story. I think I have hocd for like 2 months. I'm so stressed to go to therapist because l'm scared that he won't be aware of ocd and he won't give me a good resonance in my case i don’t think that in my country it’s know topic. So I wanna ask you what you guys think of it. I'm so scared that I’m lesbian and I'm just in denial. I've never liked girls but l've never had bad feelings about homosexual people, I had lesbian friend and two gay friends and it was always normal for me, but I just always knew that I like boys because l've always had crushes on boys, I enjoyed reading love novels or erotic novels and it was what I knew I want. And I have a very good friend, we even call each other sister because since we met we had a lot in common, we were very comfortable with yourself, we were taking baths in bathtub together talking about boys and we were drinking wine and it was our tradition , we even kissed on party because we played truth or dare with boys and other girls and we never had second thoughts about it I asked even my sister if it’s weird and she said that she also kissed a girl when she was young and she also saw her friend naked.. she said that we all woman so that’s not weird and don’t identify my sexuality (I asked her now when I have this thought not then), it never even bother me because I knew it didn't meant anything in sexual or romantic way to me. But when I told my flat mate because he asked me how close we are because even tho we studying in different towns we still manage to have contact or to meet and I told him that she is like my sister, we know everything about our selves and I said "bro she saw me naked and we even kissed on party, so think she knows me better than anybody else" (we were 16 then and now l'm 20 and never had questioning my sexuality since now) and then he said "it's sound so lesbian, I think you are bi, for sure you are bi" and at first i was like yyy no and it didn't bother me really, but later I had a lot of stress.. final exams, and I don't know why but I was worried about my health so badly because somehow I thought that I have cancer and I felt very sick, I was vomiting from stress I was crying all night but I go to doctor and he said that I just have some problem with period but since then I was very unstable about my mental health and I started to think what if he was right and I stared to obsessing, I couldn't eat and sleep, I was crying for 3 days all the time, even my flat mates were worried and since then I'm so anxious that maybe he was right and my thoughts now tell my that for sure I like this and at the same time when I think about be with woman but not in sexual way but like be with her in relationships at first I think I want it but the Il'm so anxious so I think that's not the thing. But what is worrying me the most that nothing give me joy.. I'm bookworm I loved to read I loved romance novels and now I think I can't read them, I'm procrastinating (and I was always very active and I loved to study) I can't watch my favorite shows because there are homosexual couples and in the past it didn't bother me but now it is. I also wonder..In childhood because of my parents divorced and very bad situation in home (violence and My mom was twice in mental hospital because she had depression) when I was 6 my teacher saw that I had problems with stuttering and i had something like compulsive blinking (?) I was blinking like all the time and back then I was going to child psychologist because I was scared of people and I was reacting with crying and stress when someone were looking at me with anger (or I just thought that person is mad at me)But I thought that I gone through this. Can it have influence on my mental health right now? Please help me. I'm crying even while l'm writing it, I even had thoughts that's it's better to be dead than be lesbian and I'm very stressed because l'm worried that I will never like bovs again. I’m so sick of questioning every single move and tik tok and social media give me also a lot anxiety. Pleas help me.

distraction post: who is your comfort celebrity regarding mental health? like a celebrity who may have shared their struggle/experince and you may relate or maybe even someone who has raised awareness and you felt heard

TW: magical thinking ocd sometimes i avoid certain words bc my manifestation ocd (magical thinking) thinks if i read the word too much, my subconscious will attach to it and i’ll become it HAHAHA LIKE WHAT?? i know it’s ridiculous but like why does it make sense in to my ocd..

Really thought about whether or not to post this but I’m really struggling and wondering if anyone has gone through the same thing/what helped them out of it. I have fears of psychosis/schiz/delusions and I started having intrusive thoughts that sound and feel delusional even though I know they’re not true, and I don’t actually believe them. I obsess over whether I think they’re true and if I’m actually delusional, then I start to feel really disconnected and dreamy (like derealization?) but then I get worried that I’m actually dissociating and/or losing my mind. I rly struggle w these thoughts as they make me so uncomfortable and make me feel like I am delusional. I will reread things I wrote, rethink things I have already said to make sure they’re coherent, argue w my thoughts, constantly check to make sure I know who I am, where I am, know who my family is, etc. to ensure I’m not losing my mind. My themes switch from this, to harm ocd and I’m just really having a hard time w the thoughts mixed w the disconnected feeling. It makes me want to stay in bed forever and cry because I don’t wanna feel this way anymore. Any advice would be so helpful.

i havent really struggled with my HOCD since my last session in January, but i’ve kept having random moments where i keep asking myself if im a lesbian i know theres nothing wrong with it and even when i was younger i didnt think it was a big deal because you love who you love. and thats why i used to think i was pan bc ive never had feelings for a woman. but ive always believed if it feels good, go for it. i was so ok with finding women attractive but being touchy with him grossed me out and i dont really like the idea of actually dating a woman. i guess that caused my confusion on whether i was actually gay or not because it should be something you WANT, right? and i guess it would be easier for me to accept the possibility of me being gay if it felt good but i feel BAD like i know i shouldnt but i was kind of testjng myself by watching lesbian porn and masturbating to it. and seeing if it felt good. and then i felt like it did and i started to cry and think to myself “omg i am a lesbian” if i enjoy this 😭😭 ive never really watched lesbian porn but i can remember moments when i was little where i was attracted to the female body sexually. but never felt those feelings for anyone in real life. then with men i dont really see their bodies in a sexual way. ive only ever liked men, wanted to be around them all the time, and imagined a future with a man. like falling in love with them felt so amazing and the attraction is undeniable its just hard bc i wish i was unfazed by lesbian stuff like i used to be. bc now it makes my chest hurt and makes me wonder if im repressing myself but i know i truly dont want to be with a woman. but i cry at the thought of being a lesbian??? its so confusing bc i wonder if it all means something.. i wonder if i should meet with my NOCD therapist again 😭