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the NOCD Community

no one ever replies. i feel alone like transgender ocd and sexual orientation ocd is horrible rn and no one has helped :// like i got this app to be able to talk with people who can help and relate but no one ever answers :/ i’m not trying to make anyone feel bad but i’m sure other ppl relate?

Me and my partner have been going out for a couple of montjs now, and there hasn't really been much physical contact, the odd brush hear and there. On our last date we went out and after a while he held my hand and later on he asked my permission to hug me. I said yes but I immediately felt scared and had an anxiety attack. I don't know whats wrong with me, when my friends and family hold my hand, touch me and hug me I feel fine but when he touches me I get so scared and freeze up. It might be because its my first proper relationship and these are my firsts (I'm 15 by the way). This is then triggering my soocd and telling me because I don't like being touched, I'm gay and the touched my girl best friend give me are more comfortable because I'm secretly gay. I like this guy a lot, and I am sure I'm not gay but my ocd is giving me so much rubbish for it. From what I can tell this isn't normal. I should feel comfy right? I'm sure with more touches and time I'd get more comfy. But I just wanted to let that out cuz it's been brewing inside of me for a while.

(Sorry not ocd related) Anyone autistic/suspected autistic people on here? I wanna get screened for autism but sometimes I feel as if I'm "faking it". Could anyone list some autism traits common in females?

a little concerned. i’m not gonna freak out and come on this app all anxious and nervous i’ve made that mistake one too many times. but, i was watching tik toks and there was this one that this girl said she would rather scissor with a girl and i genuinely got turned on and in my head i was like (TMI 18+ AT THIS POINT)… “yeah i want that omg” and it turned me on but at the same time made me very anxious. i just don’t believe that runs through straight girls’ minds if they see stuff like that. any advice? on like how to handle this? no one ever really talks about genuine arousal all that’s ever talked about it “groinals”. (which i do in fact believe are a very real thing)

I had a really bad thought when last night about this little girl. I know it was intrusive but it was sexual in nature. It was something like, when she grows up she’s gonna have a nice butt or something. And I started panicking. I don’t wanna think that. I’m not a pedophile. I am not attracted to kids, I know this. But what if the thought is true? What if I really saw her and thought that? I’m in such distress right now. What if I really thought she had a nice butt??? And was gonna grow up to have a nice one?? I know this is probably OCD, but what if I really think that? The more I analyze it, the more I’m like, well yeah for a little girl maybe she did? And it is sending me into an even further panic. Im not sure what to do. Any advice?

My relationship OCD has been severe lately and with seemingly no trigger to cause this flare up. I am constantly anxious, doubtful and panicked that I don't love my partner, overanalyzing whether or not I'm attracted to him, and ruminating on the numbness I feel when we are together. Every idea I can come up with to test and check to see if there's that love feeling, that attraction or interest/excitement in doing things together feels invalid, like it won't work. I get triggered further when my partner asks me if I'm okay, and that wave of panic comes back. I can't tell if this is OCD, or if it's my gut telling me it's not a relationship I should stay in. We've been together for five years, I'm not in OCD therapy, and I've been off meds for four months now.

I cant breath and live like This, a week ago or something i was in vacation in Montenegro, we stayed in a hotel but had to switch hotel the last days. When it was getting time to eat (the clock was around 8 not in the morning but midnight) i didnt Know what to wear, my mom said that i could wear the dress i had, When i wore the dress i kept kinda asking mom if i should really wear This cause i wanted my mom to decide. And thats because i was scared that if i wore the dress i would do something to any kids out there, it sounds really dumb ik but my brain had their own reasons, pretty much because of the dress i wore. I was feeling anxious but i just wore it and we got out of our room. We took the elevator downstairs and went to the dining place. We picked what we were gonna eat and took them With us to the table, the thing is When we sat down i still havent picked something to drink so i took my cup and went to those machines. Now This is what im constanly worrying and thinking about. When i poured the cola on my cup i went back to my seat (atleast i hope so) and sat down, not Even minutes passed and i already thought «what if i did something to a kid when i was gonna Get something to drink» i just decided to not think about it but then i thought «what if the reason im not going to think about it is because i actually did it and had no problem With it like it isnt a big deal for me» so i kinda panicked inside me and asked my mom how long did it take for me to Get something to drink and come back, basically i dont think she likes When i Ask things like that because she Know why i do it. I think she went like «wth Are u talking about? U literally just walked away and came back» so i think she meant it didnt Even take 2/3 minutes. Later that night i couldnt stop worrying. The next day was actually the day we were going to leave montenegro and When we were about to go out i was thinking what if the Childs socks or anything Are in the counters and is the proof that i have done something but we didnt have time to stay in the room anymore so we took the condo and left. Right now im in belgium and i cant trust myself anymore. I dont want to live With a fact that i have hurt someone like that. My mom thinks its really ridicilous if i Ask her about This. I cant deal With things anymore what if i actually have done something like that, i literally just want to die at This point im still anxious over This.

we may go to the beach today and i am so worried i am going to get turned on by looking at girls or that i will like what i see. is this hocd? being scared of getting turned on? because lately the scenarios i do to check haven't been making me anxious, on the contrary they felt like i wanted them and liked them and that made me so uncomfortable. what if deep down i do want that? i don't want to like it. is this denial? saying i don't want to like the thoughts of same sed intercourse??

Is erp supposed to feel real?

I just saw something that said "if you haven't been kissed by 15 you're ugly" now I'm sobbing midday because I am 20 and I must just be horribly ugly because I have never been kissed or had a relationship. Everything online makes it seem like you are an alien if you haven't dated yet by now. I just feel so abnormal and ugly and like a piece of trash

Has medication helped anyone with severe intrusive thoughts. I am considering starting and wanted to know what worked best for people.

Breathing obsession. I've forgotten to how just let it be. Any tips.

My friends with contamination OCD, how have you been handling COVID? My bf has COCD and has since been vaccinated and still wears masks in stores and won’t go in to restaurants. He sits in the passenger seat and still wears his mask when we pick up food. How have you guys been coping with this?

Rant ahead: I saw a post on insta talking about how ocd and other Neurodivergencies shouldn’t be called disorders because there’s nothing wrong with the person it’s just society 😐. I can see what they mean with that statement when it comes to adhd or autism but not ocd. We could live in a perfect world and still be tortured by ocd, because it’s are brains oppressing us, not society. They also mention that medication is a “tool of capitalism built to make people conform” I’m not trying to conform with my ocd I’m just trying to relieve the mental torture caused by my malfunctioning brain first off. They go on to mention, again, how it’s not a disorder and rather “essential biodiversity” which again is harmful because they’re aren’t really any upsides to having ocd. We could live in a perfect world and still have ocd because it’s our own brains working against us. I’m just sick of the invalidation.

The thoughts aren’t as loud and there’s not much anxiety but it’s like they’re permanently lodged in my brain which makes them seem more real. It feels like I have attractions to girls I see out in public or at my summer classes now, thinking of intimacy with my boyfriend still makes me feel scared and afraid that I’ll never enjoy it, I get thoughts about wanting things I don’t want every day and when I see the bisexual flag I feel like one day it’s going to be me having that flag. Yet I don’t feel the need to panic as much anymore, I don’t feel like I’m being disloyal to my boyfriend that much anymore, in fact at one point it felt like I was “forcing” myself to be attracted to him because I would do things with his pictures and imagine scenarios and write stories to prove I wanted him which honestly did arouse me! But I don’t feel the need to do that anymore because deep down I was doing it to prove to myself I’m attracted, I mean I still want those things from him but my sex drive is just dead right now honestly. I don’t want to do anything at all right now especially since it’s been long distance for so long. I’m so terrified that when he comes back I’ll “realize” I actually didn’t like anything like I feared. Sometimes I wasn’t really into pleasing him but only because 1.) I felt like I was doing something wrong. 2.) I felt self-conscious and focused too much on whether I was doing a good job. 3.) I get insecure about myself. I love him so much I really want us to have a physical connection but there’s just so much fears and anxiety around sex that I had even before this theme that it’s like ugh. It makes me not want to do anything. I’m just afraid that I’m forcing myself to be attracted to him, I want to love him sexually and emotionally and I don’t want to be one of those girls that are in love with their boyfriends but realize they have to leave him to have good sex with a woman. The idea of being with a woman still makes me so sad. It’s all wrong but there’s no anxiety anymore it’s just like if its true that I don’t want to have sex with a man than I Definitely don’t want to have it with a woman. I’m just really grieving the loss of who I used to be and I’m really terrified that I’m discovering this is who I was all along. Even if I’m forcing it I don’t care, I still want to be with my partner.

hey this is a distraction post: how about each one of you drops a "hey" and i'll reply with a sweet message to those who are having a bad day and need it :)

Feels like i only like the idea of men and wont like a guy actually doing stuff to me:( And im scared i secretly like the thoughts and am just telling myself i find them disgusting when i really dont And i just dont want any of this but im so scared i do

Has anyone ever had experience OCD triggered by weed..? 1.5 years ago i got really high with my boyfriend and i thought about a really traumatizing horror movie i used to obsess over in high school and got a major panic attack. Ever since then i have ocd themes around horror movies and gore, and my brain has been high alert ever since and been a living hell. I want my normal life back…i miss having a clear mind and not living in fear every day. Could the weed have permanently damaged my brain?? Or maybe it was just a trigger? I keep blaming myself for getting too high that day and its given me depression along with ocd. Can someone help/give advice on this?

I generally suffer from "pure o" which means I get a lot of ocd themes and they change all the time. But especially today I started to suffer from religion ocd. I've had these thoughts before but today they've gotten worse and this makes me unfortunately believe in them even more. I've always been a faithful christian and I never want to change my religion. But especially today for some reason I started to get really scared that I might convert to another religion. (There's a specific religion but I would prefer not to mention it's name not to hurt the feelings of it's believers or to cause any misunderstanding). I'm starting to get these thoughts that this religion is right and christianity isn't and these thoughts are very disturbing and they feel so real. It actually feels like that I actually believe in that and it's scaring me to death. I feel like I don't believe in christianity in anymore and that I particularly believe in the other religion. The big problem is for me that I always try to use faith to deal with ocd which did help me and give me some hope. But now I feel like I can't do that anymore because it feels like I don't believe in my religion in the first place which is never the case. Like how would I pray to god as a christian or use christian faith to deal with ocd when I don't believe in it anymore. Or atleast that's how I feel like. I keep asking myself these type of questions and it's driving me crazy. It's very confusing and this is by far the most hopeless and depressed I've ever felt because most of the time faith felt like my only hope especially with ocd. I don't know what to do I'm very confused. Can anyone relate to me and give me any advice on how to deal with this?

I was chosen to be a leader for a summer camp that happened last week. I did it but because of my themes it was difficult for me. My friend decided to help me in that class as well, but there are a few things that have bothered me. The first day she was basically doing all the leading, and even though I wanted to lead she would get a head start so I couldn’t. Later she asked me what she could improve on so I told her the only thing i’d like is if she’d give me more room to be a leader. When I told her this, she got upset because she told me she felt like I was telling her she was overstepping. The thing is, that’s how I felt. I didn’t want to keep it in the entire week and let that anger simmer so I told her the same day which was difficult for me. I told her it was hard for me because of my themes and I’d never been a leader before. The next day she was mad at me and when I asked her after the day was over if she was mad, ahe said no, but later on the phone she said yes. When I asked her about it, she said it was because I told her she was overstepping and because I didn’t give her and our helper any assignments to do. I asked her what other way I could’ve phrased askjng for more room and she said to ask for more time, but I told her I didn’t need more time I needed more space. The summer camp we help with has rotations like crafts and such but everyday looks a bit different, so I told her I can’t tell you in the morning do this and do that because I just need to ask you when the need arises, and the camp has never been like that, all the past leaders just ask hey can you do this or help them with this and we do it, but besides which activity we go to there isn’t a layout. She said she was still mad at me and moved on. I didn’t apologize bc I didn’t see where I was wrong. Then yesterday she didn’t acknowledge me. I sat down nearby and she looked in my direction but not at me, so I left her alone bc I could tell she was mad. I truly hope Im not badmouthing her I don’t mean to make people look down on her, but I’m just really angry? I feel like I’m always overreacting but I need some insight from others bc I can’t tell. Thoughts?