Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I feel so guilty I never asked for this. A certain intrusive thought that I’ve been having that won’t go away came up at the wrong time last night if you know what I’m talking about and now I feel like I’ve acted on the thoughts and I never would never want that. I feel so ashamed

How do I continue to make it with the range of intrusive thoughts that I’ve had for the last 15 months? Doesn’t seem that there frequency has lessened and I’m so tired of them.

I wish i was never scared of having psychosis because its all i think about and I constantly convince myself i have it abs give myself symptoms

This might be a dumb question but is it normal for women to be a trigger for someone who has sexual orientation OCD?

im having a panic attack and i need help. i was reading something on reddit while watching a movie because i panicked after seeing a child on screen and i was telling myself that i was not attracted to them and i kept feeling like i was lying. but i wasn’t i just don’t want to be i do not at all. then on reddit someone said we clearly don’t want to do anything to a child but finding parts of them potentially attractive is not indicative of being a pedophile and linked a video. i still was resisting the thoughts and saying no to them but it made me feel better and i started pondering but i feel like that’s still justifying pedophilia and i don’t want to be one but i felt better after reading that but that isn’t okay either. please i need help i’m desperate i don’t like this and i hate that i’m even worrying about this at all

I thought looking at videos to expose myself to mh fears would help.. It feels as if everyone around me is fake or if its a part of my imagination... I kept seeong the video of Javier from spain that supposedly was stuck in 2027 but people were saying how it was fair I don't believe its true but what if it is? What if Im fake? What if everyone around me isn't real and are like robots? What if I left to abother dimension? Is it possible? Not asking for reasurance but am I doing it wrong?

I’m really struggling right now. I’m having intrusive thoughts around a real event. My family thinks I’m being ridiculous and can’t understand why i can’t let it go. I keep ruminating on “what if”. I don’t want to say what’s bothering me because that’s reassurance seeking. So instead I’ll give an example of the type of thinking that bothers me… It’s illegal to run a red light. I went through a yellow light that turned red. How soon did it turn red? Was I in the intersection before the turn? What if I get a ticket mailed to my house and we can’t afford the insurance hike on our monthly payment. What if that leads to not being able to have 2 cars and one of us loses our job and then we can’t afford to take care of our family on 1 income? I’m sure from that example you can see how distressing this type of thinking is. It’s a real event, I’m responsible, I’ll ruin everything, etc, etc. I think like this no matter how improbable the scenario is. To me, with OCD nothing seems improbable, but I can see the irrationality about it. My compulsion is rumination on the event, researching online, confession, explain myself, and ask if I’ll get in trouble. Does anyone else deal with this type of OCD or anxiety related thinking?

I don't know whether I'm fighting against myself or ocd. I just keep thinking fuck it maybe I will just come out. And then I think about women and I can't let go they used to mean everything thing to me 😔

My boyfriend is a very good looking man but when we took this photo he looks half asleep and it bothered me all night and I started to look at the pictures and look at my boyfriend, then back at the picture and so on and so forth because I started to think “is my boyfriend ugly?” But I know he’s not. To me I think it’s just a bad picture. I have another one in my archive where my eyes look red and demonic from the flash and another picture I’m sitting down and you can see my panties in full view. Out of all the pictures this ones the best one but I feel he looks bad in this one yet I know he’s good looking and I kept telling myself “you’re really gonna break up with him over a picture? He’s not even ugly in real life. It’s just a picture” my thoughts are so bad and I can’t take it I feel so bad

Hey I just joined, for over 6 months I've been trying to figure out if my subconscious was telling me something when I thought about "my love for certain genres of music being an illusion in a different way" or whether it was just a thought. I haven't been able to get any closure and I'm becoming more depressed. Can your subconscious tell you something like that? Because I've tried looking it up on Google and I haven't gotten a straight answer. I know I'm not dealing with this in a healthy way but I can't help myself. I'm always afraid that every thought I have is true.

Does anyone want to talk about something possibly being sin? I've been struggling with this... And btw I'm not talking about the unforgivable sin or things like that; although, I have had obsessions about those kinds of things.

One of the things I struggle with as a compulsion is skin picking or dermatillomania, I've had it for so long me and my parents really just got used to it I guess. On top of that I have a skin condition which triggers my skin picking habits sometimes. I've had a bunch of infections because of it, most recently a staph infection (again). And my doctor looked at it and said it was self inflicted and I had to explain to her I recently figured out with my psychiatrist that I most likely have OCD. It was embarrassing? It took a lot of me to even make the doctors appointment because I knew it was my own doing that it got that bad. And just sharing it with my mom so that I could go to the doctor was a lot. It's frustrating it doesn't seem like there's much specific treatment for it and I've already had at least 3 serious infections as a result of it. Still can't stop as it's typical of compulsions. Frustrating and not quite sure how to change it. My doctor demanded I cut down my nails though she isn't involved in my mental health network and that in itself made me feel like even more of a child for not being able to stop it myself. At least I had a good conversation with my parents about how it's not like self harm. I don't do it to hurt myself, I do it because my brain tells me to. Wonder if anyone here has any advice to prevent skin picking or know of any specific treatment people do for it? I'm really tired of it

Is anybody else becoming irritated by this narrative that HOCD is the result of ‘internalised homophobia’? I initially saw a few people who didn’t have HOCD question whether this theme was the result of homophobia, but I just brushed that off as ignorance on their behalf because they don’t understand what it’s like to have the theme. But, then it started to shift over into the therapy world, where I’d see therapists posting on Instagram & writing blog posts about how this theme has links to homophobia. I understand and appreciate that there will be select individuals who have this theme, possibly because of underlying toxic religious beliefs for example, who have internalised, or even externalised homophobia, but they make up such a tiny portion of the entire population of HOCD sufferers, that it actually angers me that even PROFESSIONALS are generalising that narrative to the whole community. In these blog posts and Instagram posts, I’d read that the ‘media’ may have led to feelings of homophobia… in 2021, I have no clue about what media is explicitly condemning homosexuality… but okay. To me, it’s less activism as it’s just a desire to turn mental health political, and from professionals, that upsets me. I’ve noticed that a lot of the clinical psychologists have said that individuals with HOCD TEND to be very current in their political beliefs, & do not believe it’s at all wrong to be homosexual, bi sexual, transsexual. Any thoughts on this?

i spoke to a psychiatrist and she told me i just have generalized anxiety. i'm not sure though i keep obsessing over these thoughts but she's saying they're just worries. i don't know maybe i am just having worries but and i'm just being dramatic but i'm really not sure. i relate a lot to ocd posts and anything related to ocd which makes me kind of confused. but again, i also could just be overdramatizing things. i don't know

OCD doesn't just affect the person who has it. It has the potential to really affect (or, as I say, INFECT) the entire household. It can cause arguments, disagreements, general distress, and so many other difficulties that complicate things for everyone involved. In what ways have your OCD affected your loved ones/household?

harm ocd TW i’m usually quite an empathetic person i’d say. especially with physical pain. like if a friend told me they fell over, i can almost feel that? i’ve never been someone who enjoys those ‘funny’ videos of people getting hurt etc. and i’m a bit queasy with pain and blood. but i remember a few years ago being told that evil is defined as ‘suffering for the sake of suffering’. and i was just watching a tv show where they were basically torturing people for the fun of it, and i felt excited? i think it might have been adrenaline and nerves (because i feel that when i’m anxious, so i felt their anxiety and then felt ‘excited’). but i’m just super worried that i would find doing cruel things exciting or pleasurable. i’ve worried this for a while now. even though i’m the kind of person who moves snails on the road so they don’t get squashed. like as a kid whenever i did something rebellious or sneaky, i’d feel this wave of excitement and adrenaline. or with chaos or drama i feel excited. and i’m ultimately scared i’m a psychopath who would feel that excitement torturing people! it’s causing me a lot of distress. i know i can’t be a psychopath because there are so many parts of me that don’t fit with the description of one. and i hope what i described above isn’t actually sadistic. i hope it’s just adrenaline.

I'm worried that I don't love my girlfriend as much as she loves me, i just feel like numb or disconnected. I don't which it is ig, it just worries me because i'm scared it means I don't love her. Earlier she told me I ment the world to her and it made a but uncomfortable because it's like I couldn't reciprocate the same thing back. I just want to feel happy again and love her. Does anyone else experience this? I'm at a loss.

(Warning for my fellow contamination sufferers)My anxiety has recently rapidly become so intense that I don't even go to the washroom enough, miss meals and am dehydrated... My biggest fears have always been related to the toilet, yet have recently snowballed so fast I cannot keep up. My longest lasting compulsions are more intense, more wasteful (I waste more rags/facecloths cleaning myself and waste sometimes an entire pack of alcohol wipes a day). The only change in my meds somewhat recently has been upping my clomipramine by 25mg, last month or so... but that shouldn't make my anxiety rise so much depite me knowing last time I heightened my dose above 50mg I was more agitated (to the point I was almost violent, hit some things like my bedroom door...) I worry about every little thing in the bathroom, from toilet paper bits (the teeny tiny pieces that fly off into the air and sometimes onto me) to whether dirty hairs are in my pants and might go through and end up in my bed or somewhere else. I still wipe my clothes every time I use the washroom, same thing for my exposed skin, which I clean using facecloths/rags with water and soap multiple times. I fear bugs (+ dirty hair) so much I take like 30mins to check my sheets every morning and night to ensure there are none there. I have literally peed no more than 2 times a day the last week or two that much of my pee is literally mucusy in texture by forcing myself to hold it in as much as possible and drinking less than I ever should be limiting myself to... I'm just so scared that I'm the closest ever to being actually suicidal... I've never been truky suicidal to the point of considering picking up anything deadly or googling how to die because I', so afraid of pain and sharp objects + overdose etc but I just feel like the world is trying to push me to that edge... I keep finding bugs at the worst of times, for example, when I'm most echaysted and hoping to quickly get to sleep... it's exhausting. I've literally slept at least half the day away most days this week while also staying up late on my tablet reading to try and calm down enough to sleep. I was relatively stable for over a year until the end of last year I noticed I was dipping down a bit emotionally and now I'm just so scared that even if I get a bit better again, i'll just end up falling back down into this hellish amount of terror I feel every day :"'"( It has been 4 years since I first severely suffered from y OCD, which came out of nowhere in 2017. I have not attended school in person since a few weeks of september or so in 2017. I have already lost nearly all my years of adolescence to this despicable disorder. I love my family who have always been the most supportive they could ever be and have friends I wish to see more alongside family that recently moved closer but its just so tiring I'm afraid while waiting to see specialists for help I might just truly crash and burn...

My attraction to women is so low but they still excite me and want to pursue them. I have a date Sunday but afraid I won't feel anything 😕

DON'T read if you're paranoid. I need opinions on whether or not to confront a friend. I am so upset! A friend of mine and her then boyfriend had a habit of recording conversations (without my knowledge) years ago. He would record her and her friend's convos, sometimes she even knew about it and didn't tell us. I remember at the time that I was very uncomfortable about it, but I was too "kind (naive)" to make a fuss about it. This went on for years, on and off. They even recorded me and another friend's conversation (about 3 hours) while none of them were even there and listened to it the day after! Wtf. One time I was at her house (this was years after the beginning of this), it was just me and her, talking about all kinds of stuff, as friends do. I had an ongoing joke (a disgusting joke that went all over the place, that I regret more than anything) and I made some weird impulsive comments. Later that night I felt my foot touch something under the couch. I looked under and yet again the recorder was on! This was years after she was with that other guy, so there was no excuse for her to still be doing something that deceitful against one of her closest friends. She sent some parts to her ex boyfriend, but later claimed to have thrown her own copy away. It's been 7 years since that episode (have seen her under 10 times since), but we are still good friends.🤷‍♀️ Suddenly this whole thing came back to me and I am so mad about this completely unacceptable behavior that she was never really confronted about. At the time she was 28 years old, no one that age does stuff like that. Now I'm thinking about the disgusting jokes and feeling sick to my stomach. I am feeling extremely traumatized by this whole thing, and paranoid. Should I bring this up 7 years later and ask her what happened to our convos?? Sorry, so long! I am just so pissed☹️