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the NOCD Community

What you can do to overcoming magical thinking? Like I can't do what I want because that could cause harm to others?

My panic attacks are making me want to cry and be depressed. What should I do?

Does anyone have postpartum-triggered OCD or harm thoughts involving their baby or children? I just had my first child two months ago and am obsessed with the fear I’m going to hurt her or that I don’t love her.

Is anyone with POCD dealing with the intrusive thoughts happening more when they are watching something and it mentions anything sexual ? Every time anything like that is mention, the Intrusive thoughts get really bad. Similar thing with if I do something like masturbate. I haven’t done it in weeks because I’ve been so scared to. I hate when the thoughts happen and I feel like a terrible person (especially because of when they come) also, sorry if this is tmi, I just need to get it off my chest and hear about other people’s experiences. Anyway, I tried to masturbate again, and the intrusive thoughts happened again and an image of a child would just pop up in my mind, and I would stop immediately, and then when I forced myself to think of something else, I tried again and then the thoughts came back. It’s so frustrating, I can’t do anything g anymore without intrusive thoughts ruining it and making me feel disgusting and horrible ! It makes me feel even worse that the thoughts happen when I’m doing something like this because I feel so guilty and OCD can trick your brain into thinking you enjoy it, but I know I don’t because I would never do anything to hurt a child. Ever ! I would rather hurt myself. And then afterwards when I was trying to get asleep, the worry kicked in and I thought ‘omg what if I continued to masturbate when the intrusive thoughts came and I enjoyed it ?’ So now obviously I’m worried that I did, and now I can’t decipher between if I actually did that or if I didn’t, and now false memories is making the situation even worse by making me think that I purposely thought of the thoughts whilst I was masturbating, and now I just feel awful and guilty. Or ‘omg what if I am actually a pedophile’ and then I kept trying to test my reactions by thinking of a child to check that I was disgusted by the idea, and if I wasn’t completely uncomfortable then I would begin to worry more, thinking that I somehow enjoyed it. Honestly, OCD is torture. To whoever’s reading this, I hope you’re having a good/okay day with your OCD and I hope you’re happy today. This illness sucks and I’m sorry that all of us have to deal with it. Sometimes I wish I would get amnesia or something and forget that I have all these thoughts and all the things that OCD convinced me of, and I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes I think that’s the only way I can get better and forget about this. Or I think ‘wouldn’t it be so good if someone invented a device that could just take all the bad thoughts away and I wouldn’t even know I ever had them’

I used to believe that OCD would control my days and my life. And for so long it did. I’m here today to share 10 tips on how I’ve began to heal. I am not where I want to be- but I’m so far from where I’ve been. 1. Get up and do it anyways. Show up to work, school, the ball game, dinner out with friends. Your thoughts may feel like they run your life BUT THEY DONT. Thoughts are just random brain impulses firing at random. You have made it through every bad thought alive- and if you really think about it - how often do our fears really come true?? Honestly- they never really do. It is VITAL that you show up. You don’t have to be 100 percent. Just get there. 2.NOTHING IS FOREVER. No bad day lasts forever. No bad thought lasts forever even if it feels like it will- THIS TOO SHALL PASS. 3. I personally suffer from intrusive thoughts about many things - one of them fearing Im going to have a panic attack. I haven’t had one in a good month and I still fear it every day. I’m not sure why- but I CHOOSE to not let this silly thought run my life. I CHOOSE to be happy despite it. 4. One positive action after another makes a big difference. Get some sleep, drink some water, get some exercise, eat healthy, go see a family friend, pet an animal, do an activity you love (or used to love) 5. FAITH. Faith has been such a huge part of my recovery. I could not have done it without Jesus. It’s comforting to know that He loves you and has a plan for your life. This struggle will only make you stronger and unstoppable! 6. It is okay to get help! It is okay to see a counselor, a therapist or a psychiatrist. It is okay to take medicine if needed. This does not make you a failure. It is okay to have OCD. Mine stems from abuse during childhood. It is not my fault. It is okay to have OCD 7. It is okay to cry sometimes - it is okay to complain- it is okay to fail. As long as you pick yourself up afterwards and carry on with your life. 8. It may feel like a constant battle. And it is - EVERYTHING IS DIFFICULT BEFORE IT BECOMES EASY. I used to think I’d never want to see my friends again- I’m closer to them now than ever. I used to think I’d never be able to shake some of the thoughts I used to have - they don’t phase me anymore. I used to think I’d never see brighter days- brighter days are on the horizon But I did not get to where I am now without persistence, dedication and faith. DO I STILL HAVE THOUGHTS ? YESSSS BAD DAYS? YESSS FRUSTRATION? YESS WAS THE FIGHT WORTH IT. YES

Does anyone experience behavioral changes when they take meds? Like i want to take them to but I really don’t want them to affect the way I act.

Is anyone's ocd contamination based? If it is, what's a story that really triggered your anxiety and how you overcame it or are overcoming it

Talking to a therapist about pocd. So I'm not actually diagnosed with OCD officially but we've talked about it I'm not sure I have typical compulsions though which is why maybe they didn't give me the diagnosis? But I have the obsessions. I've talked about harm fears but although I've said I'm afraid of doing something to children I've not been able to come out and say my fear about pocd. Any advice?

Does medication or therapy help better for you guys? I’ve been to a therapist before but she kinda gave me the boot because I kinda goofed around when I was in her office. Idt i was that bad tbh but i was just trying to hide my feelings with humor I guess because I do that often. Do usual therapists look for that kind of stuff? I’m just trying to make sense of this all because I’m not sure if I should take medication or not becasue im 16 and my parents really don’t want me to take medication but I don’t think that therapy worked for me either

Anyone have issues with growing up/older? Idk if its an ocd subtype, but i freak out thinking about growing up and having to enter the “real world”. At first i thought it was only anxiety, but i think it might be a form of ocd. I know everyone is/gets nervous about the future, but idk. I feel like i have no motivation to see the future, like at all. Lately been hard to see myself in the future? If that makes sense, like i dont see myself making it to lets say, next week? Or idk. Nothing suicidal (i dont think?) but like more like hopelessness and it makes me nervous? Gonna start seeing a therapist soon, so I’m kinda glad about that. Also started on zoloft a month ago, and it was working after the 3-4weeks, but recently ran out and havent been able to get it refilled (2-3days now) and I’m nervous I’m starting to get withdrawal symptoms? (I was on 50mg pill) i feel like im not doing anything with my life, as i had to take the semester off and have no job right now and idk. Luckily my family is pretty understanding but i feel horrible and kinda like a big burden on them ? I know its a long post, thanks for those who read all of it.

Im having a rough night. Its a long story, but a girl on social media wrote paragraphs trashing me and calling me twisted and fucked up among other horrible things. I'm suffering with pocd but I've been getting better. This girl though is causing me to question myself again. Causing me to hate myself again although everything she said were lies to get people to spew hate at me. I can’t stop crying. How do you rise up from this with also suffering from ocd thoughts?

Hey I’m from South Africa I’ve been suffering from what I hope is hocd for the past 9 months some days are better than others . I feel detached from the rest of the world as if My brain is boxed. I feel no emotion what so ever . And I feel lost most of the time I feel like I’m left behind. My mind only focuses on what it wants too at this moment in time I just want my old self back my libido is almost lost I’m always angry . Please help in anyway you can or advise anything I should do I’ve tried the exposure method but my anxiety shoots out the roof i still have false attractions and it’s hard to distinguish between what real and what’s not . My mind is almost glued to this Particular subject and focuses on nothing else I can’t even focus on school and the worst part of it all is that I’ve got exams soon and I’m stressing because my mind isn’t absorbing anything what so ever ... I just started prozac I’ve been to a psychologist once and they weren’t much help they said my sexuality is changing I’m in desperate need of help

Starting out this morning with rushing thoughts at 8am, went to see my therapist at 11, everything was okay, and that I can label these things as OCD, but it’s still difficult, especially right now at work. And then, before work, my girlfriend and I were having lunch, and I could just see that I’m a complete mess. She has to deal with my shit, and yes we do want a future together, but now I realize since I suppose I was diagnosed with OCD today, she seemed disappointed and she said she was scared about if I do get over this theme, what would be my next one. I just felt miserable because she was irritated that I don’t say much anymore, because my thoughts are just constantly there and I’m just tired of all this.

I have pure O and I have terrible images and thoughts in my head.Its so scary and I hate it .It has brought my life to a complete stand still.I feel like a bad person...

Anyone suffer with false memory ocd? I am at my wits end with this now. My ocd has always focused on either my sexuality (which is the milder one) or hurting a child perhaps in a sexual way (the most awful one ever). The thought I have at the moment revolves around sleeping in the same bed as my niece. The ocd keeps saying to me “what if when you were asleep you put your leg over her and your bits touched her?” I just cannot get this horrid thought out of my head. I think I am a disgusting person to have this thought. I keep saying that I would remember and arguing with the ocd but it comes back with another what if...... I cannot bear this any longer and just feel like ending it all. I lost my mum two years ago and am really struggling. I have had a lot of traumatic events in the last few years and now this pathetic ocd comes up with this after years. I hate it. I have a counsellor and for a few days I can see it for what it is then I tumble back down into the black pit. Can anyone help please? Xx

I am a nurse and have an anxiety about germ. This seriously affects my job! What should I do?

Broke up with my boyfriend today and feel like crap. we love each other dearly but I hurt him about six months ago. An of and on friend of mine was someone who knew me very well, we had quite the history, and still remained friends after all that. My boyfriend thought he was in love with him and I loved him. I didn’t believe it and I still ended talking to him. Deep down, all I wanted was the truth my friend was hiding for me for two years. He said he went to UT but actually was going to the community college instead??? He lied about a lot of things he said to me and everyone told me what they thought, but even with that I wanted empirical data. This obsession broke my boyfriends heart. I got passed the problem and block my friend after he stalked my boyfriend and I behind my car in a bmw. My boyfriend never got over it though. Last night my boyfriend said he wanted a break, he said we were drifting apart, which was utter bs reason. So, after my classes were over he met me in my car. I told him I couldn’t do a break, you either have me, or you don’t. So I broke up with him. He explained how he’s been heartbroken over my friends and I situation together for the last six months and has been suppressing his pain. The guilt that hit me was shitty. I feel like a shitty person. Although I didn’t ever cheat, it feels like I did bc I crossed a line. All I wanted was the truth and I allowed my ocd to decide the faith of my relationship. We were crying in my car together for an hour while hugging and talking. I think we left of good terms since we do deeply love each other although he couldn’t get over that. That’s what is killing me. How much I hurt him and I feel so selfish for not seeing it and I can’t stop crying. My ocd is telling me how shitty of a person I am. Ugh this rant helped lol.

hey guys could someone help me or relate to this? im a female and i’ve always been straight. i just love guys and i’ve never had any feelings towards girls. but recently the past month or two i’ve started thinking oh shit what if i’m gay and i don’t really know what caused me to think this but i can’t get it out of my head and it makes me so grossed out and i just start crying because i can’t stop. i don’t have anything against gays i just personally don’t like it for myself. i know that this is just a obsession but i have panic attacks about it almost every night and i just don’t know what to do. can someone please help.

I’m having such a bad day, my rocd has gone back up and I’m feeling fearful which only makes it worse. I hate the way it makes me feel. That and I feel sick from it, my boyfriend is something I value greatly and our relationship and this makes me feel so horrible. I do know it’s not true but that doesn’t stop it from making me feel this way, I’ve been trying hard to not react to the thoughts and i can’t seem to.

Right I need some serious help. Well where do I begin, I have been doing rituals since 4 years ago. I started doing rituals because I think I was having a really bad week at school and when I started doing the rituals they seemed to be making things better, and gradually I just started doing loads of them and I just lost track of how many I had, it was unbearable. Fast forward 4 years and here I am, I was upset anyway because I was feeling anxious because someone looked at me funny and I started panicking and I was thinking stuff like, what if they hate me and why were they looking at me. At the time I was opening up to my mum and we was watching a series at the time I was opening up to her. Then suddenly, a scene came on where there were terrorists and I just froze, what if I am a terrorist, and since then I haven’t been able to get out of my head the thought of being a terrorist and my mind convincing me that I am one even though I know I am not. I am still struggling with these thoughts now and your mind really does a good job in to thinking you are an evil terrorist even though deep down you know you’d never do something like that. I have managed to stop the rituals now but I still suffer with the thoughts which makes me think “maybe it isn’t OCD then as I don’t do any compulsions, maybe I am just evil” and then I always get stressed out and reply with “No, I am not” which I know isn’t good and I try to not reply and just let them be there but I just don’t know how to, it’s so hard. I’m really impatient with meditating. When I first started having the thoughts I couldn’t eat, I can eat now and go out but I am always getting the thoughts. The only time I don’t get the thoughts is if I am really busy doing stuff like work etc, I also get the same thing with like school shootings anything to do with that sort of terrorism stuff, I hate it so much. I have been to the doctors and I am on antidepressants and I am also getting therapy for it but will it help me? Would you say I have OCD? My intrusive thoughts always seem to target the things I like most so for example they target when I go to football games, my brain tells me I am going to commit an attack here and it makes me upset and it also happens when I go to college and my brain tells me I am going to commit an attack there which also upsets me. My brain also tells me when I start working (which I want to do) I am going to spend all of my money on weapons which therefore prevents me from wanting to get a job which means I can’t buy stuff that I want or start driving as I need money for it. Lately, my OCD has been weird because I have been getting the thoughts but I don’t get as anxious which makes me feel like, maybe it is just me, maybe I am a terrorist, maybe I will act on it which therefore makes me feel weird and scares me a bit but doesn’t scare me as much as it should do because I want to be really scared of the thought of acting out on it (which I used to be) but now I don’t react to it with as much anxiety but the thoughts are there and I feel like I should be reacting to them in a way where I shut them down but I am not. This all stemmed from when my doctor asked me, “am I planning something” and I said no but since then it has just stuck in my head and it has been like, “what if I am planning something” or what if I do plan something. Lately, I’ve been talking to a girl that I really like and my thoughts targeted her because I really like her, like when I met her my brain was telling me I was going to hurt her or her family when I obviously wasn’t going to and I’ve tried to just let the thoughts be there but sometimes it just gets too much for you and you can’t not get emotional. I cried a lot the other day about it. I’m starting therapy tomorrow so hopefully I can get some help. I also seem to get triggered by reading about what other people experienced because I read about other people’s experiences with their OCD and some had paedophilic OCD and I was like what if I am one of them? And then I looked at a young girl and my brain told me I was attracted to her but I obviously wasn’t but that one came for like 2 days non stop and then stopped. When I hear loud noises I also think about terrorism things like, gun shots or bombs and it really scares me. I also have horrible thoughts like, what if I get angry and act out on any thoughts and it really stresses me out or what if one of my close family members pass and I act out in a bad way due to not coping with the grief. I also get quite worried because I never see anyone with my sort of intrusive thoughts and it makes me feel like it isn’t OCD which stresses me out and makes me overthink. That isn’t even getting started on my relationship with my girlfriend. I have been booked in for CBT therapy in 3 months, but will it actually help me? Will it actually improve my life? Sorry for the really long message, I just really need some help.