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I have a dilemma. You might’ve seen my previous posts about me babysitting a kid that isn’t mine. Trigger warning for POCD It started off small. One night I helped him change into PJs Then I had him for a whole week, a lot of changing and bath time. And also the kid is terrified of sleeping alone and needs someone RIGHT NEXT TO HIM which is REALLY HORRIBLE for me During this week I was having hella intrusive thoughts and eventually had a complete melt down (while the kids were at school) This is my only income at the moment, from this family who hires me to tutor the kids and occasionally babysit. I used to tutor a lot more kids but I reduced my hours because of intrusive thoughts I agreed to babysit for two weeks while the parents go on vacation in April. I’m already having a shit ton of anxiety about it. I tried looking for a therapist but I’m having no luck finding someone who accepts my insurance. I’ve also stopped taking my meds because they made me suicidal. My access to mental health professionals right now is limited so I can’t really go talk to a professional about this situation. My best friend is strongly urging me to tell them I will not be able to babysit in April. Even if it’s last minute because of how bad my anxiety got just that one week before and because I’m already dreading it. I know this is good exposure but probably not the best idea since I don’t have a professional guiding me. I don’t even know what to tell the parents about why I suddenly can’t babysit if we’ve had this agreement for months. I’m not looking for reassurance or advice on how to deal with the thoughts. What would you do though? If you were me and your anxiety is through the roof and your meds are fucked and no one takes your insurance and you’ll be stuck babysitting a little boy for two weeks (helping him change and bathe and sleep in the same bed) like I can’t... How would I even explain this to anyone?

Hey guys. Trigger warning Soooo I had sexual orientation ocd where I was worried I was truly a lesbian. Now that obsession has stopped bothering me and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m bisexual! Totally okay with that except now my ocd is telling me that the only reason why I think I’m bi is because this obsession has convinced me I’m bi! Woohoo what fucking hell! Yeah, and now I’m suffering from pocd. And since my sexual orientation ocd kinda sorta had some truth to it, I’m terrified all my other obsessions do too! I don’t want reassurance. I just want to know if anyone has any similar experiences to this and how you dealt with it. The anxiety is making me lose sleep and is burying me in my depression.

I've met some pretty awesome people here. I was at my lowest when I started searching for apps that can help me with the disturbing thoughts that come to mind. NOCD was one of the apps that I found. It has been great finding people to relate to and to talk about our problems, vent and get support. First and foremost i was not judged and some of the stories of other made me think: "Damn, my problem is not all that bad." However, as much as I am thankful of this community, I feel like it's become a bit toxic for me, so I have to part ways. I've been triggered one too times just by reading the posts of other people. Or some people who don't seem to understand the OCD theme of other people. Or others who prove my most fearful thoughts. I've struggled with mental illness ever since I can remember. And I've made a ton of mistakes along the way. Things I wish I had never done or said or thought of. My OCD clings on my mistakes and makes me feel like I'm a monster and not the person I want to be. It makes me feel like I will never find happiness and that I'll the worst scenario I can think of will play out. It replays thoughts and fake or real memories relentlessly, disturbing my life and distorting my view of myself. The last thing I want is another reason of getting triggered and pulled into the pit of depression and self destruction I'm trying to claw myself out of. I'll be on here for a couple of more days, but after that I'll remove the app. Thank you all for helping me out when I needed it and I hope I did my part to help you.

TOCD i’ve said that i’d rather be born a guy but i’m totally comfortable being a girl now i’m super worried that i’m trans or something i tend to like male characters more but now i’m overanalysing everything i get really worried like what if it’s gender dysphoria and not ocd?? i hate this so much i envy guys and the relationships they have so i’ll hang out with them more but now i’m worried that what if that makes me trans help?

My hoarding OCD is back but when I successfully get rid of stuff my just right OCD kicks in 10x worse. What to do?

Ok I have a question for y’all. After you have a good moment with a guy, like when you think about him and want to be with him and it feels good, does anyone get the intrusive thought “what if I’m romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women?” Because that just came up for me and it is not fun and very worrying. Because I have been aroused by lesbian porn (I did this before my HOCD intrusive thoughts started) and now I’m worried because I was aroused by that I can only be sexually attracted to women ?

so when i was younger i was sexually abused by my neighbor and his dad. i’ve always been afraid of dating after because i’m just scared all guys are liek that. do you guys think this could possibly be a cause of the HOCD?

Serious question: Are obsessions about being gay driven by homophobia?

The past two days I've been spiraling with fearing that I'm going to have a heart attack. I (23 years old) read about the Ms teen universe Lotte who died from one and she was only 19. I've been diagnosed with GERD so whenever my chest gets tight I immediately have an anxiety attack. I'm not sure how to get myself to not think I'm dying every other hour.

Does faking it till you make it work in terms of anxiety and rOCD? I’ve been struggling a lot lately with anxiety and when I get anxious I get fearful, the fear turns into defense...it’s a terrible cycle that I feel is killing my relationship. (My boyfriend and I are pretty much committed to each other for life and that’s been helping me with my rOCD as of recent, I don’t have thoughts that I’m going to lose him but more thoughts that I’m going to fall out of love, that I’m going to mess things up, that things will never get better when they’re bad). Not to mention our sex life has been stalled...we are transitioning from a LDR to in person relationship right now. My boyfriend brings up the point that both of us are pretty much beginners and it wasn’t as though we have ever have been sexually active before. So a brief time of not doing anything sexual to him and I, isn’t a big deal. Still I get caught up in the “but other people seem to be doing this” a lot.. a LOT. Back to my question. I’m very anxious over little things, I often need control not just in this relationship but my family relationships too. Would it be okay if I....faked not needing control? I think if I suppressed that need to control, then maybe I’d see that people don’t need me to control...leading me to break that cycle. Then I’d stop worrying so much, and maybe I’d start feeling okay in all of my relationships. But I’m not sure. Sorry for the rant.

Let me know if you need help/advice with anything! I’m willing to help with anything u can, I’ve had OCD on going on 7 years, I’ve been to counseling, I’ve been to neurologists, I’ve been stuck in compulsive thoughts/actions, I have irrational thoughts, and I’m here to help anyone who needs it! ?

I’m here if anyone needs someone to talk to❤️

I decided to finally get help! I'm going to book an appointment tomorrow with a CBT professional. I'm so nervous about it though. I keep thinking that I won't be able to communicate the mess that my mind is properly. My symptoms really align with those of a hocd sufferer, but I'm so scared she will just say that I'm in denial, and will twist my thoughts even more. I'm so so scared that this is all true.

ocd really makes u fear what u love most. i love poetry i love to write i hope to share my words w people onee day. i was on insta and this acc for poets came up and i checked out the girls page and she is gay and my ocd is like if u like her poetry you’re prob a lesbian. and i feel bad bc i’m not homophobic at all like she is probably a great woman and i feel soo bad for having these thoughts. i’m not gay i don’t want to be but why is it going after me in this type of a way.

5 yrs ago I was hit with Harm OCD. I did a year of CBT and ERP and it subsided and I lived a beautiful life the last 4 yrs. I want everyone to know recovery is POSSIBLE! I am struggling again due to stressful events recently that have triggered it. Its been horrible but I am trying to stay strong. I guess you would call this a OCD Relapse.

New thread guys!!

What are The causes of harm ocd? Mine attackes my Child. Will IT ever end?

Do 'casual' therapists know about ocd? i have an apointment later this month, but its not with an ocd specialist. i want to tell her about my thoughts but im scared she will diagnose me with *trigger* schizophrenia or something.

Anyone else read about "groinal response" and "arousal non-concordance"? Basically anyone can feel a slight "twinge" of arousal at a random time, but for people with OCD, they immediately latch onto it and think it MEANS something about them. This is how many cases of HOCD, POCD, BOCD, etc begin, I'd imagine. I can have felt something one time 3 years ago and nothing since then, but still be worried it "means" something about me. Or, sometimes that first incident causes repeated intrusive thoughts every time you come in contact with that thing, so it become a self fulfilling prophesy. I can be doing fine for weeks and then suddenly start worrying about one of these again. Anyone else have any experiences similar?

i’m so stuck right now , this does not feel like ocd. my thoughts keep telling me “just come out and be like all those other people”. i hate these thoughts and everything feels so real. i feel like i’m just questioning my sexuality and i don’t want to. this does not feel like ocd it feel so so real. ugh i’m so confused and scared