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I need help !. It just feels like I can't accept I'm gay or whatever. I'm so lost l. I try and say I'm gay to myself and that doesn't feel right either. And I'm trying to date girls but I think how can I with this going on 😔

This morning I kind of dissected my journey with Real Event OCD and it’s kind of funny, however depressing and not how I want things to be. So 7 years ago I struggled with Real Event OCD with a theme that would torment me for 3 years, at the time I had no idea it was Real Event OCD (having no clue about OCD in general at the time) but in retrospect it was a classic case. Anyhow, through the 3 year torment I basically went off the rails and lost control of my life thinking I was a bad person and I deserved nothing but the worst in life, I was suicidal, nihilistic, drinking, having risky sex, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, getting silly tattoos - anything to punish myself. Everyone saw me as the funny non-conformist who rarely had a bad word to say about anyone - perhaps I was too preoccupied with having bad words with myself, plus the anxiety of not having people like me - oh the horror! I left that scene after the 3 years and started to make positive changes to my life, stopped drinking, stopped having risky sex, stopped doing drugs, stopped smoking cigarettes, started getting some tattoos removed. And I felt good, I still thought about the original theme but it just ceased to have power over me. Life was going real good. Then, you guessed it, I started to obsess over my past regrets and the 3 lost years of my life which as you can imagine I have a pretty sketchy memory of, but of-course I remember the “horrible” things I did during that 3 year period - in-fact there’s only one that I really obsess over (but many others things I feel like I knew better to do). And it’s excruciatingly painful. What I did wasn’t great, there’s a minute chance that it has had the effect that OCD tells me that it has… but if it did, I want to make it right, and apart from posting online my transgression in hopes that this person finds it so I can find the reassurance myself - there’s not much I can do. Through past compulsions I’ve found it’s rare, but what I’m worried about has happened before to people and bitten them in the arse. This, I’ve been obsessing over for nearly 2 years now and there have been some ups, but the downs are horrific. But there’s no end, and it drives me deep into wanting to find out this one little bit of information that will free me forever to live my life. I couldn’t even explain in words the relief I would feel. And that’s the pull, it’s the sheer overwhelming emotion of freedom it would provide. Sometimes I think “I wish it would just happen right now, because if my OCD is wrong, I will probably never know”. Don’t get me wrong, I would feel terrible about my actions, hell - I do now. My OCD tells me it would ruin me, and hey - maybe, maybe not eh? But I tell you one thing, it would severely change my life. I try my best to not do compulsions and do my best to do self-help. It reduces the anxiety, the guilt and shame remain but take a seat further back in the row - but the unworthiness of being helped can hinder all of these. I think I’ll try ERP one day, I’m currently seeing a therapist and he’s helping somewhat. I’m currently into spirituality and it’s hard to know whether I’m just into it to “purify the wrongs”, or whether I actually want to gain insight into spirituality, but I know deep down it won’t solve the “issue” I have. I struggle with perfectionism, and I used to act as “if there’s a scratch on the boat then the whole ship’s getting sunk”. But no more, I want to do right by myself and others, but Lord is it a painful thing this OCD. I guess what I’m getting at is, if only I’d have known about Real Event OCD 7 years ago and this may well have been avoided. And that made me chuckle for a moment.

Does ERP help?

Has anyone had a breakup or a major life change that triggered an OCD episode? How did you cope?

Does anyone mind sharing their experience with Zoloft? I’m interested to try it, but unsure about side effects. Thanks!

I want to share some hope with all of you experiencing ROCD. I have been through absolute HELL this year with ROCD. Honestly, it was been the most difficult year of my life. But after many months of hard work, ERP, trying to reprogram my ways of thinking, failing, trying again, taking two steps forward and one step back, starting medication, I am happy to say that I am feeling like my usual self and feeling so lucky to have my partner. There have been times when I was repulsed by him and that has been extremely hard on our relationship, but he has stuck by me and I am just so grateful for him and for myself for choosing not to trust the intrusive thoughts that plagued me for so long. I don't feel absolutely infatuated with him, but I have realised that feeling infatuated is not a good indication of love or of being a good fit. My partner is amazing and supportive and loving, and having those things helps so much to build love. It's hard to let go of wanting that feeling, I completely understand, but please know that even though you may not be feeling how you want to right now, that it is possible for that to change and that you can have a happy relationship. ROCD doesn't have to define you and you can do this. I did it and so can you XXX ❤️

For those who have anxiety attacks associated with OCD, do they seem to come from nowhere? I used to be able to clearly identify my triggers, but, with this most recent onset, it’s as if they are appearing out of thin air w/out environmental stressors. Or perhaps the triggers are subtle and they fly underneath the radar…

I’d love some encouragement from anyone who is willing to send it my way. I’m having a hard time really leaning into uncertainty and my exposures. I know I need to take a leap if I’m going to get better, but I just don’t want to! I struggle to stop myself from ritualizing and I put off doing my exposure tasks too. Any support would be greatly welcomed. Thanks everyone.

OMG IM SO SCARED I DID SOMETHING ILLEGAL . I was on Instagram and went on this anime account and from what I remember I saw a picture of a girls underwear and thighs like a cartoon picture . I was weirded out and scared and shocked and while on the page I noticed a picture of a guy touching shirks chest and backed out . Then I went back to report the pictures . Now I’m not sure exactly what happened . I saw the picture again and I’m not sure if I just reported it or if I performed a checking compulsion of looking at it to determine whether it’s child porn. That would be illegal since drawn cp is illegal here . Or whether I just saw it as a shock response . Then I reported the other image . Im so scared o committed a crime . Did I commit a crime ???

Hi. I am new here ,I was just wondering would you be able to help me and shine any light on what I am suffering with. It all started when I was working at a warehouse long hours 12 hour shifts nearly every day,I was fine before all this one night the guys were joking around saying gay guys are happy because they don’t have women in their life’s and bang it was stuck. Started asking myself am I gay or not and fighting with my self running to the toilet every 5 minutes to avoid the people I was working with,I lost my job because of it,2 years later still stuck with the same thoughts in my head I have seen a therapist she said it isn’t ocd it is od obsessive disorder not sure it is a night mare every day it is so repetitive as well. I just want my life back, I have a family and it’s causing problems in my relationship because I keep asking my partner if she think am gay or have shown any signs, she says no all the time to me but only gives a little bit of relief and then it’s back again with but am I straight and then looking back at my past for some kind of evidence, I am not an expert on all this but to me it Doesn’t feel like I’m me at all. It feels like my mind has been hijacked and trying to take over am so down because of this,I also have Aspergers which might not help the fixation. So I was just wondering would you be able to give me any advise or help on how to conquer this.

Fighting compulsions is soooooo hard. I find myself constantly and aimlessly posting on Reddit to get reassurance on a situation when I already know the answer. A lot of things im realizing is literally my own imagination that I’m making into a reality when it’s not real and I HATE it. 😭

I’m in a long distance relationship and I remember I use to daydream about kissing my boyfriend once he comes back. I can even remember what it felt like. But now it’s like I can’t even do it anymore and I’m worried about how I’ll feel once he comes back.

My big challenge is that I am making small victories but I notice I’m anxious to get back to my life fully. And when I notice setbacks, it makes me feel really discouraged. Even when I feel like I understand the ins and outs of this disease, the feeling itself can be so overwhelming, especially when the trigger is really high. It’s nice to have support here, because I feel like even if I fail, I know there are people here who understand the ups and downs of this disease. And it gives me an anchor to know that I have this place to feeling connected and understood.

Can someone tell me if I'm doing what's right please. I've been trying to acknowledge my anxiety without giving it much attention. As I do this it keeps screaming at me louder and louder. Should I continue to try and not give it attention no matter how loud it screams at me to pay attention to it? I've asked my therapist from this app but she hasn't responded.

I hate fixating about the past, making things up about myself and fearing the future. Things were going OK I thought. Don't need reassurance but I'm just stressed and can't stop pulling my hair I feel so ugly now. :(

hi can anyone give me words of encouragement? is it possible to get better? i’m having an obsession that i’m going crazy and developing psychosis and it’s scary. and i’m having an obsession that my ocd will be treatment resistant or that i’m too far gone. everyone says to sit with the anxiety and not fight it so that you show your mind it’s nothing to be afraid of but i feel like this is just making me crazier. i feel alone in this. has it gotten better for any of you? does anyone have any tips? thanks :) i hope you all are doing good.

Hi can someone whose part of the lgbtq community talk??

Hey yall, happy monday night!:) today was a whirlwind. I took miss gyppers for a walk but then she escaped out of her pack and into the woods 😬. I just bought some flee meds and put it on her so hopefully that'll rule out fleas! I had a nice dinner beforehand though 😊 How has everyone been today? Lemme know what's up :) As usual, here's my favorite 60 second guided meditation for intrusive thoughts if you're struggling: https://www.pixelthoughts.co/#

Do the thoughts ever fully go away? If this is a reassurence thing then let me know, but even if I feel better the thoughts are still there in the background anyway, meaning they can come to the surface faster too....

Guys, question, can ocd make you like, smell something that is actually not true, for example with Contamination OCD? like simulate Odors that are actually not there?